Scriptures of Recovery - Romans 7: 15

I have actually tried to quit using and living a life of debauchery several times. I had quit doing illegal drugs, but had fallen back on alcohol. Even though at one time I was determined to never drink or do drugs again, I was only partially successful. I engaged in a lot of conduct that I tried to stop doing, but I would always repeat it.

I swore to quit fighting and to quit drinking and driving. I would go so far as to give my keys to friends at the bar and tell them not to give them back to me, only to end up trying to fight them to get my keys back so that I could drive. I would black out with regularity and swear that I would never get "that" drunk again. I tried only drinking beer, only to get drunk and stop on the way home and buy a fifth.

I was not able to follow through on my best intentions. I would start with my best interest at heart, but would always fall short. I have done this my entire life. I would stop selling drugs, only to fall behind on bills and have to hustle to make the money. I would swear to not get serious in a relationship for a while, to take it slow. Then I would move her into my house after we had dated for a week..........or less than a week.

When I got off of drugs but continued drinking, I knew that I was not alone. But I did not feel like a "normal" person. I figured that only drug addicts and drunks had these problems. I thought that everyone else was able to follow through with their goals. I figured that most people, when they committed to something, accomplished it.

When I first went to church, Cal (New Life Churches pastor at the time) read from Romans 3. It interested me enough to continue reading. Imagine my delight when I got to Romans 7 and began to read about my plight. Here was a verse that described my life experiences.

Romans 7:15 says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Wow, there I was in a nutshell. I want to do the right thing, but I was unable to. I wanted to set a good example for my son to follow, but I was better at setting goals than accomplishing them. It is kind of like when I play pool. I can call the greatest shots; bank this one in the side pocket, two rails off the 9, eight ball in the corner, etc. I can call them, but I sure cannot sink them. I called a great game, but I was unable to complete it.

I lived my life that way, too. Much better at telling you the positive things that I was going to do than actually doing them. My follow through was a mess, and I wondered why. In this passage Paul describes the mental struggle that I had with my life. "I do not understand" is exactly how I felt, and it was frustrating and anxiety inducing. When you want something that you know is achievable yet are unable to attain it, it can be overwhelming.

In verses 18-19 Paul continues to explain the struggle, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing."

"Nothing good lives in me," he says. That means that sin lives inside of us. We have been born into a sinful world. As an addict, my first thought is wrong. In fact, my first 5 thoughts are wrong when I first got clean. I felt compelled to do the wrong thing, and I was fighting a losing battle! Why was I fighting a losing battle? Because sin dwelt inside of me, and all that I had to fight it off was myself. I could not win. What could I possibly do as an Agnostic to live my life differently?

I tried Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, substance abuse residential and then outpatient treatment, individual counseling and medication management through a psychiatrist. None of that worked. At the end of the day, I was still a convict and an addict. I could not forgive myself. I was unable to stop doing the wrong thing. So, what can we as humans born into sin do?

Romans 8:5 states, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desire."

There it is, in simple to understand language. "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what nature desires." That is us following our carnal nature, the sin that resides in us. The Holy Spirit is able to set us free from our nature of sin. It can change first thought wrong into first thought right. I went from reveling in my sins and self-condemnation to living as a positive example overnight, just by accepting Christ into my life.

Since I prayed and accepted Christ, I have not drank, smoked, fought, had pre-marital sex and take no medication for my mental health. Instantly transformed.  I consider my transformation a miracle, and all the proof that I need that God does exist!



Romans 8:9 sums up how I feel today, "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God live in you."

I still have desires on occasion. The difference is that when I have these desires, they come and then they go. They are fleeting at best, and I have a strong support system that I can use when they do occur. What is also different is that the obsession is gone. I do not think about drugs/sex/anger 24 hours a day and 7 days a week like I used to.

My thoughts of wrongdoing are now gone in the blink of an eye, and that is how I like it. I will get more into why those thoughts are fleeting and why it is understandable if the desire still pops up occasionally in the next Scripture of Recovery, which will be 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

Another Discussion with an Evolutionist pt. 2

ME: The humane genome consists of a code that is 3 billion letters long. If it were to be read one later per second it would take 93 years to read. That seems a little too complex to have evolved. You take DNA, with a phosphate-sugar backbone and complexly arranged organic bases, stacked orderly on top of each other and paired together at each rung of the twisted double helix....it makes my head explode when I hear of people believing this could happen without the guidance of a master's hand. 

Hawking says, "The odds against a universe like ours emerging out of something like the Big Bang are enormous. I think there are clearly religious implications. It would be very difficult to explain why the universe should have begun in just this way except as the act of a God who intended to create beings like us."

My bottom line is this. When I was Agnostic (which I was for 25 years of my life) I said that I had trouble with God because I could not empirically prove that He did or did not exist. I used that thought to look down on others and I lived a life of debauchery and alcoholism. It was great for me, I had no hope and lived a very self-centered life. There are those who would say that I was a good friend and a good person, but I knew better then just like I know better now.

 I eventually realized that although I personally could not prove there was a God, as a supposed empiricist I could also not personally prove that evolution happened, that life sprang from nonliving matter. I could not personally do that. I prayed and I gave God a chance to prove himself to me personally.

There are many out there who would tell me that my experience with the Holy Spirit was only imagined. There are atheists and agnostics that would tell me I have lost my mind. There would be psychiatrists and psychologists who in the past would have told them that they were right, I was clinically crazy.....in the past. To them I have a reply. If you have ever been in the depths of addiction, you would not say that. I have been in the depths of my addiction. Everyone has a different rock bottom, here is mine:

1. I have shot up ice water, because the batch of meth was not ready or I was waiting on the person to get back from filling their morphine prescription.
2. I have woken up at 4 AM in a urine soaked mattress to get up and drink a couple of shots to put me back to sleep and stop the shakes.
3. I started smoking cigarettes in 6th grade and had never been able to quit.
4. I had been to county jail often enough that I would stay in for several weeks to catch up on sleep when I had the cash in my wallet to bond out.
5. I had slept with enough women that I was in the mid-triple digits. I would go to parties and sleep with 2 or 3 girls when I was a drug dealer.
6. I was drunk 30 minutes after I got out of prison, and spun out on methamphetamine that night.
7. I dealt drugs and was involved with the manufacturing of methamphetamine for over a decade.
8. I had been to rehab, but the longest stretch of sobriety I had since I was in the 7th grade was 3 months.
9. I had been diagnosed with Bi-Polar, borderline personality, antisocial personality, masochistic, generalized anxiety and major depressive disorders.
10. I used the "F" word and cussed every other word even when I was happy and in normal conversation.
11. I have been found passed out in my own blood after slashing my wrists and rushed to the ER.
12. I have totalled 5 cars drinking and driving yet continued to drink and drive every night.
13. I have overdosed on several occasions and yet used within 24 hours every time.

I had tried counselors, psychiatrists, drug rehabs, interventions and Narcotics/Alcoholics Anonymous, with no success. I had worked the 12 steps, but it was never quite enough. I had used my intellect in attempting to overcome my addiction and failed repeatedly. I have killed a lot of brain cells through my addiction, but I have had 2 psychiatrists and a psychologist score my IQ between 129-135 at different times in my life. I am by no means ignorant. I came to Him in prayer, and He gave me a second chance. That was all that I needed to do, truly turn my will and my life over to God. I had tried using a random higher power, such as the community in 12 step groups, and it was not effective. God was!

Since the night I prayed to God and asked Him to take all of this from me, I have had a complete life change. I have not used drugs or drank, I have not smoked a cigarette, I have not had premarital sex, I have not been to jail and I am on no medication for any mental illnesses. I have not cussed since I do not know when. If all of that is not proof of God, than I ask you what is?

Now I tithe 10% to my church (which supports the digging of wells for water in Africa, Convoy of Hope, and giving school supplies to children who do not have them locally) and give more money on top of that to other charities. I volunteer between 5-10 hours a week to work with helping others through various charities and resources. I now give back to others, and I am teaching my son to think of more than just himself. When I volunteered to do psychological first aid and trauma counseling in Joplin, I was Convoy of Hope and multiple churches there helping those in need. It reaffirmed my belief in Christians and the good that we do.

I have no idea what you do to improve the world around you, and I hope that it is a lot because you seem to be very bright and should therefore be able to think globally and altruistically. I hope that you give 10 % of your income to others because it is the right thing to do. In fact, I hope that you give 15%. I hope that you volunteer several hundred hours a year to help those less fortunate than you. I know that what I do for a living changes lives, gives children back their parents and parents back their children. What I do in my spare time (while raising a family of my own and caring for their needs while working a full time job) feeds the hungry and helps people heal from their addictions and past hurts. I know that my son benefits as much as my wife. I love my wife and treat her with respect and I teach my son to help those less fortunate, to give of himself and not be judgmental of others.

If that is done out of ignorance, than I would rather be ignorant, filled with hope and able to give others hope while making the world a better place than trying to educate people with other people's research while having done none of my own. I know that God exists, I see Him in the beauty around me, in my changed life and in the lives of those around me. I see evil too, as well as those who would try to usurp other's work and claim wisdom from it. You can use intelligence to read other's research, I use wisdom to live my life. My life screams that God exists based on my experiences.

The scientific method is done by asking a question, gathering information, forming a hypothesis, then performing an experiment that tests your hypothesis. From that test you then interpret the data and draw conclusions that help you to form a new hypothesis. You then publish that research. I could not tell you how many people I have seen that have been to 10, 15 rehabs for addiction using psychiatrists and the most advanced techniques available return to addiction over and over again. I should know, I was one of them. I tried the established methods as an agnostic and my results were the same. I and so many others that I have worked with quit for good after they found Christ! That is the evidence that I base my theory on, and it has been tested with several hundred participants and each one only makes my faith stronger.

I am in the middle of writing the book that will allow me to share with others the final hypothesis I have come to after 10 years of research. It is based on the observations I have had while testing my theory with hundreds of test subjects. I started out biased against God and came to believe in Him through my studies and experimentation. I would love to read your article when it gets published. I am certain that it will give validation to your theory, based on your data interpretation after you tested your theory with an unbiased mind. You definitely write well enough to hold my interest. Let me know when it comes out and I will read it.