I AM A DAD!!

There are some roles in this world that we are given that we do not take nearly as importantly as we should. I know that Dad is one of those roles. The statistics for boys and girls that grow up without their father or a strong father figure in their lives in plain scary. The statistics for children that have their dads in their lives is reassuring.

Yet with all of the research out there )showing girls without fathers in their lives are 10 times more likely to get raped and 12 times more likely to be addicted to drugs as well as boys being 12 times more likely to drop out of high school and 20 times more likely to go to prison) we still have children that have no active dad in their lives. This has got to change. It is not only morally right, it is also Biblically correct:

1. Malachi 4:6, "And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse." 
2. Ephesians 6:4, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."
3. Proverbs 22:6, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

As you can see from these scriptures, a father is vitally important in the lives of their children. I also think of my clients and the number of them who either did not have their father in their lives at all or had a dad who was in and out of prison. Those children have themselves grown up to be alcoholics and addicts after living through countless horrors: physical abuse as a child, being molested, raped, selling their bodies, going to prison and going from one violent relationship to the next all the while searching for that father figure they never had. 

In order for this to not happen, we need to become more active in the lives of our children. I want my son to hear about my past from me, not from the people around him. I want him to know my face because he sees it, not because he has been shown pictures. I want my son to learn right and wrong from me, not from somebody else. I want my son to learn how to treat a lady from me, not from his classmates. I want him to be educated on the dangers of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes at home by me and not during lunch behind one of the school buildings from his friends. 

But there is a catch! In order to teach him, I must be present in his life. That means that I must take time from my busy schedule and make him the center of my attention sometimes. It means that some years he may get vacations that he wants and I will not get the one that I want. It means that I may miss a game here and there on television. I have to spend quality time with him or all is for naught. But this should not be a problem, and this weekend my son reminded me why it is not a chore to be around him. 

This Christmas my son amazed me, as he often does. He saw the drum set he got for Christmas and squealed. He then proceeded to play for the next half hour. All I had to do was look at him and give him a thumbs up and the smile on his face set my heart on fire. How could anyone look at one of their children and not want to be in their lives. 

His smile made me realize that it is not only him that learns from me, but I have learned from him as well. He has taught me how to fully love unconditionally, a lesson that my father had taught me but I had somehow forgotten. Through prison, physical abuse, depression and addiction I had hardened my heart. I would let no one in. 

My son reminded me why I had to let people in. If I do not open myself up, then all that I have been through is for nothing. The devil has won. He has tortured me and tormented me and I will keep that to myself and not use it to help others who are hurting now. Thanks to him I remember that I need to love others even when they fail me. You see, for the first year of my sons life I failed him, and yet I am still his world. 

I love that little guy! Every day I thank God for the gift of my son to remind me what unconditional love looks like. Thanks to my son, I get to live a live worth living. Thanks to my son, I am a dad!!

Iron Sharpens Iron Part 1- Change your Playgrounds

There are multiple things that are talked about that will allow you to make positive lifestyle changes. Some of the most important things that they talk about are your playmates, playgrounds and playthings. These are three of the major obstacles/barriers that exist in our environment and that keep us from making beneficial changes.

When they refer to playgrounds, they are talking about the places that you frequent. As a substance-abuse counselor, I tell people that they should avoid their old playgrounds. As a Christian, I tell people that they may not want to frequent their old hangouts also. I tell everyone that is making changes that they need to not only be aware of where they partake of their hobbies at but also the hobbies they engage in. The hobbies they engage in are referred to as playthings.

When they mention play things, they're talking about triggers. Triggers are the things in our life that make us think of the habits we are trying to rid ourselves of.

1. If you are trying to work on financial issues, credit cards may be a trigger for you. Cutting up your credit cards may be a good idea for you.

2. If you're an alcoholic, fishing may be a trigger for you. In the future, you may want to only go fishing with sober people who were supportive of your sobriety.

3. If you like to fight or have anger issues, heavy metal concerts and bars may be triggers for you. I know that they were for me. I did not stop going to concerts, instead I switched to worship music. I found that it tends to uplift me and fill me with hope instead of causing anger in me.

4. For those who suffer from depression, isolation may be a trigger for you. It was for me. I came up with an action plan for things to do when I began to isolate which included calling a sponsor and accountability partners. We will discuss those when we get to playmates.

5. What if you're addicted to video games? I found that a good thing to add to my life was reading the Bible, attending small groups, and actually spending time with my wife and my son.

We also need to ensure that we are aware of the places that are dangerous to our overcoming the habits we are trying to change, or our living a Christian lifestyle. If you continue to frequent your old haunts you are putting yourself at risk of once again engaging in behaviors you are trying to stop. Do not give relapse, sin or the devil a foothold in your life. When we frequent places of ill repute that is what we do.

Listed below are a couple examples:

1. If you are an overeater, there may be a bakery that you pass by on our way home from work that he would always stop at. Would it not be wiser to change your route going home than it would be to drive by the bakery every day? Remove your object of temptation.

2. If you have a sexual addiction, why would you ever go to a bar or a club? This is the last place I would ever go to. For starters, the temptation to pick somebody up will always exist there. Most bars and clubs are nothing more than meat markets. Secondly, inebriated people are not that much fun to hang out with if you are sober.

3. I was an alcoholic. I also enjoy playing softball a lot. I always played softball at the fields that had bars at them. When I stopped drinking, I found a league that was played in a park that did not serve alcohol. This was a good idea because if alcohol was not available to me I would not drink. Also because there is no alcohol there, there do not tend to be any fights there like at the fields that serve liquor.

4. I enjoy playing pool and bowling. I am not good at either of them, but I do enjoy them. There are multiple bowling alleys in the town I live in. There are also multiple places that I could play pool at. There is a Christian bowling alley in the town I live in that also has a pool table. Therefore I can play pool and bowl in a place that has no liquor served at it. Once again, if there is no temptation than it is less likely that I will stumble.

Do the above examples make sense? Why would you tempt fate? If I have a box of rattlesnakes, I am not going to stick my hand in there on the off chance that they might not bite me. That is what we do when we frequent places we should not. We basically play Russian roulette with our new lives.

The Bible even supports this. In Proverbs 14:11 it says, “The house of the wicked will be destroyed, but the tent of the upright will flourish." Why would you want to hang out in a house that you know will be destroyed? Would it not be better to hang out in a place that will flourish? I would certainly think so.

Sometimes When You Lose You Win

When I hear "Sometimes when you lose you win" the sound of Rosie Perez's accented voice resonates in my head. I really like sports movies, and White Men Can't Jump is one of those movies I watched a lot when I was younger. It is fitting that the movie would come to my mind, as it is a sports movie, when I think of playing softball last Friday. I got several reminders that I, in hindsight, needed to hear on Friday.

I am not making any excuses, but it was hot outside and we had a triple header! We had the 6:20-7:20-8:20 games for our triple header on Friday, and our two big hitters where gone. Oh yeah, and the sun was in my eyes, the team dressed in shorts, long sleeve shirts and ties to set us off and they heckled us the entire time. I have tons of excuses for our day, but I will stop making them now.

To be honest, our team beat ourselves. We did not hit well, and we had a lot of errors over the course of the game. Before this game our team was undefeated. I think we where 14-0. We were used to walking over teams, and would come into each game pretty lackadaisical. We had gotten cocky somewhere along the way, and I had not even noticed it. I guess that we needed a reminder that we were just like every other team.

We got our butts kicked at the 6:20 game. All I could do was be frustrated, mostly with myself. I want my son to play in a league that keeps score so that he can learn to win and lose, but I found Friday that I need to learn how to lose too. I beat myself up about the loss. I let it affect me. I even was at bat and got the last out of the game. It was in my head when the game ended.

As I walked away disgruntled to the second game of the night, I heard my team captain's wife say, "You guys needed to lose. You were getting pretty cocky. You had rolled over everyone and expected it to happen every game. You guys had stopped playing your best and were just playing good enough to win the last few weeks. This loss is good for you." This instantly resonated with me. She was absolutely right, and I knew better then to be cocky and to get angry. As a competitor and as a Christian.

Proverbs 3:34 says, "He mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed." I had become prideful. There was a definite lack of humility in my life on Fridays. I had not even noticed it. It took a loss and my friend's wife to remind me. Galatians 6:3 says, "If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves." For starters, I am not that great of a softball player. I am one of the weaker links on my team. I was getting a big head, and I needed the reminder that I was not that big of a deal. God is deserving of all praise, not me.

Obadiah 1:3 states that, "The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, ‘Who can bring me down to the ground?’" Who brought us to the ground? It was God by using a team that we had already beat 2 or three times this season. It was a lesson that I needed to learn, but it was not my last lesson of the night.

The team that we met for our 7:20 make up game was the same team that we played at 8:20. We beat them soundly the first game, but their shortstop made a couple of really good plays on hard hit balls and I got two outs the first game due to his glove work. I was still frustrated from losing to a team that we had beat several times, and he had an error in the second game. My mouth reacted before I could stop it! 

"You can't get lucky every play," I yelled from the dugout. My friend Kelly was sitting next to me, and he turned and said, "That doesn't sound like something you would say in your blog, David."  All I could do was look to the ground, partly in shame and partly because he was right and there was just nothing I could say.  

2 Corinthians 5:18-20 says this, "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us."

That scripture states that we are to be ambassadors for God. He makes his appeal to people through us. Reconcile means to reestablish a close relationship between us and someone else. How am I to establish a relationship with someone when I am not showing good sportsmanship? One way that God makes a relationship with other people is through us, and here I am throwing a temper tantrum over losing and taking it out on someone on the other team? How is that beneficial to God or to me? The Bible also lets us know that what we have done to the least of man, it is like doing it to God Himself. When I mocked and ridiculed the shortstop out of frustration, that was the same as me ridiculing God.

As I thought on the night and the reminders that I had gotten from my friends, one of my favorite scriptures popped into my head. James 4:10 says, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." I needed to regain my composure and remember that all that I am and all that I do is due to God, period. I am merely an instrument for Him to reach others through.

So once again, I was taught a valuable lesson. The thing that I need to remember is that I seldom learn life lessons from my victories. Most of the most important lessons that I have ever learned have come from my defeats and set-backs. Why get mad when I can get wisdom?

In closing I need to thank God, Felicia and Kelly not only for the inspiration for this blog, but for a much needed reminder of things that I already know. Be a good sport. Be gracious in victory and defeat. Do not ever get cocky, for all things are from God and God alone. The higher I sit, the further the fall. I needed to be knocked back down to Earth. Hopefully I will not need to be reminded of this again..................but I am sure that I will!

The Temple of God......more like a shanty

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 says, "Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple."

Our body is God's temple. That is said because the Holy Spirit lives in us. But do we live our lives that way? For the most part we do not live our lives as if we have even read the Bible, let alone as if we are a temple for the Holy Spirit to live in. A lot of us treat our bodies more like a garbage disposal or an amusement park. If we cannot control our consumption habits, how can we possibly control other habits such as lusting, lying or being a gossip?

When I say garbage disposal, what I mean is that we will throw any and all trash into our bodies. This ranges from junk food to eating too much food. Just because we have mega-Churches springing up does not mean that we need to have mega-waist sizes so that our personal temple matches the one we worship at. This is called gluttony, or overindulging.

Ever heard of gluttony? I hear that it is a sin! The Bible has a few things to say about gluttony. Proverbs 23:21 says that the glutton will come to poverty. Proverbs 23:2 goes as far as to say "put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony" and Phillipians 3:19 says that those who will come to destruction will treat their belly as their god. Does not sound like gluttony is a good thing. It sounds like gluttony is something to be avoided. Maybe this is something we as Christians should attempt to focus on. After all, sin is sin.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 states, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."

Now we will look at treating our bodies as amusement parks. By that I mean we smoke cigarettes, have premarital sex, overindulge in alcohol and abuse drugs. Is that honoring God with our bodies? I should certainly hope not. That may be honoring the little "g" gods, not the big "G" God that I worship. We tend to take the path of least resistance and focus on what we want to do and what is popular and cool. This is not how we are to live, though. We are to live like the Holy Spirit resides in us, because it does. We should desire what God wants us to do.

Romans 8:5-6 says, "Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace."

Somewhere in the course of our lives we have to ask ourselves if we are living as though our mind is governed by the Spirit. Are we doing as we have been instructed to do. I would argue that we are not. The way we live our lives shows that we have no self-control, which is a very important thing. 2 Peter 1:6 says we are to supplement knowledge with self-control, and Galatians lists self-control as one of the fruits of the Spirit. If we are led by the Spirit, then we will have self-control. If we have the Spirit, you will know it by our fruits.

We may have trouble acting with self-control, but there are ways that we can build it. We need to acknowledge that when Christ died he brought us salvation that allows us to deny our worldly urges (2 Titus 2:11,12). In order to take advantage of this salvation, we must be baptized (Galatians 3:27), cleanse ourselves from the impurities of flesh and spirit (2 Corinthians 7:1) so that we can pursue peace and holiness and through them see God (Hebrews 12:14).

We show that we are truly following Christ by doing several things. In Acts 8:22 the Bible tells us that we should repent and pray so that our hearts can become right with God. Prayer and meditation will open us up to receive the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Just because it is there does not mean that we use it. As an example, I use public rest rooms all of the time. It has been my experience that almost every one that I have ever been provided both a sink and soap to wash your hands. Yet, I frequently see people walk out of those bathrooms without washing their hands. So it is with the Spirit, accessible to us but left unused.

Another thing that we need to do is surround ourselves with people who are living their lives led by the Spirit. There is a reason to do this. Birds of a feather, flock together. The Holy Scriptures also tells us that not only does bad company corrupt good behavior (1 Corinthians 15:33), but being around positive  Christians who are like-minded allow us to be built up and encouraged (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

When we get rid of the negatives in our lives, we need to replace them with positive things and people. If we do not, then bad things are surely going to seep back into our lives. I would rather be in relationships with healthy people than those who are living in sin, positive Christians as opposed to those who continue to make negative choices and accept no responsibility or hold themselves accountable for their actions.

In my life, I have decided I need to make some changes because there are areas of my life that I could improve in, that I do not have self-control in. The area is gluttony. I overeat all of the time, I do not know moderation when it comes to food and that has began to add up, leaving me with a waist that is almost as big as my chest. I will keep you updated on my progress as I attempt to overcome my last addiction, which is eating pleasure food in abundance, and drop 55 pounds and keep it off.

What I have decided to do is join Weight Watcher's, because it is a lifestyle change as opposed to a diet. I have tried juice fasts for a week, and the Daniel Fast for 40 days, but I have always returned to my addiction to food after it was over. I do not need a phase, but a permanent change. I need a change in lifestyle and a community to support it. I have done that with my other addictions, choosing to attend church for the community it provides, removing myself from those who were engaged in the lifestyle I was trying to leave behind me and actively associating with people who are accomplishing what I am striving for.

That is what Weight Watchers offers me: support, hope and encouragement. I know several people who are active Christians that are also involved in Weight Watchers and have been successful that can offer me support and encouragement in our journey. I will win in the battle with obesity and overeating, because my God is an awesome God. Don't forget what it says in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."