I Hate Stigma

It has taken me over a week to write this blog. One of the reasons that it has taken me this long is because of things I am currently working on with other passionate people to decimate the stigma I will soon be talking about. Then I got sick and last week was in bed for the majority of Sunday through Wednesday. That illness resulted in me not posting anything last week. This week we will talk about one of my least favorite words, stigma.

Stigma is defined as a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something. To stigmatized is to to characterize or brand as disgraceful. I have pretty harsh feelings about those who brand people as disgraceful. I work with many of those who are stigmatized, and they are for the most part really good people who have made some bad choices. The worst part is that this brand of hate is being done by the people we live among in our fair city of Springfield, and they feel validated to share it.

This became very apparent to me as I read the comments pasted on the KY3 and KOLR10 Facebook sites after they posted the news of Philip Seymour Hoffman's death a couple of months ago. Some comments showed compassion, while others did not. "Just another dead junkie" and "See, they never stop using" were among my least favorite. Then I read the comments on the Newsleader Facebook page when a mugshot is posted. Not all of them, but a lot of them. "Can't wait until he meets Bubba" and "Throw away the key" were two of the first ones I read the other day.

Than there was a young girl by the name of Hailey who was kidnapped and killed. When the name of her abductor was released (I refuse to give his name any space on my blog), the speculation began. The leading speculation I read on various Facebook sites was that he had to be under the influence of narcotics, as in, "He had to be on something to kidnap and murder a little girl." As if him being on something would have explained the atrocity he committed.

I was disgusted by the attitude of the very people I walk beside every day. There is nothing that explains why someone would do such heinous things. High or drunk and evil are two completely different things. Not that evil acts are not perpetrated by people who struggle with chemical dependencies, but they are also committed by people who are not on anything. That is the truth. The community at large disagrees. This is the reason that there are $100,000 cuts at The Kitchen, which houses homeless who are often stigmatized as all being addicts, alcoholics and/or mentally ill. Stigma sucks!

I should know. I am in one of those groups that is stigmatized. In fact, I am in multiple stigmatized groups. I was sexually and physically abused as a child. I am an addict and alcoholic in long-term recovery. I am a convicted felon who has done time in prison. I have also been diagnosed as Bipolar disorder with psychotic features and several other diagnosis. I lived in shame for years because of much of this, afraid that people would find out. After all, I heard how they talked about people like me.

Then I realized that those people were by and large people who had never had to experience the things that I did growing up. They did not have to overcome the things I had overcome to be standing where I am at today. There were really just critics. I once hard that a critic is a generally committed as an act of ignorance or cowardice where a bystander runs onto the battle field and shoots the survivors. Hate kills people every day. Stigmatization is a byproduct of hate.

I deplore hate, so by proxy I deplore stigma. My goal in life is to deal hope and decimate stigma surrounding addiction, mental health issues as well as other hurts and hang-ups men, women and children face every day through education and awareness events that celebrate people in long-term recovery. We actually just had a meeting on Saturday and I will be putting a recap of the meeting on here later this week as well as when the next meeting will be held in May. I hope that if you share my passion you will attend the next meeting.

I know for a fact that there is a Better Life in Recovery, because I have found it! We will win. We will make huge steps towards eradicating stigma and spreading hope by using real people with real problems sharing real answers so we can transform lives by sharing our recovery! Thanks for reading!!

Best of a Bad Situation or Making a Good Situation Better

We have an innate ability to control ourselves. In the program of NA/AA they sometimes talk about powerlessness, and that is a really hard concept for people to understand. By the very nature of the word, it is misunderstood. Powerlessness doesn't mean that I have no power in this situation, instead it means that I only have power over myself in the here and now. I may be powerless, but I am not helpless!

Example, you  have someone who dislikes you that you have tried to reconcile with. They will have no part in making peace. Now imagine that person is a family member or has married into your family. You HAVE to see them on a regular basis. With Christmas just passing, this may have been one of those occasions. You had a horrible time. You knew what to expect, and it happened. They glared at you and whispered about you the whole time. You were miserable!

What went wrong? You allowed someone to rent space in your head........................FOR FREE!!! There is absolutely no reason you should have had a miserable time just because of them. If they want to be angry and miserable, that is on them but that is no reason for you to allow them to have control over your emotions. After all, they are called yours for a reason. You own them and you control them.

The problem was the way you approached the event. There are multiple ways to approach the occasion. You need to pick the right one. We can make a bad situation tolerable and  a good situation horrible, it is all about our approach and the follow through.

1. Build up the event. Continue to tell yourself how horrible it is going to be. Think about how you felt in the past and replay it over and over, leading to anxiety. Then when you get there, focus on just that individual and all that they say. Cower in a corner the entire time, afraid to speak lest you bring their wrath and the scorn from the rest of your family.
2. Get ready for battle. Surely you don't have to take their abuse and the looks they give you. This time, strike first. Rehearse your verbal zingers and practice your dirty looks. This time, you are going to strike first and often. You will win............or not. Best advice I have ever heard was this, "Never get into an argument with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."
3. Don't go. Stay home and sulk. After all, confrontation is bad and it is sure to happen. It did last time, and history repeats itself.
4. Call all of your family and whine about the person. Talk about the treatment you get from them, and let everyone else know that you are the bigger person and will rise above it all. But make sure they know if they want to take your side, you are all for it.
5. Pray for the person. Remind yourself how much fun you have hanging out with the rest of your family. Repeat the mantra "Be the bigger person." Practice the smile you will give them and make sure to seek them out once to say hi when you get there. If the attitude is still there, move on and enjoy the time you have with everyone else. It may be the last time you will see some of the people you love.

So, which one of these ways will help you to have a good time? Way number one will lead to an unenjoyable evening. The second way will end up with you looking like a complete idiot in front of every one there. Three will lead to you living in a cave and becoming a hermit. Four will lead to your family seeing it is you on their caller ID and not answering the phone. Way five will leave you feeling better and having a good time.

I have found that those who have issues with me do so mainly because of my past. In my past I was a drug addict, convict, thug, hustler, dope dealer, etc. Think of the worst things you could about someone, and they were probably true about me. That said, I have changed. People have a little while to realize that change has occurred before I tune them out.

After getting to know me, some people continue to play judge and jury. That is their choice. I used to let that bother me. That was my choice. I have come to realize that I was letting others attitudes control my own attitude. Spoiler alert, never a wise decision. Now I make a better choice. I remind myself, "People who matter don't judge and people who judge don't matter." I should never allow anyone's disposition to change mine. Attitude from others is only an issue if I let it be one!

Next time you are going to be around someone you do not like or that can't stand you, prepare for success. Remind yourself that you are there to have a good time and spend that time with the people you care about. Be nice to the person that the issue is with, and pray for them before you ever get there. Some of my best friends were people I couldn't stand at one point, and vice versa!

KickStarter Campaign Coming Up

It would appear that at the beginning of the year we will be unleashing a KickStarter campaign to raise money for the Better Life in Recovery documentary. The purpose of the documentary is to show people the struggles we all go through in life, the allure and lies of addictions and the power in recovery. It is our hope to share recovery with as many people as we can who are struggling with life consuming issues so that they may find hope.

We need to get this message out to as many people as possible. We want this documentary and a presentation filled with recovery and hope to be held in high schools, colleges, churches and communities every where. The more people are impacted by it, the less control life consuming issues will have in their lives.

We are discussing how life hurts people, whether it is from being bullied, sexually abused, physically abused, feeling alienated, being caught between two divorcing parents, being rejected, feeling fat or losing loved ones. We then look at how drugs, alcohol, cutting, eating disorders, anger, depression, promiscuity and trying to fit in are used as coping and numbing mechanisms that lead to botched suicide, overdose, jails, institutions and eventually early graves.

We show that there are better options available to us and recovery is possible. We use real people with real problems that have found real answers. The documentary strives to transform lives by sharing recovery. It is not a fable, for people are finding a better life exists in recovery and we aim to share that with as many people as possible.

This requires a lot of effort. There are a lot of expenses involved in shooting this documentary. There will be editing, designing of art (DVD, Movie Poster), sound sweetening, purchasing music for the documentary, traveling to film interviews, buying cameras so we no longer have to rent them, production of DVD's, advertising, entering film festivals and playing at any venue we can find in the hopes of reaching those who are struggling or who love people who are struggling.

Below are the tiers we are looking at using for the Kick Starter campaign. Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions or advice before we begin the campaign in January. We need to raise $5,000 minimum to complete this but really need to get between $15,000-$20,000 in order to do this well. Anything over $20,000 will free us up to begin doing presentations in schools and colleges that cannot afford to pay.

1. $1 For those who are laid off, struggling themselves, working two jobs, saving up for car insurance or college all we ask is $1 and help us publicize the project by sharing it on facebook, twitter, e-mail, word of mouth and in your blogs.  For that you get our heartfelt gratitude as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
2. $5 A thank you e-mail for the help you have given us as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
3. $10 A huge thank you on our website, the thank you e-mail, as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
4. $25 A digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
5. $35 A Better Life in Recovery bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
6. $50 A limited edition Better Life in Recovery USB Flashdrive preloaded with the documentary, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
7. $50 A limited edition Better Life in Recovery Embroidered hat, a digital download of the finished documentary, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
8. $50 A limited edition Better Life in Recovery movie poster, a digital download of the finished documentary, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
9. $50 A Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
10. $75 A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
11. $100 A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
12. $200 2 Tickets to the premiere (transportation and lodging not included), A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
13. $250 Exclusive onscreen thank you featuring your name in the end credits, 2 Tickets to the premiere (transportation and lodging not included), A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
14. $500 The limited edition Embroidered hat, limited edition Better Life in Recovery USB Flashdrive preloaded with the documentary, limited edition movie poster, Exclusive onscreen thank you featuring your name in the end credits, 2 Tickets to the premiere (transportation and lodging not included), A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.
15. $750 2 Tickets to pre-premiere dinner, 2 Tickets to the premiere (transportation and lodging not included), the limited edition Embroidered hat, limited edition Better Life in Recovery USB Flashdrive preloaded with the documentary, limited edition movie poster, Exclusive onscreen thank you featuring your name in the end credits, A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains
16. $1000 I will come and screen the documentary at a venue you provide, complete with a presentation on the dangers of addiction and the power of recovery followed by a question and answer session. The presentation will be suitable at any venue: schools, colleges, churches, community events, forums, seminars and even your house (provided you cover all of my travel and lodging expenses).
17. $2500 At the beginning of the documentary, have an in memory credit for a loved one who lost their life due to an addiction or life consuming issue, plus 2 Tickets to pre-premiere dinner, 2 Tickets to the premiere (transportation and lodging not included), the limited edition Embroidered hat, limited edition Better Life in Recovery USB Flashdrive preloaded with the documentary, limited edition movie poster, Exclusive onscreen thank you featuring your name in the end credits, A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains.. (ONLY 5 AVAILABLE)
18. $2500 An Associate Producer credit on the documentary, plus 2 Tickets to pre-premiere dinner, 2 Tickets to the premiere (transportation and lodging not included), the limited edition Embroidered hat, limited edition Better Life in Recovery USB Flashdrive preloaded with the documentary, limited edition movie poster, Exclusive onscreen thank you featuring your name in the end credits, A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains. (ONLY 2 AVAILABLE)
19. $5000 An Executive Producer credit on the documentary, plus 2 Tickets to pre-premiere dinner, 2 Tickets to the premiere (transportation and lodging not included), the limited edition Embroidered hat, limited edition Better Life in Recovery USB Flashdrive preloaded with the documentary, limited edition movie poster, Exclusive onscreen thank you featuring your name in the end credits, A Special Edition DVD featuring the full interviews, A Pre-Release of the DVD when completed, the Better Life in Recovery T-Shirt, the bumper sticker, the digital download, the thank you e-mail, a shout out on our website as well as the sincere thanks from people who are struggling with life consuming issues and need to hear the hope of recovery this documentary contains. (ONLY 1 AVAILABLE)

Here is the trailer for the first couple of people that we filmed for the documentary:

BLiR Strategy Meeting: State of Affairs for 2012

We had the final meeting of the year for Better Life in Recovery. We had a good year this year, considering we are not even technically a non-profit yet. Here are some of the things that were done this year:

1. Led chapel at Global University by sharing testimony and hope found in recovery
2. Led chapel at Assembly of God Theological School by sharing testimony and hope found in recovery
3. Spoke to a couple of church youth groups on the dangers of addiction and the power of recovery
4. Spoke at a couple of Celebrate Recovery groups
5. Spoke at Life Fellowship Church in Springfield about how we can live our lives addiction free
6. Filmed 4 more people that will be featured on the documentary, Better Life in Recovery
7. Our logo was created thanks to IFLE Creative
8. Purchased the website www.betterlifeinrecovery.org and it is currently under construction. We have a current bare bones website found at www.betterlifeinrecovery.com
9. The very first BLiR Event was held to talk to Ash Grove's youth and the people who love them. Here is the video made from the event:

We have many goals that are still not accomplished that were discussed at the meeting we just had. Here are the immediate needs and goals:

1. Working on the non-profit paperwork for Better Life in Recovery over Christmas and would like input/guidance on it.
2. Coming up with the non-profit filing fee of either $400 or $850 (depends on budget)
3. Complete finding board members WHO SHARE OUR PASSION
4. Find at least 50 things to sell at Silent Auction
5. Holding a $25 per plate fundraiser in Springfield with a Silent Auction to help us get a bigger name band in for the end of Summer BLiR event
6. Begin organizing for the BLiR event at New Life Church to be held during Spring Break
7. Finish www.betterlifeinrecovery.org website
8. Do a KickStarter to help fund the documentary
9. Complete filming and editing on the documentary
10. Screen documentary 
11. Create pre and post tests to see if attitudes on drug use change
12. Take documentary into area schools 
13. Find band then venue for an end of summer Springfield BLiR event
14. Fundraising, fundraising and more fundraising
15. Speaking at least once a month in the community 

So, we have multiple needs that are to be met in the coming year. If you can help us out with any of the above things please contact us and let us know how you can help.

We talk to communities, organizations, seminars, colleges, schools and churches about the struggles we all have, the allure of addictions, where they can lead and the positive things we can do instead of succumbing to temptations.  If you would like us to come and speak please contact us. We would love to come out.

Why I Hate Addiction or These are a Few of my Least Favorite Things

I can honestly say that there are very few things that I hate. I will give you a list and you tell me what is the #1 thing that you cannot stand:

1. Murder
2. Child Abuse
3. Child Molestation
4. Animal Cruelty
5. Drugs/Alcohol
6. Rape
7. Domestic Violence

The top of my extremely short list would sit drugs/alcohol as the reigning king. "Why not child abuse or child molestation at the top of your list, David?" The same reason that animal cruelty, murder, rape and domestic abuse are not at the top. Drugs and alcohol are the top correlations in all of the above instances. If you look at the majority of child abuse/molestation cases, rapes, murders, domestic violence and animal cruelty you are more than likely going to see drugs and alcohol are in the mix!

That said, they do not cause the situations to happen. They are more like throwing gasoline on a fire. The gasoline is not the cause of the fire, but it causes it to get much worse. When you add alcohol and drugs to an already volatile situation or unstable person, you are just making a bad situation 100 times more dangerous. You are just asking for trouble. All you have to do is look at the news. You will see the problems.

The reason why I am at this point today is I have had a rough past couple of months. I have had a friend that was on the Dr Phil show yesterday that is really struggling and on the verge of death. I had a friend overdose and die, an accountability partner who has decided that he can start drinking again, a friend I grew up with that is in intensive care and has been for several weeks after she relapsed and the guy she was with wrecked a car then left her for dead in a field. To add insult to injury, he left the accident and went back to her house where he cooked a batch of dope then robbed her.

In the news we have a man on mushrooms ripping out his friends heart and tongue. Locally we have a 47 year old male recently released from prison on drug charges linked to a 15 year old female who was found in a lake. We have a 17 year old found with his throat slashed by another teenage male because he believed he was a snitch and he wanted his little brother to see someone die. This is crazy stuff happening. Addiction is EVIL!!!!

Yet, it is so alluring. I have hurts and things that have been done to me that are horrific. I have done things myself that I can't forgive myself for. Because of this I have no self-esteem, self-confidence or hope. I feel that I am all alone, and the only thing that I can depend on is my new God, fill in your addiction here. It numbs me, gives me confidence, helps me forget and is always there for me. But then I come down or sober up, and the pain is still there so I have to use again.

In order to stop the cycle, we have to do something. We have to find something that works, to replace our addiction. We cannot overcome anything by admitting it is not there. In order to effect change, there are 5 things we must add and 2 things we must remove from our lives:

1. Higher Power - I need to find a power greater than myself to help me overcome what I cannot overcome on my own
2. Recovery Meetings - I need to know that I am not alone and hear others stories of recovery to help me realize that we do get better. Great place to find hope!
3. Step Work (Book of James) - We must have some kind of game plan to overcome our addictive behaviors and old lifestyle
4. Sponsor (Mentor) - We need someone who is living their life the way we want to live ours that can help us begin putting step 3 into action
5. Accountability Partners - Birds of a feather flock together. If I want to live my life better, I need to surround myself with people who are living their lives well.
6. Old Playgrounds - You can't stay clean if your standing in the mud. If you hang out in bars or where drugs are readily available, the question stops being "Will you relapse" and becomes "When will you relapse."
7. Old Playmates - If I continue to hang out with people who are living in addictions and engaging in criminal behaviors, I too will eventually go back to my old behaviors too.

Remember, your addiction is in the back of your head. It is lifting weights, running on a treadmill and on the computer doing research. It is getting stronger and smarter every day, looking for a way to take back over your life. YOUR ADDICTION NEVER TAKES A DAY OFF!! In order to remain in recovery, you need to do recovery oriented things every day. Go to a meeting, associate with positive people, talk to your sponsor, work the steps, read a daily devotional (the Bible, Just for Today). 

I HAVE YET TO MEET A PERSON THAT WAS DOING ALL 7 OF THE ABOVE THINGS THAT RELAPSED! AS NIKE SAYS, "JUST DO IT!" REMEMBER, YOU'RE WORTH IT!!!