Eternally Optimistic

My name is David and I am eternally optimistic. That is how I used to introduce myself in process groups, and often how I would reply when people asked how I was doing. Why? I have found that repeating something over and over again has an ability to make it seem a little more tangible. Optimism seemed like something that I wanted in my life, so I try my best to act and speak as if it were true. Over time it has become true. Why am I optimistic?

Hi, my name is David and I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who has been blessed with lots of difficulties in my life that I have learned from and that have made me stronger! That is how I introduce myself at the Celebrate Recovery groups that I go to. In that sentence are the reasons that I am optimistic. I will share each one of them with you.

I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. Why am I grateful? I was raised a Christian, but from 5th grade to the age of 35 I was Agnostic. I became Agnostic because of the hypocrisy and judgemental attitudes that I saw displayed by the Christians that I knew. I struggled with depression and substance abuse. I tried everything I could to get through my depression and be drug/alcohol free and nothing worked. I tried rehab, medication, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, jail, prison and even suicide. Nothing set me free until I got saved. I have not used once since that day. I  know what it is to be hopeless, to feel that waking up without a hangover is the best my life would ever get. Now I know what it is to have hope, and I am grateful for that!

My life has been blessed with lots of difficulties that I have learned from and that have made me stronger. Wow, that is a mouthful. It took me years to be able to see my life that way. I was sexually abused for the first time when I was pre-Kindergarten by a baby sitter. My parents divorced when I was in 5th grade. I went to live with my grandparents. I was physically abused by my grandfather starting in 5th grade. I was suspended from school for the first time in 5th grade. I started doing drugs in 7th grade. I dropped out of high school. I went to jail for the first time at 17 and prison at 20. I attempted suicide at 25. My dad committed suicide when I was 35.

I got my GED in prison and started college at 29. I have gotten an Associates, a double Bachelors and my Master's in Social Work. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. I have been working in the recovery field for 5 years and have been a counselor for various drug courts the past 4 years. I have a 5 year old son who is amazing. I have an awesome wife that I am in love with. We have a 6 1/2 month old daughter who is the happiest baby I have ever seen. I am active in the recovery community, both at work and in my free time. I write a blog about my faith and recovery and am in the middle of starting my own non-profit, Better Life in Recovery, Inc.

As you can see,  I have had some issues. I have also had some positive things. I realize that if not for the negative things that have happened to me, I would not have a lot of the positive things. In my life I have had both positive and negative things happen to me. Part of optimism, which imparts happiness, is focusing on the positives instead of the negatives. Another huge part is finding the bless in the mess. That is the part that comes with time. Here are a couple of examples.

There have been issues with both of my children at birth. My son spent time in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), as did my daughter. I did not get to hold my son until he was a week old. My daughter had to go to St Louis to have surgeries twice before she was 2 months old and will have to have at least one more. Now I could focus on the negatives, or I can be happy that they were born. I have gotten to spend time with them. I might not have gotten to hold my son at first, but at least he was alive. My daughter still has at least one surgery, but she is always happy. If she can be, so should I. Be grateful for what you have.

I was abused, addicted to drugs, went to prison, can't count on one hand the number of times I have died and been brought back and all kinds of other stuff people feel are horrific to go through. Some of these I did to myself, and some of them were done to me. I cannot change them, no matter how much I want to. They are not the problem, thank God. If they were the problem, I would be in trouble. Why? Because they all happened in the past. You cannot change the past. You can change how you view the past. That is what I have done.

I have realized that I am good at what I do. I help people who are struggling. I help people who are empty inside, who hate themselves and who feel hopeless. I am good at it, too. I am good at it because I have been there too. I went from hopeless dope fiend to dopeless hope fiend. Going from where I have been and where I am now plus the college education I have received has given me wisdom, book knowledge and insight that many do not have. I use that to help people.

There are those who would argue against that. There statement is usually either "You don't have to have cancer to cure cancer" or "Would you want your psychiatrist to be Bi-Polar and Schizophrenic like you?" Those are good questions that are usually asked by people in the field who have not had the struggles. If what they say is true, then no one should ever do grief and loss counseling as everyone has lost someone. But I will take it a step further. Here is my scenario.

Imagine you are getting your butt kicked. You want to learn how to defend yourself, and there are two different people in your town that teach self-defense. The first guy has on his resume watching fights, reading books on fights and several friends who are fighters. The second on his resume has watching fights, reading about fights, growing up in gangs in south Chicago, being an Army Ranger with 2 tours in Vietnam and having multiple fights in the ring that he was won. Who would you want to teach you how to defend yourself, the first or second one?

I am not saying that someone who has never struggled with addiction cannot be an effective counselor. After all, there is an NFL coach that never played football himself. What I am saying is that it cannot  hurt. I had several counselors in my past, and the person that helped me the most was a counselor who was in recovery himself. I knew that he knew what I was experiencing and that developed a bond that the others had not been able to develop. When you combine overcoming struggles yourself in the past with an education in the field, I think that is a pretty potent combination.

So, that is why I am grateful for my past. It not only made me who I am, which is a father of two amazing children with an incredible wife, but it also gave me the desire to go into the field I am in and be pretty good at it (if I do say so myself). I realize that I have learned from everything I have gone through and in the end it either made me wiser, stronger, or gave me another tool. Generally it did all three of those things.

So in closing, I am eternally optimistic because I realize bad things may happen to me and I might make foolish choices on occasion. Those things may make me sad and they may impact me for quite sometime, maybe forever, but they will never lead me back to where I used to be. I will work through them clean and sober, and will come out of them both wiser and stronger for the journey.

The 5 Pillars

Today I would like to introduce you to the 5 Pillars. They are the 5 things that are of vital importance to us if we are to live our lives as Christians and continue to grow. As a recovery counselor, I use the 5 Pillars with all of my clients, whether they are struggling with eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, codependency, depression, grief and loss or just feel stagnant.

Church is not listed. That said, church is vital and needed. Most who profess to be Christians go to church. The 5 Pillars are what we need in order to gain a true relationship with Christ, to have a Christ-like walk. A pastor once said, "Sitting in church no more makes you a Christian than me standing in my garage makes me a car." Obviously, church is not enough. We need the 5 Pillare as these pillars allow us to continue the transformation that church starts but cannot complete.

The first pillar is the most important one of all, God. Without God in my life, how can I possibly have any hope? Changing my life takes both hope and faith. If this life and this world are all that there is, it can be a really depressing place. Thankfully, I know that there is so much more and that is what has given me the strength to go on no matter what happens today. I am eternally optimistic because I know that in the end I have an eternity with God promised to me.

Christ states that we are to love God with all of our hearts, minds, strength and (Luke 10:27, Matthew  22:37, Mark 12:30). Never forget that your relationship with God affects every aspect of your life. I know that if I put God first it makes me a better husband, father, employee, friend and even a better enemy. Never forget to pray for that relationship, "Today, make me like Christ. Please insure I live today less for me and more for You. Let me be your hands and feet to all those I come in contact with today. Please allow me to be salt and light to all those who see and hear me today."

The second pillar is a mentor. I need to have someone who is living their lives better than me, who is living their life as I want to live mine. They may be sober and I am trying to be sober. They may have lost a loved one as I have and worked through it. Maybe they just have the walk with Christ that I want to someday have. By letting them mentor and coach me, I can begin to improve the quality of my life and build a stronger faith.

Proverbs 11:14 tells us "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but where there is an abundance of counselors there is safety." That means that in order to succeed we need more than one mentor. I would suggest several. You may have one who counsels you with your marriage, another with emotional struggles and another who who is more Biblically knowledgeable than you. 

The third pillar is living Biblically. Through reading, meditating on what I have read and the guidance of my sponsor I will have the ability to learn the Bible better. What I get out of this is better ways to live my life. Read the gospels written by the disciples and the letters written by Paul. Immerse yourself in the book of James and use them as blue prints for how to live your life. If you can model your life on what James writes, you will be living amazingly.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." I have nothing to add to that, it speaks for itself!

The fourth pillar is small groups. These are places where we will further get our faith built. I can be in a group of people who have the same belief system and values that I have. We have common features. There are study, Bible, youth, single adult, couples, single mom, over 40, recovery and support groups to name a few.  We can use these groups as ways to continue coping with all that this world has to throw at us and continue growing spiritually, emotionally, scripturally and socially.

Church is about us listening and learning. We may be in a room with 50 people or 5,000 depending on the size of your church. Small groups put us in smaller groups where we can begin to build relationships with people. We can also ask questions and get answers in small groups. Hands on participation is much better at causing behaviors and attitudes to change than the lecture format found in church. Plus, you can blend in and hide in church. You can't in small groups.

The fifth pillar is accountability partners. These are the people we surround ourselves with on purpose. I may not be able to choose who I work or learn beside, but I can choose which table I sit at during lunch and who I hang out with after I get out of school and/or work. I need to surround myself with positive people who have goals and are actually doing positive things with their lives. Not that I am not there for those who are struggling, but I need people that can help me when I am struggling also.

If bad association spoils useful habits (1 Corinthians 15:33) than positive association should grow them. Ecclesiastes 4:9,12 says, "Two are better than one, though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Bottom line, there is strength in numbers and it is easier to make the right choice when you associate with people who make the right choice.

Prayer and meditation are kind of like church. I don't feel like I should have to tell you to do them, but I will. Prayer is a constant conversation with God. I start each morning with an hour at the gym. I lift weights for 30 minutes than do 30 minutes of cardio. I pray the entire time I do cardio, and that is why I start each day in a good mood. From there I continue to pray throughout the day. Most of my prayers are of gratitude for all that I have. Then I pray for those in need or who are having struggles. I also pray for understanding of the things I read, such as the Bible and other spiritual and apologetic texts.

In closing, here is the short cliff note version.

The 5 Pillars

1. God
2. Bible
3. Mentor
4. Small Groups
5. Accountability Partners.........and pray without ceasing all day every day!!!!!!!!!



BLiR VLog from 08/26/2012 - 09/01/2012

08/26 GIGO or Garbage In Garbage Out

08/27  Why Christ is My Higher Power

08/28 Living to Your Potential

08/29  Eternally Optimistic

08/30 What is BLiR and More Information on the Upcoming Event

08/31 Why I am Grateful for My Addiction

09/01 Alcohol is a Drug, Period

BLiR VLog 08/19/2012 - 08/25/2012

08/21 Attitude of Gratitude and Staying Eternally Optimistic

08/22 Why I Don't Like the Word Recovered

08/23 What Do They Mean When They Say, "Turn it Over to God"

08/24 Anger and the Power of Prayer

08/25 Dealing with Racing Thoughts

Thank God for Rap

I know that for a lot of traditional Christians, rap is synonymous with everything evil. When I say rap the first thing that you think of is beats overlaid with lyrics about sex, drugs, violence and gangs. At one time I would have agreed with you. In my addiction, that is why I listened to rap. I could relate to what I was listening to. I lived as a drug dealer and a soldier of Satan.

I would listen to gangster rap and heavy metal. That was what I fed myself, and as the saying goes "Garbage In Garbage Out."I was always angry and violent. There was no pleasing me, I was one of the most unhappy people that you would meet, unless I was jacked up on meth (which was all of the time). Then I was pretty happy unless I had been up for several days, which happened every week. For years I stayed up for six days and slept on Sundays. The music contributed to my mood, and I listened to music I could relate to.

THINGS CHANGE!!

Today at the gym I listened to rap once again. I listened to LeCrae, who has songs entitled "Jesus Muzik" and "Prayin for You." I also had Tedashii "I'm a Believer" and Trip Lee "Cash or Christ" playing on my IPhone. Those are a couple of the song titles that I listened to this morning as I worked out. I bumped music that motivated me and at the same time uplifted me.

I left feeling exhausted physically and happy spiritually. I walked out of the gym uplifted and positive with what I can only call an optimistic attitude. This will translate into my having a great day at work and a great meeting after work with one of the guys working on our IT issues for Better Life in Recovery. I am excited to see how the web site is coming along, but that is another blog.

Bottom line: Rap has changed, and it has come a long way from DC Talk. It is better than the secular stuff out there for several reasons.

1. It glorifies and promotes Jesus Christ, not the entertainer
2. It is uplifting 
3. It is about positive situations and choices, not dead end choices and lifestyles
4. I would listen to it with my 4 year old and not worry about him repeating lyrics in school
5. It is music that brings me closer to Christ

The Longer I'm In Recovery

I shot one more interview for the documentary this morning then took my wife to worship team practice. We are shooting a friends testimony for her tomorrow so that she can have it to give to potential speaking venues so they can hear what she will bring to their audiences. I am meeting with my web designer Monday, my accountability partner on Wednesday and giving my testimony at Ridgecrest Baptist Church on Thursday. All week I work as a substance abuse counselor peddling hope while watching clients rebuild clean and sober lives. My life is recovery, and my life is amazing. It used to be filled with depression and anger as a soldier for Satan, now it is positive and optimistic with a focus on Christ.

There is a reason for that positivity and optimism. That reason is simple. I know what hell looks like and how it feels to wish for death. I have been to those places. I have seen demons and heard them scream in my ear. That was my past. Now I know what it is to be filled with love and guided by the Holy Spirit. I now want to live. That is all possible because I chose to turn my life over to Christ in a moment of need. I had tried everything but Christ, and they had all failed. With God, all things are possible.

Now I have a new lease on life; an outlook on my day that makes people like to be around me. I can now be a good example for others to follow and share with them a story of God's unimaginable grace. I feel that is my duty; to share my past addictions and defects as well as my recovery and how it occurred. The longer that I am in recovery, the louder my voice should be. It is not to be forgotten where I came from and how I got to where I am today. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul says that he boasts about his weaknesses, hardships, difficulties and persecutions. So do I.

That is what my testimony and life are. I get to show others that there is a better life in recovery. The longer that I am in recovery, the stronger and wiser I become. It is my responsibility to share that strength and wisdom with others. For years I took from society, and the further in my addiction I got the more I took. Therefore, the longer I am clean and sober the more I owe back. I got a second chance at life (more like an 8th chance. I must be a cat to have this many lives) and it is wasted if I don't use it to help others!

What I Am Most Thankful For on Thanksgiving

Today in one of the process groups that I led at work, one of the clients asked if everyone would go around the room and say what they were thankful for. Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I realized that was a pretty good idea. I also realize that there are a lot of stressed out, depressed and lonely people on Thanksgiving. It is a huge day for relapse, because there is a lot of arguments with family and drinking is a staple of many people's celebrations. 

So I spoke of the dangers of holidays. How staying positive and expressing gratitude for what we do have instead of focusing on what we don't is a great way to do avoid relapse. Since I wanted to keep the group upbeat, I thought that sharing what we are thankful for was a superb way to be positive. One of the ladies on my left started, and they began to go clockwise around the circle.

As the participants took turns answering the question, I heard many great answers. I heard family and I realized that I have some great family and I am thankful to have them in my life. Another client said friends, and all I could do is shake my head in agreement. I love my friends, they keep me positive and support my recovery. That was followed by sobriety, another day of life and children that show their love . We also had people who were thankful for a home, a job and a vehicle that works. 

I found myself agreeing with all of the answers given by my clients. I am thankful for my family, friends, job, life, an amazing son and an incredible wife. They are things that make my life worth living. If I did not have them, I would be miserable. I am also thankful for the more material things, such as a new SUV and a roof over my head.

But the question is, why do I have them. Time travel back several years and I was hopeless and miserable. I had a beat up car and a job that I could not stand but paid the bills. I was not thankful for much of anything. Due to my unhappiness I drank, and not just a little. I drank every day because I did not want to feel or think about my life or my past. Today I live my life in recovery and have a positive and optimistic outlook! I embrace who I was because it made me who I am. Why the changes in me?

Then it was my turn in the group to share. What am I really thankful for? I opened my mouth and only one word came out, "Grace!" I am most thankful for grace, otherwise known as unwarranted favor. What is unwarranted favor? Almost 2,000 years ago, Christ died so that I could live. He gave His life so that a sinner such as me could be forgiven of my transgressions and have eternal life. He suffered so that one day I could live an eternity in bliss. That sacrifice was completely unwarranted. That was amazing, and that is why I spoke one word for why I give thanks tomorrow.

GRACE..............in the form of a sacrifice by a man who did not deserve to die. He did not have to die, He could of had the angels save Him from death and yet chose to anyway. That is what I am most thankful for. A gift that I did not deserve which was still given 2,000 years in the past. As you sit down to enjoy Thanksgiving with friends and/or family, remember that none of that is worth anything if Christ does not die so that we may live. 

Thanks for reading. Have a blessed Thanksgiving and a Merry Christ-mas!!

Spiritual Spackle and Exodus 3:2

Exodus 3:2 states, "There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up."

I know what God wants me to do. It has been impressed upon my mind and seared into my heart. That said, I have absolutely no idea how to accomplish it. Things were a lot easier without a family, when I could just pick up and do as I pleased. Now, I have a family that I support. That makes a huge difference in how I live my life. I have responsibilities to both my family and to God. My friends say that I am doing enough, but the Holy Spirit continues to tell me that I must do more.

In every way that I can think of, I am extremely blessed. I still have problems, but they are outweighed by all that God has given me. I have lived a life that was full of addiction, loss and misery. Now, I have hope that there is so much positive that I have to look forward to. I need to repay Christ for the sacrifice that He made 2,000 years ago. That is done by following where the Spirit leads me. The question is how?

I was thinking how much I need a burning bush. I need to hear the voice of God's angel filling me in on how to accomplish what God has put in my heart. I will be done with my book, "Spiritual Spackle" by the end of April. I will hopefully have gotten the money I need to self-publish in a Kickstarter campaign that will begin in either December or January. We shot the footage for the promotional video yesterday.

I am hoping this is the first step in beginning the journey that God has laid before me. I will have the chance to share with people worldwide what the Holy Spirit has done in my life. I spent 23 years in addiction, went to prison, attempted suicide, flatlined or overdosed more times than I can count on two hands, have holes in me I was not born with and have more mental health diagnosis than you can count on one hand. I tried every secular method of recovery there was, and none succeded.

The only reprieve that I found was with the Holy Spirit. I went from misery as an Agnostic to eternal optimism as a Christian. I am to share that miraculous transformation with as many people as I possibly can, letting them know that true recovery is only possible through belief in Christ. My first step in sharing is writing the book, then my goal is to eventually speak twice a week sharing the power of Christ. I am hopeful that the Kickstarter campaign will help me get started. If not, then I may need a burning bush.

Pure Joy and Eternal Optimism in Recovery vs Self-Loathing and Depression in Addiction

There are some things that make my life pure joy. There are some reasons that I am able to remain optimistic no matter what occurs. I can be positive no matter what happens in my life, and in spite of all that has happened in my life. Things may bring me down, but they will never keep me down. I have discovered several secrets, and I will share them here with you today.

For starters, I am blessed by the things that I have been through in my past. That is both the things that happened to me and the choices that I made. I realize that some people would look at my past and be horrified by it. There is abuse while I was in 5^th and 6^th grade, 23 years of addiction, prison, suicide attempts, mental health diagnosis and car crashes/overdoses/ fights that should have killed me )I have flat-lined, so I guess they did kill me). I am thankful for them. They created the person that I am today, and I like that person a lot. I know that he has a lot to offer.

I am optimistic because I know that no matter what happens to me today, whether it takes me 5 seconds or 5 years to work through that I will work through it. I know that it will make me wiser and stronger in the process. I also know that I will work through it clean and sober, and that is the best part of it. I know that I never have to use drugs and alcohol again. How does that not keep you optimistic!

I am positive because I know why everything that has happened in my life happened. It happened so that I would have the wisdom and empathy to help those who struggle with the issues that I used to struggle with. I can empower people to make better choices because I have had struggles in my past that I learned from. Today I am equipped to overcome my struggles, and that gave me the wisdom that I have to pass on to others! I will never be beaten down again. I am not who I once was, I am victorious and equipped to stay that way. Life is great, and I'm eating it up!!

The thing is, the longer that I live my life sober the more I owe back to those who are still in their addictions. I have an ability to use the negatives from my past as positives in the lives of other people today. I can help save lifes and in turn allow people to become who they were created to be: great not good, sober not drunk, clean not high, happy not depressed.

So I ask you, why should your life not be full of joy. The Bible says it best in Psalms 118, “For this is the day the Lord has made; I shall rejoice and be glad in it!” We will have ups and downs, but we never have to do anything alone if we are in relationship with Christ! We have supports, whether it is your faith in Christ or your 12 step recovery group. Use them, and then spread recovery to others.
After all, "I can do all things through He who strengthens me." All of this is what keeps my head up and a bounce in my step!!