When they refer to playmates they are literally referring to the people that we spend time with. There are people in our lives who engage in the activities that we are trying to no longer engage in. We tend to surround ourselves with people we feel comfortable around. When I first enter into a new lifestyle, I need to surround myself with people who will support the way I now choose to live.
This is actually one of the most difficult things to do. We may have used drugs with our brother, sister, husband or wife. We may drink with our parents and all of our friends. We may not have any friends at all that do not do drugs or drink. We may not, when we look at our lives realistically, have any true friends.
When I have someone ask me what a true friend is, I ask them the same question, “If you had $1,000 dollars on your dresser and you were leaving the house and your friend were staying, would you hide the money before you left? Or would you be confident that the money would still be there when you came back?” What most of my clients find out is that the people they thought were friends are generally nothing more than acquaintances?
In my past, I had friends that would have taken a bullet for me. They would have helped me hide bodies! But they also would have helped hide mine if they could have made any money on it. The truth is, they were only my friend because they either wanted what I had, what they could get from me, because I had good drugs, could get rid of their drugs, did drugs with them or because they were scared of me. It is really hard to admit it, but I had very few true friends.
Here is a story that I will relate about finding out one of my old acquaintances was truly a friend. I moved when I got clean. I knew that I could not stay clean and still live where I had been a drug dealer for so long. I moved to Springfield, and I worked at a local restaurant in the mall. I saw one of my old friends several times over the course of five years. Every time that I saw him he would catch my eye, then turn around and leave the restaurant. I had not been working at the restaurant for a year, but was at the mall Christmas shopping when I saw my old friend again. He walked up to me and asked me how I had been doing.
“I have been doing really well, but I have to ask you a question," I replied. "How come every time I've seen you since I left Branson, you have seen me and immediately left the place I was at?"
"It was because I was still dealing drugs, and I knew that you weren't anymore. I did not want to be a temptation to you."
“So why are you talking to me now?” I asked.
"Because I am no longer doing drugs. In fact, I have been off of drugs and out of that lifestyle for a year now. Unfortunately, I had old charges that came up and I have to turn myself in to complete a federal prison sentence in January. I was actually hoping to run into you, I just wanted you to know that I got clean to."
After that he and I caught up on what was going on with the old crew that I used to hang out with. It consisted mostly of people in prison and people who were no longer alive. As I say goodbye to him, it dawned on me that he was actually a true friend. He knew that I could probably not maintain the lifestyle I was living if we were to remain friends. So instead of being a negative influence, he chose to not be in my life at all. Honestly, I had very few friends who did not do drugs when I finally got off of drugs.
There's a reason for that. In addiction we tend to chase away the people who do not do what we do (drugs, alcohol, etc). We stop being friends with people who truly care about us, because they tend to want to see us improve our lives. They remind us of the negative things that we are currently doing. So instead, we surround ourselves with people that do not have our best intentions at heart.
The Bible in 1 Corinthians 15:33 states that, “Bad company corrupts good character.” And Proverbs 13:20 says," He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."
It sounds like maybe we need to make positive friends. It is hard to learn how to be sober if we hang around with drunks. It is hard to stop committing crimes if we hang out with criminals. If we want to make changes in our lives, we have to be willing to do whatever it takes to make those changes. This includes no longer hanging out with our old playmates and beginning to hang out with new ones. Aerosmith, in their song Amazing, say it best, “I kept the right ones out, and let the wrong ones in.”
Do not get me wrong. I still have friends from my past who are in my life and others who are not. There are some things I will not be around. I do not hang out with criminals, nor do I hang out with people who are doing drugs. I do not run around with people who break the law either. I believe in self-determination. I have found out that I cannot change my friends, just as other people could not change me while I was still active in my addiction. I have found the best way to be there for those types of friends is for me to live my life right.
That said, there are people from my past that I'm still friends with. For example, look at the people that I used to be friends with when I was an alcoholic. Many of them still drink. A couple of my best friend still drink, yet I still will go out with them. I will meet them for dinner and a movie. After the movie is over, I will go home and they will go to the bar. I feel that one of the best ways we can minister to others is by still being their friends. That does not mean that we put ourselves in danger situations, but that we still are friends with them.
So where do I find new playmates, you may be asking yourself. There are 12 step recovery groups (Alcoholic's Anonymous, Narcotic's Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free), church groups, community support groups, therapy groups and even online support groups. These kinds of groups are important for several reasons. For starters, we have a chance to be around people who know where we have been and can relate to us. This generally stops people from being judgmental. Secondly, we get to be around people who will share with us their strength, experience and hope. Finally, we get to learn new behaviors by people who actually exhibit them.
Proverbs 27:17," as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
When I began to hold myself accountable, I also needed to be around others who would help me be accountable. It is really difficult for me to make wise choices when I hang out with people who are not making those same choices themselves. If I want to begin a new lifestyle, I need to ensure that I hang out with people who also follow that lifestyle. I have found that the best way to do that is by being around people who were where I want to be. That does not mean when I have outgrown people, that I am no longer their friend. What that does mean is that I am constantly finding new people to become friends with.
I have found a sponsor, who is someone who helped me work through the 12 steps, which I am a huge advocate of when working through difficult issues that we are trying to overcome. I am best helped by someone who has lived through what I am living through. They have the wisdom that I need in order to succeed.
As you can see, changing our playmates, playgrounds and playthings needs to happen in order to successfully achieve a new way of living. These are major pieces that are an integral part of our recovery puzzle that needs to be completed in order for us to be kept from anything that causes us harm or separates us from God.
