Why I Love God's Attributes

Have you ever taken a minute to really thing about what it mean when we say God is eternal, omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent God? 

God is: 

1.    Eternal: God has always existed. He has always been and he will always be. There is not a time when God has not existed.
2.    Omniscient: God has total knowledge. He knows all things that have ever been and will ever be.
3.    Omnipresent: God is in all places at all times. He is always present: yesterday, today and tomorrow!
4.    Omnipotent: God is all powerful. There is nothing that God cannot accomplish, nothing he cannot do. 

One day I was upset with my son over a choice he had made. Something in the house was broken, and when I asked him about it he did not factually report (clever way of saying lied) what had occurred. I was very disappointed in him, and after I let him know that I put him in the corner. As he cried his little 5 year old tears, I felt horrible. 

I do not like it when my son lies to me, and I wondered how many times he would be less than honest before he finally decided telling the truth was the way to go. I started thinking about,as a parent, having the ability to stop him from lying and being able to force him to tell the truth. Then I could force him to always do what I wanted and life would be so much easier; than I thought about God.  

God is omnipotent, and He really could force us to do His will. He could make us do everything He wants us to do, say only what He wants us to say and go only where He wants us to go. I thought about having that power over my son and my daughter. 

Then I thought how mind-numbing and horrible that would be. My children would be automatons, doing my bidding and nothing else. I would never know whether it was there choice or not, because they would never have an opportunity to make choices. I would rather they choose to do the right thing eventually then always being forced to do it and never have the freedom to make their own choices. After all, we learn from mistakes. 

God is omnipresent, and this ties in with His being eternal. Because He is eternal, He has no beginning and no end. He is the literal beginning and end, because he transcends both. He was here before our universe began, because He created it. Because He is without end or beginning, He is in all places at all times at once. We could not go to a day where He did not exist. This means that God can see all things at all times because He is in all places at once. 

God is omniscient. He knows all things that have been done in the past, the things that will be done in the present and because he is omnipresent He even knows the things that will be done in the future. If you are getting ready to do something, He knows what it is you are going to do before you even do it. God knows what you are going to do because a part of Him has already experienced you doing it. 

So when we combine all of these attributes into one being we call God, what does it mean for us? It means that we have a gigantic cheerleader that watches over us. God is never disappointed in the story of our life because He already knows the outcome. Let us look at a scenario to explore this a little deeper, my addiction. 

When I was using there were times that I wanted to quit. I went to rehab, and I got my families hopes up. When I came out of rehab I said all of the right things and actually attained 2 months of sobriety after I completed residential treatment before I relapsed. My family was shattered; they were disappointed and let down, frustrated and disillusioned. Some of them lost hope in me, and my word became worthless to them. They thought I would never quit using and refused to ever get the hopes up again because they did not want to be hurt anymore.

Let’s go back to my son. Imagine him not being honest with me. How frustrated could I get by his lack of candor? I want him to tell me the truth, yet he does not. The more he misleads me, the more frustrated I become. All I want to know is, “When will he tell the truth?” 

With God, these scenarios never happen. God already knows the outcome. He knew how many times I would relapse before I finally overcame my addiction. He was never disappointed in me. Instead of saying, “There is another relapse. He has relapses 3 times, how many more before he wins his struggle?” God knew I had 4 relapses in me before I would not use again. When I think back to my third relapse, I can hear the angels cheering, “Only 1 more relapse and he is ours!” 

God never gets disappointed, because He already knows the outcome. Sometimes the outcome is less than desirable, but He knows to expect it. I have some really good friends who have died, and if I would have known I could have at least cherished the time I had with them. God does that, whether we cherish our time with Him or not. That is a small piece, but there is a bigger message I took from this, and one that I hope you can use as well. 

God is never disappointed in you. He knows what you are going to do before you do it. He also knows the number of times you will slip and fall before you finally pledge your life to Him. Will you still slip? Of course, for all of us sin and fall short of God’s glory. But when we do, we can pick ourselves up and know God saw it coming and loves us anyway. He forgave us before we even did it because He already knew what we were going to do. 

How amazing is that? God and a myriad of angels are cheering for you in heaven right now because they are on your side. Through every victory and every defeat they are cheering you on. 

Why? 

Because God already knows how your story ends! 

My Life as a Bad Guy Part 1: Why I Became a Bully

I can tell you that there is a reason for all that happens. I know that at times it seems there could not possibly be any reason for your past. Maybe you have had some horrible things happen to you. Maybe you have made some horrible choices. As one who has had a lot of bad things happen to me, I searched in vain for a good reason. As a person who has made a lot of bad decisions, I could never find any positive reasons for them. Then it all just clicked.

To start off, let's talk about the bad that has happened. In the 5th grade, my mother left my father and we lived with her mom and dad. My grandpa was an abusive man. Over the course of the next year and a half there were multiple times he would beat me then not let me go to school for a week because they would see the bruises. To compound the abuse, I was the only 5th grader I knew who was living with their grandparents and at the time I was not seeing my dad. All of this I blamed on myself.

When I was really young I had been molested by a babysitter. I did not tell my parents for fear of what they would think of me. I had heard them talk before about a child being touched by an adult and how disgusting that was and how horrible they were. I did not want them to think that I was disgusting so I didn't tell them. When my grandpa started beating me I figured it was because he somehow knew. After all, that is what you do to disgusting people. In 5th grade I became an Agnostic. I knew if there was a God He would not let me suffer like I was.

To cope with everything I became violent, depressed and detached. I felt like I was all alone and I discovered that if I picked on one of the other unpopular kids in my class, the other kids would laugh and I felt more accepted. I soon became a bully. It was nice to pick on kids and beat up someone, not just for the feeling of acceptance but to release some of the anger. I told myself I didn't care what people thought of me, but my actions told the truth. I so wanted people to like me I would hurt others to feel accepted.

I was so mad at the world and everyone in it. I was a hurt and confused kid who felt that he had no one to turn to. I felt unliked, unloved and alienated. To cope with that I did what was natural. It was natural to want to feel accepted and strong. When I hit someone or picked on them and hurt them, I was no longer the victim. It made people laugh and others look up to me. I became a bully. From there it just got worse.

What Is Recovery?

What is recovery?

That is a question that is open to interpretation and circumstance. Medically it mean being on the mend from surgery or an accident. A computer repairman would say it is getting back lost files on a computer. In this case, we are looking at addictive lifestyles. What is recovery from an addictive lifestyle look like?

To answer this, I decided to ask people who had lived addictive lifestyles to tell me what they considered to be part of their addictions. Here is the list they came up with: the use of drugs/alcohol/food/cutting to numb and escape past and present issues, Theft/stealing/shoplifting, Anger/Violence, Dishonesty, Casual Sex, Pornography, the inability to speak without using vulgarity, Greed/Love of Money, Egotism, Being inconsiderate to others due to focusing only on self/Selfishness, Lack of accountability, Only having Friends and hangouts that encouraged addictions, Focusing on the negative and Lack of Hope.

Today we will define recovery as the opposite of addiction. So in order to be in recovery, we need to get rid of the things in our lives that enabled and encouraged our addiction. Here is how we do those things:

1.       Face our current problems and work through our past issues either through counseling, step work and/or processing it out so we no longer have them as a reason to use.

2.       Stop taking things that are not yours. First we need to get and keep employment, then we can create a budget that we follow and save for the things we need.

3.       Realize that anger solves nothing and violence will only end up with us right back into trouble. An old saying says, “Never get into an argument with an idiot. It makes it hard for people to tell the difference between you.” That means that when we resort to anger we make ourselves look bad to those around us. Finally, violence only leads to more violence and violence never works out well. Ghandi said it best, “An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.”

4.       I lied so much that I began to believe my own lies. Lying was second nature in my addiction. In recovery, we have to be honest or we will never escape our addiction. Honesty allows me to hold myself accountable. We will look at the importance of that in #10 below.

5.       Research shows that promiscuity is an indicator of relapse. We really need to stay out of relationships for a while. We tend to focus on the other person when we get into new relationships, and we need to be focusing on ourselves. We also tend to find people who treat us as we feel about ourselves. Until we like ourselves we have no business in a relationship. Finally, a lot of the time we find our self-esteem based on our conquests. We need to find positive accomplishments to build our self-esteem and self-confidence.

6.       Pornography can lead to dehumanization, victimization and intense emotional reactions that can lead us to places we should not go.

7.       If using vulgarity was a major part of our addictive and criminal lifestyle, losing the negative language will help us separate further from our past lifestyles. It also makes us look like we have a larger vocabulary when we don’t have to resort to cuss words.

8.       Greed and money are a huge motivator for many a criminal. We need to remind ourselves of the difference between needs and wants and realize that we do not have to have wants in order to be happy. The happiest people are not those who have the most, but those who make the most of what they have.

9.       Egotism and selfishness go together. The world in not just about us, for we are merely 1 out of over 7 billion people. If the beginning of our step-work/sobriety is very selfish in nature, that is just to set us up for the 12^th step/rest of our lives. After all, recovery is very altruistic.

10.   In our addiction very little was our fault. We could justify everything we did by shifting blame. In our recovery we realize that the only way we can make changes is by realizing that we are responsible for our feelings, thoughts and actions. If it is someone else’s fault I can do nothing about that. I can only change that which I control. If I am not accountable for my actions they will never change!

11.   Change your playmates and play grounds. This is so important. If I live in the mud it is hard to stay clean. AA says “if you hang around the barbershop long enough you are going to get a hair cut” while my Big Book (the Bible) says, “You cannot put new wine in an old wine skin.” Our using and criminal friends may not mean us harm, but they make it difficult if not impossible to change.

12.   We need to shift focus, looking at the positives today can bring instead of the negatives in our past. One of my clients the other day said, “I like my new friends. They always talk about the present and the future. All of my old friends used to only talk about the past.” You cannot change yesterday, but you can sure change today. Focus on the present and you will build a successful future.

13.   I was stuck in my addiction because I had no hope for anything better. I began to find hope in speaker meetings and testimonies, hearing other people who had similar struggles share how they had found sobriety. That hope was increased 10 fold when I got saved and realized that this life is nothing but a short introduction to a book of happiness that will stretch forever.

So in closing, recovery is reversing all of the things that enabled and/or encouraged our past lifestyle. If we are to make positive changes in our lives that are permanent, we need to make holistic changes in our lives. There are 5 Pillars to doing this:

1.       Higher Power (God) – If our best thinking got us in trouble and we have not been able to change on our own; we need to find something greater than us that gives us hope, compassion, acceptance and love.

2.       Sponsor (Mentor) – Find someone whose life you want in 5 years, ask them how they got it and then work with them using a plan (see #3 below) to obtain it

3.       12 Steps (The Bible I recommend James) -  Find a plan that will get you where you want to be and put it into motion in your life

4.       Meetings (Small Groups) – Find a sense of community where people with similar goals that genuinely care about you(see #5 below) discuss how they are improving their lives and apply what you learn while sharing with them

5.       Accountability Partners – Find people that you are in contact with often who are living their lives well that can encourage and help you live your life well

The 5 Pillars

Today I would like to introduce you to the 5 Pillars. They are the 5 things that are of vital importance to us if we are to live our lives as Christians and continue to grow. As a recovery counselor, I use the 5 Pillars with all of my clients, whether they are struggling with eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, codependency, depression, grief and loss or just feel stagnant.

Church is not listed. That said, church is vital and needed. Most who profess to be Christians go to church. The 5 Pillars are what we need in order to gain a true relationship with Christ, to have a Christ-like walk. A pastor once said, "Sitting in church no more makes you a Christian than me standing in my garage makes me a car." Obviously, church is not enough. We need the 5 Pillare as these pillars allow us to continue the transformation that church starts but cannot complete.

The first pillar is the most important one of all, God. Without God in my life, how can I possibly have any hope? Changing my life takes both hope and faith. If this life and this world are all that there is, it can be a really depressing place. Thankfully, I know that there is so much more and that is what has given me the strength to go on no matter what happens today. I am eternally optimistic because I know that in the end I have an eternity with God promised to me.

Christ states that we are to love God with all of our hearts, minds, strength and (Luke 10:27, Matthew  22:37, Mark 12:30). Never forget that your relationship with God affects every aspect of your life. I know that if I put God first it makes me a better husband, father, employee, friend and even a better enemy. Never forget to pray for that relationship, "Today, make me like Christ. Please insure I live today less for me and more for You. Let me be your hands and feet to all those I come in contact with today. Please allow me to be salt and light to all those who see and hear me today."

The second pillar is a mentor. I need to have someone who is living their lives better than me, who is living their life as I want to live mine. They may be sober and I am trying to be sober. They may have lost a loved one as I have and worked through it. Maybe they just have the walk with Christ that I want to someday have. By letting them mentor and coach me, I can begin to improve the quality of my life and build a stronger faith.

Proverbs 11:14 tells us "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but where there is an abundance of counselors there is safety." That means that in order to succeed we need more than one mentor. I would suggest several. You may have one who counsels you with your marriage, another with emotional struggles and another who who is more Biblically knowledgeable than you. 

The third pillar is living Biblically. Through reading, meditating on what I have read and the guidance of my sponsor I will have the ability to learn the Bible better. What I get out of this is better ways to live my life. Read the gospels written by the disciples and the letters written by Paul. Immerse yourself in the book of James and use them as blue prints for how to live your life. If you can model your life on what James writes, you will be living amazingly.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." I have nothing to add to that, it speaks for itself!

The fourth pillar is small groups. These are places where we will further get our faith built. I can be in a group of people who have the same belief system and values that I have. We have common features. There are study, Bible, youth, single adult, couples, single mom, over 40, recovery and support groups to name a few.  We can use these groups as ways to continue coping with all that this world has to throw at us and continue growing spiritually, emotionally, scripturally and socially.

Church is about us listening and learning. We may be in a room with 50 people or 5,000 depending on the size of your church. Small groups put us in smaller groups where we can begin to build relationships with people. We can also ask questions and get answers in small groups. Hands on participation is much better at causing behaviors and attitudes to change than the lecture format found in church. Plus, you can blend in and hide in church. You can't in small groups.

The fifth pillar is accountability partners. These are the people we surround ourselves with on purpose. I may not be able to choose who I work or learn beside, but I can choose which table I sit at during lunch and who I hang out with after I get out of school and/or work. I need to surround myself with positive people who have goals and are actually doing positive things with their lives. Not that I am not there for those who are struggling, but I need people that can help me when I am struggling also.

If bad association spoils useful habits (1 Corinthians 15:33) than positive association should grow them. Ecclesiastes 4:9,12 says, "Two are better than one, though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Bottom line, there is strength in numbers and it is easier to make the right choice when you associate with people who make the right choice.

Prayer and meditation are kind of like church. I don't feel like I should have to tell you to do them, but I will. Prayer is a constant conversation with God. I start each morning with an hour at the gym. I lift weights for 30 minutes than do 30 minutes of cardio. I pray the entire time I do cardio, and that is why I start each day in a good mood. From there I continue to pray throughout the day. Most of my prayers are of gratitude for all that I have. Then I pray for those in need or who are having struggles. I also pray for understanding of the things I read, such as the Bible and other spiritual and apologetic texts.

In closing, here is the short cliff note version.

The 5 Pillars

1. God
2. Bible
3. Mentor
4. Small Groups
5. Accountability Partners.........and pray without ceasing all day every day!!!!!!!!!



Occam's Razor and My Faith

So, there was a guy named William of Ockham that was a philosopher about 800 years ago. He posited that the easiest explanation was the correct one. This became known as Occam's Razor. That is the term that now describes Occam's philosphy.  So, what does Occam's Razor have to do with my faith? Everything!

First, let us look at creation of human life. I believe that there is an eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful God who created the entire universe and saw it fit to take the time to create humans. That only requires one leap of faith, one supposition and humans are explained.

1. GOD

If I believe in evolution, I probably also believe in the Big Bang. So, I first have to believe that an uncaused cause was behind the big bang (I think that some of us know who banged it, we know the cause). Then I have to believe that all I see, the billions upon billions of planets and stars all came from an immensely dense and hot singularity that just happened to exist for the Big Bang (or expansion) to occur from. Next I have to believe that the sun was just perfect: the right temperature and distance from Earth. Then the moon was put perfectly in orbit around the Earth and the Earth had just the right atmosphere to support the transformation of non-living matter into living matter, which has never been observed. Then another never observed process called macro-evolution occurred. Not just once, but millions of times in order to create humans.

1. Densely hot singularity
2. Uncaused Cause
3. Big Bang
4. Order and Structure from chaos
5. Sun perfect temperature and distance from Earth to support life
6. Moon perfect distance from Earth to support life
7. Atmosphere on Earth perfect to support life
8. Non-living matter somehow evolved in to living matter
9. Millions of instances of macro-evolution

That list above is a really short list, too. There are actually so many more things we could talk about, such as the complexity of the human genome with it's 3-6 billion pairs of DNA and how they all have to be perfectly placed in sequence. Then there are 35 parameters that make life possible as well as the 66 parameters that influence the sun-planet-moon system that cannot fluctuate an nth of a degree without causing the entire system to collapse. We have barely dipped into those above. But, we will not go any more indepth. Instead I will tell you that Occam's Razor has been able to help strengthen my faith, because in the end God is the easiest explanation there is and therefore the correct one. Now here's some Dilbert:

What I Am Thankful For

I have seen a lot of people on Facebook, doing a daily list of the things they are thankful for this month. I am certain this is happening because this month contains Thanksgiving. Well, that and I have an almost Sherlock Holmes level of intuition. I have decided to do my list all at once and make it a post that everyone can read. If you have a list I would love for you to share it with me. I am also certain that I have forgotten a lot of thing, since I can only do one per day of the month.

1. God - For without Him we would not be here. To create all that we see and still have taken the time to ensure that the sun was the exact temperature it needed to be, the Earth was placed the perfect distance away from the sun, the moon was placed in orbit around Earth perfectly and that the atmosphere on Earth was exactly right to allow life to be supported is amazing. Then, out of all of the billions of people who have lived, He saw fit to create my mom and dad and then me is nothing short of miraculous. Finally, to use a police car and Brandon Heath's song, "I'm Not Who I Was" to lead me to sobriety. Wow! Thank you, God!
2. Jesus - For without the blood sacrifice made by Him, my life would be lived for naught. Through Jesus we have been forgiven for all of our sins. That He would be the sacrifice and suffer the ultimate death for them goes beyond words when trying to express my thanks!
3. Holy Spirit - Without it to guide and comfort me in times of stress, depression, anger, thoughts of relapse, etc, I do not know if I would still be clean and sober.
4. Grace - Unmerited favor...........basically, that which I do not deserve. God has somehow deemed me worthy of his blessing though I did nothing to receive it and could never do enough to earn it.
5. Prayer - Since I started doing a half hour of prayer two weeks ago I have had several people at work tell me that I seemed less stressed and anxious. It is amazing how beneficial prayer is to me, not to mention how it blesses all of the people I pray for!
6. The Bible - How amazing, to have a guide to life that is God-breathed and beneficial in all situations.
7. Paul - Paul was the person in the Bible that really resonated with me. He was the black sheep I could relate to, and his words have led me to have a stronger and stronger relationship with God and more and more confidence that I could turn my life around.
8. James - That James would write a short, perfect plan for how we are to live our lives is awesome!
9. Julie - My wife is such a boon to me. She has lived her life so well and I am so thankful that my children will have her to look up to and learn from. I look up to her and learn from her, and without her support I would be lost. Her mother and step-dad have been a huge help in watching Addison, too!
10. Michal - My sister has always been there to support me, and at times she even enabled me. That said, I know that she was the only person in my life other than my dad that always had hope I could quit my old lifestyle.
11. Dad - It has been a few years, and sometimes when I think of you it still makes me cry. Without your love and guidance, I would not be the father I am today. I will be forever blessed to have had you as my dad!
12. David Jr. - I never knew real love until I saw you. I never knew real pain until I had to look at you in an incubator after you were born. You have been and always will be my mini-me. I will be forever thankful if you learn from my mistakes instead of having to repeat them.
13. Addison Grace - You are the strongest little girl I know. To see you still smiling after going through two surgeries before you were two months old let me know how tenacious you were. I am so thankful that when you get older we will get to go on father/daughter dates and I can show you how a man treats a lady by my relationship with your mother.
14. Mom - You gave birth to me and always tried your best. I could not have made the change from Branson to Springfield if you had not opened your doors to me when I needed it most.
15. My Past - I am so thankful for my past. It has made me who I am and equipped me with the wisdom and strength to help me impart hope to those who struggle with life-consuming issues.
16. Recovery - It has allowed me to rebuild a life of substance on the same foundation a life of chaos once existed on. I have gone from a soldier for Satan to a diplomat for Christ, from dealing dope to dealing hope.
17. The Wessleys and Kearbeys - Without your love and non-judgemental attitudes, I never would have gone to church in the first place. I want to thank Nate and Becca for loving me to Christ and to Becca's mother for being a pit bull for God when we talked. What a beautiful family every one of the Wessleys and Kearbeys I have met has been.
18. New Life Church - If not for the Celebrate Recovery group, the tattoo wall, the casual dress, the awesome music, the great pastoral staff and the loving, nonjudgemental people who go there I would have been one and done with my church experience. Instead, I was met with love and compassion and I kept coming back.
19. Pastor James - If not for your taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to me about all of my doubts and to use logic and history to make your point, I would never have gotten saved.
20. Pastor Dan - The knowledge that you impart every week to us in service is like mana for me. Not to mention meeting me for lunch and taking time to help me continue to grow in faith.
21. Brandon Heath - Your song I'm Not Who I Was is one of the major causes of me keeping the deal I made with God and transforming my life. Your song Love Never Fails was my wedding song. You have been instrumental in many of the best things that have ever happened to me and now I listen to you for 30 minutes every morning in the background as I pray. Thank you for the music you write and play.
22. Lee Strobel -  I am thankful for you because of your book, The Case For Christ. When I was having struggles with my faith it was your book that Pastor James gave me to read and it answered so many of my questions and doubts.
23. Friends - I may not feel like I have many, but I have a lot. I know that every time I am down or need to hear something there are always people in my life who are there to pick me up and tell me what I need to hear. I hope that my time to spend with you grows.
24. Worship - There is nothing that improves my mood more than worship music. Whether it is LeCrae when I need some beats, Brandon Heath when I pray or all of the people who are on my page Music of Recovery I thank you all because you have played such an imminent role in my recovery and growth as a Christian.
25. Celebrate Recovery - I am thankful that I found a group sans cussing, 13 stepping and filled with positive Christians. There are ups and downs, but the ups are more frequent and I have gotten so much out of the meetings. I truly found recovery in the CR groups
26. Narcotics Anonymous - It was great to go to these at the beginning. I became abstinent while I attended them, but relapses were always on my horizon. I have known many who have found what they needed but as my sobriety grew I moved on. I needed more Christ!
27. Better Life in Recovery - I could not be more blessed than to have an opportunity to share my testimony and other's testimonies in schools, colleges, communities, events and churches. I can only keep what I have by giving it away and there is no better service than sharing the dangers of addiction and the wonders of recovery with our children, young adults as well as their friends and families. 
28. My Readers and Listeners - I would not continue to write blogs, work on my book, do random vlogs and share my testimony if it was not for the encouragement I have received from all of you at one time or another. If you continue to read it, I will continue to write it. 
29. Alternative Opportunities Treatment Services at Carol Jones Recovery Center - It is a blessing to work at a place that cares about the people who are struggling the most in our community and reaches out to give them hope. I have amazingly compassionate coworkers who truly care about the clients we work with. My boss, Mary is one of the most loving, caring, big hearted, compassionate, driven and motivated Type A personalities I have ever met and working for her has taught me a lot.
30. The United States of America - I am so thankful that I live in a country that allows me to worship and speak as I want. I am allowed to bring Christ and recovery to the masses and never once have I worried about the government imprisoning or beating me for doing it. 
31. Heidi and James - I am thankful that I have a good relationship with my son's mom and her husband. It is such a blessing to my son to have his parents get along and be on the same page. I am just as thankful for Heidi's parents, Rick and Betty. Both of them and their spouses are great grandparents and it is so obvious how much they love DJ. 

So this Thanksgiving, I also look forward to reading your thanksgiving lists. It is always a joy to see people show that they appreciate the things they have. I will continue to be thankful for all that I have, and to begin and end every prayer with this, "God, please make me each day more like Jesus. Let me be your hands and feet to all those I come in contact with. Let me be salt and light to those around me, and use me as you see fit. 

Finally Home by Mercy Me

I remember the first time that I heard Finally Home. I had just gotten saved and was at my first concert. It was amazing. It was the Rock and Worship Road Show with Mercy Me, Jeremy Camp, Tenth Avenue North, Addison Road and Hawk Nelson. As soon as I heard the song, it made me think of my father who had passed away the previous year. It put a smile on my face, and that aspect of the song has not changed.

I listen to the song Finally Home by Mercy Me and the lyrics make me insanely happy every single time. The thought of talking to my father, who did not get to see me finally overcome my addiction and turn my life over to Christ, makes me smile. I had, ever since I was saved, imagined my dad looking down on me and seeing me raise the grandson that he never got to meet. That, too, made me smile. Then I came to realize that it was pretty small-minded of me to think that way. Maybe even a bit selfish. That is the aspect of the song that has changed for me as I have advanced in my relationship with Christ.

Today I imagine myself in heaven after living my life for God. There is no words that can describe the wonders I will see when I finally get to heaven, which I truly consider my home. I believe all I would do is worship and be bliss-filled once I got there. I do not think that worldly concerns will be in my scope of attention. I no longer think that my dad is looking down from heaven, watching me. I am pretty sure that Mercy Me feels the same way.

In the song Bart Millard says, "I'm gonna wrap my arms around my daddy's neck, and tell him that I missed him. And tell him all about the man that I became, and hope that it please him. There's so much I want to say, so much I want you to know." I will get to do the same thing. I will have to tell my dad about what has happened. If heaven is half what I know it will be, my father will be too focused on the magnificence of God to watch his son. I know that is true for my father. That excites me!

After all, I get to tell him all about me and his grandson and unborn grandchild and how we have turned out when I finally make it home!! And we will worship together for the first time since I was in the 4th grade. That is when I became agnostic, and my father died before I got saved. The last time we stood in a church and worshipped together was when I was 9. Worshipping in front of my heavenly father with my earthly father next to me will be an immeasurable gift, and I cannot wait!!

My Superman

In this day and age, there needs to be more superheroes. I know that this may seem like an absurd statement, when there seems to be a new superhero movie released every other week at the theater and there are a lot of everyday heroes who step up when others will not. Those are the people that I am talking about, not the ones with the spandex tight suits, but the guys who step up and do what should be done when there are so many others who refuse to do the right thing.

I am really more of a Wolverine guy, but I would like to tell you a little bit about the guy that I called Superman. He was not named Clark Kent, but he was mild mannered, gentle and unassuming like him. He was mild-mannered in that when I would get into fights, he could never understand where my violence came from. I have seen him get hit and just stand there and take it, because he believed in the literal turning of the other cheek. He was gentle in that I know that he never hit any of his children, nor did he get into any fights after his teen years. He was unassuming because you never heard him brag about his achievements, even though there were many things that he did over the course of his life.

This is where I come in. Today I am going to tell you about the real life Superman that I had the pleasure of knowing, much like the people of Metropolis who loved the man who always saved the day and told grandiose stories about him. Some of my stories of Superman will be grand and some will not, but they will all be honest.

Superman was born to parents who were German immigrants who actually had their name changed at Ellis Island so that it would sound less German. He was born in Illinois, were he went to school and eventually joined the Army. This was a time that he never talked about, his time in the Army. Yet he did it, and he left the service with an honorable discharge. Some would say that serving his country makes him a hero, and I would agree with that. But it did not make him Superman.

He jogged all of the time, and running was one of his passions. Once a week he would run 20 miles to work, complete a 12 hour shift, then run 20 miles back home. He was inspired and at peace when he ran. Some would say that the focus and ability to run like he did was superhuman. At least I would, because I cannot run more than 10 feet without needing to be given oxygen. But it did not make him Superman.

He had a knowledge of the Bible that was unbelievable. He actually worked at the world headquarters for the  denomination that he believed in for several years. He loved to talk to people about his faith, and how life without God was miserable. He would minister and evangelize to people he had just met because he was worried about their eternal salvation. That takes courage that many of us today lack. But that is not what made him Superman.

He dealt with Bipolar Disorder, or what is commonly referred to as Manic Depression, his whole life. He lived with it and was still nice to those around him. He had his episodes because he would get feeling well and then wrongly think that he no longer needed his medication. He would then stop taking his prescriptions, then have a manic episode after a year or two and have to get stabilized on the medication again. He did this for decades without giving up. But that is not what made him Superman.

If someone met him, they were instantly friends. He was able to joke around with people standing next to him in line, and he never judged or looked down on anyone. I remember seeing him one day at the bus station in a state that he did not live in. As he left the station he had probably 30 people yell goodbye or shake his hand on his way out.  That was the charisma that he had. But that is not what made him Superman.

He was a recovering alcoholic. He had drank for years and was given to excess, especially during his manic highs. He never made excuses for his drinking, and he had 20 plus years of sobriety. He also would help those at church who were given to excess, and was always there to share his strength, faith and hope of overcoming addiction through a relationship with God. Battling addiction and overcoming it is something that 90 % of alcoholics fail at. He did it. But that is not what made him Superman.

After his first wife left him and took his three children with her (two biological and one step), he would travel 6 hours one way (12 hours round trip) to see his children every other weekend. He did this for two  and a half years, and he never missed a weekend. He put his entire summer on hold when he had his children with him, and would spend weeks at a time with them giving them his undivided attention. This made him an incredible dad. But this is not what made him Superman.

When he got the opportunity to get custody of his son, he jumped at it. He brought his son home and raised him as a single father for several years before getting remarried. He always put his son first and foremost, and his son never wondered whether or not he was loved, because he knew it. This also made him an incredible dad. But this is not what made him Superman.



Dad, tomorrow is father's day. You have been gone for 3 years now, and I miss you incredibly. I wish that my son would have gotten the chance to meet you, but he never did. The reason that I wish my son could have met you is because to me, you were Superman. Not because of the spiritual influence that you gave, not because you worked through your own addiction and mental illness, not because you could always run me into the ground on the track, not because my mom left you and I never heard you say a bad word about her, not because you served our country, not because you were charismatic, not because you never judged or looked down on anyone, not because you never hit or spanked me, not because you loved people enough that you wanted them all to know Christ and have the opportunity to live forever, not because you always carried me on your shoulders, not because you never once told me you were too busy to play ball(baseball, basketball or football), not because you never missed your weekends with me, not because you loved me unconditionally through my addiction/jail/prison and not because you were a stand up man and a dedicated father.

You are not Superman for one of these things or some of these things, but for all of these things. You taught me how to be a man and how to be a father. Even though I did not get it for 3 decades, I get it now. You never gave up on me and you loved me no matter what, because that is what fathers do.

You are Superman because you had faith that I would eventually grow into the father and husband that I have. You are Superman because thanks to you I will be an incredible father, because I will pass on all that I learned from watching you. You are Superman not for some of what you did, but for everything that you did.

Dad, I just wanted to say a few things to you on this father's day. I wanted to say that I love and miss you. I wanted to say that you were always a great dad even when I was not a great son. Finally, I wanted to let you know that my son will get to know you not just through pictures and stories, but by seeing how I live my life and raise him. He will know you because he knows me, and you live through me. I am and always will be a living legacy to who you were Dad!!! I hope that you are proud of the father I have become. I'll see you when I come home!

Still on vacation... I want to love like that/Praise you in this Storm

My son is still surprising me every day on this vacation. He walked all day long once again today. This is the same son who cannot walk from the car to the tram at Silver Dollar City. He walked today from 10:30 - 7 at Walt Disney's Hollywood Studios. Two straight days of walking, running and jumping when he generally just perches on my shoulders.

He asked all of the time for me to bend down, just like he does when he wants to be picked up. The awesome part was, when I would bend down he would give me a kiss and keep walking. He loves me with his whole heart, and that heart is huge.
This vacation has been great, and I have been awed by his affection.

Do not get me wrong, his love overwhelms me often. Everytime that he sees me, when I drop him off at daycare and when I tuck him in at night he gives hugs and kisses and lets me know that he loves me. He even acts that way when I put him in timeout after he gets out of the corner. That is love.

I want to rely on God like my son does me. I want to love Christ the way my son loves me. Don't get me wrong, I try to love God with all that I have and all that I am. I feel that I could do a better job, and my son has shown me what unconditional means.

My son has me there to pick him up when he feels that he cannot make it on his own. He gets tired, and he is confident that all he has to do is look at me and put his arms up and I will swoop down and pop him up on my shoulders, making his day easier.

I know that all I have to do is turn things over to God when they get to overwhelm me. I know it, but it is sometimes hard to do. I pray for his will to be done, but I sometimes forget that his will and mine are not always the same. If I do what He wants me to, I find that my life is easier. When I try to do His will, he pops me up on His shoulders and insures that I suceed. But I sometimes forget to do that.

My son shows me that he loves me no matter what. If he is having fun or in trouble, if it is just me or it is in front of his friends he is unafraid to show me how much he loves me. He will scream "I love you whole wide world" across his daycare with it full of kids.

I want to continue building my relationship with Christ to the point that I am unafraid to vocally claim my love. I will be unafraid to pray no matter who is around. I will tell others of the changes that the Holy Spirit has wrought in me regardless of who might judge me. I will raise my hands in worship no matter who is next to me or watching, even if I am the only one in the room who worships that way.

I spent my whole life in agony denying there was a God. I will spend the rest of my life in love with the force that recreated me and gave me a life that I can be proud of. I will praise God in the peaks and valleys, the feasts and the famines, the sunny days and in the storms. I know how miserable my life was without Christ, and I know how blessed I am now with Christ.

As Good As It Gets- From an addict to a drunk to Christ

I guess that I was always a hard case, ever since my first fight in first grade. At least I though that I was. I have even had some people tell me since I got saved that they had always prayed for me, because I was a hard case and they saw something in me. I have no idea what that something is. I  always hoped for it all just to end. At first my lifestyle was fun. Over time it began to get worse, my depression continued to mount. I had to depend on the drugs just to survive. I could not function without them. It got bad, and then it got worse. I finally got to the point that nothing really mattered, only the high.

I often hoped for death. I tried to commit suicide once, but my sister came by. Found me passed out on the bathroom tile, surrounded by blood next to a bathtub full of bloody water. After that, I swore that I would never kill myself. That said, I would put myself in situations where I knew that I might die and always hoped that someone would kill me. I flew a car 97 feet and got 37 feet in the air, but I still survived. I have been shot at, and I have several holes in me that I was not born with. I have had more C/T Scans than I can count because of head trauma. I have relapsed three times that I know of.

Still I could not die. It got depressing. Then I hit my rock bottom, or so I thought. I got off of the drugs, moved, stopped dealing drugs and started my life over. Pretty soon I was in college. Then I had my Associates Degree, then I got a double Bachelor's. I had a beautiful son. I got my Master's Degree. I was an alcoholic. I was still fighting. I was sleeping around, cussing every other word. I lied all of the time, and I probably stole things too. But I was not doing drugs.

What I managed to do was become an alcoholic, but I could justify that because it was not drugs. It was even legal. I was miserable, and I had to drink to function. Every time that I looked into a mirror, I still saw a convict, a junkie, a drug dealer and I despised myself. I hated who I was.

I had to drink just to get through the week. I could not function on my own. I should have had a better life. Most people would say that I did, yet I could never figure out what was missing. I had started a job that was not in a restaurant. It was actually a career, yet I was miserable. I had a beautiful son who loved me, and co-workers who honestly cared about me and had a passion for what they did. I thought that life sucked.

Then one day I had a turning point. I gave my life over to Christ and overnight, everything changed for the better. I was a changed man at work, in my leisure time and in my behaviors. People took notice and would ask why I was so much happier and I could only tell them that if not for the Holy Spirit I would still be were I was. But I wasn't. I was no longer consumed with hate for myself. I could see the positive in things and no longer dwelt on the negatives. When I looked in the mirror, I actually liked who I saw. For me that was an amazing change.

The change happened for several reasons, but the most important reason is this. When I was an Agnostic and I woke up in the morning, I knew that this was AS GOOD AS IT GETS. I had nothing to look forward to. My life was terribly disappointing days followed by drunken nights. If I did not drink, I would get into my depression and isolate and feel miserable.

After I got saved, my entire outlook changed. I finally realized that I was forgiven. I could never forgive me before because I felt unforgivable. That is the smallest part of it though. The biggest thing for me is what I will end this discussion on.

I did not believe in life after death. I believed that we returned to dust, and that would be the end. I would one day die, and this sinful, hateful world would be all that I would know. When I got saved I realized that even if this life where to be completely miserable for the next 30 years, after I died if I kept my faith and walked the narrow path that I would live an eternity in bliss. That was overwhelming, and it was enough to cheer me up........finally, I can smile and it is not fake!

Leap of Faith

I need to thank one of my friends, Greg West. He is a pretty smart guy that I have liked since our first meetings, and yesterday I was truly inspired by him and what he is doing. He is the leader of the small group that I am involved in, The Truth Project. He is also someone that I have found myself talking to at church, along with his wife Brooke, for several reasons. The primary reason is because they always seem to be happy and (my personal favorite word) optimistic. That makes them two people that I seek out to speak to. I find joy in my optimism, and I know that it could always be better. If you want to continue moving forward in life, be around people who have things that you want. Maybe they will rub off on you! Greg and his wife have been rubbing off on me.

This is where Greg comes in. He has a site that is awesome and I would highly recommend looking at , www.thepoachedegg.net. I found out something that I did not know about Greg. As I talked about the situation that Julie and I found ourselves talking about, Greg’s wife Brooke got a look on her face. When I inquired about her look, she gave me a big smile. She told me that Greg had taken a huge leap of faith several months ago, and told me what it was. I will not get into what his leap of faith is. That is his story. What I will tell you is that Greg put himself in a position where he had to rely on God or face some monumental struggles, and God has come through for him. It gave me the added inspiration that I needed to continue doing what I am doing, as well as renewed my faith in the people around me. I love the people that God is surrounding me with.

I did begin to ask myself whether or not there are many people in the United States who would take a huge risk. How many of us would be willing to throw down what we do? How many of us would quit our jobs to do what we feel God is leading us to do if it would place not only financial strain, but put us at risk of complete and utter financial ruin. I mean the kind where you might lose all that you have. I do not think that there are many out there who would risk this. I began to think that there might not be any. When have many of us here in America had to truly rely on God, put complete faith in Him? How many of us abroad have had to do that, would do that, if they felt that the Holy Spirit was leading them that way?

I thought it through, and the way that I saw it was that God provides when we do His will. She was quick to ask me if maybe I am doing what God wants me to do where I work currently. I will admit that I may be doing what I am supposed to. I was built from the ground up to do what I do; it has been what my past has molded me in to. The career I have now is not enough for me, I want to do more with the rest of my life. I feel that I spent so much of my life taking from society, and I want to give back. I want to be able to reach people on a grander scale than I do now. I told her that I would wait until after my book is published, but that I may not make the decision that she wants after it gets published.

So, I throw caution to the wind, and I do not think of the consequences.  My wife is just the opposite. There is a reason that she handles the money and pays the bills, I can’t. I could try, but I am generally too busy with some project to do something as important and practical as paying the bills. I am a changed man, but not a responsible one. There are definitely many reasons that I have been blessed with Julie in my life, and this is one of them. I started thinking that I could just do this full-time and money would take care of itself. My wife decided in the evening that she would remind me about bills, house and car payments, groceries, taking care of DJ, etc. and that maybe we would not have those things if I did not think it through.

When the idea first struck me and I talked to my wife about it, everything went great. She was smiling and agreed that this sounded like a great idea. As the day progressed and I began to do what I do, which is completely throw myself into everything that comes my way, there started to be a voice of reason in my ear. Yes, it was my wife’s voice. Just so you know, my wife is practical and I am very much a manic prone Bi-Polar type person. This means that on occasion I would actually agree with at least one of my mental health diagnosis.

With that said, I must tell you that Sunday when I had my epiphany there was a dichotomy that occurred between my wife and I. It did not happen right away, but it gradually developed. I was overcome by what I was to do with my life. Suddenly I knew that my purpose in life was to finish my book, then to travel and share my life’s history. To share with other’s the incredible power that the Holy Spirit has been as it has worked in me to recreate who I am so that other’s can be blessed and filled with hope and inspiration. That is what struck me on that bicycle ride as my purpose in life.