Back in the Swing of Things After a Relapse (Food, Drugs, Alcohol or Sin)

Here it is, Wednesday, and I am weighing in again. This Monday was the first week that I have really decided to get back on Weight Watchers since my cruise. I have tried several times and several ways to get back on track, but it has been difficult. I allowed myself to relapse on food during the cruise with a guarantee that I would go back on Weight Watchers when I got back home. I have not yet been able to get back on track. The more I looked at how difficult it was, the more I remembered how hard it was with my other addictions.

The funny thing is, this is only counting points. I am still allowed to eat unheatlhy on occasion, and yet I was still failing until this week. I did really well with it until the cruise, then I allowed myself to slip. Now I am reminded of the mantra repeated in group, "One is too many and a thousand is never enough." Once I opened the door to let bad eating habits in for a week, the door never closed.

Our lives are not only this way with food. Our lives are this way with alcohol, drugs, pornography, lying, cheating (tests or partners), stealing, gossiping, flirting, etc. If we give ourselves permission for a little, a lot can happen. We may justify it, but it does not change what it is. A relapse is a relapse, and it can quickly spiral out of control. No matter what we say about it, that is what it is. A white lie is still that, a lie! Flirting can get out of hand really quick, and innocent words can still destroy a relationship.

I am reminded of a quote from Romeo and Juliet, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." When Shakespeare said that he meant that no matter what you call something, it is still the same thing. Renaming a thing does not change what it really is. To cut down on confusion, I have a rule that changed my life you can apply here. I will share it in depth in the next week, but here is the gist of it. Ask yourself two questions before you do an action. If the answer to both is yes, then do it. If either of the answers is no, you do not do it.

Question 1 is this, "If my child (or significant other) and God were standing next to me, would I still do this?" If you answer yes, than you ask yourself this question, "Is this something that I would want my child (or significant other) to do. If that answer is also yes, then you can proceed. If either question is answered with a no, then you cannot do it. It is that simple, and yet it helped save my life.

So what door have you opened to sin, thinking that a cracked door will not harm you. "I am strong enough to do it only once." If you let yourself wander to one porn site on the computer, that is still cheating. You may not look at it that way, but the Bible does. Matthew 5:28 says, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Tell me that we do not look at porn sites, or flirt with anyone, without some form of lust. Gossip is the same way. 

In fact, any type of sin is that way. A sin is a sin, no matter what I call it. Just because I say it isn't water doesn't mean I won't get wet if I jump into it! Furthermore, it tends to hurt not only us but we also hurt others. We need to remember what was talked about last week in my blog on loving your neighbor as yourself. Treat others better than you would want them to treat your children. Would you want someone on a site ogling your son or daughter? No, then do not ogle someone else's son or daughter.

So, examine how we treat others and how we treat ourselves. Realize that there is no difference between our spiritual time and our secular time. If I would not do it or say it in church, I should not do it or say it outside of church. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. If only God can judge me, I can still judge myself too. I know right from wrong, and I need to examine all that I say and do so that I do not give the Devil a gateway into my life.

Once Satan (sin, alcohol, drugs, porn) gets into my life, he is difficult to get back out. If I give him just a little, he is sure to take a lot. Many of us who have relapsed have found out that it generally picks up worse than when we stopped using. We need to insure that we are doing all that we can to keep the door shut for good. If you look back to my posts entitled Iron Sharpens Iron you can see that even the places that we frequent and the company we keep can be open doors for our defects to take back over.

You always have a choice, but will you make the right one? Only you can answer that. I guarantee you that the Holy Spirit will guide you in the right direction (positive people, positive places, positive choices) if you allow it to!

Could Jesus Find a Disciple part 4 Following Christ in the Modern Era (Love Your Neighbor)

Matthew 22: 37-40 states that when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Today we are going to look at what it means to love your neighbor as yourself. This sounds easy, but it is actually one of the hardest thing to do. We are to love our fellow man? Really? I know that there are some people I cannot stand. But at the heart of the distaste we have, the righteous anger we feel and the hate we may harbor is the mantra I have oft heard, "Love the sinner, hate the sin!" Unfortunately, that is not found in the Bible.

However, what is found in the Bible is Romans 13:8-10, "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet, and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."

Just like yesterday, the theme today is love. Paul tells us that love fulfills the law. So, what exactly does it mean to love your neighbor as yourself? To most it means to follow the "Golden Rule." Treat others the way you want to be treated. I say that is not enough. I would challenge you to do more. We should not treat people the way we would want to be treated, but instead treat others better than we would want to be treated!

Furthermore, a lot of us may not be at a place where we feel that we should be treated with respect or love. Loving ourselves may seem impossible today, as we have not forgiven ourselves for our past choices YET. If we were to treat people the way we want to be treated, most people would leave our company depressed and angry. For those of us that applies to, I have another suggestion. Treat others better than we would want our children to be treated (If you have them, if not pretend).

As a substance abuse counselor, I work with many clients who have trouble loving themselves. That said, they have intense love for their children. They will stay in an abusive relationship, but when I ask what they would do if their daughter was in the same relationship, I get the same answer. "I would hurt the abuser and get my daughter out of that relationship because she deserves better than that." They do not deserve better, but their children do. Even though they are addicted to drugs, they would never want their children to use them. Once again, their children are better than that but they feel that they need or sometimes that they deserve it.

So, I am going to try to sum this up in a way we can all understand. Would you want your son's wife to cheat on him? No, then we do not sleep with someone else's mate! Would you want people to use your daughter as a one night stand? No, then we should avoid one night stands! Would you want someone to rob your children? No, then we should not steal from others! How would you feel if someone killed your  child? Bad, so we do not kill others.

It sounds very easy at face value, but it is not. We tend to look at some people as less than us, or some whose sins are worse than others. Not all sins are equal, but other than blaspheming the Holy Spirit they are all forgivable (Matthew 12:31, Mark 3:29 and Luke 12:10).

We seem to forget what the Bible shows us. Take Paul for example. He was a man who wrote 40% of the New Testament, and we would probably all agree that he is in heaven. Yet, before he had his conversion on the road to Damascus, his mission in life was to stamp out Christianity and have Christians tortured and put to death. He was a party in the death of innocents based on nothing more than their belief in Christ. Even he was well aware that his past sin was great. Paul was a man who was very cognizant of his level of sin.

In 1 Timothy 1:15,16 Paul goes so far as to say, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life."

Here we see that all is forgiven through belief in Christ and as we read above, through love of God and our fellow man. All sin can be overcome. Therefore, it is not on me to judge someone. We all want God's grace, but it is one of those things that can only be kept by giving it away. If I show grace to others, then I am worthy of it. Grace is often defined as either divine influence or unmerited favor. This means that it is given where it is not asked for and/or wanted. We use grace not to feel better than others, but to insure they are on even ground with us. We should never try to elevate our status above that of those around us. We should never look down on others because we have lived more pious lives. That is the danger of legalism.

Legalism generally causes Christians to feel pride, or that they are in competition with other people. Trust me, we are not trying to "out perfect" each other. We would all fall short. None of us are worthy of God's grace, yet it is given to us. Take for example the attitude of some churches when it comes to homosexuality. We used to look at divorce in the church like many churches look at homosexuality today. Even today there are churches that shun peope who drink socially, even if it is only a glass of wine or a couple of beers a week. Is that fair? What does that tell the person who feels looked down on in church from the moment they walk through the door? It is not on us to change others, but the job of the Holy Spirit!

So we should not shun individuals, or we begin to make people feel unwelcome in church. If they do not come to church it makes it more difficult for the Spirit to work on them. We should treat them with love and treat them with civility. Everyone sins just like me! I go to a church where probably 99.9% (I once heard that 100% is statistically impossible) of the members are guilty of gluttony, envy, lust or apathy at one point or another each week. I still love them and talk to them.

What if your child where to tell you that he was gay? Would you hate him and disown him, or would you still love him? Would you want people cussing him, asking him not to come back to their church or talking about him behind his back? Of course not, we would still want him to be treated with respect and to go to church. Based on this we should treat others in the same manner. If I would not want you to gossip about me or a member of my family, I should not gossip about anyone else, period!!

When did love mean that we told people that they were not welcome back to our church, as I have heard that some churches have done with homosexuals. Like I said, the same way that we treat homosexuals in some churches now is how the divorced were treated in churches only 50 years ago. Look around your church and think of how many of your fellow attendees are divorced and would have not been welcome in many churches several decades ago. Do you vilify them, or make them feel unwelcome because they have been divorced. Of course you don't! Everyone should have the right to come to church, because everyone is deserving of God's grace.

When we look at others we should try to see them through the eyes of our creator. AA has a saying that I have always liked. It says that you are working a good program when everyone else sees a bum and you see a prospect. Everyone that you lay your eyes on was created by God, and as the saying goes, "God don't make no junk!" Jesus did not spend his time loving the legalistic pharisees and sadducces, but instead the sinners and those that the pious believer looked down upon and would not even speak to. I don't know about you, but I know I am no better than Christ. In fact, I would do well to try and follow in His footsteps.

In closing, we are not asked to be disciples today the same way that we were called to follow Him 2,000 years ago. We are not called to leave our jobs and family instantly for Christ. We are called to follow Christ where we are and in all that we do. We are called to put the interest of God first and foremost in our lives, and to treat others better than we would want others to treat our children! If we live our life this way we are living as a Christian. If not, then we may have a surprise coming when we pass on to the afterlife. Narrow is the road to salvation!