Accountability Partners Drop Like Flies

I have been having no luck lately with accountability partners. They seem to come and go, going more often than they are coming around. I have witnessed several of them relapse and others get caught up in what I would not consider to be the most appropriate behavior. Some of it risky behavior and other times it is downright unChrist-like.

My accountability partners have claimed to follow Christ, but then have done things that they felt the need to justify. "God asks too much from me" and "I am pretty sure God wouldn't care." I know that God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but we have to make changes in how we live our lives. After all, "You can't put new wine into old wineskins." In other words, we can't live for Christ if we continue to engage in old behaviors and keep the same playgrounds and playmates.

So, my former accountability partners have reached the point that they are tired of giving their all for Christ.  It is funny how we feel that God asks too much from us. God sent Jesus, His only begotten son, to die for all our sins. We received the ultimate blood sacrifice in the form of a crucified Christ on Golgotha after a  walk of shame spit on and cursed at which preceded the flogging that ripped flesh from Christ's body. But, God asks too much from us???

We looked at Abraham last week in church. Abraham was told to leave his family and friends, to leave the very country he lived in, all on the command of God. Then he was led by God to circumcise himself at the age of 99. Furthermore,  Abraham is a man who wanted a son. After his wife finally gives birth to Isaac when he is 100 God commands him to go to a place he shows him in a vision and offer up his son as a sacrifice to God.

Look at all that Abraham went through, and all we are asked to do is live in moderation. Don't do things that could cause your brother to stumble. Love people, be they Gay or straight, white or black, Liberal or Conservative. But that is asking too much. I would rather write on Facebook about how only idiots voted for ____________(fill in with name of the candidate you didn't support).

Other great excuses:

1. "It's just a beer. It's legal." If you feel that maybe you shouldn't drink it, maybe you shouldn't! Any time you feel the need to justify doing something that is a great indicator you shouldn't do it.
2. "It's only weed. God made it." He made poppies too, and I would never advocate doing heroin. 
3. "It's just a couple of cookies." An couple of cookies does not constitute an entire box.
4. "God wouldn't expect me to die a virgin." That is what marriage is for.
5. "Everyone else is doing it." We are called to be salt and light. We are in this world, not of this world. 
6. "50 Shades of Grey is a book. It's not like I'm watching a porn." No, you are reading one. Saying you read it for the love story is like saying you watch pornography for the acting or buy Playboy for the articles!
7. "It is easier for us to live together and not get married financially." If you are doing the right thing and living your life the right way, God will provide for your needs. Maybe not your wants, but your needs.

The truth is, stop making excuses to live your life wrong and start making excuses to live your life right. We need to lead stellar lives. I pray multiple times daily that God make me like Jesus, let me be His hands and feet and act as salt and light to all of those I come in contact with. We are not called to be ordinary, but extraordinary. I don't want you to be good Christians, I want you to be great Christians. That requires living as Christ did. 

I would be willing to be be that Christ didn't get drunk or smoke weed. He also never would have read 50 Shades of Grey or had premarital sex. And as for fitting in and blending with popular culture, Christ did everything but that! To quote Ezekiel Azonwu, "An almost Christian looks right but lives wrong. Can't stand the conviction in Romans so they sit down to be comforted in Psalms."

God calls you as you are, but expects you to change. Works are not what earn you salvation, they are the evidence of salvation. Does how you live your life show that you are saved? 

From Shack to Temple Weight Loss Wednesday Paleo Rocks!!

I have discovered something over the past two weeks. Eating paleo/primal/cave man is two things: expensive and awesome!! I have managed to lose 8 pounds over the past two weeks (242 to 234) and I have got to eat..........a lot. I don't have to skimp on serving size and count calories. That may change as I progress, but only time will tell. I want to lose a bunch of weight and I am already almost 20% there. How amazing is that after only two weeks.


BlueBerry Nut Balls



I have had urges and temptations galore. I walk into our break room some mornings to a couple dozen Krispy Kremes sitting on the table. The next afternoon I walk in to several boxes of Oreo Double Stuffs. There has been left over wedding cake from the weekend before as well as our kitchen making amazing smelling things: fresh bread, cinnamon bread with icing, cashew chicken, fried chicken, etc. Some days it is rough, but I have so far avoided temptation. 

I have found ways to do that. I have nuts and fruit with me at all times. I have a recipe for blueberry nut balls that is good. It is macadamia and walnuts, coconut oil, unsweetened coconut, dates and blueberries and it sates my sweet tooth. Over the weekend I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with cacao nibs, pure maple syrup, cinnamon, organic pumpkin, nutmeg, coconut flour, butter from grass fed cows, pure vanilla extract, cloves, ginger and sea salt. It was a special treat, but they were amazing!

Main dishes have been salmon, top sirloin, pork tenderloin, tilapia, shrimp and chicken breast. Lots of eggs and uncured bacon and ham as well as vegetables out the wazoo. I don't think I have ever eaten this many vegetables in my life. And I like it. Then I have occasional sweet potatoes and sweet potato baked fries, tons of water with an occasional squeezed lemon and various decaffeinated hot teas. Good Earth Sweet and Spicy hot tea is my favorite by far! 



I realized how dependent I had become on caffeine. It took me over a week to have energy after 9ish in the morning. I would get up at 4, go to the gym and workout, come home to make my wife and I scrambles then go to work. An hour or two into my work day I would be physically and mentally exhausted. That has passed, thank God!

What I have discovered so far is that as long as I am eating foods that I enjoy and adding some variety I am fine. I do not constantly miss the foods that I used to eat. There are times when I have sweet cravings, and those need to be tackled as soon as possible. I can't cheat, because I have no self-control when I do. Instead, I use a mixture of cacao nibs, unsweetened shredded coconut and a variety of nuts mixed together. Fruit has saved my butt also.

Add that to the exercise I am getting everyday and the 30 minutes of prayer my day starts with and I am feeling better than I have in a long time. Will talk to you in two weeks and keep you updated on how my fight against food is going. Right now, I am winning and that is awesome.

Here are some of the pictures of the treats I have created with my wife and enjoyed eating over the past two weeks:



Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies







Paleo Pulled Pork





Top Sirloin, Sweet Potato Fried, Bacon Wrapped Shrimp, Salad

My Daily Scamble Ingredients Just Add Eggs





Apple Cinnamon Pork Tenderloin

What I Am Thankful For

I have seen a lot of people on Facebook, doing a daily list of the things they are thankful for this month. I am certain this is happening because this month contains Thanksgiving. Well, that and I have an almost Sherlock Holmes level of intuition. I have decided to do my list all at once and make it a post that everyone can read. If you have a list I would love for you to share it with me. I am also certain that I have forgotten a lot of thing, since I can only do one per day of the month.

1. God - For without Him we would not be here. To create all that we see and still have taken the time to ensure that the sun was the exact temperature it needed to be, the Earth was placed the perfect distance away from the sun, the moon was placed in orbit around Earth perfectly and that the atmosphere on Earth was exactly right to allow life to be supported is amazing. Then, out of all of the billions of people who have lived, He saw fit to create my mom and dad and then me is nothing short of miraculous. Finally, to use a police car and Brandon Heath's song, "I'm Not Who I Was" to lead me to sobriety. Wow! Thank you, God!
2. Jesus - For without the blood sacrifice made by Him, my life would be lived for naught. Through Jesus we have been forgiven for all of our sins. That He would be the sacrifice and suffer the ultimate death for them goes beyond words when trying to express my thanks!
3. Holy Spirit - Without it to guide and comfort me in times of stress, depression, anger, thoughts of relapse, etc, I do not know if I would still be clean and sober.
4. Grace - Unmerited favor...........basically, that which I do not deserve. God has somehow deemed me worthy of his blessing though I did nothing to receive it and could never do enough to earn it.
5. Prayer - Since I started doing a half hour of prayer two weeks ago I have had several people at work tell me that I seemed less stressed and anxious. It is amazing how beneficial prayer is to me, not to mention how it blesses all of the people I pray for!
6. The Bible - How amazing, to have a guide to life that is God-breathed and beneficial in all situations.
7. Paul - Paul was the person in the Bible that really resonated with me. He was the black sheep I could relate to, and his words have led me to have a stronger and stronger relationship with God and more and more confidence that I could turn my life around.
8. James - That James would write a short, perfect plan for how we are to live our lives is awesome!
9. Julie - My wife is such a boon to me. She has lived her life so well and I am so thankful that my children will have her to look up to and learn from. I look up to her and learn from her, and without her support I would be lost. Her mother and step-dad have been a huge help in watching Addison, too!
10. Michal - My sister has always been there to support me, and at times she even enabled me. That said, I know that she was the only person in my life other than my dad that always had hope I could quit my old lifestyle.
11. Dad - It has been a few years, and sometimes when I think of you it still makes me cry. Without your love and guidance, I would not be the father I am today. I will be forever blessed to have had you as my dad!
12. David Jr. - I never knew real love until I saw you. I never knew real pain until I had to look at you in an incubator after you were born. You have been and always will be my mini-me. I will be forever thankful if you learn from my mistakes instead of having to repeat them.
13. Addison Grace - You are the strongest little girl I know. To see you still smiling after going through two surgeries before you were two months old let me know how tenacious you were. I am so thankful that when you get older we will get to go on father/daughter dates and I can show you how a man treats a lady by my relationship with your mother.
14. Mom - You gave birth to me and always tried your best. I could not have made the change from Branson to Springfield if you had not opened your doors to me when I needed it most.
15. My Past - I am so thankful for my past. It has made me who I am and equipped me with the wisdom and strength to help me impart hope to those who struggle with life-consuming issues.
16. Recovery - It has allowed me to rebuild a life of substance on the same foundation a life of chaos once existed on. I have gone from a soldier for Satan to a diplomat for Christ, from dealing dope to dealing hope.
17. The Wessleys and Kearbeys - Without your love and non-judgemental attitudes, I never would have gone to church in the first place. I want to thank Nate and Becca for loving me to Christ and to Becca's mother for being a pit bull for God when we talked. What a beautiful family every one of the Wessleys and Kearbeys I have met has been.
18. New Life Church - If not for the Celebrate Recovery group, the tattoo wall, the casual dress, the awesome music, the great pastoral staff and the loving, nonjudgemental people who go there I would have been one and done with my church experience. Instead, I was met with love and compassion and I kept coming back.
19. Pastor James - If not for your taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to me about all of my doubts and to use logic and history to make your point, I would never have gotten saved.
20. Pastor Dan - The knowledge that you impart every week to us in service is like mana for me. Not to mention meeting me for lunch and taking time to help me continue to grow in faith.
21. Brandon Heath - Your song I'm Not Who I Was is one of the major causes of me keeping the deal I made with God and transforming my life. Your song Love Never Fails was my wedding song. You have been instrumental in many of the best things that have ever happened to me and now I listen to you for 30 minutes every morning in the background as I pray. Thank you for the music you write and play.
22. Lee Strobel -  I am thankful for you because of your book, The Case For Christ. When I was having struggles with my faith it was your book that Pastor James gave me to read and it answered so many of my questions and doubts.
23. Friends - I may not feel like I have many, but I have a lot. I know that every time I am down or need to hear something there are always people in my life who are there to pick me up and tell me what I need to hear. I hope that my time to spend with you grows.
24. Worship - There is nothing that improves my mood more than worship music. Whether it is LeCrae when I need some beats, Brandon Heath when I pray or all of the people who are on my page Music of Recovery I thank you all because you have played such an imminent role in my recovery and growth as a Christian.
25. Celebrate Recovery - I am thankful that I found a group sans cussing, 13 stepping and filled with positive Christians. There are ups and downs, but the ups are more frequent and I have gotten so much out of the meetings. I truly found recovery in the CR groups
26. Narcotics Anonymous - It was great to go to these at the beginning. I became abstinent while I attended them, but relapses were always on my horizon. I have known many who have found what they needed but as my sobriety grew I moved on. I needed more Christ!
27. Better Life in Recovery - I could not be more blessed than to have an opportunity to share my testimony and other's testimonies in schools, colleges, communities, events and churches. I can only keep what I have by giving it away and there is no better service than sharing the dangers of addiction and the wonders of recovery with our children, young adults as well as their friends and families. 
28. My Readers and Listeners - I would not continue to write blogs, work on my book, do random vlogs and share my testimony if it was not for the encouragement I have received from all of you at one time or another. If you continue to read it, I will continue to write it. 
29. Alternative Opportunities Treatment Services at Carol Jones Recovery Center - It is a blessing to work at a place that cares about the people who are struggling the most in our community and reaches out to give them hope. I have amazingly compassionate coworkers who truly care about the clients we work with. My boss, Mary is one of the most loving, caring, big hearted, compassionate, driven and motivated Type A personalities I have ever met and working for her has taught me a lot.
30. The United States of America - I am so thankful that I live in a country that allows me to worship and speak as I want. I am allowed to bring Christ and recovery to the masses and never once have I worried about the government imprisoning or beating me for doing it. 
31. Heidi and James - I am thankful that I have a good relationship with my son's mom and her husband. It is such a blessing to my son to have his parents get along and be on the same page. I am just as thankful for Heidi's parents, Rick and Betty. Both of them and their spouses are great grandparents and it is so obvious how much they love DJ. 

So this Thanksgiving, I also look forward to reading your thanksgiving lists. It is always a joy to see people show that they appreciate the things they have. I will continue to be thankful for all that I have, and to begin and end every prayer with this, "God, please make me each day more like Jesus. Let me be your hands and feet to all those I come in contact with. Let me be salt and light to those around me, and use me as you see fit. 

The State of America: 4 More Years

The truth is, I am worried for America. Not because O'Bama is president, or that a democrat is president once again. I have seen some people insinuate that America is heading to hell because we elected O'Bama. How dare you! I will address this statement later. What concerns me is that I have never seen our country this polarized. If we are not united, we will fall. Our hate for each other is causing a divide that someone could easily capitalize on. United we stand, divided we fall is true for our country as it has been true for every super power before us.

Atheists and Agnostics, this is for you. I had a friend say that he is content today knowing everything does not count on this fiction called God. He said that science and common sense once again won out over those who believe in unicorns because O'Bama is president. He said that O'Bama won by secular votes because no Christians would vote for him. I have many friends who are Christians that voted for O'Bama (I don't believe they are going to hell). I know that horrifies both the Christians and non-Christians alike, but it is true.

To address the unicorn part, I don't believe in unicorns but I do believe in God. I find it easier to believe in an all powerful God that has always existed than the uncaused cause causing the Big Bang (just saying that is confusing), chaos causing order, life springing from non-living matter and then micro-evolution. It's called Occam's Razor. I find God to be the answer containing the least assumptions.

To Christians, be careful. Your hate is showing. It is okay to say that you are unhappy about the results, but saying, "Everyone who voted for O'Bama is going to Hell," is taking it a bit far. How about realizing that in the end, all things happen for a reason. A long time ago I learned that not all things happen the way we want them to, but they happen the way they are supposed to. God always has been and always will be in control.

Further more, we are to show love to our fellow man, not hate. Empathy not apathy. This election outcome impacts a temporary world, not the eternal Kingdom we should be focused on. If you are feeling hopeless today because of the election's outcome, that is not a political problem. That is a spiritual problem. Remember who is in control. 

I would encourage all to pray for our country, as well as all of the other countries out there. I would encourage you to pray for the leaders on a local, state, national and global level. We are to be salt and light, and I am not seeing that the way I would like to today. We need to be that for people. We are to love our fellow man, not hate on him. So let's start doing that!

The Bible says we should pray for our leaders. Please, join me in praying this day and every day after for the United States and other countries, for Democrats and Republicans, for blacks and whites for the rich and the poor. All people deserve our prayer and love, not our derision and hate.

For those who say, to quote one of my friends, "If you didn't vote then keep your mouth closed you have no right to say anything" I guess I had a little to say. Since my friend was a Christian who said that I will say that my kingdom is not of this world. I have my eyes focused on the eternal. I look forward to that kingdom finally coming. Until then, I will pray for all politicians and all nations to have the wisdom and courage to do what is right. Maybe someday they will.............

Why I Have Chosen Not to Vote

I know that this will anger a lot of people. I am no longer going to be a good American, based on their their beliefs. I will also not have the right to complain, because I didn't vote. After all, I have been reminded often that it is my duty as an American to vote and that you have no right to say anything if you don't vote. In order to be a good citizen, voting is considered to be a requirement. If you want to have an opinion, then voting is a must.

I would wager that there were many great Americans that were unable to vote before the 15th Amendment was passed in the late 1800's. I would also guarantee that there were ladies with very good opinions before the early 1900's, when the 19th Amendment was passed and they gained the right to vote. But, according to some people they could not have been because they didn't vote. That is pure and absolute hogwash. (I know that is not what they are saying, but I am making my point through an example. Sure they couldn't vote, but this is an extreme example.)

So, I have decided that I will not vote in the presidential elections this year. This is done while knowing that it is my duty as a citizen and Christian. Yes, I have also heard that as a good Christian you must vote. I guess that I will be not only a bad American but a bad Christian, too. Although I am unsure what the measurement is for good/bad American and good/bad Christian. If voting is your measurement, than you need a new way to measure. Not judging, I'm just saying.

So, here is why I have chosen not to vote:

1. I am tired of voting against someone and not for them. I should not have to cast a vote to the lesser of two evils. Why can I not have a candidate for president that I truly can stand behind?
2. I do not really agree with the way the candidates are living their lives. If I can not outright support somebodies actions, choices and morals I can not support them. Period.
3. I want a candidate that tells me what he/she will do and not how bad their opponents suck at life. Act like a gentleman and show people some respect! I have never seen so many negative campaign ads in my life.
4. After watching the primaries I have heard most of the parties bash their candidates. I heard it this year for the Republicans and in 2008 for the Democrats. If so many of their own party members were very recently against them, how can I possibly be for them?
5. I want someone who does what they say they will do. I have not seen that from any of the candidates.

I know that voting is a priviledge. I chose not to take advantage of that priviledge. Gun rights are a priviledge, yet I know a lot of people without guns. I guess they are bad Mericans'. I am sure that there are people who would die to have the right to vote. There are also many who would die to have food, yet there is a lot of it allowed to rot or get thrown away over here. That is flawed reasoning.

So, should you vote? That is entirely on you and you alone. You are not any better or any worse than the next guy if you do or don't vote. If there are issues that speak to you, then by all means vote. It is your right to vote. Use it if that is what you are led to do. I would say pray and let the Spirit lead you. After all, that is what I do.

I am a Christian and every day I pray that God use me as His hands and feet and make me more like Jesus. So, before I came to this decision I prayed about it. I heard that whisper tell me not to vote for Romney or Obama. I immediately began to question where governments came from and why there is so much name calling and strife in them. They are man made, not God made no matter what anyone says. How dare a candidate or party claim to be "God's Choice."

It was laid on my heart to do what Christ would have done. Who would Jesus vote for? I don't think He would have voted. He would have prayed for ALL of the candidates and ALL of the voters, though. How dare anyone call themselves a Christian one minute and then say that anyone voting for ________(fill-in name of candidate or political party here) will go to Hell the next minute. SHAME ON YOU!!!

Christ would have seen that there are inherent evils in every political party. Yes, even you 3rd and 4th party candidates have huge flaws. He would have seen that there was also good in all political parties in this election. Then He would have continued to heal the sick and lead the lost. He would continue to talk, but not about how much better He was making this world or some politician was making this world. He would say, as He did to Pilate, "My kingdom (government) is not of this world."

Because of all that, I chose not to vote this year in the presidential election. Does that mean that I don't want change? My life is spent in service to others. Therefore, I will continue to enact change through my daily life. I will use my life to impact others. My eyes are not focused on the next 4 years, or even the next 20. Afer all, I am a citizen of a far greater Kingdom than the United States. I have my eyes cast on a much higher governing body.

I know that I am blessed to live in the United States because of our many freedoms. I do not take that for granted, nor do I take it lightly! I will not, however, cast my vote this year because none of the candidates are the ones I would stand behind. Instead I will continue to help those who are struggling with their faith, addictions, mental illnesses, or other life consuming issues and I will continue to preach the gospel. After all, that is what Christ would do.

I'm Hacked Off

I was hacked off this week. Once again a friend relapsed, and it made me angry at first. I tried to figure out how anyone who has clean time could possibly relapse. Once you have several years and are seeing that life can be amazing without drugs/alcohol, what could possibly possess you to use again?

Then I remember the cunning, baffling and strong aspects of addiction and I calm down a little. While I calm down, I remember my relapses in the past. There were relapses with old friends I thought had quit using, new prescriptions after accidents and oral surgery, new friends I thought didn't use that did, hanging out in bars and having friends that used and feeling that I would be strong enough to always say no. I learned otherwise. But I always got back up!

Now, in the wake of my friends relapse I reflect on the things that have kept me clean and sober. I want to remind you right now that your addiction is in the back of your head: running on a treadmill, lifting weights and doing research on the computer! It is getting stronger and smarter each and every day, trying to figure out the best way to take your life over. This is to be avoided at all costs!!

If our addiction is getting stronger and smarter, we obviously need to keep our recovery even stronger than our addiction. The question is, how do we strengthen our recovery? I have to stick with the 5 Pillars of Recovery:

1. GET A HIGHER POWER (God, NA/AA Group, etc.) This is the foundation of your recovery! Your Higher Power needs to be something that can give you validation, love, compassion and acceptance. Door knobs need not apply.
2. GO TO MEETINGS (NA, AA, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free, small groups, etc.) Great place to meet like minded people, realize we are not the only ones who struggle and get some hope restored. Without hope, recovery is impossible.
3. GET A SPONSOR (Mentor) This is someone who is living their lives the way you would like to be living yours 5 years down the road and is willing to take the time to help you get there
4. STEP WORK (12 Steps) This is a set of things that we need to do in order to work through our addiction. The truth is, most of us are not working the steps for drugs/alcohol/food/pornography/etc. We have deep rooted problems that must be taken care of first and when we do that our addictions will begin to sort themselves out. Think of going to a doctor missing a finger and all he did was clean up the blood and then said you were better. Are you better? Of course not! He has not taken care of the problem, only a symptom of the problem. Our addictions are the same way, just a symptom of the real problems. We need to take care of the deeper issues and the 12 steps are the way to do it!
5. GET ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS (Friends that are positive and sober) These are people you can set up in your life who will help you stay on task. They will call you when you miss a meeting or don't show up at work just to tell you that you're missed and ask if everything is okay. They may even show up unannounced, drag you off of your pity-pot and take you out for coffee. 

If I have these 5 things in my life I need to also make sure that I pray and meditate every day. Working steps, going to meetings and working with a sponsor will cause issues to come to mind. We need to address these, and prayer and meditation is a great way to do that. If you don't have time, you need to make time. Some nights I don't get off of work until 9 PM, but I am still up at 4 AM the next morning to lift weights for 30 minutes then walk. Why do I do this?

I have found that taking a 30 minute walk most mornings allows me to focus on praying and meditating. I focus on the things that I am grateful for. Then I pray for: strength/courage/wisdom to accomplish what I need to that day, to make me a better husband/father, then help for my friends, family and others who are struggling. In addition I always pray for two things: To make me like Jesus and to use me this day as His hands and feet. This always gets my day off to a great start! 

Hurricane Sandy: Accountability and Entitlement

As I watch the news after Hurricane Sandy and see all of the angry people, I am reminded of other angry people after Hurricane Katrina. I do not want to in any way undermine the pain, panic and stress that these survivors are going through. Some have lost homes, family members, friends, vehicles, jobs, etc. There is a lot of loss, and that is horrific. After doing psychological first aid for the Joplin tornado I have seen first hand how natural disasters affect people. Natural disasters are not kind, and they leave trauma in their wake.

That said, there is a sense of entitlement that I don't understand. When a natural disaster strikes, why is it everyone else's job to provide you with things? The people had a week to prepare, and they did not get supplies? You have no food or water two days after the Hurricane hit, and that is the government's fault. How do you suppose that? Just because the United States has FEMA does not mean that it is their responsibility to cater to your whims.

Some people were told to leave, and they came back to nothing which is horrific. These are not the people that I am addressing. Those who lost houses, that is horrible and they need help. I am talking about the people who never left their homes. Either that or their homes are still standing. Those are the people I am addressing. The people who were totally unprepared for the aftermath. When it is winter time or there are storms headed your way, don't get caught with your pants down. Be prepared!

I feel that we would never have lasted 100 years ago. People were stranded sometimes for a couple of months without the ability to get into town after blizzards. They faced hurricanes with far less warning than we have today. Yet our grandparents and great grandparents survived. I wonder how they did it? They did it by realizing that they needed to have supplies at the ready. They held themselves accountable for their own well-being. When a hurricane is headed your way, that is no small thing. To not be prepared is negligent at best and might even be criminal!

It seems we can't last a couple of days after a natural disaster without resorting to, "I need," "I want," "You need to"  and "You have to." How is it everybodys responsibility to take care of you? Why did you not take heed of the warnings you received and get water and non-perishable food, just in case? Due to lack of personal responsibility it has to be someone elses fault, right? "It couldn't possibly be my fault, it must be the ______________(fill in blank with which ever politician or political party you want to blame)." Buck up and take some responsibility for yourself and your family.

There are resources coming to you, but they are a gift. What you will get: food, blankets, water, places to sleep, funding to rebuild are much needed. They are not something you are entitled to, though. You are entitled to take care of yourself and your family. Maybe even your friends and neighbors, but that is your responsibility. Everything else you might get is a bonus. Consider it grace, unmerited favor, something you do not deserve. Just because you live in Merica' doesn't mean that you deserve to get benefits handed to you.

Unfortunately, we are becoming a country that expects others to do for them when they are unwilling to do for themselves. People sit back on welfare, not looking for jobs. They can't afford to raise the kids they have yet they continue to have babies. I once had a client tell me, "I don't have to work. I have kids." As if that was an option! But this is an entirely different rant, so I will stop it.

Instead, let's look at what we need to have so that we can be prepared for a natural disaster if one does occur. Several years back, I had a learning experience in the form of an ice storm that kept us living in freezing conditions with no electricity for over a week. It is important to have a disaster supply kit, and here is a list of things that needs to be in it:

1. A gallon of fresh drinking water for each household member for at least 7 days each
2. Non-perishable food items for at least 7 days per family member (don't forget your pets)
3. Can Opener to open food
4. First Aid Kit
5. Flash Light with extra batteries and Self-Powered Lights
6. Self-Powered or Battery powered radio with extra batteries if needed
7. NOAA Weather Radio with tone alert and extra batteries
8. Waterproof Matches
9. Generator (if you can afford it) with spare gasoline
10. Sleeping Bags and Extra Blankets for each person
11. Hand Sanitizer and Moist Towelettes
12. No less than $50 in small bills
13. Photo Copies of your ID
14. Boots, Gloves, Jacket and a complete change of clothing for each household member
15. Multi-Purpose Tool
16. LED Lantern
17. Duct Tape
18. Plastic Sheeting
19. Camp Stove with extra Propane or Grill with extra Charcoal (Volcano Kettles are nice)
20. Clorox
21. Toilet Paper
22. Trash Bags
23. Emergency Whistle
24. Survival Knife, Shovel, Saw and Crow Bar
25. 5 Gallon Bucket and Kitty Litter (Handy Restroom)
26. Toiletries (Tooth Brushes, Toothpaste, Deodorant, etc.)
27. Prescriptions

If you can think of anything else, let me know and I'll add it to the list

From Shack to Temple - Weight Loss WednesdayGoing Paleo

I really like the paleo version of the Nike slogan. Nike says, "Just Do It" while paleo says, "Just Chew It." I have been struggling with my weight, partially because I am allowing a cheat a day and that gets in my way. I am an addict, an alcoholic and I struggle with major impulse control issues with things that are unhealthy. If I have a beer a day, it will sooner or later evolve into me going on a bender and waking up having no recollection of the day before. If I have a Girl Scout Cookie, my new drug of choice, I will eat the entire box. That is why I should not have a cheat a day, because I will blow several days. I need something a little more strict.

I also am struggling with my digestion and internal issues. I have major pains when I eat, and I won't get in to the details. I will tell you that I have been to multiple doctors and had multiple tests ran, and they keep telling me they have no idea what it is. I also feel fatigued every afternoon and that has to stop. I miss my energy. I have heard that the paleo diet can help with those types of problems. Those are the two reasons I am going to try the Paleo Diet: Weight loss and Feeling Better.

Finally, the third reason. Every other weight loss and feel good system that I know of is expensive and you have to add it to what you already eat. I have to pay $200-300 for the system plus buy my food every week, too. It adds up quickly, and I am broke. If you have some great product that you want me to try I would be happy to use it if you send it to me and let me use it for free. I will be your spokesperson. Otherwise, I don't want to hear about your products. I love you guys, but I am trying to: write a blog, film a documentary, start a non-profit, get funding for non-profit, find board members, find people to do various things (interview, web design, legal, financial, write grants, donate goods/money, bands), speak at churches/schools/events, work full-time, raise two kids and give my wife the attention she deserves. Read that as meaning I have no time for anything else God has not laid on my heart.

For those who don't know what the Paleo Diet is, here is a run down. It is also called the Primal Diet and the Caveman Diet with some variations. The Paleo Diet consists of eating lean meats that are grass fed, free range and hormone/chemical free. I get to eat just about any meat including seafood, and just so you know uncured bacon tastes amazing. After all, it's bacon! Then I get vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds.

You avoid dairy, grains, processed sugars and foods, legumes, starches and alcohol. I am super excited. I went out and got eggs, grass fed beef, free range hormone free chicken, uncured bacon, sweet potatoes, tilapia, salmon, tuna, walnuts then added organic fruits and vegetables. I even got almond butter to use as a dip for apples when my sweet tooth kicks in and I'm looking forward to having cauliflower popcorn. Below is the scramble I had today for breakfast: eggs, uncured ham, bell peppers, onion, tomato, avocado then I topped it with salsa!! YUM!! I could get used to eating like this.

P.S. - If anyone knows where the best selection and best economical values are in the Springfield area for good quality meat and organic produce please let me know.

Church in Under 60 Minutes or Your Money Back

I had put up something on Facebook about the Chicago Bears squeaking out a win. A friend commented that it was "almost embarrassing." I told her that I would take embarrassed with a win. I thought about Woody Harrelson's character in White Men Can't Jump when he talks about some people who would rather look good and lose than look bad and win. This reminded me of the world we live in today and how I am supposed to live my life. I should not live to look good and win the approval of those around me. Why don't we want their approval?

We are told that the world would hate us. In John 15:18-21 Jesus says to His disciples, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.

That said, I don't think that we should be after the hate of the world. We are not going out of our way to make the world hate us. That said, wrong is wrong and we are to call those things out when they are IN THE CHURCH. We are not to go around judging those who are outside of the church. Instead, we are to be salt and light. That means we are to stand out and be different from those around us because we are called to a higher purpose.

We are called to act like Jesus. We are called to follow the commands of the Bible. We are to love God and to love our neighbors. Does that mean we will not talk to our neighbors about Christ and our faith? Absolutely not! In fact, we are called to talk to them about Christ and what He has called us to do as Christians. That does not mean we stand in judgement. Instead, we lead by example and inform/teach. I plant the seed, that is it. Only God can make it grow.

Now, back to the movie quote. Would you rather look good and lose, or look bad and win? When it comes to this world, if they cannot accept the way I live my life and the calling I follow than I would rather look bad to them. I don't have to fit in. In fact, I don't want to. Don't forget, the stakes are high. Winners get eternal life. To do that, we need to not follow the ways of the world. We need to look different, because once we accept Christ we are different.

So, how different from the secular world is today's church in America? I am sure that back in the early days of Christianity, church only lasted 45 minutes. There were 2-4 worship songs, a 15-20 minute sermon than two more worship songs. It was probablya  rush to get out the door and leave on your camel first to beat traffic. In fact, I bet that at least one if not two of those songs were not worship songs at all. I bet a couple of the songs they played in the early church were secular songs that were popular at the time so that more of the non-Christians would check the church out. Right?????

The church today is trying so hard to look like and not offend the secular world that we are looking more and more like the world outside of the church. We play secular songs that don't even tie in to the message. We have short sermons and short meeting times. We try not to offend any of the people who come to our church. Why? Because that is the popular thing to do. Because if we don't, then we might have some people who are unhappy stop coming to our church. They will go somewhere else and find a feel good, secular music playing, God loves you as you are why should you change hour or less church were they get dessert but no main course.

I say let them go. Why do we care so much what everybody thinks about us. It is sad that the churches today seem to be on a time schedule. What if the Spirit guides the pastor to talk for longer? Then we lose part of the sermon or we end the service with no last worship music. How is that spiritually nourishing? What happened to the church we have today?

We have traded in a sit down dining establishment for a fast food restaurant. We get nothing substantial or healthy. Instead, we get dessert and junk. Just like our physical bodies, our spiritual bodies are obese and out of shape. We are there to worship and let the Holy Spirit work on us and guide us. Who are we to put time constraints on the Holy Spirit? How dare us! I know that I am used to the short and sweet services because that is all that I know. But I am not always satisfied with them.

 I yearn for more! My spiritual batteries get depleted, and my spirit starves for more sometimes. I pray for 20-30 minutes in the morning. I break open my Bible several times a day. I write on the things that I read and learn. I share them with my wife and sometimes my coworkers. I have Jesus frequently in my daily life. That said, I want more!!

I have gone to multiple different churches in the same day, or gone to all of the services in one day to hear the differences in the sermons and see how they spoke to me. All I listen to is worship music. I meet with a weekly men's group. There is something about corporate worship I can't get anywhere else. The church is a locker room, and I need to get that play book down. I need more!

Now, don't get me wrong. There is great secular music out there, but not to be playing from speakers in your parking lot. There is also amazing worship music. I don't believe, as one of my wife's professors did, that drums are tools of the devil. I love contemporary Christian music as well as the old hymns. I love to sing out loud and express my adoration for Christ. Nothing primes my spirit to hear and apply a sermon more than great worship music. How can secular music possibly prime me to receive the message? It can't, period!

I have a novel idea. How about the churches with several services have the last one be a longer service. Let there be more worship and a longer message. That way the people who only care about the fluff, whose lives are so busy they can only take an hour or two (the extra hour is for that one small group they attend) out of their busy weeks, can have their sermon. They can get the fast food version. Those who want to spend more time in worship and listening to the word get to hear it, too. Those who hunger get fed and the truly thirsty get their thirst quenched! How amazing would that be?

Stop Pimping Jesus Out

I am going to start this off with an instance in particular that I see as condescending and sad. It is when someone on Facebook does what I consider to be pimping out Jesus. They also do it with soldiers, puppies, cruelty to animals, etc. What I am talking about is the random posts on Facebook that say things like, "Click like if you love Jesus," "Leave a comment if you follow Jesus," "Copy and paste this as your status if you support our troops" and "Forward this to 10 of your friends and you will have happiness."

Just wrong, period! People are using these things to get likes for their pictures and sites. You want to post something and have someone like it, write something original. Take your own picture, don't take someone else's and use it with a snappy caption pimping out Jesus or our troops or abused animals to get likes.

You want likes and follows, be honest. How about saying, "Like this site if you support what I am doing to bring the message of Jesus to people" or "Leave a comment if you support what I am doing." It is okay to use yourself and what you are personally doing. But using Jesus, pictures of soldiers or discussing what others are doing that you have no involvement in to curry favor is not the way to do it.

I am saying this because if you love and follow Jesus, your walk will show it. If you support the troops, donate to a non-profit set up to help them. Same with abused animals. If those poor dogs being abused and killed break your heart, adopt your next dog from the pound or shelter and not purchase it from a breeder or puppy mills. Finally, if you want to be happy and you are not, make changes in your friends, habits, activities and employment.

Just an FYI, I love Jesus and I would say that I have a good relationship with Him. Not great, but it is progress not perfection we aim for. That said, I have never commented or liked one of the posts that wanted me to prove it in some inane ways. I also support our troops yet I have never copied and pasted a status to say that I supported our troops. Finally, I have never forwarded an email to become happy, find love, not die in 7 days, keep a puppy from being killed or prove my faith.

We are called to be SALT AND LIGHT, NOT COMMENT AND LIKE!! Trust me, if you think that you are living on the wrong side of God, no amount of sharing an email or liking a post is going to change that. People who try to tell you that it will are misguided at best. Using God to get likes, salvation to get comments and people's fears to get shares is not right. If you want to get those things, then there are ways to get it:

1. Photograph something amazing 
2. Write something meaningful
3. Record something that catches people's attention
4. Start a non-profit benefiting a group and pour yourself into it

I want you to know that I am guilty on occasion of overdoing some things on Facebook and probably Twitter. At one time I had Facebook and Twitter linked and was double posting on Facebook because of it. I am also no longer going to use hash tags and @insertTwitternamehere on Facebook as that is not the right language. If you are on a social media network, use it and then take the time to post on the next social media network using their format.

My problem was that I was lazy and I realize that if I want people to have an interest in what I am doing, I need to show that same interest in them. Rick Warren says, "People don't care about how much you know until they know about how much you care!" If you care, you will take time out to do things well. You will use original content, not steal others.

I also share my faith very openly and honestly. I was out of hope, lost and ready to give up on life. Through Christ I found hope and a reason to live. He saved my life. If you discover something that saves your life, know that if you share it with others it could save theirs too and you don't do it............you suck at life. You are simply not a good person. Not judging, just saying!

I also talk about the exercise I do and the food I eat on occasion. The reason for that is I am in the middle of losing a goal of 60 pounds, and 70 would probably be good. I have other friends that struggle with weight issues and impulse control that are encouraged by what I say. At least, that is what they tell me. Because of that, I share about dieting, exercise, Jesus and the things that keep me positive. I hope that it will allow others to get a better outlook on life and overcome some of their struggles.

In closing, if you can be positive that is great. If you have nice, uplifting things to say then by all means say them. If all you do is complain and trash other people, then maybe you need to keep that to yourself. Let me know about you. After all, that is what I care about.

From Shack to Temple Weight Loss Wednesday My Fitness Pal

So, when I came into work on Monday this was the sight that greeted me from the copy/break room. It was hard to say no to. But, when I looked at my trusty new app that I got for my iPhone, MyFitnessPal, I was given all of the information that I needed. I looked at what it showed me, and decided what the best choice was.

So, let me tell you a little about MyFitnessPal. I want you to know that I rarely do product plugs...............ever. This is the first one that I have done in over 200 blogs. I may talk about music, small groups studies, movies but not products. The reason is simple, I am not here to sell anybody on anything, other than living a better life. But I must make an exception for this phone app, which is also available on your computer.

For starters, how cool it is to have a calorie counter on your hip. It is with me every where that I go. It allows me to use something that I already carry around instead of having to carry a diary. I then use it to log in all of the food that I consume. It also allows me to log in the exercises that I do and will then add the exercise calories to the total calories I can consume for the day so that I can have more food if I exercise. Your body needs fuel, so it is added. Makes total sense!

So how does it know how many calories I can consume for the day? It asks some questions: current weight, goal weight, starting weight, height, gender, date of birth and activity level. It then asks for your goal. Do you want to gain a pound a week, 1/2 a pound a week or stay the same? If not, do you want to lose weight: 1/2, 1, 1 1/2 or 2 pounds a week? It then sets you up with a daily calorie goal as well as the targets to hit for fat, protein, carbohydrates, cholesterol, sodium and several other minerals and vitamins.

But you could eat very unhealthy foods and never exercise, right? In recovery I talk about the 5 pillars: sponsor (mentor), 12 steps (live Biblical), meetings (small groups), a Higher Power (God) and accountability partners. This app will allow you to become friends with other people and they can then look at the exercise you do and the calories you eat. It lets you see weight lost or gained, calorie goal met,exceeded, exercise completed and whether or not they have been on the app. In this way, you have accountability partners built in.

Finally, not only does it already have a huge list of foods, brands, restaurants and exercises but you can also add your own. The coolest feature other than having friends be able to see how you are doing is the bar code reader. All you have to do is set the camera on the bar code of an item and it will automatically add it to your list of available foods to choose from. It puts it in complete with full calorie/protein/carb/fat/vitamin/mineral and serving breakdowns.

Together, those are the reasons that I am writing about this app. It is a total package. So, at the beginning I used my app to look up Krispy Kreme donuts and wedding cake. Small servings at 200-300 calories for the donuts and 400-600 calories for the cake. I knew that the Greek yogurt with granola, fresh blueberries and fresh raspberries was not only healthier and more filling, but also contained protein with no fat and tasty at only 200 calories.

I ended up eating the yogurt and did not give in to temptation. That may only be a small battle won, but it is A BATTLE WON!!! I love winning small battles every day, because the small wins daily will lead to a huge victory!! Unfortunately I have only really started using the app this week, and when we went to St Louis last week I was really bad and caved to my cravings. After two weeks, I am only down .6 pounds. That said, I am down not up so that is another small battle won in my fight against food cravings and body fat.

P.S. - So far I only have one accountability partner on the app. If this is something that you need or would not mind giving me (some support and encouragement with losing weight), get the MyFitnessPal app and request me. I am DjsDad1 on there. I also have a private Facebook group for several people who are struggling with food and/or weight issues that I can add you to if that would be beneficial.

Christians Are Not to Judge (NOT!!)

Do we judge other people? There are those who will quote scripture to chastise and judge those who judge others. Today we are going to look at one passage in the Bible to learn about whether or not we should judge others. The reason I am going to use this particular passage is because it contains the scripture that most often gets thrown in Christian's faces when we disagree with how others live.

The argument against judging others is that Jesus, in Matthew 7:1 clearly says, "Do not judge." They read that, and most stop right there. "See, your own Jesus says that you are not to judge me or anyone else," says the sinner. They use this as a way to say, "Christians don't even follow the malarkey that they believe." With that simple sentence, do not judge, many a Christian is shut down and left speechless.

Some will even use the entire first verse of Matthew chapter 7, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." With that comment, anyone who suggests that someone is living a life that could lead them to hell is really saying that they too are going to hell. This makes complete sense, right?!?!?! After all, if a judge sentences someone to prison he is really sending himself to prison. Of course not. That would be ludicrous and devoid of logic.

If we look at this scripture, we should automatically realize that it is not to be taken in by itself only. If this scripture is read in to, I can walk away believing that I can do whatever I want and will never be judged. I can murder, lie, steal, cheat and there are no consequences for it as long as I don't judge other people. Wahoo!! There's no rules!!!

In Matthew 7:21 Jesus says, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." How is that possible if all we have to do is not judge others and we will get into heaven? So what is God's will Jesus speaks of? Jesus said there are two commands we are to follow in Matthew 22:37-40. He says we are to love God with all of our heart, soul and mind as well as love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

Wait, there's two rules? How can this be, if we do not get judged as long as we don't judge others? What do you mean, we won't get into heaven if we don't do God's will. I thought I couldn't get judged?? Obviously, there is a disconnect here. It is because we have not taken in the entire passage. So, lets look at the passage and see what Jesus really says.

Matthew 7:2-5 says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured against you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

So, when Jesus says do not judge, what He really means is do not judge out of hypocrisy. It is like an alcoholic telling someone smoking marijuana or doing methamphetamine that they need to stop because its wrong what they are doing. When I was an addict, I would have people who were next to me smoking meth tell me that I was going to hell because I was not saved. "Get saved like me and you will go to heaven too," I was told on several occasions. THIS IS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS I STAYED AN AGNOSTIC FOR AS LONG AS I DID!!!! Jesus is saying that we are not to judge other's sin when our sin is just as bad if not worse!

Parents, how can you tell your children not to smoke cigarettes or do drugs when you are doing them yourself? How can you tell them to not cuss when you curse yourself? When we parent with a "do as I say, not as I do" mentality we are doomed to fail. Get your life in order and begin living your life as we are commanded to.

When I am not living my life well, I am not in a position to help others. Judgement consists of two things. First we look at the actions and words of someone and discern how what they mean. Then we begin to instruct them on how to live their lives better. It is not hateful to judge someones actions and then assist them. If I see someone about to do something that would kill them and do nothing, that makes me a horrible person. If we see our brothers and sisters engaging in actions that will doom them for eternity and do nothing, we are sinning. Period!!

We should be instructing others in how to live the right way. This is done to all of us from the day we are born until the day we die. Our parents, teachers, local and federal laws all instruct us on how we should conduct ourselves. So, judgement and instruction is not bad................but it can be!

We are not to tear others down, just to build ourselves up. We don't belittle or nag others. We are not to instruct others to make ourselves feel better. We are not to instruct others and be hateful or judgmental in the process. Instead, we are to live our lives well and try to help those who are our brother's in Christ do the same! We are not instructing others out of hate, but out of love. We do not walk before our brothers, but instead walk beside them.

So who are we to judge? We are to instruct and help our brothers and sisters in Christ based on what God has said in the Bible. That at times means we need to make a judgement of someone based on their words or actions. By judging someones actions or words, we can then instruct them on how to live their lives by the Word of God. This is vital!

I know the American church does not need less internal judgement. THE AMERICAN CHURCH NEEDS MORE INTERNAL JUDGEMENT, AND LESS EXTERNAL CONDEMNATION!!! We are so busy picking the dust out of the eyes of the nonbeliever that we not only ignore the tree in our own eye. we also ignore all of the sin that is in the church. We are not called to stand in judgement of the world. God will do that. We are to help our brethren. Remember, iron sharpens iron.

So in closing, we are called to judge and instruct our Christian brothers and sisters from God's Word with discernment and love by first judging ourselves. Once we have gotten our lives in order with the two commandments we can then begin to help others. In all honesty, if you see your brother doing something that you know would lead to his death and said and did nothing you would be a horrible person! So, let us begin to rebuild the church and make it strong again by l

Tactics by Gregory Koukl Chapter 14 More Sweat Less Blood

In going through this book, you have looked at multiple tactics to help you effectively have conversations that aim to put a rock in the other person's shoe. That is, you give them something to think about that will hopefully stay with them long after the conversation is over. It is not about winning, but planting a seed. That said, this book and this blog on it do not guarantee that the conversations you have will be different.

There is a huge difference between application and knowledge. Greg states an old training maxim he heard from a former marine, "The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle." That means that you need to look at not only the tactics you have learned. You also need to practice those tactics as well as learn when and how to apply them in actual conversations. Following are his 8 quick tips:

1. Be ready - always be willing to talk to the people you come in contact with and see if there is interest
2. Keep it simple - Stick to salvation. If other issues don't come up, why bring them up?
3. Avoid religious language and spiritual pretense
4. Focus on the truth of Christianity, not merely its personal benefits - Focus on truth, not only experience
5. Give reasons - Don't make assertions without giving evidence. Remember, the roof needs supports to hold it up 
6. Stay calm - Don't get mad, don't get frustrated. Always stay composed
7. If they want to go, let them leave - You don't have to close the sale every time. That is God's job
8. Don't let them leave empty-handed - Offer a business card, a Christian web site or something to read

Also, gather on a regular basis with people who have the same interests in apologetics and/or sharing salvation with others that you do. They may not yet be as advanced as you are, they may have more wisdom and knowledge than you. Commit to meeting together on a regular basis. It could be monthly, weekly or biweekly. Just be consistent. Get together and study with open discussion. Build each other up and don't be surprised to see your passion spread to others. 

As ambassadors you need to welcome opposing views. If you are confident in your beliefs you will be committed to truth and gathering knowledge. I had a philosophy professor who gave me a great definition for intelligence. He said, "An intelligent man can discuss both sides of the argument." How can you combat what you don't know? Furthermore, how can you know that you are right if you don't listen to all of the facts? 

If you are truly interested in the salvation of others you will not run from opposing viewpoints. Instead, you will strive to find out why they believe as they do and share the truth with them. If you are committed to truth instead of an organization, you will be open to refining your own beliefs and views. You should be open to correction in how you think. Someone who disagrees with you may actually have the right view. You may have the right view. Either way, an evangelist is willing to engage in argument that goes against what he/she believes. That allows you to develop better answers to defend how you believe or make corrections if you find your thinking to be faulty. 

Bottom line, don't retreat under fire. Remember, it is all of eternity you are fighting for. If you were trying to save someone's life, would you just give up and walk away or would you be willing to fight for it? Having courage in the face of adversity allows you to gain the respect of others. Never be afraid to share your side; always be willing to hear the others side. Over time this will allow you to develop faith that is rock solid!

In closing, remember the traits of an ambassador. Always be:

• Ready - Be on the alert for chances to represent Christ
• Patient - Don't quarrel, listen so you can understand their side, then respectfully engage
• Reasonable - Have informed convictions, not feelings, give reasons, ask questions, seek answers
• Tactical - Learn to adapt to different situations and people, present the truth so they understand
• Clear - Don't use Christian lingo and jargon 
• Fair - Be sympathetic and understanding of the others views 
• Honest - Don't misrepresent the facts of your view or someone else's, don't understate the gospels demands
• Humble - Know that you are fallible and that your understanding is never perfect
• Attractive - Always act with kindness and grace so that you may honor Christ with your conduct
• Dependent - Always rely on God in all that you do. That is the most important key to being successful not only in conversations but in life!

Why I Hate Addiction or These are a Few of my Least Favorite Things

I can honestly say that there are very few things that I hate. I will give you a list and you tell me what is the #1 thing that you cannot stand:

1. Murder
2. Child Abuse
3. Child Molestation
4. Animal Cruelty
5. Drugs/Alcohol
6. Rape
7. Domestic Violence

The top of my extremely short list would sit drugs/alcohol as the reigning king. "Why not child abuse or child molestation at the top of your list, David?" The same reason that animal cruelty, murder, rape and domestic abuse are not at the top. Drugs and alcohol are the top correlations in all of the above instances. If you look at the majority of child abuse/molestation cases, rapes, murders, domestic violence and animal cruelty you are more than likely going to see drugs and alcohol are in the mix!

That said, they do not cause the situations to happen. They are more like throwing gasoline on a fire. The gasoline is not the cause of the fire, but it causes it to get much worse. When you add alcohol and drugs to an already volatile situation or unstable person, you are just making a bad situation 100 times more dangerous. You are just asking for trouble. All you have to do is look at the news. You will see the problems.

The reason why I am at this point today is I have had a rough past couple of months. I have had a friend that was on the Dr Phil show yesterday that is really struggling and on the verge of death. I had a friend overdose and die, an accountability partner who has decided that he can start drinking again, a friend I grew up with that is in intensive care and has been for several weeks after she relapsed and the guy she was with wrecked a car then left her for dead in a field. To add insult to injury, he left the accident and went back to her house where he cooked a batch of dope then robbed her.

In the news we have a man on mushrooms ripping out his friends heart and tongue. Locally we have a 47 year old male recently released from prison on drug charges linked to a 15 year old female who was found in a lake. We have a 17 year old found with his throat slashed by another teenage male because he believed he was a snitch and he wanted his little brother to see someone die. This is crazy stuff happening. Addiction is EVIL!!!!

Yet, it is so alluring. I have hurts and things that have been done to me that are horrific. I have done things myself that I can't forgive myself for. Because of this I have no self-esteem, self-confidence or hope. I feel that I am all alone, and the only thing that I can depend on is my new God, fill in your addiction here. It numbs me, gives me confidence, helps me forget and is always there for me. But then I come down or sober up, and the pain is still there so I have to use again.

In order to stop the cycle, we have to do something. We have to find something that works, to replace our addiction. We cannot overcome anything by admitting it is not there. In order to effect change, there are 5 things we must add and 2 things we must remove from our lives:

1. Higher Power - I need to find a power greater than myself to help me overcome what I cannot overcome on my own
2. Recovery Meetings - I need to know that I am not alone and hear others stories of recovery to help me realize that we do get better. Great place to find hope!
3. Step Work (Book of James) - We must have some kind of game plan to overcome our addictive behaviors and old lifestyle
4. Sponsor (Mentor) - We need someone who is living their life the way we want to live ours that can help us begin putting step 3 into action
5. Accountability Partners - Birds of a feather flock together. If I want to live my life better, I need to surround myself with people who are living their lives well.
6. Old Playgrounds - You can't stay clean if your standing in the mud. If you hang out in bars or where drugs are readily available, the question stops being "Will you relapse" and becomes "When will you relapse."
7. Old Playmates - If I continue to hang out with people who are living in addictions and engaging in criminal behaviors, I too will eventually go back to my old behaviors too.

Remember, your addiction is in the back of your head. It is lifting weights, running on a treadmill and on the computer doing research. It is getting stronger and smarter every day, looking for a way to take back over your life. YOUR ADDICTION NEVER TAKES A DAY OFF!! In order to remain in recovery, you need to do recovery oriented things every day. Go to a meeting, associate with positive people, talk to your sponsor, work the steps, read a daily devotional (the Bible, Just for Today). 

I HAVE YET TO MEET A PERSON THAT WAS DOING ALL 7 OF THE ABOVE THINGS THAT RELAPSED! AS NIKE SAYS, "JUST DO IT!" REMEMBER, YOU'RE WORTH IT!!!

From Shack to Temple Weight Loss Wednesday Relapse or Failure

There are some words that I am not used to saying when it comes to myself. In my profession I say one of them a lot, and the other one I never say because it can become a label or self-fulfilling prophecy or even mimic Cooley's Looking Glass Self. The first word is relapse. I know that word well from the past, but not from my present personally. That said, I see it a lot with clients and friends. I actually have seen it with 4 of my friends in the past several months. I have also seen it in me.

Relapse is every time that I get off of work and comfort eat. Right now that is happening a lot. I have the stress of 10-12 hour days at work, then I was vlogging daily, writing a blog entry 3 times a week, my daughter's surgeries in St. Louis last week and again this week, trying to spend time with my wife, working on the non-profit BLiR (working with a website designer, meeting people to brainstorm about the direction of BLiR, setting up the next event, trying to figure out how to raise the money to file for non-profit status, etc.), spending time with my son, trying to work on my book and a whole lot more. This causes stress.

When I feel stress, I want to eat comfort food. I either stop on the way home or I insure that I have junk at home to eat. The bottom line, I am relapsing several times a week when it comes to eating. I would argue that I am relapsing daily. Sometimes at lunch, sometimes at dinner, a lot right before bedtime, even more often all of the above. I need to figure out what to do to stop this trend. Maybe I need to rejoin Weight Watchers or try out Visalus like some of my friends have talked to me about. The problem is, I don't want to pay $1,000 to join something. I don't want to sell anything. I am busy enough. I just want to lose weight!!!

Now we get to the word I don't use, failure. I am beginning to feel somewhat like a failure, but I will not allow myself to say it. That could cause a self-fulfilling prophecy to occur. Robert Merton was a sociologist who coined the term. What it says is that if I fear failure at something, in this case losing weight, my fear of failing at weight loss will actually cause me to fail. If I predict failure, even subconsciously, my prediction will influence my actions and will power and I will eventually turn that fallacious prediction into a reality. I therefore need to be positive and encourage myself instead of beating myself down.

The next social construct would be Cooley's Looking Glass Self (can you tell I have a Bachelors in Sociology? My professors would be proud!). It is predicated on people predicting how others will see us, how they will judge us based on their perception and then we begin to see ourselves as we falsely believe others see us. These are the reasons that the word or thoughts of FAILURE SHOULD NEVER BE IN YOUR VOCABULARY!!

Relapse is something that we can get over. By its very definition, it simply means to slip back into previous behaviors and/or actions. WE WILL WORK THROUGH A RELAPSE. It is temporary, but failure is not. Thomas Jefferson is attributed to saying, "I have not failed. I have found 10,000 ways that don't work," about the creation of the light bulb. He never stopped. He kept on trying!

So, I am okay with saying that I have relapsed repeatedly over the past two weeks. I have not failed, for I am still intent on trying to lose weight. I have still made it to the gym 4 days a week. I have not started 5 days a week nor have I started cardio due to the pulled calf muscle. I am hoping to begin that in two more weeks after we stop having to go to St Louis every week for my daughter's surgeries and subsequent check-ups post-surgery.

If anybody has any ideas of what I should do, let me know. Comment on my site, Facebook, tweet me, email me, what ever you want to do. I am torn between Weight Watchers, Visalus, a food journal, starting a closed group of me and anyone who also wants to lose weight were we can share our successes and get support for our relapses, or a couple of the above ideas.

So, I will see you in two weeks and I look forward to any questions or suggestions that you may have! Remember, YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Does Pro-Choice = Anti-Child Support

This is just a question that I have to ask. It may not be well received, but I am curious. If you are pro-choice, are you anti-child support? Based on your reasoning, you would almost have to be. Here are some of the arguments I often hear for abortions, in no particular order:

1. Can't financially take care of a baby.
2. In cases of rape and incest.
3. Birth control failed.
4. Baby will have birth defects.
5. Too young.
6. Baby is simply not wanted.
7. If you don't have a vagina you have no say in abortions.

There are a lot more reasons for abortion, but I want to address reasons number 1, 6 and 7. If a women has a baby that the man "simply doesn't want" and he "can't financially take care of it" why should he have to if she gives birth to it? What entitles courts to make him to have to pay child support on a baby he doesn't want? The courts can't make her give birth to the baby if he is against the abortion of his child. But the court steps in, and he is now saddled with a baby that is a burden on him financially that he never wanted. How is that fair to him? 

If the women doesn't want the baby, she can do whatever she wants to do. Abort baby or birth baby. The man has no choice in the matter. That seems to be a double standard! So why, if she wants to keep her baby and the man wants nothing to do with the baby, should he have to be financially responsible? Well obviously, based on several of the arguments listed above he should not have to pay child support. And ladies, before you comment I need you to remember one thing; If you don't have a penis, you have no say in the matter. Sorry, but those are the rules.

So, given the arguments for a woman choosing to abort, does that work for a man. It may be her body that has to carry the baby for 40 weeks, tis true. But it is his body that has to work for the next 18-25 years (depending on whether the "nuisance" goes to college) so that he can pay child support for something he never wanted to begin with. Just sounds like a jacked up system to me.

In closing, why should society be able to force their morals and ethics onto somebody else? After all, it is his life, his body, his money, his choice...........period!

P.S. - To clarify, I feel that all men should always support their children, with no exceptions. I am happy to pay child support for my son. Also, I was pro-choice until after I had my first child. That event has made me pro-life. I cannot imagine how colorless the world would be without my son in it. Finally, regardless of your viewpoint on this topic, I am grateful that your mother made the decision to give birth to you.

Tactics by Gregory Koukl Chapter 13 Just the Facts, Ma'am

This chapter is named after a quote by Detective Joe Friday in the old television police drama, Dragnet. It was used frequently by him when questioning a witness. Detective Friday meant that he did not want to hear assumptions or other people's statements. He only wanted to hear the facts as the person knew them. This is exactly what we should want from others, too.

In order to do this, we must only demand two things. First, is to be aware that many challenges to Christianity are simply supported by bad information and spurious claims. Second is that you know the facts yourself. The last is not a necessity, since most of us have the internet on our phones and can look up the information itself. So, let's take a look at two examples Mr Koukl uses.

The first is, "More wars have been fought and more blood shed in the name of God  than any other cause. Religion is the greatest source of evil in the world." For starters, since chaos and oppression are not duties Christians have nor do they come from apply Christ's teachings logically you cannot blame violence done in the name of Christianity. Also, if you find an older Guinness Book of World Records and go to category "Judicial" under the subheading "Crimes: Mass Killings" you find carnage of horrific proportions. YOu find 66 million murdered under Lenin, Stalin and Khrushchev; 32-61 million Chinese under the communist parties since 1949; 1/3 of the Khmers (2.7 million) in a 4 year period in the 70's under communist Khmer Rouge.

Dennis Prager says that in the 20th century alone, "more innocent people have been murdered, tortured and enslaved by secular ideologies - Nazism and communism - than by all religions in history." It would appear that the greatest evil and atrocities come not from people who follow gods, but instead from people who believe there is no God to answer to.

The next claim is, "The country of America was not founded by Christians but deists." The Founding Father's is a proper noun that is used to identify the delegates to the Constitutional Convention. Thre were 55 people that made up the core. There were "28 Episcopalians, 8 Presbyterians, 7 Congregationalists, 2 Lutherans, 2 Dutch Reformed, 2 Methodists, 2 Roman Catholics, 1 unknown and ONLY 3 DEISTS - Williamson, Wilson and Franklin." The caps are mine. So 93% of our Founding Fathers were Christian. Hard to dispute those facts!

Spotting faulty facts can be difficult at times. In order to have Just the Facts Ma'am work, you need to follow a two-step plan. Step one is to ask yourself, "What is the claim?" Take a few seconds and pinpoint the point being made by the other person. Write it down, if need be. Remember that assertions and opinions are frequently hidden under clever verbiage. For instance, saying that one has no right to oppose abortion unless they were willing to care for the babies. For starters, that is comparable to saying that you cannot oppose someone beating their wife unless you are willing to marry them. Look at the claim being made and see if it is valid.

Once we have identified the claim, we can then put step 2 into action. "Is the claim factually accurate?" Using the example about pro-lifers needing to care for the babies. A quick internet check will reveal over 4,000 national and international service providers that are pro-life who are founded on insuring the well-being of mothers in crisis and insuring they and the babies have housing, clothing, access to medical providers, food, adoption services and even counseling for women who are post-abortion. All at no cost.

A final example is when we are told, "Do not judge others. The bible says that if you judge others, you will be judged likewise." The Bible verse Matthew 7:1 is called upon by Christians and non-Christians alike. A closer look will show that Jesus was against hypocritical and arrogant judgements, but not all judgements. In fact, He says that we must first remove the plank from our own eye so that we can see clearly to take the mote out of your brother's eye.

So, in closing this week we have found that we should do two things when we hear a challenge. Ask ourselves, "What is the claim?" and once identified we ask ourselves, "Is the claim factually accurate?" If we do these two things we will better be able to see whether or not the claim is based on shoddy facts, opinions or if it is truly valid. From there, we can continue the discussion. See you in two weeks as we conclude the book Tactics. 

BLiR VLog From 09/23/2012-09/29/2012

09/23 Why I Like Triggers (and So Should You)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zT0uaSs0mE

09/24 Progress Not Perfection

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikclmsaxLJo

09/25 You Love Me Anyway

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdBfep-RV6Y

09/26 What is the Best Recovery Meeting to Attend?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAo7RpMzHLU

09/27 Finding Balance in Your Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reooGV1WCVU

09/28 Overcoming Resistance to Attending Recovery Meetings

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8rdbdHMVw8

09/29 Losing Weight/My Temple is a Shack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX-VZLs6Xf8