Celebrate Recovery Lesson 2 - POWERLESS

Lesson 2 - POWERLESS

Principle 1: Realize I'm not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

"Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." Matthew 5:3

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)

When we accept the first recovery principle and take that first step out of our denial and into reality, we there are very few things that we really have control over. Once we admit that by ourselves we are powerless we can stop living with the following serenity robbers, the bandits that steal away our faith and hope, spelled out in the following acrostic:

P ride
O nly ifs
W orry
E scape
R esentment
L oneliness
E mptiness
S elfishness
S eparation

PRIDE – Ignorance + pride + power = a deadly mixture
Proverbs 29: 23 - "Pride ends in a fall, while humility brings honor."

List some of the ways that your pride has stopped you from asking for and getting the help you need to overcome your hurts, hang-ups, and habits.
I'm supposed to have it together. I'm the one that my friends and family come to when they need encouragement and advice.  I am a counselor, I should not have any problems. I have this under control, I can do this my way. My way is the last addiction, holding onto the locus of control. Pride forgets God, or feels our plans for our lives are better. Want to make God laugh, tell him your  plans for your future.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)

ONLY IFS - keep us trapped in a fantasyland of rationalization
Luke 12: 2, 3 - "Whatever is covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. So then, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in broad daylight."

What in your past has caused you to have the "if onlys"?  Ex.:"If only" I had stopped ______years ago.  "If only" ______________ hadn't left me.

If only I wasn’t a felon, if only I wasn’t an addict, if only I had a job, if only I, if only I, If I only had a brain! In this program we start testimonies with I am a grateful believer in JC who struggles with __________. I do not struggle with ______, instead I have been blessed with many trials and tribulations that have strengthened me and my relationship with my higher power.

WORRYING – a from of not trusting god enough

Matthew 6:34 - "Don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time."
What is worry? It is defined as, "to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret. To torment with cares, anxieties, etc.

Instead of worrying about things that we cannot control, we need to focus on what God can do in our lives.  What are you worrying about?  Why?
If I worry, that simply means that I am not trusting God enough. If I truly believe in God, than I know one thing - God's got this! If you have trouble, try this short little prayer:

So, Lord - I give these worries to you.  Lord forgive me for worrying - I know your word says to not be anxious for anything - Lord help me to trust you more!

ESCAPE –a world of fantasy and unrealistic expectations of us and others
Ephesians 5: 13, 14 - "For the light is capable of showing up everything for what it really is. It is possible for the light to turn the thing it shines upon into light also."

In what ways have you tried to escape your past pain?  Be specific.

I have tried to dull the pain with excess foods, drugs, alcohol, relationships, shopping, violence and sex. I have learned to recognize the pain now for what it is and am able to work through it with the Lord's help.  It's a vicious cycle - life's stress and regrets can make me feel hopeless and then I use, and that makes me feel even more hopeless so I use again - You can only imagine how glad to be off of that merry-go-round I am. I'm no longer hiding from these things and have searched myself and realized that my not trusting the Lord is sin, and that the act of addiction is sin, and not exercising and treating my body as God's temple is sin - so I've repented from these things - I still fail, but I'm recognizing it quicker and getting back on track.

RESENTMENTS – an emotional cancer if allowed to fester and grow
Ephesians 4: 26-27 - "In your anger do not sin ... do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

How has holding on to your anger and your resentments affect you?

It's made me sick.  Holding onto these things and stuffing down the feelings with addiction, has kept me from growing up and growing in the Lord. This has been a process of uncovering things I was holding on to and had to really internalize that if God loved me so much, enough to send his son to die for me - and has forgiven me - then I needed to let go and "accept" his forgiveness and trust in his forgiveness.

LONELINESS – In recovery and in Christ, we never have to walk alone
Hebrews 13: 1, 2 - "Continue to love each other with true brotherly love. Don't forget to be kind to strangers, fos some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it."

Do you believe that loneliness is a choice?  Why or why not?  How has your denial isolated you from your important relationships?

Yes, loneliness isdefinitely a choice. It may be subconscious at times, but it is a choice.  I can remember feeling so lonely in my house of five.  I became so self centered that I could not think about anyone else, but myself.  Again, this has a been a process to overcome the detachment, isolation and self-centeredness - I still battle the negative thinking that no-one wants me around and such - but I've learned to tell myself otherwise - learning scripture has helped keep me grounded. Learning who I am in Christ and then realizing that others are thinking and feeling the same way that I am- helps me to focus on them and share God's love with them - and realize that even if no one is around, the Lord is always there.  If I can't get others focused - I can almost always get Christ focused!

EMPTINESS
John 10:10 - "My purpose is to give life in all its fullness."

Describe the emptiness you feel and some new ways you are finding to fill it?

I used to feel empty. I felt that I had no purpose, that I was nothing, no good, a junkie and a convict. When I woke up in the morning as an Agnostic, I knew that right there was probably the best that I would feel all day, maybe the rest of my life. That kind of not having anything to look forward to was depressing. I have found contentment and joy in the Bible. God's word fills me with his promises and hope for tomorrow and I've gotten a lot of joy sharing that same love and joy with others to help make their lives full!

SELFISHNESS – we often pray, our father who art in heaven, gimme gimme
Luke 17:33 - "Whoever clings to his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life shall save it."
What does it mean to be selfish? It is defined as, "devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself."

Selfishness is at the heart of most problems between people.  In what areas of your life have you been selfish?    
Facebook and video games began to be an issue. I would come home and pour myself into the computer, playing games and facebooking with the stress of my job as my excuse to ignore my family and play games to escape. Then I realized how much that was hurting my wife and my son. In the past I would see people that gave and gave of themselves and I admired it, but I had never really seen that in my own life. I had never even considered doing that in my own life. I had never jumped wholely into anything.  I have began to give of myself instead of only taking. I still need to give more of myself at work, more of myself to my son, more of myself to my fiancé, and more of myself to Christ. But I have started, and that is better than it was!  

SEPARATION – some talk of finding God, as if he could ever get lost
Romans 8: 38, 39 - "For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from His love. Death can't and life can't. The angels won't and all the powers of hell itslef cannot keep God's love away ... Nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when He died for us."

Separation from God can feel very real but it is never permanent.  What can you do to get closer to God?

I know all it takes is for one or two mornings to wake up a little late and then boom - I'm off on my own again. I need to remember to start my day with God, and that if He is needed He is never more than a knee away when I pray. I make my days wrong, I have the first thought wrong syndrome. With Christ guiding me I now have first thought right!  

FOUR ACTIONS from Principle 1

1.) STOP DENYING THE PAIN. You are ready to take your first step in recovery since you have identified that your pain is greater than your fear. 

Psalm 6: 2, 3 - "Pity me, O Lord, for I am weak. Heal me, for my body is sick, and I am upset and disturbed. My mind is filled with apprehension and with gloom."

2.) STOP PLAYING GOD. You are unable to do for yourself what you need God to do for you.  You are either going to serve God or yourself.  you can't serve both. 

Matthew 6: 24 - "No one can be a slave to two masters: he will hate one and love the other; he will be loyal to one and despise the other."

3.) START ADMITTING OUR POWERLESSNESS. As you work the first principle, you are  seeing that by yourself you do not have the power to change your hurts, hang-ups, and habits

Matthew 19:26 - "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

4.) START ADMITTING THAT OUR LIVES HAVE BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. You can and have admitted that some/all areas of your life are out of your control to change.

Psalm 40:12 - "Problems far too big for me to solve are piled higher than my head. Meanwhile my sins, too many to count, have all caught up with me and I am ashamed to look up."

Every Day is Joplin

I was listening to the news, and I heard a reporter who had also been to the Middle East say, "It looks like Afghanistan. It looks like Bagdad, everything is leveled. It looks like there was an attack against Joplin." I had an epiphany after he said that. I am in no way discounting the pain and trauma that those in Joplin went through, and will continue to go through for quite some time. They went through a traumatic experience that will impact them for the rest of their lives in some cases. Their anger, their depression and their loss is horrific and no one should have to go through what they went through. Yet still, I had a thought.

The thought I had was probably pretty common for some people. That said, it was instantly profound for me. It may be profound for others. Once I had the thought, I could not believe that it had not dawned on me earlier. That thought was this - There are people who live through the carnage, fear and loss those in Joplin are experiencing on a daily basis. Seriously, think about it. Not a one time incident, but every single day they live in areas that are ravaged.

Think about the kids that live in Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, the Ivory Coast, Uganda, Kosovo, Darfur or the Congo? In fact, what about all of the people who live there. Not knowing whether or not your home will be destroyed when you get off work. Not knowing if some government, or independent/gorilla/freedom/republic/people's army will take you or your family hostage. Not knowing if you will get kidnapped into an army on your way home from school, or kidnapped and sold into the sex slave industry.

I heard a father from Joplin talk about it taking him 4 hours to get his family reunited. He recounted the fear that was slowly eating him alive when he was unsure if they were all safe. Until he got them all together he did not know if they were all alive. Then he recounted the relief that he felt when he knew they were all alive. I thought of the parent who has a job in some of these countries that have to go to work each day and never know if their children or their home will be there, or if they will get arrested or killed on the way to work or home after. He goes through the same intense feelings as the man in Joplin. The difference is he goes through those feelings every day.

We are ready to run out and volunteer time and resources to help out those impacted by the tornado in Joplin on Sunday or in Oklahoma on Tuesday. That is commendable, and your resources and your time are greatly needed and extremely appreciated. It is even Biblical:

Matthew  25:5, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in."

1 John 3:17-18, "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

Sadly, it seems that some of us take a stance that is much akin to what George Carlin talked about in his stand up. He called it NIMBY, or not in my back yard. If it isn't NIMBY, then we do not really care about it. Or we may care, but we let other people take care of those situations. It seems to not be that big of a deal to some. The outreaches that I am seeing are occuring all over the place in the Springfield area. It makes me happy to this kind of support.

There is something that is bothering me about it, though. I do not remember seeing this kind of support when 230,000 were killed in the Indonisian tsunami in 2004, or when there were between 250,00-300,000 killed in the Haiti earthquake a little over a year ago. Nor did I see this kind of support when there were almost 140,000 killed in Myanmar during a 2008 cyclone.

Ther are other places outside of the United States that need help also, and there are resources like Convoy of Hope that get that help to them. I am a huge fan and supporter of Convoy of Hope and will some day do a blog on their organization for those who do not know. I hope that anyone reading this blog will listen to my recommendation here, I will even put it in all caps so it sticks out!

WHEN THIS MONTH IS OVER, AND YOU BEGIN TO FORGET ABOUT JOPLIN....... PLEASE DO NOT FORGET ABOUT THE FACT PEOPLE NEED HELP ALL OF THE TIME. SUPPORT THOSE WHO GIVE HELP SUCH AS CONVOY OF HOPE, WORLD VISION, THE RED CROSS OR THE UNITED WAY BY A COUPLE OF TIMES A WEEK/MONTH/YEAR GIVNG THEM DONATIONS OF EITHER YOUR TIME, YOUR MONEY OR ASKING THEM WHAT THEY NEED AND BUYING IT!!!!

Keep up the good work that you are doing and do not ever stop. Teach your kids that community service is something that is done all of the time by setting that example for them!! God Bless you, and continue praying for those who were affected by the series of tornados we have experienced, as well as for those who are in war torn areas, where those who have faith are persecuted and also for those poor children who are getting kidnapped and sold into a lifetime of sexual slavery. Pray hard and pray often!!

Welcome

This is the very first blog for my web site, www.spiritualspackle.com. I am really excited, because this web site means that my book is progressing well. As I said, this is my first blog, and it is the first of many that will grace this site. I will have my biography on this site soon, and it is the life that I will briefly describe in my  biography as well as the concepts that allowed me to stop being an agnostic and instead step into a relationship with Christ, how I forgave myself for the choices that I made in the past, step ped out of my many addictions, stopped living a criminal lifestyle  and instead began living my life as an example to the people in my life of how a Christian should live  that will be the basis for my forthcoming book entitled, “Spiritual Spackle.” I have the titles for each of the books  chapters and the introduction written, and I am beginning the first chapter. That first chapter is at least partially dictated. It is a tough chapter, as it is my life from birth to the beginning of my 5^th grade year. Right now I am at work, and using this as a test for my first entry to allow my wife who is designing the site for me to see how blogging posts as she begins to put the website together. This blog may be very scattered and disorganized, like a jig saw puzzle that was thrown out of the box on the ground and the pieces left as they fell  as I am writing it between client’s sessions for ten minutes at a time.  I can guarantee that the writing will get better and be more cohesive in the future, so bear with me.

I have high hopes that this site can be used by many different people, from those who do not know Christ to those who are curious about Christ, from those who are new to Christ all the way to those who have been Christians their entire lives. It will be useful for those who need inspiration for life’s challenges, be they big or small. I want to be able to use this site to encourage the person who had a flat tire today all the way up to the person who lost their Dad. I want to introduce new ways of thinking to the visitor’s on this page, and encourage those who visit here to build their faith and have hope that is insurmountable through mediums from blogging to music, books to movies and everything in between.

I am looking at the various pages that I want to have on my site.  Those pages will include a page on Celebrate Recovery,  a page on Living Free, a page blogging my reading the Bible in a year and how I am affected by each of the readings that I read each day, updates on my book(s), and random thoughts that I have which are heavily influenced by my relationship with Christ. It will also have reviews of inspirational books, movies and music.  I also plan to blog each program that I work through, so there will be a page started in June after I get back from Florida where I will blog the Purpose Driven Life as I work through that over 40 days, then One 2 Won crosstraining will probably be next. I want a site that reviews small groups that people have facilitated and/or attended and how it has impacted their lives.

I want a forum so that people who have questions that they are having problems answering can get the information they need so that they can comprehend everything  that they want to know when it comes to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I had many questions when I first began going to church that were answered for me, such as why is there evil, why do good people in my life die and the people who are the worst such as me still live, how do we know that Jesus walked the face of the Earth, can I truly be forgiven of my sins, etc. People took the time to answer my questions, so I will try my best with the help of the other’s who will contribute to this site to answer yours.

This site will also be linked to Facebook, and I may even have to begin twittering so that can be on there also. I am excited about the opportunity to get to know some people really well, as I will hopefully have several contributors that will help get this site going and regular visitors that share their lives with us. I also will have the opportunity to give people a glimpse into my life as it was and how it is now, and can share my strength, hope, inspiration and faith with you the visitor.

One of the main focuses of this site is giving people a window into the live’s of people who are in recovery from all that this sinful world has to throw at them. I would argue that everyone has demons in their live’s that they need to overcome, whether it is food, relationships, childhood physical/sexual abuse, rape, shoplifting, codependency, divorce, lying, being unable to show empathy/compassion, compassion fatigue, PTSD, depression, anxiety, drugs/alcohol, gambling, shopping, debt, overworking, pornography, grief/loss, etc. I want you to know that you are not alone, and that there is hope for all of us. Saul of Tarsus at one time hunted down Christians and executed them , then was redeemed of his sins and after a Pauline conversion went on to write over half of the New Testament. If there is redemption for Paul, forgiveness for King David after committing adultry then having a man murdered, even grace for the criminal crucified next to Jesus Christ, then there is surely a loving Father who can forgive.

This website will impart hope to those who suffer by allowing them to see the wonderful transformation that is possible through God’s grace. It will open other’s eyes to the wonders that God is able to create from the trials and tribulations that life throws at us. I have seen God by way of the Holy Spirit begin to make changes in me that I never dreamed were possible. In the first 30 years of my life I had sometimes intentionally and other times unknowingly conspired with the devil to destroy people’s lives. In the past several years I have used the Holy Spirit to help rebuild my life and used that new  life which I have been blessed with to help other’s overcome isses since I was saved. I have seen and met many incredible and wise people through programs such as Celebrate Recovery, Teen Challenge, Church Army and Living Free who have through the power of Christ made wondrous changes in their live’s and learned the true meaning of being born again.

Thanks for coming to visit, and I truly hope that this is the first of many times that you will come to this site. I look forward to getting to know you as you get to know me.

Steve Donaldson

Visit Steve's Ministry @ www.ruralcompassion.org