Recovery Quotes and Slogans

1. You never have to use again
2. Live your life with an attitude of gratitude
3. Easy Does It
4. One Day at a Time
5. Drugs gave me wings then they took my sky away 
6. It is called alcohol-ism not alcohol-wasm
7. Never along, never again
8. I was the black sheep of my family until I came to NA and found the rest of my flock
9. Give us 90 meetings in 90 days and if at the end of that you are not fully satisfied we will gladly refund your misery 
10. Insanity = Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results 
11. Insanity = Doing the same thing over and over again, knowing the outcome yet doing it anyway 
12. I may not always know God’s will but I will always know what God’s will is not
13. It's really simple. The only thing you have to change is everything
14. KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid (or Keep It Simple Silly)
15. If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got 
16. If you want to change who you are change what you do
17. If you hang out at a barbershop long enough you are going to get a hair cut
18. Change your people, places and things
19. Old playgrounds and playmates get you into trouble
20. I used to be a hopeless dope fiend now I am a dopeless hope fiend 
21. I went from dealing dope to dealing hope (David Stoecker)
22. People who judge don’t matter and people who matter don’t judge 
23. Holding a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die 
24. The world record is 24 hours 
25. Don’t quit before the miracle happens 
26. I can’t, God can so let Him 
27. I looked to a drug for courage and it made me a coward 
28. You are either working on recovery or working on a relapse 
29. If you are not working on the solution you are working on the problem
30. You are either part of the problem or part of the solution
31. My mind is a scary place to be all by myself 
32. Your best thinking got you here
33. My pickers are broken
34. Addicts suffer from a condition called first thought wrong  (Mark Lundholm)
35. I wouldn’t trade my worst day sober for my best day high 
36. I may not be where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I was 
37. Being humble doesn’t mean we think less of ourselves, it means we think of ourselves less 
38. Pride is who is right while humility is what is right
39. Give all your problems to God. He’ll be up all night anyway 
40. I’m allergic to drugs and alcohol. Every time I use I break out in handcuffs and felony charges 
41. People may not always believe what I say but they will always believe what I do 
42. I stopped counting the days and started making the days count 
43. It is not what I know that keeps me sober, it is what I do that keeps me sober
44. What happened in the past is over. You can’t unscramble scrambled eggs 
45. You can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber
46. 7 Days without a meeting makes one weak
47. There is no elevator, you have to take the steps
48. I only drank on special occasions, like the grand opening of a pack of cigarettes
49. While I am sitting in this meeting my addiction is out in the parking lot doing push ups
50. HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired
51. HALT - Hear, Assess, Listen then Talk (Mark Lundholm)
52. My drug of choice was more
53. Relapse is part of the program (Good intentions but one of the worst sayings ever)
54. Your Higher Power can be a door knob (Good meaning but a horrible saying)
55. I didn't like NA. After all, I had lost a lot of good friends to NA
56. Addiction is Cunning, Baffling and Strong 
57. Addiction ends in Jails, Institutions and Death 
58. Drugs are bad, M'kay.......
59. The only thing I only did halfway was the steps
60. How do I know I need to go to a meeting? When I don't want to go to one
61. Attitudes are contagious. Always make sure yours is worth catching
62. If you don't drink you won't get drunk
63. Suit up and show up don't shoot up and throw up

My Favorite Recovery Quotes and Meaning to Me

1.       Drugs gave me wings then they took my sky away At first drugs are amazing and gave me this rush of excitement and clarity, they made me more social and I felt like I fit in. Over time, I began to distrust everyone and I constantly chased the greatest high. Eventually, I got to the point I used just to feel less bad, because I always felt horrible and I was constantly paranoid of everyone and everything.

2.       It is called alcohol-ism not alcohol-wasm This is not a disease that will go away. I am an addict and an alcoholic for the rest of my life. As Verbal Kent says in the movie The Usual Suspects, “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” The same is true of my addiction.

3.       I was the black sheep of my family until I came to NA and found the rest of my flock I never felt like I fit in to my family, I was an embarrassment. I was the one who was in and out of jail and went to prison. I was the one with all of the mental health problems. I was the one with the addiction issues. I was the one who could never be counted on. When I started going to recovery meetings I found others who had been the black sheep in their family, and they had gotten better.

4.       Give us 90 meetings in 90 days and if at the end of that you are not fully satisfied we will gladly refund your misery It is not that 90 days is a magic number, nor is 90 meetings the magical amount. Instead, going to at least one meeting every day for three months give us structure and consistency in our life and allows for us to meet a lot of people in recovery and begin to make friends with positive, sober people

5.       Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results Also defined as doing the same thing over and over again, knowing the outcome yet doing it anyway. They both mean the same thing, that as addicts we will tell ourselves lies to continue our addiction, such as I can drink just one beer or I won’t get arrested this time if I use.

6.       I may not always know God’s will but I will always know what God’s will is not I do not know for a fact what the plans for my life are, what my successes will be or how I will accomplish them. I do, how ever, know the quickest ways to derail my future and make sure that I don’t succeed in life. I may not know for a fact what God has called me to do but I can reason out with pretty good certainty what He does not want me doing.

7.       If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got also said as, “If you want to change who you are change what you do.”  If I continue to make the same choices, go to the same places and hang out with the same people I will always have the same outcome. Basically, if I am unhappy with the outcome in my life I need to change all of the inputs.

8.       I used to be a hopeless dope fiend now I am a dopeless hope fiend I changed this one to “I went from dealing dope to dealing hope. There was a time that I had no hope and my entire life was focused on getting and staying high. Today, I no longer do drugs and my entire life is focused on sharing the hope of a better life in recovery with everyone I come into contact with.

9.       People who judge don’t matter and people who matter don’t judge This is a way for me to see that if people are not able to see me for who I am today and not who I used to be in my addiction, I don’t need them in my life. This does not mean that what other people think is unimportant. If I offend others and they have good reason to feel that offense it is on me to adjust my behavior and/or attitude. I need to realize that other people’s feelings are valid, otherwise I will fall back into my old addictive narcissism and the general lack of respect for everyone but me I had in my old criminal lifestyle.

10.   Holding a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die When I have a resentment against anyone, it is never them that it hurts.  They may have forgotten about it, or have forgiven me or simply no longer care. The only person it really impacts is me. I cannot make a better past for myself, but I can make a less stressful present and future by learning to let go of things instead of holding on to them. Keeping that resentment alive creates a chance for relapse in my future.

11.   The world record is 24 hoursSome people get caught up in the amount of time that someone else has and they put them or a pedestal, or even worse they get overconfident because of the amount of clean time that they have. Both of these can and will lead to relapse. The truth is, I cannot stay sober on the work I did yesterday, so I need to focus on the things I can do today for if I don’t I will not stay sober.

12.   Don’t quit before the miracle happens We forget that we did not get addicted overnight, so we will not get into recovery that way. Time takes time, and we need to be patient because if we give up we will never attain recovery. Sometimes we forget that, because we are addicts and we want what we want and we want it now. Life doesn’t happen that way very often, and neither does recovery but it will as long as we don’t give up and keep doing the next right thing. 

13.   I can’t, God can so let Him This is an eloquent way to put the first 3 steps. We found in our addiction that we were powerless and could not control everything in our lives so it is time to turn it over to someone who can. I have also heard the 1^st 3 steps translated as, “There is a power that wants to kill me and a power that wants me to live. Which do I want to do? (if you want to die you can stop here, other wise keep working the steps)

14.   I looked to a drug for courage and it made me a coward We may take a drug or drink to give us courage to deal with something that we feel we could not deal with on our own. Eventually we discover that if we stay messed  up we can stay numb and emotionally unavailable so we let drugs take our life over. In time, we use them to avoid anything and everything, which is a sign of cowardice and fear.

15.   You are either working on recovery or working on a relapse Another way to say this is, “If you are not working on the solution you are working on the problem” as well as, “You are either part of the problem or part of the solution.” There is no gray area in recovery, you are either putting it first in your life so that you can stay ahead of your addiction or you are slacking and eventually your addiction will become stronger than your desire to stay sober.

16.   My mind is a scary place to be all by myself This is also said as, “Your best thinking got you here.” It means that we struggle as addicts with a condition that Mark Lundholm calls, “First thought wrong” and I say is more like first five thoughts wrong. I need to surround myself with positive sober people and be willing to listen to their feedback and apply it to my life because my thinking patterns are faulty when I first get into sobriety.

17.   I wouldn’t trade my worst day sober for my best day high also shared as, “I may not be where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I was.” The truth of this one is that over time we no longer use to feel good, instead we use to feel less bad. This is because of a severe depletion of various neurotransmitters in our brain and using being the only way to obtain them. Add to that the hopelessness of addiction and we find ourselves getting stuck in a rut. The reality of my addiction was that no matter how great today was I would still be running from my feelings, trying to escape life and being overly paranoid tomorrow. In my recovery I know that no matter how bad things are going today they will be better in the future.

18.   Being humble doesn’t mean we think less of ourselves, it means we think of ourselves less This simply means that when I am humble I do not think that I am less than anyone or everyone else. Being humble just means that I have learned to put the needs of others before the wants I have.  This  has also been said as pride is who is right while humility is what is right.

19.   Give all your problems to God. He’ll be up all night anyway We tend to hold onto things that we can do nothing about, beating ourselves up over our past and stressing ourselves out over our future when what we really need to do is focus on today because that is where change happens. To give us more energy physically, emotionally and psychologically we need to learn to let things go and there is no one better to turn those things over to than God. After all, He knows all about it anyway.

20.   The good news is your feelings come back. The bad news is your feelings come back When we get clean and sober our feelings start to come back, which is amazing. I can feel genuine happiness, love, compassion and joy. Those feelings are amazing. But if I can feel again, that also means that I now have to deal with grief, loss, depression and heart ache. On one hand, yeah!!!! On the other hand………….Boo!

21.   I’m allergic to drugs and alcohol. Every time I use I break out in handcuffs and felony chargesPretty self-explanatory, if I get into trouble when I use that sets a pattern that I should not continue if I no longer want to get into trouble. Much like an allergy, if I have a bad reaction to eating something I generally avoid it so I should do the same with drugs and alcohol because I have already experienced the outcome of using them.

22.   People may not always believe what I say but they will always believe what I do Simply stated, actions speak louder than words. To the people who matter the most to us, our word has probably lost all meaning. We have burned bridges by continuously lying, stealing, cheating and manipulating people. They are no longer going to believe what we have to say, so instead we have to show them that we are telling the truth through our actions and choices over time.

23.   I stopped counting the days and started making the days countIn the end, who cares how much clean time you have? I have seen people with 6 months making a bigger impact on the recovery community than people with 20 years. It is not about who has the most, but instead what you do with it. I would rather focus on what I can do to make myself and the people around me stronger and wiser than get caught up in the amount of clean time I have. Clean time will not keep you clean.

24.   It is not what I know that keeps me sober, it is what I do that keeps me sober We hear people spout the Big Book, quoting it by page and then reeling off one of the steps telling someone else what to do and we begin to think that person has it together. That can lead us to stumble. I have heard a drunk at a bar quoting the Big Book to the person drinking next to him. Knowing and doing are two completely different things. Never forget that. See #22

25.   What happened in the past is over. You can’t unscramble scrambled eggs This is also quoted as once you are a pickle, you can never be a cucumber again. They both mean the same thing, you cannot change the past. In fact, getting stuck on the past often leads to relapse and it always takes our focus off of today. The truth is, I thank God every day for prison, the physical and sexual abuse I experienced as a youth as well as my addiction. They all made the person I am today, and that person is a Hope Dealer. If not for all of the things that I have encountered, I would not have the strength and wisdom that I do today. Make amends, give the rest to God and move on. Never forget: You are exactly where you need to be!

Addict = All or Nothing

I wanted to call this blog, "Addict, All In" but I figured that might be a trigger for any gamblers who read this. Instead, I decided to call it Addict = All or Nothing. I called it that because all or nothing is the definition that I believe describes most addicts. There is also a purpose to this blog. That is to understand some of what drives me, and hopefully by proxy anyone who has struggled with an addiction in one form or another can understand a little more about themselves.

I am an addict. We will just get that out of the way now. When I say that I am an addict you should probably know at least one thing about me; I have impulse control problems. I get an urge to act on whatever my addiction might be to and I do it. I live my life by the Nike slogan, "Just Do It!" I am not saying it is right, it is simply what I do.

Once I act upon it, I go places people should not go. In fact, I go plaed most people would never go. I do not act like most people. I push the envelope with all that I do. Whether it is drinking, drugging, eating, etc. I go all out. I have trouble stopping once I begin. To me that is the hallmark of an addict.

Sadly, I am seldom that way with positive things. I once heard a guy at an NA meeting say the only thing he never did over the top was work the steps. I found that funny but true. When it comes to a lot of things in my past life such as drugs, alcohol or sex I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right now. The only times I practiced patience (patience = procrastination) was when it might have been a positive thing.

I think the reason that occurs is because we stop liking ourselves. We run out of self-esteem and/or hope. Subsequently we immerse ourselves in something that takes our focus off of us and is quite often highly dangerous either physically, emotionally or psychologically. Quite often it is all 3. From there we become stuck in a rut where escaping, numbing or shifting focus becomes our only recourse.

That is why we work through the 12 steps. We begin to regain our self-esteem and start to like ourselves again. We accept responsibility for the good and bad things that have happened to us and that we have done. We work through our  hurts, habits and hang-ups. We accept that there are things that we have allowed to consume our lives that were negative and we set up interventions and supports so that does not happen again.

Even after I have  had my spiritual awakening, I am not cured. It does not change the fact that I am all or nothing. I still have impulse control problems. I just have to learn to find positive things to pour myself in to. Some people use one of the anonymous programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc. Others find faith-based groups such as Celebrate Recovery or Living Free while others use SMART Recovery or Rational Recovery groups.

I am not going to knock any of the groups I just mentioned, because they have all helped others. The best recovery group is one that you go to. Find what you get the most out of and go. Then share the hope you find with others and go all out doing it. As an addict I have had to come up with a new motto for my life. Years ago it was the James Dean motto, "Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse."

Today my motto would be, "Finding a Better Life Exists" coupled with "Transforming Lives by Sharing Recovery." I also am partial to "From Dealing Dope to Dealing Hope." The bottom line is this, if you are living your life to not only be a better person from one day to the next but to help the people you come into contact with live better lives too, you are doing something right. If you aren't living your life that way, you are doing something wrong.

If you want to be an addict, get addicted to making yourself better and sharing your strength, experience and hope with all of those you come into contact with. Here is to going all in...........when it comes to building up the community around you!

Anonymity and Recovery

Anonymous is defined as, "not identified by name; of unknown name. It also means having no outstanding, individual, or unusual features; unremarkable or impersonal."

The first definition for anonymous, "not identified by name," does not fit because in going to any "anonymous" program we give ourselves names and roles. I am an alcoholic (AA), I do narcotics (NA), I am an overeater (OA) and even I am codependent (CoDA). We are good at giving ourselves names.

Anonymous is also defined as, "having no outstanding, individual, or unusual features; unremarkable or impersonal." I know that in the rooms of the anonymous programs this means that no one person is any better or more important than anyone else. It also means that what is said in the meetings stays in the meetings. What about the people outside of the anonymous programs? What do they think about the word anonymous and the people that go to “those” meetings?

Many think that we are ashamed of who we are. That is why we go to these anonymous meetings and hide. We are guilt and shame ridden because of our past so we hide in anonymity. Others see them as a place for addicts and alcoholics to get together, drink coffee and share war stories. That is what people who used to have struggles do. They sit in rooms and commiserate, never truly rejoining the community itself.

Some of you are probably thinking, “I don’t care what people think.” That is the true problem with the sober community. We don’t care what people think. That is how an abstinent person thinks. If people judge us on our past, that is one thing. When we give them reason to judge us now, that is on us. What are we doing to change people’s opinions about the recovery community?

We are perpetuating a stigma both in the outside community and the recovery community. “I do not fit in with those outside of recovery, and that is why I have to come to a meeting every day so I can be around people I relate to. There is nothing remarkable about me because of who I used to be and the “normies” will not accept me if they find out.”

 I will argue that is wrong to my grave. People are blessed by knowing me. I have many outstanding and remarkable features. I was not born with them, but through overcoming my struggles and addictions I have become wiser and stronger. I have a lot to offer to others. I have found recovery. I went from dealing dope to dealing hope and I have yet to meet anyone who could not use more hope!

Recovery is defined as, "A return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. The action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost."

I will skip over the first definition of recovery, a return to a "normal state" because I don’t like it. What is normal? Normal for me may not be normal for you. Normal in America is probably not normal in China. I heard that normal means most, but if that is accurate than normal would mean China or India because they have the highest population. Therefore, very few of us in America are normal. Even in our country, normal in Branson, Missouri is probably not the same as normal in Chicago, Illinois.

So we will use the second definition of recovery, “regaining possession of something that was stolen or lost.” It makes sense, after all my life was stolen from me. I lost my potential, my hope, my pride, my self-esteem, my happiness and my optimism. I lost friends, family, jobs, cars, houses and so much more.  

In getting sober and abstaining from drugs and alcohol I began to see improvements in my life. I began to see some of my potential return. I could get and keep a job, because I was abstinent. Not using drugs caused me to be more dependable and to take more pride in my job.

I also attended anonymous recovery meetings; I mean a lot of them. I got to hang out with people who were former addicts and alcoholics. After the meetings we would go out and drink coffee. Sometimes we would go bowling. Occasionally we would have BBQs and weekend camp outs together.

I was doing a lot of fun things, but I was not pushing myself. I was in a comfort zone, focused on me and other addicts who were just like me. They were the people I belonged around because they could understand me. They could relate to me and I could relate to them. It was a good start. There was a problem with that. I didn't want good, I wanted great.

I found that I did not have the social ties to the community I needed. I did not feel good enough to make them. I still looked in the mirror and saw an addict and a convict. I was filled with guilt, shame and even some anger. I figured if I ever told everyone who I was they would feel the same way. I never really stepped into true recovery because I never regained what I had lost. I did not have my true identity.

There were things I had lost I still didn't have. I was not born cynical and pessimistic. I was not born depressed and angry. I wasn’t born cursing all the time. I was not born to be ashamed of who I was and the road I had taken to get to here. But I was. I didn't want to be, though. The truth was that abstinence had given me a glimmer of hope and a taste of pride. I craved more..

I was scared or “normal” people at first for a lot of reasons: What will everyone think when they know about my past? How disappointed will people be if I relapse? Then I stopped thinking only of me and expanded my view: What if I give recovery a bad name because of my behavior? How will my speech reflect upon the recovery community?

That is when I truly began to realize what recovery meant. I started thinking outside of myself and began taking into account the things I represented and how everything I did and said reflected upon them. I saw that the opportunity recovery presented me was so much larger than I was.

Here is what I needed to do for myself to regain what I had lost. I had to begin sharing who I was, what had happened to me, what I had done, where I had been and where I was now. I would go anywhere and everywhere to do that. I have gone into schools, colleges, churches, conferences, community events, and done interviews on the radio and television.

There is a huge stigma in the community when it comes to addiction and recovery for a reason. I hear people who are very vocal about being in recovery dropping F-Bombs left and right and yelling at anyone they disagree with. People still get into fights due to anger/shame issues that have not been addressed and sleep around due to impulse control issues or a lack of self-esteem.

Recovery is realizing that my choice of words and my behavior reflect not just on me, but on my family and all the people who are in recovery as well. It is realizing that cursing and fighting and yelling are signs of the addiction, not recovery.

It is realizing that community service is not just chairing meetings and sponsoring people in the program. Recovery is knowing community service is not just something a judge or probation officer gives you. Community service is doing things to help your community become better. It is giving back to the community because at one time you took from it.

Community service should also be done under the guise of our recovery. We should shelf our anonymity. The stigma the community has is that they seldom if ever see the recovery community giving back. When was the last recovery booth you saw at a cancer fundraiser? When was the last time you sponsored a recovery day at Habitat for Humanity? How about the last 5K you saw where a group of drug court graduates decked out in T-Shirts letting the world know who they were ran?

The recovery community needs to overcome the stigma of addiction. That starts with you and me. We should be proud of who we are and how we have gotten there. The problem is that the loudest people representing recovery are generally not the ones in recovery. We need to change that.

We should remember that we represent recovery in all of our activities. We represent recovery when we go out to eat, drive a vehicle, work, go to church/synagogue/coven, play softball/basketball/football and attend school. Everywhere we go, we should present ourselves well.

We gain hope, pride, self-respect and self-esteem through seeing that people who know our past now see us for who we are. They realize that although addiction sucks recovery is amazing. This can only happen when we become true ambassadors for recovery in all aspects of our lives.

If that is something you are interested in, let me know. There is nothing more powerful than someone in recovery not only helping those who are currently struggling, but also sharing their tragedies and successes with the entire world. Only then will the stigma diminish as the “normal community sees that WE DO GREAT THINGS IN RECOVERY!!!

Best of a Bad Situation or Making a Good Situation Better

We have an innate ability to control ourselves. In the program of NA/AA they sometimes talk about powerlessness, and that is a really hard concept for people to understand. By the very nature of the word, it is misunderstood. Powerlessness doesn't mean that I have no power in this situation, instead it means that I only have power over myself in the here and now. I may be powerless, but I am not helpless!

Example, you  have someone who dislikes you that you have tried to reconcile with. They will have no part in making peace. Now imagine that person is a family member or has married into your family. You HAVE to see them on a regular basis. With Christmas just passing, this may have been one of those occasions. You had a horrible time. You knew what to expect, and it happened. They glared at you and whispered about you the whole time. You were miserable!

What went wrong? You allowed someone to rent space in your head........................FOR FREE!!! There is absolutely no reason you should have had a miserable time just because of them. If they want to be angry and miserable, that is on them but that is no reason for you to allow them to have control over your emotions. After all, they are called yours for a reason. You own them and you control them.

The problem was the way you approached the event. There are multiple ways to approach the occasion. You need to pick the right one. We can make a bad situation tolerable and  a good situation horrible, it is all about our approach and the follow through.

1. Build up the event. Continue to tell yourself how horrible it is going to be. Think about how you felt in the past and replay it over and over, leading to anxiety. Then when you get there, focus on just that individual and all that they say. Cower in a corner the entire time, afraid to speak lest you bring their wrath and the scorn from the rest of your family.
2. Get ready for battle. Surely you don't have to take their abuse and the looks they give you. This time, strike first. Rehearse your verbal zingers and practice your dirty looks. This time, you are going to strike first and often. You will win............or not. Best advice I have ever heard was this, "Never get into an argument with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."
3. Don't go. Stay home and sulk. After all, confrontation is bad and it is sure to happen. It did last time, and history repeats itself.
4. Call all of your family and whine about the person. Talk about the treatment you get from them, and let everyone else know that you are the bigger person and will rise above it all. But make sure they know if they want to take your side, you are all for it.
5. Pray for the person. Remind yourself how much fun you have hanging out with the rest of your family. Repeat the mantra "Be the bigger person." Practice the smile you will give them and make sure to seek them out once to say hi when you get there. If the attitude is still there, move on and enjoy the time you have with everyone else. It may be the last time you will see some of the people you love.

So, which one of these ways will help you to have a good time? Way number one will lead to an unenjoyable evening. The second way will end up with you looking like a complete idiot in front of every one there. Three will lead to you living in a cave and becoming a hermit. Four will lead to your family seeing it is you on their caller ID and not answering the phone. Way five will leave you feeling better and having a good time.

I have found that those who have issues with me do so mainly because of my past. In my past I was a drug addict, convict, thug, hustler, dope dealer, etc. Think of the worst things you could about someone, and they were probably true about me. That said, I have changed. People have a little while to realize that change has occurred before I tune them out.

After getting to know me, some people continue to play judge and jury. That is their choice. I used to let that bother me. That was my choice. I have come to realize that I was letting others attitudes control my own attitude. Spoiler alert, never a wise decision. Now I make a better choice. I remind myself, "People who matter don't judge and people who judge don't matter." I should never allow anyone's disposition to change mine. Attitude from others is only an issue if I let it be one!

Next time you are going to be around someone you do not like or that can't stand you, prepare for success. Remind yourself that you are there to have a good time and spend that time with the people you care about. Be nice to the person that the issue is with, and pray for them before you ever get there. Some of my best friends were people I couldn't stand at one point, and vice versa!

I'm Hacked Off

I was hacked off this week. Once again a friend relapsed, and it made me angry at first. I tried to figure out how anyone who has clean time could possibly relapse. Once you have several years and are seeing that life can be amazing without drugs/alcohol, what could possibly possess you to use again?

Then I remember the cunning, baffling and strong aspects of addiction and I calm down a little. While I calm down, I remember my relapses in the past. There were relapses with old friends I thought had quit using, new prescriptions after accidents and oral surgery, new friends I thought didn't use that did, hanging out in bars and having friends that used and feeling that I would be strong enough to always say no. I learned otherwise. But I always got back up!

Now, in the wake of my friends relapse I reflect on the things that have kept me clean and sober. I want to remind you right now that your addiction is in the back of your head: running on a treadmill, lifting weights and doing research on the computer! It is getting stronger and smarter each and every day, trying to figure out the best way to take your life over. This is to be avoided at all costs!!

If our addiction is getting stronger and smarter, we obviously need to keep our recovery even stronger than our addiction. The question is, how do we strengthen our recovery? I have to stick with the 5 Pillars of Recovery:

1. GET A HIGHER POWER (God, NA/AA Group, etc.) This is the foundation of your recovery! Your Higher Power needs to be something that can give you validation, love, compassion and acceptance. Door knobs need not apply.
2. GO TO MEETINGS (NA, AA, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free, small groups, etc.) Great place to meet like minded people, realize we are not the only ones who struggle and get some hope restored. Without hope, recovery is impossible.
3. GET A SPONSOR (Mentor) This is someone who is living their lives the way you would like to be living yours 5 years down the road and is willing to take the time to help you get there
4. STEP WORK (12 Steps) This is a set of things that we need to do in order to work through our addiction. The truth is, most of us are not working the steps for drugs/alcohol/food/pornography/etc. We have deep rooted problems that must be taken care of first and when we do that our addictions will begin to sort themselves out. Think of going to a doctor missing a finger and all he did was clean up the blood and then said you were better. Are you better? Of course not! He has not taken care of the problem, only a symptom of the problem. Our addictions are the same way, just a symptom of the real problems. We need to take care of the deeper issues and the 12 steps are the way to do it!
5. GET ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS (Friends that are positive and sober) These are people you can set up in your life who will help you stay on task. They will call you when you miss a meeting or don't show up at work just to tell you that you're missed and ask if everything is okay. They may even show up unannounced, drag you off of your pity-pot and take you out for coffee. 

If I have these 5 things in my life I need to also make sure that I pray and meditate every day. Working steps, going to meetings and working with a sponsor will cause issues to come to mind. We need to address these, and prayer and meditation is a great way to do that. If you don't have time, you need to make time. Some nights I don't get off of work until 9 PM, but I am still up at 4 AM the next morning to lift weights for 30 minutes then walk. Why do I do this?

I have found that taking a 30 minute walk most mornings allows me to focus on praying and meditating. I focus on the things that I am grateful for. Then I pray for: strength/courage/wisdom to accomplish what I need to that day, to make me a better husband/father, then help for my friends, family and others who are struggling. In addition I always pray for two things: To make me like Jesus and to use me this day as His hands and feet. This always gets my day off to a great start! 

BLiR VLog From 09/23/2012-09/29/2012

09/23 Why I Like Triggers (and So Should You)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zT0uaSs0mE

09/24 Progress Not Perfection

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikclmsaxLJo

09/25 You Love Me Anyway

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdBfep-RV6Y

09/26 What is the Best Recovery Meeting to Attend?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAo7RpMzHLU

09/27 Finding Balance in Your Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reooGV1WCVU

09/28 Overcoming Resistance to Attending Recovery Meetings

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8rdbdHMVw8

09/29 Losing Weight/My Temple is a Shack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX-VZLs6Xf8

BLiR VLog 08/08 You Never Have to Use Again

Stinking Thinking Part 1: Would You Stick Your Hand in a Nest of Rattlesnakes?

There are several reasons that people relapse. Most of the reasons that people relapse are due to either "Stinking Thinking" or complacency. I would like to look at several of the different types of stinking thinking that occur, and what they seem like to me. I have found that when you give examples that can be visualized, it tends to make more sense. Due to how some of us learn, we need to have examples that are a little extreme to make us understand the situation better.

Let me clear this up; drugs kill people all of the time. In 2009 the National Center for Health Statistics reported that over 60,000 people died in the United States from drugs or alcohol. That is not to mention the number of people who died from collateral damage, such as cirrhosis, suicide, homicide, etc. Comparatively, rattlesnakes killed  no more than 5-7 people per year. You would be about 1,000 times more likely to get killed by drugs and/or alcohol yet we still use them. If you are wondering what snakes have to do with this, stick around.

Basically, you should be more worried about the drug use. Yet we put ourselves in dangerous positions for relapsing. We will go visit our old friends or family that are still actively using, finding any excuse that we can to be around them. We will invent reasons to have people over to our house even when we know that they are either in active addiction or we are pretty sure that they are no longer using. My favorite excuses follow (Blanks are filled in with whoever the person is, either friend or family):

1. _______ told me that they stopped using last week, so I want to go to their house and hang out to help them stay sober.
2. Well it is my ________, what do you expect me to do? Tell them that they can no longer be part of my life?
3. _______ promised me that they would not use around me if I come over.
4. _______ told me that if they come over to see me, they will leave it in their car.
5. I can be around it and not use.

The truth is, these are all very bad scenarios to put yourself in. The reasons vary, and I will address each of them in turn. For starters, why would you want to go to the house of someone that just quit using? Why would you want to have them over to your house? Those are recipes for disaster. You could offer to meet them at an NA, AA, Celebrate Recovery or Living Free meeting if they want to be around you. If they are truly trying to be sober/clean, they will meet you there. If they aren't serious, you will know that when they are not showing up for meetings.

As for people who you have had in your life for a while; length of knowing them is not reason to be around them. I don't care if they are your mother or father. If they are using, it is a recipe for disaster! Many people have used with their parents, brothers/sisters and best friends. We may have known people for our entire lives, but that does not matter when it comes to staying sober. It reminds me of a message I heard on an answering machine once. "Hi, this is ________. I am not home right now because I am busy making changes. If I don't return your call, it's because you are one of the changes I am making."

We may have to make changes that hurt. We may have to be uncomfortable for a while. That is okay, what we are comfortable doing is what got us to where we are today. For a lot of us, that is not a good place. What I am comfortable doing hospitalized me, killed me, got me put in prison and took away my friends that had futures. You have to ask yourself this question: "Is being around ______ worth losing my freedom and possibly my life over?"

What about those great friends and glorious family members that let us know that they will not use around us? They care about us so much that they would rather be around us high and stay in our lives and risk our sobriety than just not be around us at all and know that we are sober and trying to do better. What good friends...........

After I quit doing drugs I moved to Springfield. I ended up working at Ruby Tuesdays in the Battlefield Mall for 6 years to put myself through college. A couple of times a year I would see one of my friends, we will call him B, that I used to deal drugs with. Every time I saw him our interaction was the same. He would stand at the front of the restaurant and I would see him. I would walk up to the door and he would disappear by the time I got to the front of the restaurant into the mall. I never got a chance to speak to him, because he was gone. The year after I quit working at Ruby Tuesdays I was in the mall doing some Christmas shopping. I was tapped on the shoulder and it was B. Conversation went as follows:

"David, I heard you had got clean. How have you been doing?"
"So now you want to talk to me! Why have you avoided me? I have seen you probably a dozen times, and every time that I would come up to talk to you, you were gone. What's up with that?"
"Sorry, I just wanted you to know that I was still alive. I had heard that you had gotten clean and I did not want you tempted to get high again from being around me high or by asking me for some."
"So why are you talking to me know? I guess that means you are doing good?"
"I actually got clean a year ago, David, but I am not doing well. I got caught, and I have to turn myself in next month to do 10 years."

We then went to Ruby Tuesdays and got something to eat. Over lunch he updated me on all of the people we used to run with who were either still alive and using, in prison or dead. I was the only one who dealt that he knew had gotten out from the group we used to hang out with. Can you guess what the lesson to this story is? He was my friend, and because he was my friend he refused to talk to me. He knew that by talking to me he could jeopardize the new life I was creating.

The logic behind what he did is simple. I used drugs/alcohol with him. He knows that it is something that I have an affinity to. Because of that, I may be tempted if he were to be around. If not today, then maybe 6 months down the road when I have a bad day. Maybe I get fired, or some one that I care about dies. I see him, I ask him for drugs and I use. It is that simple. I will actually elaborate on it more in the second post about Stinking Thinking.

What does all of this combined mean, and why did I talk about rattlesnakes earlier? Because I want to ask you a question: "Would you stick your hand in a box of live rattlesnakes?" Of course not, that would be insane! Yet when we go to places that may have drugs and/or hang out with people who might be actively using it is the same thing as sticking your hand into a nest of rattlesnakes because "they might not bite me."

That is insane, and only stinking thinking would allow us to make such a bad decision. You would never stick your hand into a box of rattlesnakes because you might get bit. There is a possibility of it, just like there is a possibility of relapse if you are around drugs and alcohol. That relapse could be the one that kills you. Why would you risk your life on a possibilitythat you might not relapse? The truth is, being around negative playmates and playgrounds leads to one statement. "I now no longer ask if you will relapse, but when will you relapse?"

Your addiction is in the back of your head. It is lifting weights, running on the treadmill and reading books. It is getting stronger and smarter, trying to get from the back of your mind into the front again. If you want to keep it out of the front of your brain, you remove temptations and reminders! There is no reason to hang out with users. To quote McGruff the Crime Dog, "Users are losers and losers are users."

The best way to remain sober is to stay around sober people/places and avoid people who use and places that drugs and/or alcohol may be found at. We are not about losing, we are about winning!

The Beast in the Back of My Head pt 2

Over the years that beast has changed. He has been in the back of my head transforming himself over the years: doing research, reading, lifting weights and running on the treadmilll. He continues to grow stronger each and every day. He gets wiser and more cunning every day. He looks for ways to creep into my life both consciously and subconsciously.

When I am asleep he will come and visit me in my dreams. I have woke up before certain that I had relapsed because of a using dream. He will bring up memories of "the good ol' days" when I hear a song, see a picture or run into someone from my runnin' and gunnin' days. That is the power he has, to remind me of all of the good times and never the bad ones.

When I am hurting and life does not go my way, the beast is whispering in my ear. When my father committed suicide, that beast was the first voice I heard. "Do a shot of dope and you will feel so much better" he purred. When I have bills that I do not know how I am going to pay, he always is quick to remind me how much I can make off of doing a burn (cooking methampetamine) "one last time."

I actually relapsed in 2000 after I bought that lie.  And that relapse is where I learned the truth about my addiction. In the several months that I had stopped using, it had grown stronger and stronger. I had never overdosed before, I had overamped a few times but never overdosed. In the next year, I overdosed three times. That beast did not pick up where I had left off, but instead had grown stronger and more insidious.

When I think of that beast, I always remember the Verbal Kint quote in the movie "Usual Suspects." He says, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." The beast has tried this one several times. "Now that you have been sober for a year, you could just have one drink" or "you don't need to go to meetings anymore" it says. "You know the steps, you don't really have to work them anymore, do you?" That beast will try any way to get into my head. "Why pray when you never get what you want?" he asks me.

The problem he runs into is that I have seen the worst he has to offer, and could not escape him on my own. I even tried everything man made to overcome him, to no avail. At best I had temporary fixes. Then I finally came upon the cure. I needed things consistently to keep that beast at bay. I needed to insure that as strong as he was getting, my recovery stayed stronger. That has been accomplished, but it is not easy. There are multiple needs that I have to fill, and will have to fulfill, for the rest of my life.

Here is the quick recipe. I need regular meetings (or small groups), I need a sponsor (or mentor), I need accountability partners in my daily life, I need to work the 12 steps (read this live life as directed to in the book of James). That is all that we truly need to do in order to keep the beast at bay. As he grows stronger daily, we too must also daily do things that promote recovery and Christ in our lives.

To do otherwise is to guarantee that beast in the back of our head will one day resurface. He WILL come back stronger then he was. Trust that. If you want a better life, then focus daily on the prize. Put Christ first in all you do and walk where the Holy Spirit leads you while fulfilling the four musts I identified. Do that and you will live a life that keeps the beast mired in the back of your mind, trying his best to come back and not in the front of it, leading your every move!

Iron Sharpens Iron Part 2 - Change your Playmates

When they refer to playmates they are literally referring to the people that we spend time with. There are people in our lives who engage in the activities that we are trying to no longer engage in. We tend to surround ourselves with people we feel comfortable around.  When I first enter into a new lifestyle, I need to surround myself with people who will support the way I now choose to live.

This is actually one of the most difficult things to do. We may have used drugs with our brother, sister, husband or wife. We may drink with our parents and all of our friends. We may not have any friends at all that do not do drugs or drink. We may not, when we look at our lives realistically, have any true friends.

When I have someone ask me what a true friend is, I ask them the same question, “If you had $1,000 dollars on your dresser and you were leaving the house and your friend were staying, would you hide the money before you left? Or would you be confident that the money would still be there when you came back?” What most of my clients find out is that the people they thought were friends are generally nothing more than acquaintances?

In my past, I had friends that would have taken a bullet for me. They would have helped me hide bodies! But they also would have helped hide mine if they could have made any money on it. The truth is, they were only my friend because they either wanted what I had, what they could get from me, because I had good drugs, could get rid of their drugs, did drugs with them or because they were scared of me. It is really hard to admit it, but I had very few true friends.

Here is a story that I will relate about finding out one of my old acquaintances was truly a friend. I moved when I got clean. I knew that I could not stay clean and still live where I had been a drug dealer for so long. I moved to Springfield, and I worked at a local restaurant in the mall. I saw one of my old friends several times over the course of five years. Every time that I saw him he would catch my eye, then turn around and leave the restaurant. I had not been working at the restaurant for a year, but was at the mall Christmas shopping when I saw my old friend again. He walked up to me and asked me how I had been doing.

“I have been doing really well, but I have to ask you a question," I replied. "How come every time I've seen you since I left Branson, you have seen me and immediately left the place I was at?"

"It was because I was still dealing drugs, and I knew that you weren't anymore. I did not want to be a temptation to you."

“So why are you talking to me now?” I asked.

"Because I am no longer doing drugs. In fact, I have been off of drugs and out of that lifestyle for a year now. Unfortunately, I had old charges that came up and I have to turn myself in to complete a federal prison sentence in January. I was actually hoping to run into you, I just wanted you to know that I got clean to."

After that he and I caught up on what was going on with the old crew that I used to hang out with. It consisted mostly of people in prison and people who were no longer alive. As I say goodbye to him, it dawned on me that he was actually a true friend. He knew that I could probably not maintain the lifestyle I was living if we were to remain friends. So instead of being a negative influence, he chose to not be in my life at all. Honestly, I had very few friends who did not do drugs when I finally got off of drugs.

There's a reason for that. In addiction we tend to chase away the people who do not do what we do (drugs, alcohol, etc). We stop being friends with people who truly care about us, because they tend to want to see us improve our lives. They remind us of the negative things that we are currently doing. So instead, we surround ourselves with people that do not have our best intentions at heart.

The Bible in 1 Corinthians 15:33 states that, “Bad company corrupts good character.” And Proverbs 13:20 says," He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."

It sounds like maybe we need to make positive friends. It is hard to learn how to be sober if we hang around with drunks. It is hard to stop committing crimes if we hang out with criminals. If we want to make changes in our lives, we have to be willing to do whatever it takes to make those changes. This includes no longer hanging out with our old playmates and beginning to hang out with new ones. Aerosmith, in their song Amazing, say it best, “I kept the right ones out, and let the wrong ones in.”

Do not get me wrong. I still have friends from my past who are in my life and others who are not. There are some things I will not be around. I do not hang out with criminals, nor do I hang out with people who are doing drugs. I do not run around with people who break the law either. I believe in self-determination. I have found out that I cannot change my friends, just as other people could not change me while I was still active in my addiction. I have found the best way to be there for those types of friends is for me to live my life right.

That said, there are people from my past that I'm still friends with. For example, look at the people that I used to be friends with when I was an alcoholic. Many of them still drink. A couple of my best friend still drink, yet I still will go out with them. I will meet them for dinner and a movie. After the movie is over, I will go home and they will go to the bar. I feel that one of the best ways we can minister to others is by still being their friends. That does not mean that we put ourselves in danger situations, but that we still are friends with them.

So where do I find new playmates, you may be asking yourself. There are 12 step recovery groups (Alcoholic's Anonymous, Narcotic's Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery, Living Free), church groups, community support groups, therapy groups and even online support groups. These kinds of groups are important for several reasons. For starters, we have a chance to be around people who know where we have been and can relate to us. This generally stops people from being judgmental. Secondly, we get to be around people who will share with us their strength, experience and hope. Finally, we get to learn new behaviors by people who actually exhibit them.

Proverbs 27:17," as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

When I began to hold myself accountable, I also needed to be around others who would help me be accountable. It is really difficult for me to make wise choices when I hang out with people who are not making those same choices themselves. If I want to begin a new lifestyle, I need to ensure that I hang out with people who also follow that lifestyle. I have found that the best way to do that is by being around people who were where I want to be. That does not mean when I have outgrown people, that I am no longer their friend. What that does mean is that I am constantly finding new people to become friends with.

I have found a sponsor, who is someone who helped me work through the 12 steps, which I am a huge advocate of when working through difficult issues that we are trying to overcome. I am best helped by someone who has lived through what I am living through. They have the wisdom that I need in order to succeed. 

As you can see, changing our playmates, playgrounds and playthings needs to happen in order to successfully achieve a new way of living. These are major pieces that are an integral part of our recovery puzzle that needs to be completed in order for us to be kept from anything that causes us harm or separates us from God.

Iron Sharpens Iron Part 1- Change your Playgrounds

There are multiple things that are talked about that will allow you to make positive lifestyle changes. Some of the most important things that they talk about are your playmates, playgrounds and playthings. These are three of the major obstacles/barriers that exist in our environment and that keep us from making beneficial changes.

When they refer to playgrounds, they are talking about the places that you frequent. As a substance-abuse counselor, I tell people that they should avoid their old playgrounds. As a Christian, I tell people that they may not want to frequent their old hangouts also. I tell everyone that is making changes that they need to not only be aware of where they partake of their hobbies at but also the hobbies they engage in. The hobbies they engage in are referred to as playthings.

When they mention play things, they're talking about triggers. Triggers are the things in our life that make us think of the habits we are trying to rid ourselves of.

1. If you are trying to work on financial issues, credit cards may be a trigger for you. Cutting up your credit cards may be a good idea for you.

2. If you're an alcoholic, fishing may be a trigger for you. In the future, you may want to only go fishing with sober people who were supportive of your sobriety.

3. If you like to fight or have anger issues, heavy metal concerts and bars may be triggers for you. I know that they were for me. I did not stop going to concerts, instead I switched to worship music. I found that it tends to uplift me and fill me with hope instead of causing anger in me.

4. For those who suffer from depression, isolation may be a trigger for you. It was for me. I came up with an action plan for things to do when I began to isolate which included calling a sponsor and accountability partners. We will discuss those when we get to playmates.

5. What if you're addicted to video games? I found that a good thing to add to my life was reading the Bible, attending small groups, and actually spending time with my wife and my son.

We also need to ensure that we are aware of the places that are dangerous to our overcoming the habits we are trying to change, or our living a Christian lifestyle. If you continue to frequent your old haunts you are putting yourself at risk of once again engaging in behaviors you are trying to stop. Do not give relapse, sin or the devil a foothold in your life. When we frequent places of ill repute that is what we do.

Listed below are a couple examples:

1. If you are an overeater, there may be a bakery that you pass by on our way home from work that he would always stop at. Would it not be wiser to change your route going home than it would be to drive by the bakery every day? Remove your object of temptation.

2. If you have a sexual addiction, why would you ever go to a bar or a club? This is the last place I would ever go to. For starters, the temptation to pick somebody up will always exist there. Most bars and clubs are nothing more than meat markets. Secondly, inebriated people are not that much fun to hang out with if you are sober.

3. I was an alcoholic. I also enjoy playing softball a lot. I always played softball at the fields that had bars at them. When I stopped drinking, I found a league that was played in a park that did not serve alcohol. This was a good idea because if alcohol was not available to me I would not drink. Also because there is no alcohol there, there do not tend to be any fights there like at the fields that serve liquor.

4. I enjoy playing pool and bowling. I am not good at either of them, but I do enjoy them. There are multiple bowling alleys in the town I live in. There are also multiple places that I could play pool at. There is a Christian bowling alley in the town I live in that also has a pool table. Therefore I can play pool and bowl in a place that has no liquor served at it. Once again, if there is no temptation than it is less likely that I will stumble.

Do the above examples make sense? Why would you tempt fate? If I have a box of rattlesnakes, I am not going to stick my hand in there on the off chance that they might not bite me. That is what we do when we frequent places we should not. We basically play Russian roulette with our new lives.

The Bible even supports this. In Proverbs 14:11 it says, “The house of the wicked will be destroyed, but the tent of the upright will flourish." Why would you want to hang out in a house that you know will be destroyed? Would it not be better to hang out in a place that will flourish? I would certainly think so.

X Factor's Chris Rene performs "Young Homie" & A Word of Advice

Just a quick blog about the X-Factor and an audition that I just saw. It was a kid named Chris Rene who stated that he was 70 days clean and that he had just got out of rehab. When he said that he was going to do an original song, I instantly smelled disaster. You never want to do an original song in front of the judges. LA Reid and Simon Cowell both turned and looked at each other with dread in their eyes. Simon turned back with a smug look ready to chasitise Chris when his audition was over. As it started you could see the looks change, and by the time he got to the chorus he had won over the judges completely.

I personally was delighted to have been wrong. Instead of hearing what I expected, I was blown away. It was original, it was fresh and it was relevant. It was a song about him changing his life and seeing how the using and the violence of the streets solves nothing, it only hurts us, keeps us seperated from and shortens the time we have on Earth to spend with the one's that we love. 

In the intro he talks about how he started with THC, moved to alcohol and then to coke and meth and from there it was all over. It is a progression that I have seen often in clients and in myself. By the time you realize that you are an addict and that using sucks it feels like it is too late to quit.

Chris also spoke of the guilt and shame that broke him. That is a familiar story in addiction circles. Often the drugs, alcohol, food, money (insert your what here) is simply a symptom of the real problem. The real problem is often us trying to numb and escape from the shame, guilt, trauma, depression, anxiety, loneliness, self-loathing, etc that we are experiencing. Once we realize that it helps temporarily we begin to use more and more until eventually we are always numb.

Once this stage is reached, it is nearly impossible to make the change alone. We need to seek help from people who have fought this demon and can relate to us. If I want to learn to fight, I learn it from people who have experience fighting and know how to win. That is found in recovery groups all over the world, a brotherhood of people in recovery willing to share their strength, faith and hope with us.

You can tell that LA Reid has obviously worked with people who have been in addiction. When he says that if he calls he better not talk to sister or mother or girlfriend, but it had better always be Chris who answers that phone and talks to him to let him know that he is okay you know what LA Reid has experienced before. You know that he has had one addict or another having someone who loves them lie for them. Funny how we make the people who love us lie for us over and over again. We drag them down to our own spiritually sick level. We basically attempt to destroy their spirituality as well as our own in our addiction.

All that said, I wish Chris the very best. This will be a long road and one that is impossible to accomplish without a brotherhood of people in recovery that have his back. He will need to stand strong and create some very firm boundaries with people. You know that if he wins $5 million, all of his old playmates (druggin' and thuggin' buddies) are gonna come hunting him down. His "homies" will be right back in his face, trying to romance him with thoughts of the good old days and how they were always there for him.

I hope that his sober support system and his love for his little boy are enough to bring him through the rough times, and that he always remembers where he once was. Playmates and playgrounds are dangerous. If he hangs out with his old "buddies" the question is not IF he will relapse, but WHEN he will relapse.

My advice to Chris Rene would be to continue doing three things. First and foremost are one form of 12 step recovery meeting; whether it is NA, AA, Living Free or Celebrate Recovery keep attending those meetings 2-3 times a week. The second thing is having a sponsor and accountability partners that will be there for and with him to watch his back, give him sage advice and positive support on a daily basis. Third is that he continue to work the 12 steps on a daily basis for the rest of his life. When he says that there is always a chance, and always a choice he is absolutely right. But in the end, it is up to you to make the right choice. Narrow is the road to recovery, and broad is the road to relapse. That is why the daily working of the 12 steps is so important.

The 12th step is the most important step in the road to overcoming the guilt and shame that he says broke him. It allows us to turn all of the negative choices that we and the people in our lives made around and find a positive purpose for them occurring. By his owning his addiction and talking about it on a platform as big as the X Factor stage shows that he is unafraid to work his 12th Step. I only pray that he set him self up for success and have the ability to continue rocking that 12th step, and never forget the first 11.

 So, here are the lyrics to Young Homie followed by the audition. This is my shout out to a song about recovery from one new to the fold! God bless you Chris, stay strong and stay sober!!

I open up my mind with these spoken words,
Let this music heal like an overture,
She’s the only one,

And so I roll with her,

That’s how it’s supposed to be,
Living life with loved ones close to me,
Shh, this is the remedy,
And I got the recipe, I don’t need no Hennessy,
Yeah, it’s been two months now,
Haven’t had a drink and I’m starting to see clear now,
I’m putting all my fears down,
I can hear the cheers now,
Seeing peace signs when I look around,

Hey, young homie what you trippin' on
Looking at life, like how did I get it wrong,
But life’s too short, gotta live it long,
To my brothers and sisters when will we get along,
Hey, big homie what you trippin' on,
What you really trippin' on,
Life’s too short, gotta live it long,
To my brothers and sisters when will we get along

Give peace to the war in the streets,
Give peace to the evil that creeps, yeah,
It takes education, to change your reputation,
From good to bad, you're even better now you’re elevating,
They be singing, family singing, everybody’s chilling,
Not gonna stop this, living on the feeling,
Man this is the real thing, tell me can you feel me,
So wait until they drop this, dancing on the ceiling,

Hey, young homie what you trippin' on
Looking at life, like how did I get it wrong,
What you really trippin' on life’s too short, gotta live it long,
To my brothers and sisters when will we get along,
They never thought I'd make it this far
Look now here we are,
See I never thought I'd take it this far.

VIDEO WITH HIS STORY AND SONG

JUST THE SONG 

Why I Got my Masters Degree in Social Work

I had my mind made up, and I had finally figured out what I wanted to do for grad school. I was a double major in psychology and sociology who had taken a few classes in criminology. I wanted to work with at-risk adolescents and young adults, especially those who were substance abusers or had been physically abused. To do this, I was sure that I needed to get into a good clinical psychology program. At least, that was how I felt until I talked to one of my psychology professors. I told her what I wanted to do after I graduated and my professor steered me towards the social work program. She told me that she thought it might be a better fit for me because of what my career aspirations were. When I had a chance, I went and talked to an advisor in the social work department. I left knowing that social work would open up more doors for me to do the work I feel I was shaped to do.

I have not lived the picture perfect life. I have spent two years, starting at the age of eleven, living with a physically abusive grandpa. I got a three year sentence for breaking and entering, and turned twenty-one in the Booneville Correctional Center. From there I graduated to manufacturing, selling, and being addicted to methamphetamines. I do not say this to brag, it is just the story of my life. Some people deer hunt and fish, I was addicted to drugs.

I admit to this because it made me who I am today. I have been through a twenty-eight day rehabilitation center, the Sigma House, one time. I am now seven years clean, and it has been thirteen years since I got out of prison. When I was a teenager I was not allowed in my own mother’s house unless she was there. Now I have a key and an open invitation from her to come by any time I want. I now have healthy relationships; the kind I never knew existed. I have overcome a lot in my life, and I feel that I made it through the things that I did so that I could help others through their hard times. To show them that they can have major problems in their lives and overcome them, because they are talking to someone who has.

I was molded by my life choices, the good ones and the bad ones, to be a social worker. As a kid in the legal system, I played the games my lawyer told me to play. I did the things the judge and my probation officer wanted me to do. Most delinquents are not seriously interested in changing their lives, but are also only playing games. I can accept that, because at one time I was that person who will one day be standing in front of me. I know the things that eventually helped me, and I know that it was not an overnight success story. I know not to get discouraged when I fail, because it is my experience that most addicts will not make it their first or second time, and many will not make it at all. After being involved in Narcotics Anonymous for the last seven years, I have seen many failures. But I have also seen success stories. An addict will only quit when he or she is ready. I want to plant the seed in people that will someday hopefully bloom into full recovery from substance abuse.

Unfortunately, we don’t try hard enough to help those who need help. I feel that alcohol and substance abuse rehabilitation, as well as intensive counseling, should be readily available to all probation/parole cases, as well as to all people institutionalized. I never really had the chance to work on my problems in prison. While I was incarcerated, prison did not seem like it had any rehabilitative agenda, but instead was only involved with punishment. I do not feel that this is conducive to helping offenders become contributing members of society. If anything, it leaves them no where to turn but back to what they have always done. More needs to be done, and one of the solutions may be drug courts.

I wrote my senior thesis in Sociology on the drug court system. After writing the thesis I became a firm believer in the drug court system that is offered by some courts as an alternative to incarceration. I feel that they have a greater positive impact on the lives of those who go through the program than prison would have had on them. If we can only get people who are better trained and non-judgmental to work with those who are going through drug courts. I think is a great idea in its infancy that needs a little tweaking here and there to make it the rehabilitative powerhouse it could eventually be. That is one of the reasons that graduate school appeals to me, because I will be able to try to make the system work better.

I realize that graduate school will not be easy. I expect it to be somewhat difficult, but it is what I feel I was meant to do. I thought college would be difficult after nearly destroying both my body and my brain cells for years, but I have worked full-time and still maintained a 3.78 GPA after putting five years into college and attaining two Bachelor degrees. I even found time to talk to classes about my past life and experiences. I have talked to both criminology and sociology classes every semester since my second semester here about my personal experiences with physical abuse, substance abuse and my road to recovery. Finally, I am also involved in several honors and service work fraternities, including being the VP of Mentoring and one of the founding members of the MSU Chapter of the Sigma Alpha Lambda National Leadership and Honors Organization. I have had quite a few things on my plate, and still succeeded.

That is what I feel I bring to the Social Work program. When I was in Sigma House going through rehabilitation, one of the night technicians named Jay and I had a major conversation. I told him that I just did not feel ready to stop doing drugs, and he told me that maybe I wasn’t. He got my Alcoholics Anonymous book and wrote his name and number down. He went on to repeat the mantra that I have found to be true from those around me. “There are only three things that addiction leads to prison, institutions and death.” Jay said that he hoped I would decide to stop doing drugs before it landed me in prison or in a casket. He told me to call him when I was finally ready to get clean. When I finally cleaned up two years later, he was there for me, and we are good friends to this day. I want to give back to others what was freely given to me, namely a listening ear, empathy, acceptance and some good advice.

Weight loss, addiction and our Faith

I started Weight Watcher’s June 8^th at 239.8 pounds. Two weeks ago before I left for a 7 day cruise I weighed 213 pounds. Last week after I got back I weighed 222.2 pounds. Today I weigh 224.4 pounds. I expected to gain 10 pounds on the cruise. I was going to let myself eat whatever I wanted. What I did not expect was to have lost control over my eating and not be able to rein it in on my return. So, today I will start a 7 day juice fast that will allow me to regain control over my eating.

I figure this will help me lose the original weight that I gained back and reset my eating habits. Then next week I can slowly reintroduce fruits and vegetables then grains and dairy and finally fish and chicken back into my diet. I went from eating really healthy to taking short cuts and eating things that were full of preservatives and artificial junk in them. It started with the microwaveable lunches that were easy, but unhealthy. Then it was the cruise, but just for one week. A week back and I am still struggling to get back to where I was.

This is a lot like our faith or our addictions. I have found that if I let just a little bit of the world in, I end up with a lot. If I compromise my ideals or morals for one thing, then I open myself up for many things. Two sayings come to mind, one is “You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything” and the other is from AA, “One is too many and a thousand is never enough.” These both describe what I did with my eating. I compromised on what I felt was a little thing, and due to that my eating got out of control. I am working on getting back to where I was before I began if I do not get it under control.

What I did was I started Weight Watcher’s as a lifestyle change. It was not a diet, but a new way of eating for life, but then I picked up my old lifestyle again. This happens often with our faith. We begin changing the way that we live our lives, and the next thing you know you are right back where you started because of something small that you thought would not hurt. As an addict, I have often made that mistake in my life. I got off of drugs and let in alcohol, reasoning that I was not an alcoholic. Found out what NA has been saying for years was true, that “alcohol is a drug, period.” Then I stopped drinking, and comfort food became my thing. I quickly gained 50 unhealthy pounds.

As Christians or addicts, what are you allowing in your life that may be setting you up for major issues in the future? What unhealthy things are you allowing to control how you live your lives. What are you doing that is setting you up for future problems? Maybe seeing that NC-17 movie, or the R-rated movie that has strong sexual content. How about the music that you listen to? What are the themes and messages that you are subjecting your brain to? How about the company you keep? Do your morals and your actions change when you are with your friends? If so, you probably need to switch groups!

This is probably as important to you readers as it is to me. We allow so many things to control us, and there should be only one thing that serves as our master. Matthew 6:24 tells us that we cannot serve two masters. The Bible even lets us know that when we allow worldly things to have power over us, we set ourselves up for failure.  James 4:4 calls us adulterous people and says, “don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”

So let this not be a warning, but a reminder of what you already know. Choose Christ, choose life. Our secular life and our spiritual life are not two separate things. We should always exalt Christ with all that we do, whether at church, work, a restaurant, in traffic or on a date night. We are in this world, but we do not have to live as if we are of this world!!