From Shack to Temple Weight Loss Wednesday Relapse or Failure

There are some words that I am not used to saying when it comes to myself. In my profession I say one of them a lot, and the other one I never say because it can become a label or self-fulfilling prophecy or even mimic Cooley's Looking Glass Self. The first word is relapse. I know that word well from the past, but not from my present personally. That said, I see it a lot with clients and friends. I actually have seen it with 4 of my friends in the past several months. I have also seen it in me.

Relapse is every time that I get off of work and comfort eat. Right now that is happening a lot. I have the stress of 10-12 hour days at work, then I was vlogging daily, writing a blog entry 3 times a week, my daughter's surgeries in St. Louis last week and again this week, trying to spend time with my wife, working on the non-profit BLiR (working with a website designer, meeting people to brainstorm about the direction of BLiR, setting up the next event, trying to figure out how to raise the money to file for non-profit status, etc.), spending time with my son, trying to work on my book and a whole lot more. This causes stress.

When I feel stress, I want to eat comfort food. I either stop on the way home or I insure that I have junk at home to eat. The bottom line, I am relapsing several times a week when it comes to eating. I would argue that I am relapsing daily. Sometimes at lunch, sometimes at dinner, a lot right before bedtime, even more often all of the above. I need to figure out what to do to stop this trend. Maybe I need to rejoin Weight Watchers or try out Visalus like some of my friends have talked to me about. The problem is, I don't want to pay $1,000 to join something. I don't want to sell anything. I am busy enough. I just want to lose weight!!!

Now we get to the word I don't use, failure. I am beginning to feel somewhat like a failure, but I will not allow myself to say it. That could cause a self-fulfilling prophecy to occur. Robert Merton was a sociologist who coined the term. What it says is that if I fear failure at something, in this case losing weight, my fear of failing at weight loss will actually cause me to fail. If I predict failure, even subconsciously, my prediction will influence my actions and will power and I will eventually turn that fallacious prediction into a reality. I therefore need to be positive and encourage myself instead of beating myself down.

The next social construct would be Cooley's Looking Glass Self (can you tell I have a Bachelors in Sociology? My professors would be proud!). It is predicated on people predicting how others will see us, how they will judge us based on their perception and then we begin to see ourselves as we falsely believe others see us. These are the reasons that the word or thoughts of FAILURE SHOULD NEVER BE IN YOUR VOCABULARY!!

Relapse is something that we can get over. By its very definition, it simply means to slip back into previous behaviors and/or actions. WE WILL WORK THROUGH A RELAPSE. It is temporary, but failure is not. Thomas Jefferson is attributed to saying, "I have not failed. I have found 10,000 ways that don't work," about the creation of the light bulb. He never stopped. He kept on trying!

So, I am okay with saying that I have relapsed repeatedly over the past two weeks. I have not failed, for I am still intent on trying to lose weight. I have still made it to the gym 4 days a week. I have not started 5 days a week nor have I started cardio due to the pulled calf muscle. I am hoping to begin that in two more weeks after we stop having to go to St Louis every week for my daughter's surgeries and subsequent check-ups post-surgery.

If anybody has any ideas of what I should do, let me know. Comment on my site, Facebook, tweet me, email me, what ever you want to do. I am torn between Weight Watchers, Visalus, a food journal, starting a closed group of me and anyone who also wants to lose weight were we can share our successes and get support for our relapses, or a couple of the above ideas.

So, I will see you in two weeks and I look forward to any questions or suggestions that you may have! Remember, YOU CAN DO THIS!!

From Shack to Temple - Week 1

Can you lose 10 pounds in one week like they do on The Biggest Loser? I don't know if you can, but I found out that I could. I seriously doubt that the double digit loss will continue into the second week, but in the first 7 days I lost exactly 10 pounds!

I am pretty excited about the results so far. In my opinion, they have been nothing short of amazing. I know that the first week tends to be a big week for loss, so judge what I am doing not by this first week but by the end results. That said, the first week was an awesome start. Here is how I have gotten off to such a great start:

1. I drink at least 120 ounces of water daily, although it has been more like 160-200 ounces
2. I exercise every morning for an hour. Next week I will talk more about the exercise that I am doing!
3. I eat a healthy breakfast (2 eggs, 98% fat free ham or turkey, two pieces of toast and a banana)
4. I eat a healthy lunch (can of tuna, mustard, two pieces of bread, immense salad with a lot of different colors and balsamic vinegar and olive oil dressing)
5. I do not eat solid food after lunch. Once I get to where I want to be weight wise I will add a healthy dinner.
6. I have 2 or 3 protein shakes daily (1 after workout in the morning the others in the evening)
7. I have a 1st Phorm Level-1 shake before bed. I have a sweet tooth that strikes late. Level-1 has chocolate chip cookie dough and ice cream sandwich flavors. They take care of my sweet tooth with only 2 grams of sugar.
8. I stack 1st Phorm's 1-Db Overdrive with Thyro-Drive on a 5 day on, 2 day off cycle. They are a combination thermogenic that so far have not made me jittery like the products I have used in the past.
9. I eat and drink anything and everything that I want one day a week from the time I wake up until 7 PM

That is how I have made the changes I have made so far. I have had to use several methods to work around some of the problems I have with eating. I use the late night shake to curb my sweet tooth, and the promise of eating what ever I want one day a week to help me avoid temptation like you see on the right (this was actually in the break room at work yesterday and I ate none of it).

In order for me to get to where I need to be, I have to watch what I take into my body. If I can say no to cigarettes, drugs and alcohol I should have no problem with food. But I did. I had let food become my new addiction and it was killing me just like my old vices had been. Now, I am not having those same problems because of the changes I am making.

I also have to be fit and active every day. My sedentary life style was killing me. I am doing everything: cardio machines, weight lifting, racquetball and bicycle riding. One night I went to the park and took a walk. It is about being active every day. In my last job I waited tables, and walked probably 5 miles plus every day. Now I sit behind a desk and it has been showing. Between being more sedentary and eating comfort food my waist has been increasing. No longer, will that happen. Thanks for following along with me as I turn my shack back into a temple!

From Shack to Temple - The Journey Has Just Begun

Today was my first day in some time that I went to the gym after hurting my back months ago. I was just starting to get into a regular pattern of exercise when the injury occurred. That said, the exercise I was doing was just enough to keep my weight stable, which was still very over weight. I was holding at around 230 when I got hurt. Now I am up to around 250 pounds. Not a bad weight if you are 6 foot 5. Unfortunately, I am 5 foot 6. It is a very unhealthy weight for me. 

At one time I weighed 160 pounds and wore 27 inch jeans. That was in my addiction to methamphetamine. I have gained 90 pounds since I got off meth and my jean size is now up to 40 and 42. A large part of my initial weight gain was that I was skinny to an unhealthy level when I was using meth. The first 20-30 pounds that I gained was healthy weight. Then I started working out and gained more. Then more and more and more. Eventually I realized that there was a problem and through becoming an alcoholic and not eating I began to lose weight. I got down to around 205 from 220. Then I stopped drinking and the weight came back to me. 


Initially I put down the drugs and started eating. Then I put down the food when I found alcohol. When I stopped drinking and smoking at the same time I put down the alcohol and nicotine and found food. I swapped addictions. I am an addict to escape problems. When I have a stressful day, (which is pretty often because I have a stressful job and I am starting a non-profit while writing a book, blogging and speaking) I eat. I crave meat and sweets. Not lean meat, either! I mean half pound burgers, 24 ounce steaks and full racks of ribs with all of the starchy trimmings. Due to that, I have found myself at 250 pounds.  


Over the weekend while I was attempting to keep up with my 4 year old, God started talking to me. He told me that it was time to get serious and lose weight. The reasons are pretty apparent from a health standpoint. My uncle died from a heart attack at 58 last month due to his weight being more than his heart could take. That alone should be enough, but I already knew how unhealthy my weight is and that has not stopped me yet. Not to worry, God was not done convicting me yet. There was a lot more!


"It is time to lose the 50 pounds of fat," I heard a voice saying over and over again to me during the weekend. It isn't just your health. "You can't even keep up with your son any more," that voice shouted. It was true, I get tired and worn out just from playing with my son. I have another baby on the way. It is getting ready to be twice as active for me. If I have trouble keeping up with him, what will it be like when there are two of them? God was not done with me yet. He reminded me Sunday during service at church of something else.  


I am beginning to get out and speak more. I am talking to people who struggle with life controlling issues. I am wanting to give them hope that they can overcome their struggles. A voice told me Sunday that no one wants to hear someone who is fat telling them how to deal with their struggles and overcome them. A lot of people that I will talk to struggle with weight issues and self image problems. They use meth to lose weight, force themselves to throw up after eating or simply don't eat at all. If they are in the audience that I speak to, my message will fall on deaf ears if I am not in better shape. I need to reach those people and the voice in my ear screamed that I can't do it looking like I do now! I have to take control of my eating problem and no longer let it rule my life. "The time is now," the voice told me. 


God spoke, I listened! I need to hear God's whisper in my ear and feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I may not want to hear what it has to say, but I love it when I hear God's voice so clearly! Immediately after church I sat down and made a list of what I was going to eat and the changes in exercise that were going to occur. Monday I went shopping for what I needed and this morning (Tuesday) I started back at the gym and the eating habit changes have began.


I am going to share a few things with everyone. I am now working out multiple mornings a week as well as the occasional cardio/exercise in the evening. I am eating a full breakfast and a full lunch; full but extremely healthy. I am then having three protein shakes daily and a minimum of 100 ounces of water. The water may increase, but it will not decrease. I am doing this 6 days a week and one day a week will be my junk food day. I can eat what I want from the time I wake up until 7 that evening. Once 7 P.M. comes, the fun stops. 


I will follow this and tweak it as the time progresses and I see what needs to be added. I am excited. My goal is to drop from the 247.6 pounds that I weighed today (see picture above) down to no more than 190. If that is still unhealthy, I will drop more weight. I will not know until I get there. I will be back down to no more than 34 inch jeans from the 42 inch jeans I find myself wearing now. I have taken a couple of before pictures of myself, but they will not be shared until I have a decent after picture to show. 


I tell you this for the accountability piece I need. I will write a weekly series that will bear the title "From Shack to Temple." Each week I will have a picture of the scale after weighing on Tuesday morning. I will also outline the diet that I followed that week as well as the exercise regimen that I followed. I do all of this for a reason. We are told that our bodies are the temple of God, and lately mine has been an amusement park. That will happen no longer. God spoke, I listened and now I comply! Please follow this journey with me and feel free to ask me how it is going when you see me in person. If you do not see me in person, leave comments on my blogs, call me, e-mail me and/or talk to me on Facebook/Twitter. I would ask that everyone of you become an accountability partner for me. 


The journey has just begun, hope you enjoy reading about the ride!


P.S. If you happen to be a member at the Meyer Center and are looking for a work out partner and don't mind early morning workouts, get a hold of me. If you are a bicycle rider or a racquetball/handball player get a hold of me also. Thanks in advance!