Best of a Bad Situation or Making a Good Situation Better

We have an innate ability to control ourselves. In the program of NA/AA they sometimes talk about powerlessness, and that is a really hard concept for people to understand. By the very nature of the word, it is misunderstood. Powerlessness doesn't mean that I have no power in this situation, instead it means that I only have power over myself in the here and now. I may be powerless, but I am not helpless!

Example, you  have someone who dislikes you that you have tried to reconcile with. They will have no part in making peace. Now imagine that person is a family member or has married into your family. You HAVE to see them on a regular basis. With Christmas just passing, this may have been one of those occasions. You had a horrible time. You knew what to expect, and it happened. They glared at you and whispered about you the whole time. You were miserable!

What went wrong? You allowed someone to rent space in your head........................FOR FREE!!! There is absolutely no reason you should have had a miserable time just because of them. If they want to be angry and miserable, that is on them but that is no reason for you to allow them to have control over your emotions. After all, they are called yours for a reason. You own them and you control them.

The problem was the way you approached the event. There are multiple ways to approach the occasion. You need to pick the right one. We can make a bad situation tolerable and  a good situation horrible, it is all about our approach and the follow through.

1. Build up the event. Continue to tell yourself how horrible it is going to be. Think about how you felt in the past and replay it over and over, leading to anxiety. Then when you get there, focus on just that individual and all that they say. Cower in a corner the entire time, afraid to speak lest you bring their wrath and the scorn from the rest of your family.
2. Get ready for battle. Surely you don't have to take their abuse and the looks they give you. This time, strike first. Rehearse your verbal zingers and practice your dirty looks. This time, you are going to strike first and often. You will win............or not. Best advice I have ever heard was this, "Never get into an argument with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."
3. Don't go. Stay home and sulk. After all, confrontation is bad and it is sure to happen. It did last time, and history repeats itself.
4. Call all of your family and whine about the person. Talk about the treatment you get from them, and let everyone else know that you are the bigger person and will rise above it all. But make sure they know if they want to take your side, you are all for it.
5. Pray for the person. Remind yourself how much fun you have hanging out with the rest of your family. Repeat the mantra "Be the bigger person." Practice the smile you will give them and make sure to seek them out once to say hi when you get there. If the attitude is still there, move on and enjoy the time you have with everyone else. It may be the last time you will see some of the people you love.

So, which one of these ways will help you to have a good time? Way number one will lead to an unenjoyable evening. The second way will end up with you looking like a complete idiot in front of every one there. Three will lead to you living in a cave and becoming a hermit. Four will lead to your family seeing it is you on their caller ID and not answering the phone. Way five will leave you feeling better and having a good time.

I have found that those who have issues with me do so mainly because of my past. In my past I was a drug addict, convict, thug, hustler, dope dealer, etc. Think of the worst things you could about someone, and they were probably true about me. That said, I have changed. People have a little while to realize that change has occurred before I tune them out.

After getting to know me, some people continue to play judge and jury. That is their choice. I used to let that bother me. That was my choice. I have come to realize that I was letting others attitudes control my own attitude. Spoiler alert, never a wise decision. Now I make a better choice. I remind myself, "People who matter don't judge and people who judge don't matter." I should never allow anyone's disposition to change mine. Attitude from others is only an issue if I let it be one!

Next time you are going to be around someone you do not like or that can't stand you, prepare for success. Remind yourself that you are there to have a good time and spend that time with the people you care about. Be nice to the person that the issue is with, and pray for them before you ever get there. Some of my best friends were people I couldn't stand at one point, and vice versa!

Scriptures of Recovery - Beginning of a New Blog

Welcome to scriptures of recovery. This is where I will look at the scriptures that were instrumental in my  overcoming my addiction through the help of the  Holy Spirit, kept me in church long enough for the Holy Spirit to work on me, allowed me to forgive myself or blessed me with a stronger relationship with God. I will not lie, I do not believe that Christianity is a religion. Not to quote a T-Shirt, but religion is one's search for a Higher Power, or man trying to work their way to God. Christianity is God coming to us through a relationship with Christ.

I have heard people say that they found Jesus, and I have heard others say that you cannot find Jesus. I would actually agree with the latter. I never found Jesus. He wasn't lost, I was! He came to were I was and gave me the power to overcome my past life and begin a new one. It was not religion that got me through my addiction. It was the Holy Spirit and Jesus coming to where I was at. Religion did not save me, Christ did! 

How do I know that God exists? All I have to do is examine my life before and after. If I were on a diet, I could look at the before and after pictures and tell whether or not it was successful. If there were things that I did other than exercise or eating better, such as methamphetamine or some other artificial way I would know because I would be ingesting it. I could also step on the scale, or I could use a tape measure to see how much my waist had shrunk. I could also tell if it was successful by how my clothes fit. These would all be valid ways for me to tell if it was working. So, how can we tell if the changes wrought in us are imagination or reality? How can we tell if it is worldly means or supernatural means that cause us to change?

So, why do I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit. How do I know that it worked:

1. I stopped taking my prescribed medications, stopped seeing counselors/psychiatrists, stopped going to secular 12 step meetings and stopped following secular methods of recovery. I turned to the spiritual and scriptural realms instead. I used prayer, meditation, reading and Celebrate Recovery. So it was not worldly means. I would know if I was ingesting some worldly intervention, and I was no longer doing that. I had given up hope of being successful by secular means.

2. The before and after picture of my life is night and day. I am not who I once was, and that has been said to me repeatedly by people who knew me before and after (think of the diet and everyone asking what you are doing to lose weight). I am now trusted to watch children, and to have keys to businesses that people own. I am asked for advice and taken into confidence, not called up to come and fight someone's battles. When clients cuss in front of me in groups, they do not apologize to the group. Instead, they apologize to me.

3. When I look at the people in my life, which I feel is a good measuring stick, I see major difference. I see people who put their kids and other's first. I see people that I can trust to watch my son, and not worry about him coming home and repeating the "F" bomb. There are no longer people who might get drunk or high around me or my son, not would their house get raided while I was there. Finally, I can turn my back and not worry about getting shot or robbed. So the tape measure definitely shows change.

4. I have tried to go to the places that I used to hang out at (think old clothes), but they just do not fit me anymore. I do not want to be around drunks, I cannot stand the smell of cigarettes and I feel out of place. I no longer fit into the old role. I am not the angry guy that fights at the drop of a hat. I am instead the peacemaker and the one in the advisor role.

So, those are just several of the ways that I can tell that something is different in my life. That something is me, not only my life but also the people in my life. Some of the people have stayed the same, but I do not let my circle of friends get stagnant. I tell people that you always need to have people in your life who are like how you want to be, not like how you are. If I want to get better at anything, I do that by playing against people who are better than I am. If I want to live a better life, I do that by having people in my life who are living better than I am. Due to this, I am always adding new friends.

So, part of my relationship with God has came through my reading of scripture and what those scriptures have meant to me. Scriptures of recovery will contain scriptures that helped give me hope and/or faith. A reading that revealed to me God's ability to forgive or showed me His mercy. I would often feel unworthy of God's forgiveness, or truly helpless/powerless, or unable to fit in at church and out of place due to my past. Sometimes I would simply come up with excuses because I was afraid of opening myself up just to be rejected or let down. The scriptures that helped me overcome all of this and build a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit will be listed. Why they helped and what they made me realize will also be included.

I hope that the little bit of insight that I have into these particular verses will be able to help you the reader either come into relationship with Christ, overcome your addictions/hurts/excuses or build a stronger relationship. Thanks for reading, and the next Scriptures of Recovery will actually contain a scripture!

Celebrate Recovery Lesson 2 - POWERLESS

Lesson 2 - POWERLESS

Principle 1: Realize I'm not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." Matthew 5:3

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)

When we accept the first recovery principle and take that first step out of our denial and into reality, we there are very few things that we really have control over. Once we admit that by ourselves we are powerless we can stop living with the following serenity robbers, the bandits that steal away our faith and hope, spelled out in the following acrostic:

P ride
O nly ifs
W orry
E scape
R esentment
L oneliness
E mptiness
S elfishness
S eparation

PRIDE – Ignorance + pride + power = a deadly mixture
Proverbs 29: 23 - "Pride ends in a fall, while humility brings honor."

List some of the ways that your pride has stopped you from asking for and getting the help you need to overcome your hurts, hang-ups, and habits.
I'm supposed to have it together. I'm the one that my friends and family come to when they need encouragement and advice.  I am a counselor, I should not have any problems. I have this under control, I can do this my way. My way is the last addiction, holding onto the locus of control. Pride forgets God, or feels our plans for our lives are better. Want to make God laugh, tell him your  plans for your future.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)

ONLY IFS - keep us trapped in a fantasyland of rationalization
Luke 12: 2, 3 - "Whatever is covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. So then, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in broad daylight."

What in your past has caused you to have the "if onlys"?  Ex.:"If only" I had stopped ______years ago.  "If only" ______________ hadn't left me.

If only I wasn’t a felon, if only I wasn’t an addict, if only I had a job, if only I, if only I, If I only had a brain! In this program we start testimonies with I am a grateful believer in JC who struggles with __________. I do not struggle with ______, instead I have been blessed with many trials and tribulations that have strengthened me and my relationship with my higher power.

WORRYING – a from of not trusting god enough

Matthew 6:34 - "Don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time."
What is worry? It is defined as, "to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret. To torment with cares, anxieties, etc.

Instead of worrying about things that we cannot control, we need to focus on what God can do in our lives.  What are you worrying about?  Why?
If I worry, that simply means that I am not trusting God enough. If I truly believe in God, than I know one thing - God's got this! If you have trouble, try this short little prayer:

So, Lord - I give these worries to you.  Lord forgive me for worrying - I know your word says to not be anxious for anything - Lord help me to trust you more!

ESCAPE –a world of fantasy and unrealistic expectations of us and others
Ephesians 5: 13, 14 - "For the light is capable of showing up everything for what it really is. It is possible for the light to turn the thing it shines upon into light also."

In what ways have you tried to escape your past pain?  Be specific.

I have tried to dull the pain with excess foods, drugs, alcohol, relationships, shopping, violence and sex. I have learned to recognize the pain now for what it is and am able to work through it with the Lord's help.  It's a vicious cycle - life's stress and regrets can make me feel hopeless and then I use, and that makes me feel even more hopeless so I use again - You can only imagine how glad to be off of that merry-go-round I am. I'm no longer hiding from these things and have searched myself and realized that my not trusting the Lord is sin, and that the act of addiction is sin, and not exercising and treating my body as God's temple is sin - so I've repented from these things - I still fail, but I'm recognizing it quicker and getting back on track.

RESENTMENTS – an emotional cancer if allowed to fester and grow
Ephesians 4: 26-27 - "In your anger do not sin ... do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

How has holding on to your anger and your resentments affect you?

It's made me sick.  Holding onto these things and stuffing down the feelings with addiction, has kept me from growing up and growing in the Lord. This has been a process of uncovering things I was holding on to and had to really internalize that if God loved me so much, enough to send his son to die for me - and has forgiven me - then I needed to let go and "accept" his forgiveness and trust in his forgiveness.

LONELINESS – In recovery and in Christ, we never have to walk alone
Hebrews 13: 1, 2 - "Continue to love each other with true brotherly love. Don't forget to be kind to strangers, fos some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it."

Do you believe that loneliness is a choice?  Why or why not?  How has your denial isolated you from your important relationships?

Yes, loneliness isdefinitely a choice. It may be subconscious at times, but it is a choice.  I can remember feeling so lonely in my house of five.  I became so self centered that I could not think about anyone else, but myself.  Again, this has a been a process to overcome the detachment, isolation and self-centeredness - I still battle the negative thinking that no-one wants me around and such - but I've learned to tell myself otherwise - learning scripture has helped keep me grounded. Learning who I am in Christ and then realizing that others are thinking and feeling the same way that I am- helps me to focus on them and share God's love with them - and realize that even if no one is around, the Lord is always there.  If I can't get others focused - I can almost always get Christ focused!

EMPTINESS
John 10:10 - "My purpose is to give life in all its fullness."

Describe the emptiness you feel and some new ways you are finding to fill it?

I used to feel empty. I felt that I had no purpose, that I was nothing, no good, a junkie and a convict. When I woke up in the morning as an Agnostic, I knew that right there was probably the best that I would feel all day, maybe the rest of my life. That kind of not having anything to look forward to was depressing. I have found contentment and joy in the Bible. God's word fills me with his promises and hope for tomorrow and I've gotten a lot of joy sharing that same love and joy with others to help make their lives full!

SELFISHNESS – we often pray, our father who art in heaven, gimme gimme
Luke 17:33 - "Whoever clings to his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life shall save it."
What does it mean to be selfish? It is defined as, "devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself."

Selfishness is at the heart of most problems between people.  In what areas of your life have you been selfish?    
Facebook and video games began to be an issue. I would come home and pour myself into the computer, playing games and facebooking with the stress of my job as my excuse to ignore my family and play games to escape. Then I realized how much that was hurting my wife and my son. In the past I would see people that gave and gave of themselves and I admired it, but I had never really seen that in my own life. I had never even considered doing that in my own life. I had never jumped wholely into anything.  I have began to give of myself instead of only taking. I still need to give more of myself at work, more of myself to my son, more of myself to my fiancé, and more of myself to Christ. But I have started, and that is better than it was!  

SEPARATION – some talk of finding God, as if he could ever get lost
Romans 8: 38, 39 - "For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can't and life can't. The angels won't and all the powers of hell itslef cannot keep God's love away ... Nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when He died for us."

Separation from God can feel very real but it is never permanent.  What can you do to get closer to God?

I know all it takes is for one or two mornings to wake up a little late and then boom - I'm off on my own again. I need to remember to start my day with God, and that if He is needed He is never more than a knee away when I pray. I make my days wrong, I have the first thought wrong syndrome. With Christ guiding me I now have first thought right!  

FOUR ACTIONS from Principle 1

1.) STOP DENYING THE PAIN. You are ready to take your first step in recovery since you have identified that your pain is greater than your fear. 

Psalm 6: 2, 3 - "Pity me, O Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, for my body is sick, and I am upset and disturbed. My mind is filled with apprehension and with gloom."

2.) STOP PLAYING GOD. You are unable to do for yourself what you need God to do for you.  You are either going to serve God or yourself.  you can't serve both. 

Matthew 6: 24 - "No one can be a slave to two masters: he will hate one and love the other; he will be loyal to one and despise the other."

3.) START ADMITTING OUR POWERLESSNESS. As you work the first principle, you are  seeing that by yourself you do not have the power to change your hurts, hang-ups, and habits

Matthew 19:26 - "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

4.) START ADMITTING THAT OUR LIVES HAVE BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. You can and have admitted that some/all areas of your life are out of your control to change.

Psalm 40:12 - "Problems far too big for me to solve are piled higher than my head. Meanwhile my sins, too many to count, have all caught up with me and I am ashamed to look up."

Pride Goeth Before a Fall

Pride is Biblically one of those things that we are to not have. It is a character trait that is not to be admired. In the King James version of the Bible it states, "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

I quote the King James Version because it is very fitting that the King James version would give this warning to someone that is also referred to as King James. To others he is known as simply LeBron James. Today I would like to personally thank LeBron and the Miami Heat for reminding me that pride does not lead us to be successful.  If anything, pride sets us up for destruction.

Last night, in game 6 of the NBA finals, the Dallas Mavericks led by Dirk Nowitzki defeated the Miami Heat's trio of all stars led by LeBron. I was glad to see Dallas win after the way that Miami and LeBron celebrated his signing with them at the beginning of this basketball season.

"Not one, not two, not three, not four," James said. And he wasn't finished.  "Not five, not six, not seven." He trumpeted from stage as he guaranteed multiple championships. I believed him, even though I am a Chicago Bulls fan. I thought that the combination of LeBron, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh would be unstoppable. I would have never predicted that they would not have the best record in the league (they had the third best) or that they would not win the NBA championship. He and I both seemed to forget the warning the Bible gives us multiple times:

Obadiah 1:3 "The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, ‘Who can bring me down to the ground?’"


Isaiah 23:9 "The LORD Almighty planned it, to bring low the pride of all glory and to humble all who are renowned on the earth."


1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."


Even in the Biblical book bearing the last name of LeBron, James 4:6b states, "God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble," which is actually a quote from Proverbs 3:34.


Pride, boastfulness and haughtiness are all things that we should avoid, or we will find ourselves in trouble with the person who truly counts, God. I do not care if I am poor or if I, like LeBron, were to reach his goal of being a billionaire. I would rather be poor in this life and live in bliss for eternity than store up treasures on Earth to find myself on the wrong side of God. 


This leads us to the question how should I act? James 4:10 says, "Humble yourselves, and He will lift you up" and 1 Peter 5:6 says to, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time." 


This means that we are not the most important thing in the world. We need to get over ourselves and realize that there is only one with true power, and it is not us. If we are humble than God will give us the power to overcome all things. If we are boastful and prideful, then God will not. We should all take a lesson from the first step of recovery, which states that we realize that we are powerless. LeBron seemed to believe that he was all powerful, and thus has alienated some fans and possibly God Himself. 

In the end I thought that maybe LeBron James does get it. His twitter post after the game said, "The Greater Man upstairs know when it's my time. Right now isn't the time."

That sounds like a man who has come to realize that there is a greater power than he. I was happy for LeBron after I read his twitter in the sports news. I was beginning to think that maybe he was the young man who had his head on his shoulders and not in the clouds like I had thought, before the past year had occurred. Then I read his after game interview quote:

"At the end of the day, all the people that were rooting for me to fail ... at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that [they had] before they woke up today. They got the same personal problems they had today. And I'm going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do."

His pride has once again reared its' ugly head. I only hope that we can take a look at how he has acted and reacted to others and learn a lesson. I know that he is only reacting to what others have said and done, but two rights do not make a wrong. Even though the Bible tells us in what is commonly known as the Golden Rule to do to others as we would have them do us (Matthew 7:12), I would tell us as Christians to go one further and treat others better than you want to be treated.

Remember Matthew 25 says that what we have done to the least of man, we have done to God Himself. When you are wronged by someone you should still treat them with love and respect, for when we stand before God do we want  Him to treat us as we on this world treated others? Do we want Him to treat us as we deserve? I know that I  do not, how about you?