The Sky is the Limit - My Story as related to Heroes in Recovery

My story was recently put on the Heroes in Recovery website. I would ask that you visit their website (www.heroesinrecovery.com) and check out everything that they are doing to break stigma and share the hope that there is a Better Life in Recovery. Here is the link to my story on their website: http://heroesinrecovery.com/stories/9206/

Here is what they printed:

Hi, my name is David and I am a person in long-term recovery. What that means for me is that I have not used drugs or alcohol since January 31, 2009 and because of that I have been able to accomplish things I never would have dreamed possible. I am a husband, father, sponsor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, hope dealer and director of the nonprofit Better Life in Recovery (BLiR).

I was abused physically and sexually as a child. I used alcohol and other drugs to escape my past and deal with anger, depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder I was diagnosed with. I was introduced to methamphetamine my senior year, and partying ended up being more important than school so I dropped out of school.

After over 20 years of substance use, attempting suicide, dying more times than I can count on one hand and being to jail more times than I can count on my fingers and toes I thought nothing would ever change. Boy was I wrong.

I asked God for something different, and He answered that prayer. I have not used since I decided to focus on recovery instead of substance abuse. My focus shifted. I paid attention to my successes instead of my failures. I applied the five pillars of recovery: Higher Power, meetings, sponsor, accountability partners and the 12 steps. Then I added the missing piece, service to my community, and it has made all the difference.

Don’t get me wrong, my life has had ups and downs. At times, life kicks me in the butt and my world shakes. The difference is how I cope with that today. I work through my problems and conquer them instead of letting them beat me. Doing this has made me stronger and wiser! I have gone from dealing dope to dealing hope!

Currently, I am a counselor for the Greene County, MO treatment courts through Preferred Family Healthcare. I went from high school drop out to having four college degrees. I married an amazing woman and we have an amazing family. I sit on multiple boards and planning committees that are focused on making the world a better place.

My passion is BLiR. Our mission is transforming lives with recovery. We deal hope and reduce stigma people who struggle with substance use and mental health issues face through community service, education and awareness events that celebrate people in long-term recovery. In 2012 we did one event, in 2013 we did three events, in 2014 we did eight and we are aiming for over 50 events in 2015 with weekly fellowship events.

Today, I know the sky is the limit for people in long-term recovery. My goal is to educate people on the wonders of long-term recovery, give people who are still struggling hope they can achieve long-term recovery and people in recovery the courage to come forward and be proud of who they have become while rejoining and making their communities better!

2014: Looking to the Year Ahead (I Need Your Help)

So, in 2013 I did not get accomplished a lot of things that I wanted to. I did however get to spend time with my family and that really took priority in 2013. In 2014 my family is still a priority, but there are goals that need to be met. I am not sure if I should outline the final goals or how I plan on reaching them, so I will do a little of both. My primary goal is to continue dealing hope to the people I come in contact with better than I did this year and to continue advancing Better Life in Recovery (BLiR).

This year I made some progress and accomplished some pretty neat things in my mission to share recovery, my faith and deal hope to all I could. I wrote 77 blogs for Spiritual Spackle on various topics that were viewed over 42,000 times. I had several blogs published by The Poached Egg as well as Global University. Better Life in Recovery is now recognized in the state of Missouri as Better Life in Recovery, Inc. I was the closing speaker for the Missouri Association of Drug Court Professional's state conference. I also did two 6 hour presentations teaching co-occurring disorders to the MRSS-P (Missouri Recovery Support Specialist-Peer) program.

Better Life in Recovery partnered with Alternative Opportunities Treatment Services, the Carol Jones Alumni Organization, the Missouri Recovery Network and various other organizations to do Recovery in the Park for National Recovery Month attended by over 100 people. Better Life in Recovery also partnered with New Life Church, Incredible Pizza, Roma Foods, Coca Cola and Henry's with entertainment by Kelsey Snapp, Kayleigh Amstutz and the Legacy featuring speakers Ellie Hagen and Darrin Mendez to put on the Spring Break BLiR Bash that was attended by over 100 people. Alternative Opportunities Treatment Services also partnered with Greene County Men's Drug Court to do a river clean up on the James River for National Recovery month.

GOALS

1. Speak at least once a month with churches, groups, colleges, community events and seminars. I currently have a couple of Celebrate Recovery groups I will be sharing my testimony with as well as a Victim Impact Panel in Greene County.
2. Get an article published in a magazine
3. Complete writing my book, Spiritual Spackle: From Dealing Dope to Dealing Hope and get it published
4. Sit on the board of at least two organizations
5. Have the finished version of the Better Life in Recovery website go live
6. Get Better Life in Recovery, Inc. non-profit status
7. Complete interviews for the Better Life in Recovery documentary
8. Have 4 major events for National Recovery month in September
9. Have a BLiR event
10. Get grief and loss certified
11. Get EMDR certified
12. Get below 200 pounds
13. Set up a Kickstarter project to self-publish Spiritual Spackle
14. Set up a Kickstarter project for the documentary Better Life in Recovery

 

What I Can Do

 

1. Talk to people, places and organizations that might be interested in me speaking or teaching
2. Send blogs and articles to various magazines and organizations that might be interested in publishing them
3. Set aside 2 hours a week just to focus on writing my book
4. Look further into the Victim Impact Panel and The Missouri Recovery Network to see the requirements of sitting on their boards and then apply
5. Put together meetings of people and organizations that will be interested in helping with the National Recovery month and the BLiR event
6. Reach out to find people who are willing to share their story of recovery as well as a couple of parents who have had children in addiction and possibly lost them to their addictions
7. Already paid to go to the St Louis grief and loss training for certification
8. Begin putting together packages and videos to promote Spiritual Spackle and Better Life in Recovery Kickstarter projects
9. Begin following a better diet, stop stress/comfort eating and get into the gym at least 4 times a week
10. Continue publishing at least one blog a week on Spiritual Spackle

What You Can Do

 

1. If you are a professor, teacher, counselor, pastor, sit on a board or are part of a group or organization that I could speak at contact me. I speak and teach on topics ranging from addiction/recovery to mental heath to grief and loss to PTSD/Trauma to Christianity/building a better foundation for your faith.
2. If you would be interested in helping me with the non-profit Better Life in Recovery by either sitting on the board, hosting an event, donating time/money or helping at an event contact me
3. If you would be interested in either donating time, goods or money for our Recovery Month events that are promoted to reduce the stigma of addiction contact me
4. If you would be interested in sharing your story of recovery or are a parent of a child who struggled with addiction, especially if you are an ethnicity other than Caucasian and/or between the ages of 18-25 (under 18 with parent's permission) or know of somebody who is please contact me
5. If you know of any organizations or groups that I could partner with, put us into contact with each other
6. If you are interested in helping me get Spiritual Spackle published and/or the documentary Better Life in Recovery completed, contact me and we can talk about the things that will be required for the Kickstarter projects to be successful and to further the message of recovery and hope to all that we can reach

I had high hopes for 2013 and some of them were met. The 3 biggest I did not accomplish were competing the book Spiritual Spackle, finishing filming on the documentary Better Life in Recovery and BLiR becoming a non-profit organization. These are still at the top of my list, as is spreading the message of recovery and dealing hope and faith to all I come in contact with.

 

I look forward to meeting my goals above, but it can only be done with your help and assistance so if you can help me with any of the above goals contact me at david.stoecker@gmail.com Thanks for reading and praying for me and my calling. I look forward to the coming year and all that we can do together.





Are You Comfortable?

Today I was thinking about two words, comfortable and complacent. These two words scare me to death. They are the last two words I ever want to use to define my life. I don’t mind words like struggling or challenged. In fact, I welcome struggles and challenges. They are the reason that we grow. Let us look at the word complacent and comfortable in a couple of different contexts.

For starters, I am in recovery from an addiction to more. Yes, I preferred methamphetamine then alcohol but I would use whatever was available. My addiction did not stop there, either. I was addicted to money, power, women and violence. I have been in recovery for 4 ½ years now. I work in the field of recovery and have for about 6 years (4 ½ years in recovery but 6 in the field may puzzle you. I consider abstinent and recovery two completely different things). I sit in multiple meetings every week, since I conduct them. I go to trainings and read the latest research on addiction and recovery but I know I do not have it figured out. 

I can never allow myself to get comfortable and complacent. If I do, I might lose focus. You see, my addiction is not gone. It is at work in the back of my head; lifting weights, running on the treadmill and doing research on the internet. My addiction gets smarter, stronger and more cunning. It is searching for a way to take my life over again. Comfortable and complacent has caused me to relapse once before. I cannot relapse again. I am pretty sure that I don’t have another recovery left in me.

How about work? I work in the field of addiction. I am currently a counselor for an organization that has DWI and Drug Court contracts, so I work with clients and teams from those 2 courts. I have been doing that for 5 plus years now. I have also in that time period worked with residential and outpatient clients. I feel that I am pretty good at what I do. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Sociology, a Master’s degree in Social Work and I am a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker). I have 4 ½ years in recovery after a 20 plus year addiction. I am street and book educated in this field.

I can never allow myself to get comfortable and complacent. My clients deserve better. Comfortable and complacent tell me that I don’t have to go the extra mile for them. I can kick back on my laurels and coast. Absolutely not, this is so much more than people’s freedom. It is their very lives that they can lose if they go back out there. If they do, is it my fault? No, but I want to know that I did everything I could to give them the best interventions and support I could. Complacency does none of that.

How about faith? I have been going to church for about 6 years and got saved 4 ½ years ago. I know the songs and I raise my hand when I worship. I tithe like I should. I pray. I don’t judge and I am accepting of all people. In fact, I love the services I go to and I feel accepted and know that I am doing what I need to be doing after I hear them. I know the primary message of the Bible and it comforts me because I know Jesus loves me and that I am saved. I love that everybody can go to my church and not feel called out and no one will judge me if I make mistakes here and there.

I can never allow myself to get comfortable and complacent. When I think of Christ and the early Christians the last thing I think of is warm and fuzzy. They lived a radically different life that led to many of them being killed. We are called to be Christ-like. Christ told us people would hate us at they hated Him and to daily pick up our cross. Those two things do not sound comfortable nor do they fit into a complacent life. I should be talking about feeling the Spirit move, not how rocking the band is.

In the end, complacency kills. It could cost me my job. It could cost me my sobriety. It could cost me my eternal soul. This is not something to mess around with. I should challenge myself all of the time. I should surround myself with people that help build me up and people that I can help build up. I should not live my life comfortably. We are called to lead by example, to be salt and light. I can’t do that when I live a comfortable life, blend in with everyone else and never call anybody out for their actions. That is ordinary. I don’t know about you, but I was born to be extraordinary!

Speaking at the MADCP Convention

I got an opportunity to be the closing speaker at the Missouri Association of Drug Court Professionals (MADCP) annual conference that was this past week. I was not supposed to speak. The closing speaker's mother had a heart attack on Thursday and was in intensive care. He could not make it, so on Thursday morning I was asked if I could speak Friday afternoon to close out the conference.

I said yes, and then began to work on what I would say. The conference was attended by a lot of probation officers, prosecuting attorneys, counselors, drug court judges and drug court administrators. Even the chief justice of the Missouri Supreme Court was in attendance. I knew that I needed to share about me, but also about how they are the catalysts behind the changes we make.

The conference was entitled "A Generation of Transformation" because it has been 20 years since the first drug court began in the state of Missouri. I looked back 20 years and realized that I was incarcerated in Booneville Correctional Center 20 years ago. That is where I would begin what I had to say.

The more I pieced together what I was going to say, the more a theme came to me. I do not mean to call out programs, but I am going to do that in this blog and I did it in my speech. Not because they are bad programs, but because there is a huge disservice they are doing to people who are in them. I also called out counselors because one had impacted me at one time. I am sure if that happened to me, it happens to others as well.

I started by discussing who I am today and what I am identified by. I am David Stoecker and sometimes that is followed by LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) or RASAC II (Registered Associate Substance Abuse Counselor). Twenty years prior I was identified as David Stoecker 190415. Those were the numbers the state used to identify me once I got into the prison system.

Then I discussed the first generation of my life. I talked about physical and sexual abuse from various people in my life. I discussed having an alcoholic father and divorced parents and how all of that turned to violence. I got into marijuana use at 12 followed by alcohol and other drugs. I also talked about dying in a car wreck, overdosing, attempting suicide, prison and shooting up methamphetamine.

Then I had a probation officer that saw something in me I did not see in myself. Because she saw something, she offered me residential treatment instead of revoking my probation and sending me back to prison. Than I relapsed, but eventually I began doing outpatient and getting into college.

I don’t know if you know this, but as addicts we are great criminal thinkers. I was working in a restaurant and saw my counselor come in and sit at the bar. After running up a $50 tab he left inebriated. This is the same guy who told me a drug is a drug, and that alcohol was a drug period. My criminal thinking kicked in, and I reasoned that if he could drink so could I. That started my 8 year stint with alcoholism.

In  college I found recovery by giving God a try. After using jail, house arrest, scared straight, prison, suicide, medication for a myriad of diagnosis over the years as well as counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation and anonymous meetings and not finding success I turned it over to God once and for all. It worked. I stopped using, drinking, smoking cigarettes, getting into fights and having premarital sex while beginning to attend church full time.

Several things enabled that change:

·         Converting from an Agnostic to a Christian.

·         Changing playgrounds and playmates.

·         No longer being ashamed of my past and hiding it from everyone.

·         Sharing my recovery with everyone who will listen and anywhere that will have me.

·         Realizing that community service was not something the judge ordered.

·         Knowing all that I represent and wanting to represent them well.

I realized I needed hope and was not finding it through Agnosticism or Atheism. If I was to have a positive life, I needed to be around positive people who had goals and dreams they were chasing. In sharing my past struggles and the positive choices I make now with everybody I have been able to chase my own dreams and begin to see them come to fruition.

I could work through my s hame about the past, build self-esteem and self-respect by beginning to see that I was a part of the community. I did not have to hide who I used to be, because I am not that person today.If not for what I went through and the choices I made in the past, I would not be able to make the same impact on the people around me. Thankfully, I do make an impact and I credit my past for allowing that.

The final piece of recovery was stepping out of anonymity while owning and sharing my past. I have found that I can speak more freely and be a bigger part of the community by representing recovery and doing it well (we will talk about that more next Saturday in my next blog). We need to take our recovery into the community and display it with pride.

We need to build up alumni groups that go out into the community and help benefit local, national and worldwide causes. This is how we educate the public and remove the stigma associated with addiction and recovery. We put ourselves out there as people in recovery and show the world what we can do. That helps remove the stigma and destroy people's preconceived notions of addiction.

The amazing thing is that this is beginning to happen. It is happening because the drug courts are giving people better tools and holding them accountable when they don’t use them. It is occurring because the drug courts are giving people chances to become part of society that they never would have had in the past. It just needs to happen more and be talked about more so the message of positive things the recovery community is doing spreads.

I am blessed to be a part of the drug court/recovery community. I have seen how far the legal and recovery systems have come in the past 20 years, and I can’t wait to see how much further developed they will be 20 more.   

My very first VLog script and VLog

Hi, my name is David. I am going to be starting a vlog. One of my friends told me that he thought it would be a good idea, and after thinking about it I agree with him. I talk in colleges, schools, churches and communities about the dangers of addiction and the power of recovery. I often have people call me, email me, tweet me or talk to me in public with questions about the struggles either they or someone they care about are going through and what they can do to help them, or sometimes just understand what they are going through. I think that I am a great person to answer those questions. Here are the reasons why i am a great person to answer those questions. I was abused as a child and started fighting as well as using drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. I eventually ended up in prison after being on probation, house arrest and in and out of jail for several years. I have used drugs IV and was involved in the manufacturing and distribution of meth as well as many other drugs. I am diagnosed Bipolar, PTSD, generalized anxiety, antisocial personality disorder. I have attempted suicide and have died and been brought back 6 times after overdoses and car accidents. I cannot count on two hands the number of friends that I have lost to addiction. I now have 3 1/2 years of what I consider true recovery. I have a bachelors degree in psychology and sociology. I have a masters degree in social work and I work at a substance abuse facililty and drug court as a counselor. I am starting a nonprofit to go into communities and schools to let people know that there is a better life in recovery. So in this vlog I will talk about the things that have helped me in recovery as well as the things that have enabled me to go from an agnostic to a Christian and how God has changed my life in ways that I can only attempt to share. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them. Put them on facebook, tweet me, email me or use the comments on youtube. I will answer all questions in a vlog for you if they are asked. I hope that you find this helpful, as I know sharing my faith and recovery will be helpful for me.