The Sky is the Limit - My Story as related to Heroes in Recovery

My story was recently put on the Heroes in Recovery website. I would ask that you visit their website (www.heroesinrecovery.com) and check out everything that they are doing to break stigma and share the hope that there is a Better Life in Recovery. Here is the link to my story on their website: http://heroesinrecovery.com/stories/9206/

Here is what they printed:

Hi, my name is David and I am a person in long-term recovery. What that means for me is that I have not used drugs or alcohol since January 31, 2009 and because of that I have been able to accomplish things I never would have dreamed possible. I am a husband, father, sponsor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, hope dealer and director of the nonprofit Better Life in Recovery (BLiR).

I was abused physically and sexually as a child. I used alcohol and other drugs to escape my past and deal with anger, depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder I was diagnosed with. I was introduced to methamphetamine my senior year, and partying ended up being more important than school so I dropped out of school.

After over 20 years of substance use, attempting suicide, dying more times than I can count on one hand and being to jail more times than I can count on my fingers and toes I thought nothing would ever change. Boy was I wrong.

I asked God for something different, and He answered that prayer. I have not used since I decided to focus on recovery instead of substance abuse. My focus shifted. I paid attention to my successes instead of my failures. I applied the five pillars of recovery: Higher Power, meetings, sponsor, accountability partners and the 12 steps. Then I added the missing piece, service to my community, and it has made all the difference.

Don’t get me wrong, my life has had ups and downs. At times, life kicks me in the butt and my world shakes. The difference is how I cope with that today. I work through my problems and conquer them instead of letting them beat me. Doing this has made me stronger and wiser! I have gone from dealing dope to dealing hope!

Currently, I am a counselor for the Greene County, MO treatment courts through Preferred Family Healthcare. I went from high school drop out to having four college degrees. I married an amazing woman and we have an amazing family. I sit on multiple boards and planning committees that are focused on making the world a better place.

My passion is BLiR. Our mission is transforming lives with recovery. We deal hope and reduce stigma people who struggle with substance use and mental health issues face through community service, education and awareness events that celebrate people in long-term recovery. In 2012 we did one event, in 2013 we did three events, in 2014 we did eight and we are aiming for over 50 events in 2015 with weekly fellowship events.

Today, I know the sky is the limit for people in long-term recovery. My goal is to educate people on the wonders of long-term recovery, give people who are still struggling hope they can achieve long-term recovery and people in recovery the courage to come forward and be proud of who they have become while rejoining and making their communities better!

I Used to be an Addict.............

Everyone wants a magical cure, especially addicts. That is the dream. We as addicts want not only a cure, but we want it quick and easy. After all, it I could be cured from my addiction than I could once again be just like everybody else. I could be normal. That would be amazing.

That is the promise from Passages, will locations in Malibu and Ventura. Their trademarked slogan is "At Passages - Addiction Ends Here." How comforting that must be, to know that all I have to do is go to one of their places and my addiction will end. How can Passages make such a lofty claim? Because Pax has been clean now for over a decade and was helped by his father Chris, who did self-help seminars to make people successful.

Based off of the experiences that Pax Prentiss and his father had with the addiction Pax struggled with, they have figured it out for everyone. I guess that when it comes to recovery, one size fits all. That is so good to know, that what works for one person can be "guaranteed" to help everyone else. Because of that, they claim to do treatment different from everyone else.

For starters, they have a cure for something that is not a disease. Passages states that after all of their research they have discovered that the entire medical and psychiatric field is wrong. Addiction is not a disease. Since it is not a disease, they have a cure. Unfortunately, all of the research I have read has stated that addiction is a brain disease. They base that off of the changes that occur in the brain chemistry and wiring using that pesky scientific model and research that can be duplicated.

Next, they claim that the 12 steps are antiquated, much like the disease model of addiction. Passages Malibu claims to have cured thousands. of people. The antiquated 12 steps, on the other hand, have helped millions find long-term recovery. I guess that you can make any claim that you want, warranted you are not asked to provide any research to back it  up.

I want to add that I don't disbelieve all of what Passages says and does. They use psychotherapy, or one-on-one individual counseling, as the core of their practice. I fully believe in that. Use evidence-based practices to treat the disease of addiction. They also state that the drug/alcohol is not the problem. Instead, there is another issue that drugs/alcohol are used to numb and escape from. I also agree with that.

In fact, that is the reason why people who go to 12 step meetings are expected to get a sponsor and work the steps with that sponsor. That is why all treatment providers that I know of do co-occurring, trauma, CBT, Adlerian, Gestalt, Psychoanalytic, Family and narrative therapies with their clients. These methods are all used to work  through the "why" of our use. It has been that way since the inception of the 12 steps Passages makes it sound like they invented it, but it has been done for quit some time now.

They also stress exercise, watching what you eat, meditating and taking better care of yourself. This is vastly important, because most of us while our addiction is active don't take very good care of ourselves at all. Add the anxiety, depression and trauma that most of us deal with and you have a perfect storm for unhealthy physical habits to kick in.

Passages is also big on activities such as Tai Chi, Yoga, Ropes, hiking and team sports that are obviously done all by yourself, because they don't believe in group therapy according to their website. I agree with all of these as viable modes of treatment, but all of these sound like what other places call group therapy. Why do other places call it group therapy? Because it is a form of therapy and it is done with other people, ie a group. Hard to have team building without a team.

Group therapy also allows you to find support and build accountability partners. The 12 step support meetings allow for us to do the same thing. Yet, according to the Passages website these are outdated and don't work. I personally swear by them, and I have met thousands of other people who have used them to find and keep long-term recovery. Many of them I have met have been clean and sober since before Passages started. Guess I should tell them the method they have used to attain multiple decades of sobriety isn't effective.  

The price tag of Passages is amazing. Last I looked it was about $65,000 at Malibu and $40,000 at Ventura..................a month!!!! Chris Prentice is good at making money, and he found a new hustle his son could enjoy so that he would no longer feel the need to hustle on the streets. Instead, they found a legal hustle that leads to the death and destruction of others. That scares me!

For as much as Passages says they are interested in helping others, they set many up for relapse if not death. You see, if I am cured, than I can use again. End of discussion. If I discover why I drink and/or drug by working through my past problems, than I can now drink and drug again without a problem. That will lead to relapse, and the next relapse someone has could very well be the one that kills them.

You see, I have worked through the abuse of my childhood and multiple other intense traumas. I have worked through the memory of dying more times than I can count on one hand, gong to jail umpteen times and finally going to prison. I have forgiven and accepted all that I have done in the past because it makes me the person I am today. I define myself today not by  my addiction, but by my recovery.

That said, I never want to forget my past. Not only did it make me the person I am today, it gave me knowledge of my limitations. I have a disease that makes me unable to use drugs and alcohol like "normal" people. I will always have that inability. Some call it an allergy, but based on science it is a disease and it has no known cure. However, I have found that through the 5 Pillars it can be managed!

The 5 Pillars

1.  Higher Power - Find something bigger than yourself that can give you acceptance, love, respect, forgiveness and validation. The only thing I have found that works for me is Christ. I have seen others use the fellowship. 
2. Meetings - Find a place where you can get support and feedback from peers. I get the most hope from speaker meetings and Celebrate Recovery testimony nights. 
3. 12 Steps - Find a game plan to change the way you live your life. I use both the 12 steps and the Bible, as they compliment each other in many ways and both lead me to a richer and more fulfilling life. 
4. Sponsor/Mentor -  Find someone who has the life  you would like to have in 5 years and ask them to teach you how they got there. This is the person who will help you apply the 12 steps, kind of like a coach teaching you a game plan for success.
5. Accountability Partners - Find people who you can depend on who are not afraid to call you out when you are falling short, support you when you are struggling and encourage you when things are going well 

There is one thing I would add to the 5 pillars that many people are missing, and it makes all of the difference, community service. Community service puts us back into the communities we live in, and instead of taking them for all they can give us we instead are giving all that we can back. It helps us reengage with our community and once again feel a part of it. Service work is very important for my sobriety, community service is vital for my recovery. 

Good Enough Ain't Good Enough Anymore

In my addiction, I usually did the wrong thing. On occasion, I would do the right thing. Sometimes it was because I still had some principals, other times it was so that I could bring it up later to explain why I was not as bad as other people. Quite a lot of the time, it was by blind luck. Even a broken watch is right twice a day (unless it’s digital, in which case it is never right because you can’t see it or if it displays military time in which case it would be right once a day). Needless to say, the life that I was living in my addiction was good enough. What I was doing I felt was good enough to keep doing until it wasn’t, which took about 17 years. Then another 7.

I decided to get sober. Not really for me, but because I got caught by my probation officer and she sent me to rehab instead of back to prison. I was not doing it for me, I did it to stay out of prison which I had not enjoyed enough to want to go back on a 10 year backup. Also, I did it to show other people that I was not who they thought I was. I thought my reasoning was good enough, but my sobriety only lasted a couple of months before I relapsed.

When I tried to get sober a year later, I never really pushed myself. Instead, I would just do enough to get by. At faking it, I was awesome. I overachieved at the goals others set for me but never really had any goals for myself. Even when I did the 90 meetings in 90 days that was more like 150 meetings in 90 days, I never really listened while I was there. I was too busy telling people all that I knew about sobriety, which at 2 months sober could have fit inside of a thimble. I would also join in on the war stories, which a lot of other people there liked to listen to. But I thought that what I was doing was good enough, until it no longer helped.

I had a counselor who told me not to do drugs and that alcohol was a drug, so I followed in his footsteps and was sober. I actually looked up to him and respected him. Then one day he came into the restaurant I worked at and sat at the bar. While he was at the bar he had several alcoholic drinks. He obviously thought that no one could see him, or that he didn’t have a drinking problem. I am not sure which it was because I never saw him again. For him, what he was doing was good enough. I went out that night and got drunk. If he could do it so could I. Was he the reason I drank? No, but he was the reason I used. It was good enough.

Then I quit drugs which were illegal and became an alcoholic because alcohol was legal. I could rationalize my drinking all day long. Even though I would black out most every night I still worked and went to college. I even graduated honors. I was an alcoholic that drank and drove multiple times EVERY NIGHT. I would wake up with no idea how I got home. I would wake up with shakes and drink to make them go away. Was I happy? No, I was miserable but I was good enough.

Then I decided I wanted more. I wanted more for my life, my son’s life, my relationships, my employment, my day to day life. I was no longer happy with what I had. It was not enough. Good was not enough. I wanted to attain greatness. I went full bore in everything that I did. I decided to never settle for anything less than amazing for myself, my faith, my recovery, my wife and my children. Good was simply not good enough anymore. I wanted great!

I found that if I wanted to change, there were things I had to realize if I wanted to live a better life:

1.       Complacency kills I wanted to be great, and in order to do that I had to never ever settle. If I meet my goals, I create new ones. I was not born to do good things; I was born to achieve greatness!

2.       Keep moving If you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. Life is a journey not a destination.

3.       Educate Yourself Learn, learn and then learn some more. Read, have discourse with intelligent and/or wise people. To die ignorant is the greatest sin we can commit against ourselves.

4.       Ask Questions That is the only way you can find out some things, so don’t be afraid to ask. The only stupid question is the one that isn’t asked.

5.       Be Altruistic It really is better to give than to receive. Do for others, then do some more. There is nothing that makes me feel better than knowing I am necessary.

6.       Speak Loud When it comes to your testimony, shout it from the rooftops. After all, you are the expert at your life and there is a lot of hope and strength that people can get from it.

7.       Shame Sucks Never be ashamed of who you are and what you have done. After all, they made you the person you are today and that person is awesome!

8.       Be Proud of Your SuccessesDefeats build us and our victories define us. Take pride in what you have accomplished. Toot your own horn, because other people might not. People need to hear about both your wins and your losses to know who you are and what you are about. Take pride in the positive things you do.

9.       Be Grateful Learning the difference between wants and needs was vital to my finding happiness and a better life. There are things that I want and things that I need. If I focus on my wants I lose my ability to focus on that which is important. Start your day with a gratitude list and focus on what you have instead of what you don’t. It makes my mornings start off well, which bleeds into the rest of my days.

10.   Never Surrender I was beaten so many times before I even tried because I listened to the voice that told me I could not do it. I stopped listening to that voice and accepted I had no limitations as long as I was not dead. That is when the game is over. If you are still breathing, than victory can still be yours!

11.   Get the 5 Pillars The 5 Pillars are: A team to play for (Jesus), a coach (sponsor/mentor), teammates (accountability partners), a game plan (The Bible [for Cliff Notes use the book of James]/12 Steps) and practice (small groups, church, support meetings).

12.   Put God First My life is no longer about me. I put God first and every thing else comes second. If I put God first it makes all other areas of my life better. I become a better husband, father, friend, employee, etc. It all starts with God and trickles down from there. After all, I was an addict for decades and tried every way you can imagine to quit using and failed. An atheist said a fox hole prayer 5 years ago and I have not used since. And I am WAAAYYYYYY happier!

From Dealing Dope to Dealing Hope - 10 Keys for Positive Growth

There are days when I look back at my addiction with fear; there are days I look back at my addiction with wonder. There are seldom days that I don’t look back, though. I used to think that I should be able to move beyond my past, and that one day I would never have to think about it again. I was wrong.

Gratitude some days comes from me casting a gaze to what was. I need no ghost to take me there. It was not so very long ago that I struggled with the consequences of being born into a world that was teeming with evil. At least, that was how the world appeared to me. I don’t feel that way today, but I certainly did 5 years ago and here is why.

The evil in my life was everywhere. The babysitter who is one of my very first memories but never talked about until my late 30’s. My grandfather, the most malicious people I ever met. Methamphetamine, which escalated from lines on the weekends to intravenous multiple times daily just to function and feel “almost” normal. Alcohol, which I could argue was legal yet it still consumed my life in a very short period of time and led me to many a blacked out misadventure. Mostly it was me; I generated the evil  in my life. 

 I graduated from one level of evil to the next as my experiences drained every last vestige of hope. Once hope is gone, there is no purpose but to pursue that which helps you escape reality and numb your senses. I found succor in more. More drugs, more alcohol, more money, more violence, more power and pathological dating. I went from probation to scared straight to house arrest to prison. I had a life that was about as far down the rabbit hole as you can go and still come back on the other side. In fact, I don’t know if I would call it a life. How I functioned was not living but merely existing, holding onto sanity in spurts.

My hopelessness reached abysmal depths. My depression, anxiety and paranoia culminated in being found unconscious in a pool of blood with both wrists slashed. I overdosed 3 times in one year alone. I have died more times than I can count on one hand. How bad was it really? At times I would stay in jail for a week or two when I had the money to bond out because it was less stressful than my life.

I knew one thing: Live sucked then you died and ceased to exist. People talk about hell like it is something to be afraid of. I have lived through hell and if when I died I went to hell that was a destination. At least hell is something. I was scared of there being nothing. Nothingness is scary. Combine that with knowing that there were no real consequences for my actions and you have a recipe for disaster. As an agnostic, I lived for the now because tomorrow did not matter in the grand scheme of things.

I smacked more bottoms than a high school principal in the 70’s, yet nothing was enough to change how I was living my life.  Then the impossible happened. I reached a bottom that I could not escape. My father’s suicide coupled with not being allowed to see my son led me to talk to a coworker that was always positive no matter what. After several invites to join him and his family at church his wife finally conned me into going with a promise of barbecue after the service.

Over time, various things softened my heart during my time at their church. I heard a song called Cry Out to Jesus by a Christian band called Third Day that talked about addiction in the song. I met Christians who didn’t judge me but loved on me in Celebrate Recovery. I started reading the writings of Paul and saw how much alike we were. Then a foxhole prayer combined with the song I’m Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath resulted in my turning my life to Christ.

That was 5 years ago, and I have found a litany of things that now fill me with hope. Just as evil entered my past in many packages, so has the hope I have today. Hope comes in the form of the Bible, which I found was full of advice that makes my life better if I follow it. I have a relationship with my son’s mother and have my son almost half the time. I have a wife and a daughter that are amazing. I have friends that actually care about me staying clean and sober which they show by supporting and encouraging me.

So, what are the secrets to my success? I found 5 Pillars that changed my life:

1.       God – I found that my God had a name and multiple forms: Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I had tried to use the amorphous higher power and found no hope to live a better life or courage to make complete changes that way. It may work for some, but it did not work for me. I would find periods of sobriety but my character defects were still present. I would dry drunk (dry bag) it for a month or two but always go back. With the Holy Spirit as my guide and Jesus as my aspiration I soon found making the right choices became easier and easier.

2.       The Bible and the 12 Steps – I tried the 12 steps and worked through them several times. Spirituality always evaded me. With this life being all there was, I could never wrap my head around why I would want to hurt and struggle and the motivation for altruism completely escaped me. With the Bible and the promises it contained became real to me, all the pieces fell into place and altruism became second nature.

3.       Sponsor/Mentor – I had a sponsor to work through the 12 steps. He was a great guy and I appreciate the time we had together. The sole reason for his existence was to stay sober and do service work for his group. I outgrew that attitude. I wanted to make an impact in my  community and hopefully the entire country eventually. My life became about so much more than my past addiction and I needed someone who had accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish. I could not find that person at a meeting so I found a mentor instead of a sponsor.

4.       Celebrate Recovery – I had tried other groups, and there is a lot to be said for them. I still attend the groups that will remain anonymous sometimes because you can get positive stuff from them. I needed more. I craved a place that reeked of recovery instead of sobriety. I yearned for less chaos and more structure. I needed to see that we could completely change ourselves. I found that in Celebrate Recovery. Who knew you didn’t have to cuss to be in recovery?

5.       Accountability Partners – I found that I had to surround myself with positive people if I wanted to remain positive and that I could have friends that had never done drugs or committed crimes and still have great relationships with them after they knew about my past. I found these people in Celebrate Recovery at first and now I have expanded that circle. It was a relief to have friends that I was not constantly worried about relapsing or getting me caught up in their still chaos filled worlds. They were able to walk beside me and share their strength, experience and hope with me while I shared mine with them. I learned how to have a give and take relationship instead of give or take relationships.

To my original list I have several addendums:

1.       Prayer/Meditation – There are times when life is kicking my butt. I have found that when that happens I need a time out, so I would pray. I found the more I pray, the less things in life beat me up so I started praying more and it has made my life a lot less complicated and a lot more positive. Instead of praying for myself, I pray for others and only ask God to let me be His hands and feet and that I act a little more like Jesus each day.

2.       Gratitude List – I like to wake up in the morning and think of 3 things that I am grateful for. I wake up with more than enough time to do my morning rituals so I am not rushed and my thoughts are on things I am grateful for.  As I continue on with my morning, making coffee and breakfast, I play those 3 things over and over in my head. I have found that this starts my day of on the right foot and it carries into the rest of my day.

3.       Journaling – I will spend a couple of minutes each night recording my highs and lows for the day. This is helpful because I can vent some of my frustrations and record some of my successes consistently. Then I can look over my journal every few months and see the trends, if I have started any bad habits and the success I am having in reaching my goals. From day to day changes and trends are hard to identify but looking over several months they are much easier to identify.

4.       Community Service – I don’t mean something your judge ordered you to do. This is not setting up chairs for meetings or making coffee. That is service work, which is also important but not what I mean. I mean giving back to the communities we live in. Go and feed the homeless or do a couple shifts ringing bells for the Salvation Army. Take food to families at the Ronald McDonald House or volunteer at Habitat for Humanity. Walk, jog or run in charity 5K’s. Altruism is one of the most important acts of recovery. We become a positive cog in the machine we once tried to sabotage.

5.       Extracurricular Activities – I joined a men’s softball league. I started working out at the gym. I went bowling, enjoyed float trips and started taking long bicycle rides. I learned how to have fun clean and sober. I found that I could enjoy myself without drugs and alcohol. I gained more friends and the free time I had which had led to relapse in the past instead led me to building stronger supports, additional interventions and a bolder lifestyle.

I believe that if I can change my life after 20 plus years of addiction and destructive lifestyles, where my hurts habits and hang-ups outweighed my strengths, than so can you. I attempted multiple ways to obtain sobriety to always have it wilt away and never come to fruition. I know that the 10 things I have listed above are vital to a changed lifestyle, and I encourage you to apply them to your life. Give it a month. It will change your life. I know it changed mine!

You Never Have to Use Again

I was new to the program, or newish. I had one stint of being sober. I had stayed clean for a couple of months after a residential treatment I did, but it had not taken. Looking back, I was not ready at the time. I did not have the commitment, mostly due to a confusion where I thought that my wants were actually needs. That in turn led me to craving money, which led me back to manufacturing and distributing methamphetamine. That was the only way I knew to make the money I felt I needed at the time.

Once I started selling again, I felt the need to use again. Once I used again, it was all over. I found out that my addiction did not take a couple of months off when I did. I realized quickly that although I had not been feeding my addiction, it had still grown. My addiction no longer needed my help. It was in the back of my head doing its’ thing: lifting weights, running on a treadmill and on a computer doing research.

My addiction got stronger and smarter during my time away. When I came back, the lie told me I could sell it and not use it. That quickly morphed into being able to try it just to see if it was good quality. A bump led to a bubble led to using intravenously all in the same day. It had told me lies that were almost believable. I wanted them to be true, so I ran with them.

That 13 month relapse was above and beyond the previous 16 years. In the first 16 years, I had to get my stomach pumped due to alcohol poisoning. In the next 13 months I overdosed 3 separate times. I was left for dead in a motel room, found not breathing at my house and flopped at a friend’s house and used enough that I went blind and went into seizures. Before that I had never done more than overamped. To top it all off in the week before I went to a meetingI had been at a drug deal gone bad where I had shot someone (I found out later he lived) after one of my partner’s buddies had gotten shot in the leg.

That period, a year and a month of my life, was above and beyond anything I had previously experienced. How quickly it devolved is what led me to leaving everything behind I owned and knew. I left the town I was living in and showed up at my mom’s house with nothing but a duffel bag full of clothes. I was done, and material things had lost all interest. After all, it was only stuff and none of that could replace my life if I lost it in my addiction. I figured that was next. Even if I were a cat, I was about out of lives. That is what brought me to my first meeting in Springfield.

I walked into that meeting with my friend Jay the day I moved to Springfield. I had one of Jay’s friends tell me something I had never heard before. He asked how much time I had clean, and I told him that I had less than 24 hours. He then said, “At an NA meeting with less than a day clean. That is a great start. You are at a meeting where other people who are fighting the same fight can share their strength, experience and hope with you. If you listen to them and apply what you hear here to your life, YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN. This is an easy program that we make more difficult than it is, but the truth is YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN.”

This is one of the most encouraging pairing of words I had ever heard, “You never have to use again.” I heard it twice in one breath at my first meeting in Springfield. I would like to tell you that the previous 13 month relapse had been my rock bottom. I would love to share with you that I had an epiphany and never used again after being told that I didn’t have to. Unfortunately, if I told you that I would be lying.

I was off of drugs for quite some time after that, but I began drinking. That drinking intensified over the next couple of years to the point that I was having an after party at my house most every night. It slowed down after I had my son, but quickly escalated after my father committed suicide.

I am a knuckle head. I seem to always have to learn things for myself. I guess I still needed to learn one more thing the hard way. I did 150 meetings in the first 90 days and then 2-5 meetings a week for the following six months and this was read from the readingHow It Works at every meeting I attended during that time:

 “Thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused a great many addicts to relapse.                    Before we came to NA, many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be

confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must        abstain from all drugs in order to recover.”

I will talk more about the damaging effects of alcohol in a future blog entitled “Alcohol is a Drug, Period.”  Today, if you are struggling with addiction I just want you to know one thing, YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN!That said, you will want to make this much harder than it really is. Here are the five pillars you must have to stay clean and sober as well as the two things you must change:

1.       Higher Power/Jesus – I know that the politically correct thing to say here is the non-specific higher power. That said, I tried the non-specific HP as an agnostic and I was back to using again.  It did not work for me. I prayed to Christ once, and since that day I have not: used drugs, drank alcohol, smoked a cigarette, had premarital sex or gotten into a fight outside of a ring in almost 5 years. I was hopeless and a higher power did nothing to instill hope in me. I found hope in Christ that not only could this life be better but there is so much more than just this life. I have something to look forward to in Christ that I did not have in my agnosticism.

2.       The Bible/12 Steps– Some may substitute the 12 steps here, and I have seen them be very effective when working with hurts, habits and hang-ups. For me, the book of James has been amazing. It is short and filled with all of the wisdom one needs to live a great life. I combine the Bible with the 12 steps through both my personal life as well as Celebrate Recovery (which I will cover in #5). Don’t just know it, but actually apply it to your life.

3.       Sponsor/Mentor – Find someone living the life you want who has overcame the struggles you are having. Have them show you how to accomplish your goals and attain your dreams. If you are going through the 12 steps, you want them to have worked the 12 steps. If you are using the Bible find someone well versed in it.

4.       Accountability Partner – I have a couple of friends that I have given permission to call me out if they see me having problems. It might be my attitude, depression, not going to groups or missing church. I also have a friend that has also struggled with addictions and found victory through Christ that I meet weekly for coffee. We share struggles, successes and give each other support and feedback. 

5.       Meetings - Narcotic’s Anonymous, Alcoholic’s Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free, etc. This is a place where I hear people who are currently struggling and others who have found recovery. I am reminded of how strong addictions are, how much they can impact your life and that recovery is possible by both the newcomer and the old timer. Here is one of the best places to obtain hope that recovery is possible. Without hope recovery is impossible. I find more positivity and hope in one night of Celebrate Recovery than I did in 7 nights of the other recovery programs. That said, I still attend other recovery meetings because sometimes I feel the need for one when there is no CR available.

6.       Change your playmates– When I was an addict and a criminal, I hung out with addicts and criminals. When I was an alcoholic I hung out with binge drinkers and alcoholics. Like minded people hang out with like minded people. If you want to have a career and be financially stable hang out with people who have careers and financial stability. If you want to be in recovery hang out with people who are in recovery. Birds of a feather flock together and your friends will get you jacked up before you get them on the straight and narrow.

7.       Change your playgrounds – I went from hanging out in bars and clubs to working out and going to coffee houses and meetings. I found that being in bars, clubs and at the homes of people who partied was not conducive to my staying clean and sober. Adding new uncomfortable things to your life will help you make positive changes. Comfortable is what got many of us here. We need to switch it up and the best way is by filling our lives with new positive hobbies: working out, meetings, small groups, hiking, sports, community service, etc.
8.        Community Service - There is nothing that gives people hope and purpose more than rejoining with their communities and actively becoming part of them again. Working side by side with people who have not lived their lives the same way I lived mine yet they work next to me as together we make our communities stronger.

This is the short list of things to do. I will include this as well as many others in the book I am writing that I hope will be published by the end of next year entitled Spiritual Spackle: From Dealing Dope to Dealing Hope. It is a look at my addiction, from early childhood abuse to adult criminality and the things I learned from it all that have led me to a life filled with hope in recovery. For now, apply what is lined out above and I can promise that you will never have to use again! After all, there is a Better Life in Recovery!!

Weight Loss Wednesday Results of My 90 Day Challenge

So that is what I weighed this morning, 221 pounds. I started 90 days ago with a goal of losing 25 pounds in 90 days, and I managed to lose 23.8. I am very happy with my results, but I am pretty disappointed in the overall way that this first 90 days has gone. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with almost reaching my goal. After all, it was a lofty goal. But I could have done better.

Weekends........................................
Weekends.........................................
Weekends.........................................

Weekends killed me the last two months, period. I would lose 4-5 pounds during the week, then gain back 3-4 of them over the weekend. Fortunately for me, that still allowed me to lose what they consider a healthy amount of weight. After all, healthy is 1-2 pounds a week. I need to watch what I do on the weekends, and not just because of wanting to lose weight.

I have some internal issues, which I am quite sure come from my addiction's impact on me physiologically. Unfortunately, my addiction is still kicking my butt. Now my addiction takes the form of food instead of drugs, alcohol, money, power, sex, violence, chaos and criminality like in the past. I eat foods that I know I will have a bad reaction to because they taste good and make me feel better. I know that I will pay for it later and I don't care. I need to work on that.

This will be my goal for the next 90 days, to only have one cheat meal a week and to add at least one cardio during the weekend. I might add 2 if I can make it fit. That is one thing that I managed to do well during this 90 day challenge, cardio. I abhor cardio, and yet I was able to do 30 minutes 4-5 days a week. I am aiming for 3 1/2 hours of cardio a week this time, instead of 2-2 1/2.

In closing, food addiction sucks because you have to eat. There are a lot of addictions you do not have to do to survive. Food is a must. Besides, it is hereditary. As far back as I can remember, everyone in may family ate. Plus I was raised around food, so it is both nature and nurture.

Seriously, if you are having struggles I can relate. Here are a couple of tips for you:

1. Keep a food journal/diary that records everything that you eat.
2. Allow yourself one cheat meal a week, preferably on one of the days you work out on
3. Set up an accountability partner or two who you can be accountable to
4. Find a couple of other people who are also trying to lose weight. Meet at least once a week and update each other on your progress. If you want set up a contest where the winner gets something (I prefer cash).
5. Drink AT LEAST 80 and I would recommend 120 ounces of water a day
6. Get 7-8 hours sleep a night (here is where I fail, I get 4-5)
7. Do at least four 30-60 minute cardio sessions a week even if it is just walking. The best cardio in the world is the cardio that you will do

In closing, I am down 23.8 pounds for the challenge and 26.7 pounds for the year. My goal for this next 90 days, ending on January 1st is to lose 21 pounds and weigh in at an even 200. I will try to keep you updated on the first Wednesday of every month until then. I would love to hear encouragement, advice, or be able to give you support in your goals so leave comments!

What Is Recovery?

What is recovery?

That is a question that is open to interpretation and circumstance. Medically it mean being on the mend from surgery or an accident. A computer repairman would say it is getting back lost files on a computer. In this case, we are looking at addictive lifestyles. What is recovery from an addictive lifestyle look like?

To answer this, I decided to ask people who had lived addictive lifestyles to tell me what they considered to be part of their addictions. Here is the list they came up with: the use of drugs/alcohol/food/cutting to numb and escape past and present issues, Theft/stealing/shoplifting, Anger/Violence, Dishonesty, Casual Sex, Pornography, the inability to speak without using vulgarity, Greed/Love of Money, Egotism, Being inconsiderate to others due to focusing only on self/Selfishness, Lack of accountability, Only having Friends and hangouts that encouraged addictions, Focusing on the negative and Lack of Hope.

Today we will define recovery as the opposite of addiction. So in order to be in recovery, we need to get rid of the things in our lives that enabled and encouraged our addiction. Here is how we do those things:

1.       Face our current problems and work through our past issues either through counseling, step work and/or processing it out so we no longer have them as a reason to use.

2.       Stop taking things that are not yours. First we need to get and keep employment, then we can create a budget that we follow and save for the things we need.

3.       Realize that anger solves nothing and violence will only end up with us right back into trouble. An old saying says, “Never get into an argument with an idiot. It makes it hard for people to tell the difference between you.” That means that when we resort to anger we make ourselves look bad to those around us. Finally, violence only leads to more violence and violence never works out well. Ghandi said it best, “An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.”

4.       I lied so much that I began to believe my own lies. Lying was second nature in my addiction. In recovery, we have to be honest or we will never escape our addiction. Honesty allows me to hold myself accountable. We will look at the importance of that in #10 below.

5.       Research shows that promiscuity is an indicator of relapse. We really need to stay out of relationships for a while. We tend to focus on the other person when we get into new relationships, and we need to be focusing on ourselves. We also tend to find people who treat us as we feel about ourselves. Until we like ourselves we have no business in a relationship. Finally, a lot of the time we find our self-esteem based on our conquests. We need to find positive accomplishments to build our self-esteem and self-confidence.

6.       Pornography can lead to dehumanization, victimization and intense emotional reactions that can lead us to places we should not go.

7.       If using vulgarity was a major part of our addictive and criminal lifestyle, losing the negative language will help us separate further from our past lifestyles. It also makes us look like we have a larger vocabulary when we don’t have to resort to cuss words.

8.       Greed and money are a huge motivator for many a criminal. We need to remind ourselves of the difference between needs and wants and realize that we do not have to have wants in order to be happy. The happiest people are not those who have the most, but those who make the most of what they have.

9.       Egotism and selfishness go together. The world in not just about us, for we are merely 1 out of over 7 billion people. If the beginning of our step-work/sobriety is very selfish in nature, that is just to set us up for the 12^th step/rest of our lives. After all, recovery is very altruistic.

10.   In our addiction very little was our fault. We could justify everything we did by shifting blame. In our recovery we realize that the only way we can make changes is by realizing that we are responsible for our feelings, thoughts and actions. If it is someone else’s fault I can do nothing about that. I can only change that which I control. If I am not accountable for my actions they will never change!

11.   Change your playmates and play grounds. This is so important. If I live in the mud it is hard to stay clean. AA says “if you hang around the barbershop long enough you are going to get a hair cut” while my Big Book (the Bible) says, “You cannot put new wine in an old wine skin.” Our using and criminal friends may not mean us harm, but they make it difficult if not impossible to change.

12.   We need to shift focus, looking at the positives today can bring instead of the negatives in our past. One of my clients the other day said, “I like my new friends. They always talk about the present and the future. All of my old friends used to only talk about the past.” You cannot change yesterday, but you can sure change today. Focus on the present and you will build a successful future.

13.   I was stuck in my addiction because I had no hope for anything better. I began to find hope in speaker meetings and testimonies, hearing other people who had similar struggles share how they had found sobriety. That hope was increased 10 fold when I got saved and realized that this life is nothing but a short introduction to a book of happiness that will stretch forever.

So in closing, recovery is reversing all of the things that enabled and/or encouraged our past lifestyle. If we are to make positive changes in our lives that are permanent, we need to make holistic changes in our lives. There are 5 Pillars to doing this:

1.       Higher Power (God) – If our best thinking got us in trouble and we have not been able to change on our own; we need to find something greater than us that gives us hope, compassion, acceptance and love.

2.       Sponsor (Mentor) – Find someone whose life you want in 5 years, ask them how they got it and then work with them using a plan (see #3 below) to obtain it

3.       12 Steps (The Bible I recommend James) -  Find a plan that will get you where you want to be and put it into motion in your life

4.       Meetings (Small Groups) – Find a sense of community where people with similar goals that genuinely care about you(see #5 below) discuss how they are improving their lives and apply what you learn while sharing with them

5.       Accountability Partners – Find people that you are in contact with often who are living their lives well that can encourage and help you live your life well

Weight Loss Wednesday Baseline - 245.2

Not going to lie, when I stepped on the scale and saw that I had regained over 25 pounds of the 40 pounds I had lost I was more than a little disappointed. Not surprised, but disappointed. I knew that it would be bad, as I have not been exercising regularly and my eating has been..................let's say it has been comforting. Translation, I have been stressed lately with various things in my life and have been comfort-eating to deal with them.

I am still struggling with an addiction. That addiction is to food. I have an on again, off again struggle that is getting to a point that I hurt because of my weight. I need to do this and stick to it. I am an addict, and my addiction has switched over the years from drugs to power/money to women to alcohol to food. Now I have one last frontier to conquer and it is now or never!!

My body is supposed to be a temple. I am supposed to make my life a living sacrifice and I am not doing that at all. I have instead turned my body into a shack at best and my daily life is more of an amusement park than a sacrifice for anything. I need to get busy doing what is right, which is taking care of my body and not being a glutton and lazy.
Luckily, the best man from my wedding who also happens to be my workout partner from years ago contacted me about working out again. I told Robert (that's what I call him because that is his name) that having a workout partner sounded like a great idea. It is motivation to go to the gym. If I don't show up, it means that I have stood somebody up and I don't do that anymore. He said something that caught my attention. "I am almost 40, and I want to get back in the gym before it is too late." That hit close to home, as I am 40 and if I don't get into the gym soon I probably never will. So, back to the gym it is.

Robert and I are meeting to work out 4 days a week. We are going really light and slow for the first couple of weeks. We will be doing FST-7, which uses a lot more repetitions and lighter weights than we were using the last time when we did Max OT workouts. I have gotten to the age I can not afford to get hurt in the gym anymore, and lifting low reps/high weights sometimes injures me. So the focus of FST 7 will be great.

I am hopeful that I can combine the workouts with a couple of days of bike riding 10-25 miles depending on the day. I enjoy riding bicycles, and if I  have just an hour I can put in 10 miles and if I have an afternoon once I build up I can put in 25-50 miles like I used to 5 years ago. It is so relaxing, listening to worship music while riding through nature focusing on all I have to be grateful for.

Next week I will start focusing on my eating habits. I am probably going to use the Weight Watcher's points plus system. As an addict, I like to manipulate things and the way their system is set up it will allow me to manipulate numbers. I find that appealing. It needs to be a lifestyle change not diet or I will not stick to it. I feel that with the point system I can incorporate that into my life for good. It allows for cheats and you can eat a ton of fruits and vegetables!

Finally, I do not run, PERIOD! If you see me running, you had better start running too. I run for 2 reasons currently, to barbecue and from spiders. Not any spiders, either. I mean like 8 Legged Freaks type spiders. I bring this up because I plan on walking more now and when I get to 220 pounds I am going to start jogging. My goal is to jog a complete 5K next year.

Here are my goals:

1. Lose 5 pounds by June 1st (240)
2. Lose 10 pounds July 1st (235)
3. Lose 25 pounds by October 1st (220)
4. Lose 50 pounds by May 1st (195)
5. Walk a 5K this year (no idea about time because I have never done one)
6. Run a 5K next year (no idea about time because I have never done one)
7. Do the MS 150 next year

In closing, I could use some help in my endeavore to get back into a shape that is not round. If you are trying to lose weight and would like an accountability partner, contact me please. I would not mind finding someone to play tennis with or take bike rides occasionally. So, if you like to ride bicycles or play tennis, get a  hold of me. If you have any advice, suggestions or feedback please get it to me.

As a disclaimer I am not interested in the supplements out there such as Genesis Pure or Visalus. I know that they have worked great for people and I will not argue that they are good products, but I want to focus on whole natural foods and exercise.

The 5 Pillars

Today I would like to introduce you to the 5 Pillars. They are the 5 things that are of vital importance to us if we are to live our lives as Christians and continue to grow. As a recovery counselor, I use the 5 Pillars with all of my clients, whether they are struggling with eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, codependency, depression, grief and loss or just feel stagnant.

Church is not listed. That said, church is vital and needed. Most who profess to be Christians go to church. The 5 Pillars are what we need in order to gain a true relationship with Christ, to have a Christ-like walk. A pastor once said, "Sitting in church no more makes you a Christian than me standing in my garage makes me a car." Obviously, church is not enough. We need the 5 Pillare as these pillars allow us to continue the transformation that church starts but cannot complete.

The first pillar is the most important one of all, God. Without God in my life, how can I possibly have any hope? Changing my life takes both hope and faith. If this life and this world are all that there is, it can be a really depressing place. Thankfully, I know that there is so much more and that is what has given me the strength to go on no matter what happens today. I am eternally optimistic because I know that in the end I have an eternity with God promised to me.

Christ states that we are to love God with all of our hearts, minds, strength and (Luke 10:27, Matthew  22:37, Mark 12:30). Never forget that your relationship with God affects every aspect of your life. I know that if I put God first it makes me a better husband, father, employee, friend and even a better enemy. Never forget to pray for that relationship, "Today, make me like Christ. Please insure I live today less for me and more for You. Let me be your hands and feet to all those I come in contact with today. Please allow me to be salt and light to all those who see and hear me today."

The second pillar is a mentor. I need to have someone who is living their lives better than me, who is living their life as I want to live mine. They may be sober and I am trying to be sober. They may have lost a loved one as I have and worked through it. Maybe they just have the walk with Christ that I want to someday have. By letting them mentor and coach me, I can begin to improve the quality of my life and build a stronger faith.

Proverbs 11:14 tells us "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but where there is an abundance of counselors there is safety." That means that in order to succeed we need more than one mentor. I would suggest several. You may have one who counsels you with your marriage, another with emotional struggles and another who who is more Biblically knowledgeable than you. 

The third pillar is living Biblically. Through reading, meditating on what I have read and the guidance of my sponsor I will have the ability to learn the Bible better. What I get out of this is better ways to live my life. Read the gospels written by the disciples and the letters written by Paul. Immerse yourself in the book of James and use them as blue prints for how to live your life. If you can model your life on what James writes, you will be living amazingly.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." I have nothing to add to that, it speaks for itself!

The fourth pillar is small groups. These are places where we will further get our faith built. I can be in a group of people who have the same belief system and values that I have. We have common features. There are study, Bible, youth, single adult, couples, single mom, over 40, recovery and support groups to name a few.  We can use these groups as ways to continue coping with all that this world has to throw at us and continue growing spiritually, emotionally, scripturally and socially.

Church is about us listening and learning. We may be in a room with 50 people or 5,000 depending on the size of your church. Small groups put us in smaller groups where we can begin to build relationships with people. We can also ask questions and get answers in small groups. Hands on participation is much better at causing behaviors and attitudes to change than the lecture format found in church. Plus, you can blend in and hide in church. You can't in small groups.

The fifth pillar is accountability partners. These are the people we surround ourselves with on purpose. I may not be able to choose who I work or learn beside, but I can choose which table I sit at during lunch and who I hang out with after I get out of school and/or work. I need to surround myself with positive people who have goals and are actually doing positive things with their lives. Not that I am not there for those who are struggling, but I need people that can help me when I am struggling also.

If bad association spoils useful habits (1 Corinthians 15:33) than positive association should grow them. Ecclesiastes 4:9,12 says, "Two are better than one, though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Bottom line, there is strength in numbers and it is easier to make the right choice when you associate with people who make the right choice.

Prayer and meditation are kind of like church. I don't feel like I should have to tell you to do them, but I will. Prayer is a constant conversation with God. I start each morning with an hour at the gym. I lift weights for 30 minutes than do 30 minutes of cardio. I pray the entire time I do cardio, and that is why I start each day in a good mood. From there I continue to pray throughout the day. Most of my prayers are of gratitude for all that I have. Then I pray for those in need or who are having struggles. I also pray for understanding of the things I read, such as the Bible and other spiritual and apologetic texts.

In closing, here is the short cliff note version.

The 5 Pillars

1. God
2. Bible
3. Mentor
4. Small Groups
5. Accountability Partners.........and pray without ceasing all day every day!!!!!!!!!



Accountability Partners Drop Like Flies

I have been having no luck lately with accountability partners. They seem to come and go, going more often than they are coming around. I have witnessed several of them relapse and others get caught up in what I would not consider to be the most appropriate behavior. Some of it risky behavior and other times it is downright unChrist-like.

My accountability partners have claimed to follow Christ, but then have done things that they felt the need to justify. "God asks too much from me" and "I am pretty sure God wouldn't care." I know that God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but we have to make changes in how we live our lives. After all, "You can't put new wine into old wineskins." In other words, we can't live for Christ if we continue to engage in old behaviors and keep the same playgrounds and playmates.

So, my former accountability partners have reached the point that they are tired of giving their all for Christ.  It is funny how we feel that God asks too much from us. God sent Jesus, His only begotten son, to die for all our sins. We received the ultimate blood sacrifice in the form of a crucified Christ on Golgotha after a  walk of shame spit on and cursed at which preceded the flogging that ripped flesh from Christ's body. But, God asks too much from us???

We looked at Abraham last week in church. Abraham was told to leave his family and friends, to leave the very country he lived in, all on the command of God. Then he was led by God to circumcise himself at the age of 99. Furthermore,  Abraham is a man who wanted a son. After his wife finally gives birth to Isaac when he is 100 God commands him to go to a place he shows him in a vision and offer up his son as a sacrifice to God.

Look at all that Abraham went through, and all we are asked to do is live in moderation. Don't do things that could cause your brother to stumble. Love people, be they Gay or straight, white or black, Liberal or Conservative. But that is asking too much. I would rather write on Facebook about how only idiots voted for ____________(fill in with name of the candidate you didn't support).

Other great excuses:

1. "It's just a beer. It's legal." If you feel that maybe you shouldn't drink it, maybe you shouldn't! Any time you feel the need to justify doing something that is a great indicator you shouldn't do it.
2. "It's only weed. God made it." He made poppies too, and I would never advocate doing heroin. 
3. "It's just a couple of cookies." An couple of cookies does not constitute an entire box.
4. "God wouldn't expect me to die a virgin." That is what marriage is for.
5. "Everyone else is doing it." We are called to be salt and light. We are in this world, not of this world. 
6. "50 Shades of Grey is a book. It's not like I'm watching a porn." No, you are reading one. Saying you read it for the love story is like saying you watch pornography for the acting or buy Playboy for the articles!
7. "It is easier for us to live together and not get married financially." If you are doing the right thing and living your life the right way, God will provide for your needs. Maybe not your wants, but your needs.

The truth is, stop making excuses to live your life wrong and start making excuses to live your life right. We need to lead stellar lives. I pray multiple times daily that God make me like Jesus, let me be His hands and feet and act as salt and light to all of those I come in contact with. We are not called to be ordinary, but extraordinary. I don't want you to be good Christians, I want you to be great Christians. That requires living as Christ did. 

I would be willing to be be that Christ didn't get drunk or smoke weed. He also never would have read 50 Shades of Grey or had premarital sex. And as for fitting in and blending with popular culture, Christ did everything but that! To quote Ezekiel Azonwu, "An almost Christian looks right but lives wrong. Can't stand the conviction in Romans so they sit down to be comforted in Psalms."

God calls you as you are, but expects you to change. Works are not what earn you salvation, they are the evidence of salvation. Does how you live your life show that you are saved? 

I'm Hacked Off

I was hacked off this week. Once again a friend relapsed, and it made me angry at first. I tried to figure out how anyone who has clean time could possibly relapse. Once you have several years and are seeing that life can be amazing without drugs/alcohol, what could possibly possess you to use again?

Then I remember the cunning, baffling and strong aspects of addiction and I calm down a little. While I calm down, I remember my relapses in the past. There were relapses with old friends I thought had quit using, new prescriptions after accidents and oral surgery, new friends I thought didn't use that did, hanging out in bars and having friends that used and feeling that I would be strong enough to always say no. I learned otherwise. But I always got back up!

Now, in the wake of my friends relapse I reflect on the things that have kept me clean and sober. I want to remind you right now that your addiction is in the back of your head: running on a treadmill, lifting weights and doing research on the computer! It is getting stronger and smarter each and every day, trying to figure out the best way to take your life over. This is to be avoided at all costs!!

If our addiction is getting stronger and smarter, we obviously need to keep our recovery even stronger than our addiction. The question is, how do we strengthen our recovery? I have to stick with the 5 Pillars of Recovery:

1. GET A HIGHER POWER (God, NA/AA Group, etc.) This is the foundation of your recovery! Your Higher Power needs to be something that can give you validation, love, compassion and acceptance. Door knobs need not apply.
2. GO TO MEETINGS (NA, AA, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free, small groups, etc.) Great place to meet like minded people, realize we are not the only ones who struggle and get some hope restored. Without hope, recovery is impossible.
3. GET A SPONSOR (Mentor) This is someone who is living their lives the way you would like to be living yours 5 years down the road and is willing to take the time to help you get there
4. STEP WORK (12 Steps) This is a set of things that we need to do in order to work through our addiction. The truth is, most of us are not working the steps for drugs/alcohol/food/pornography/etc. We have deep rooted problems that must be taken care of first and when we do that our addictions will begin to sort themselves out. Think of going to a doctor missing a finger and all he did was clean up the blood and then said you were better. Are you better? Of course not! He has not taken care of the problem, only a symptom of the problem. Our addictions are the same way, just a symptom of the real problems. We need to take care of the deeper issues and the 12 steps are the way to do it!
5. GET ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS (Friends that are positive and sober) These are people you can set up in your life who will help you stay on task. They will call you when you miss a meeting or don't show up at work just to tell you that you're missed and ask if everything is okay. They may even show up unannounced, drag you off of your pity-pot and take you out for coffee. 

If I have these 5 things in my life I need to also make sure that I pray and meditate every day. Working steps, going to meetings and working with a sponsor will cause issues to come to mind. We need to address these, and prayer and meditation is a great way to do that. If you don't have time, you need to make time. Some nights I don't get off of work until 9 PM, but I am still up at 4 AM the next morning to lift weights for 30 minutes then walk. Why do I do this?

I have found that taking a 30 minute walk most mornings allows me to focus on praying and meditating. I focus on the things that I am grateful for. Then I pray for: strength/courage/wisdom to accomplish what I need to that day, to make me a better husband/father, then help for my friends, family and others who are struggling. In addition I always pray for two things: To make me like Jesus and to use me this day as His hands and feet. This always gets my day off to a great start! 

From Shack to Temple Weight Loss Wednesday My Fitness Pal

So, when I came into work on Monday this was the sight that greeted me from the copy/break room. It was hard to say no to. But, when I looked at my trusty new app that I got for my iPhone, MyFitnessPal, I was given all of the information that I needed. I looked at what it showed me, and decided what the best choice was.

So, let me tell you a little about MyFitnessPal. I want you to know that I rarely do product plugs...............ever. This is the first one that I have done in over 200 blogs. I may talk about music, small groups studies, movies but not products. The reason is simple, I am not here to sell anybody on anything, other than living a better life. But I must make an exception for this phone app, which is also available on your computer.

For starters, how cool it is to have a calorie counter on your hip. It is with me every where that I go. It allows me to use something that I already carry around instead of having to carry a diary. I then use it to log in all of the food that I consume. It also allows me to log in the exercises that I do and will then add the exercise calories to the total calories I can consume for the day so that I can have more food if I exercise. Your body needs fuel, so it is added. Makes total sense!

So how does it know how many calories I can consume for the day? It asks some questions: current weight, goal weight, starting weight, height, gender, date of birth and activity level. It then asks for your goal. Do you want to gain a pound a week, 1/2 a pound a week or stay the same? If not, do you want to lose weight: 1/2, 1, 1 1/2 or 2 pounds a week? It then sets you up with a daily calorie goal as well as the targets to hit for fat, protein, carbohydrates, cholesterol, sodium and several other minerals and vitamins.

But you could eat very unhealthy foods and never exercise, right? In recovery I talk about the 5 pillars: sponsor (mentor), 12 steps (live Biblical), meetings (small groups), a Higher Power (God) and accountability partners. This app will allow you to become friends with other people and they can then look at the exercise you do and the calories you eat. It lets you see weight lost or gained, calorie goal met,exceeded, exercise completed and whether or not they have been on the app. In this way, you have accountability partners built in.

Finally, not only does it already have a huge list of foods, brands, restaurants and exercises but you can also add your own. The coolest feature other than having friends be able to see how you are doing is the bar code reader. All you have to do is set the camera on the bar code of an item and it will automatically add it to your list of available foods to choose from. It puts it in complete with full calorie/protein/carb/fat/vitamin/mineral and serving breakdowns.

Together, those are the reasons that I am writing about this app. It is a total package. So, at the beginning I used my app to look up Krispy Kreme donuts and wedding cake. Small servings at 200-300 calories for the donuts and 400-600 calories for the cake. I knew that the Greek yogurt with granola, fresh blueberries and fresh raspberries was not only healthier and more filling, but also contained protein with no fat and tasty at only 200 calories.

I ended up eating the yogurt and did not give in to temptation. That may only be a small battle won, but it is A BATTLE WON!!! I love winning small battles every day, because the small wins daily will lead to a huge victory!! Unfortunately I have only really started using the app this week, and when we went to St Louis last week I was really bad and caved to my cravings. After two weeks, I am only down .6 pounds. That said, I am down not up so that is another small battle won in my fight against food cravings and body fat.

P.S. - So far I only have one accountability partner on the app. If this is something that you need or would not mind giving me (some support and encouragement with losing weight), get the MyFitnessPal app and request me. I am DjsDad1 on there. I also have a private Facebook group for several people who are struggling with food and/or weight issues that I can add you to if that would be beneficial.

BLiR VLog From 09/02/2012-09/08/2012

Do Your Works Match Your Words

 

Is Relapse Part of Recovery

 

Walk the Walk

 

Keep Coming Back

 

The 5 Pillars of Recovery

 

The Garbage Theory

 

It's Hard to Stay Clean When You're Standing in the Mud

So now you have decided to get clean. You realize it is not going to be easy, but you are going to go to a residential rehabilition center for 20 days to start your sobriety off right. Then when you complete residential you are going to go to Narcotics Anonymous (or Alcoholics Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free, Reformers Unanimous, etc.). You are going to work the 12 steps with a sponsor that you will find, or maybe already have.

"I am going to have a sponsor, a mentor, accountability partners, go to recovery meetings, church and work the 12 steps," you tell yourself and anybody that will listen. "This time, it is going to be different. This time, I am going to stay clean and sober when I get out of rehab!"

As a substance abuse counselor, I can't tell you how many times I hear this said by people who completely mean it. They are done with drugs and alcohol for a myriad of reasons. They might have had their children removed by Children's Division,  or they have been arrested. Sometimes they are in drug court, or they have come to the realization that the next time they relapse will be the one that kills them. Maybe they just want their old life back.

Having these reasons listed in the last paragraph coupled with the supports in the paragraph second paragraph would seem to be enough to accomplish long-term sobriety. Nope!! For some reason, many people fail after leaving residential and they almost all tend to have the same thing in common. In fact, I know that a lot of my clients will relapse before they even leave residential treatment. I even let them know. A lot of times the other clients even let them know what they need to change, but yet they still do it.

So what is it? What is this thing that time and time again causes people to relapse, even after they are warned multiple times about it? I call it mud. And it is hard to stay clean when you are standing in the mud! So what is it that I call mud? Some would call it love, other's familiarity. Basically, it is the relationships that we have in our lives. It could be your best friend since kindergarten. It could be the person you have been dating for several years. It could be your spouse, your sibling or even a parent. It could be their house or the bar.

It could be anyone or any place, but they all have one thing in common. They are bad for your recovery because they are still engaged in substance abuse, alcoholism or criminal activities or they are happening there. You have got to get rid of these people. Family, you can love them from a distance. Friends and significant others, you just have to let them go.

There is a reason for this. Your addiction is in the back of your head: lifting weights, running on a treadmill and doing research on a computer. It is getting stronger and smarter, just looking for a way to get back into the front of your head. It will use any means necessary to get you to relapse, especially our old playmates. If you are around it, you will do it. The question no longer becomes whether or not you will relapse, but instead WHEN WILL YOU RELAPSE? It is inevitable.

The Bible says bad association spoils useful habits. I think of a song by Rascal Flatts called "Moving On." In the song they say, "I've lived in this place and I know all the faces. Each one is different but they're always the same. They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it, they'll never allow me to change. But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong, I'm moving on!" If you want your life to change, you have to change it. You have to move on, staying rooted to people and places spells doom!

If you continue to live in addiction and chaos you will get caught up eventually, guaranteed. Like the program says, if you sit around a barber shop eventually you're going to get a hair cut. I say, if you sit around the mud long enough, eventually your going to get dirty! The reason is that your addiction is strong and it just gets stronger. It never takes a day off! Drugs and alcohol are everywhere, and if you stay around people who are still using or go to places where people use, eventually you will too.

If you want your life to change, you have to change everything about it. You cannot hold on to any one part of your life, or the Devil will use that to find a way back into your life. So how do we combat our addiction? There are a few steps that we have to take. If we take them, I have never seen anyone that was doing all of these fail:

1. Put God first in everything that you do! This means we pray, read the Bible and meditate daily!
2. Attend recovery meetings consistently (NA, AA, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free, etc.)
3. Get a sponsor or mentor
4. Work the 12 steps with that sponsor/mentor 
5. Apply the 12 steps to our lives (Knowing and doing are 2 completely different things!)
6. Get accountability partners 
7. Get rid of your old playmates 
8. Stay away from your old playgrounds
9. Find positive playmates and new playgrounds to frequent (We need to fill our lives with positive people and things, or the negative people and activities will find their way back into our lives)