This blog is about my experience with childhood physical, emotional and sexual abuse that led me to addictions and mental health issues and how I found a #BetterLifeInRecovery.I share the tools that have taken me #FromDealingDopeToDealingHope in the hopes you can use them to rebuild your life! Together we are #TransformingLivesBySharingRecovery! #HopeDealer #StigmaKiller
The first Spiritual Spackle blog was published on May 10th, 2011. It was created to be a forum to share my thoughts and feelings on recovery, various addictions (food, drugs, alcohol, anger), living with mental illness, surviving child hood abuse, parenting, faith, apologetics and various other things to either inspire or make people think while sharing hope and faith with them. It has been a lot of fun so far.
Spiritual Spackle has my soapbox and my classroom to write about the things that read, thought, felt and seen. Based on comments and feedback some people have received hope while others have been reminded of things they need to work on. Some have gotten a dose of happiness from what they have read while others have gotten angry. People have called to thank me and others let me know they did not appreciate what I had to say. All of this is said to acknowledge one thing; people are reading the blog.
Who knew that people would actually be interested in what was written here? Spiritual Spackle is now featured regularly on the Poached Egg (www.thepoachedegg.net) as well the Global University blog called 360 Harvest. Spiritual Spackle has been blessed with a forum that has allowed the sharing of opinions, thoughts, ideas and sometimes frustrations with all who care to read them.
Read them people have. The first year there were over 11,000 hits on Spiritual Spackle. That number was doubled in the second year, with 22,000 hits for a total of over 33,000 hits in 2 years. Small in comparison to many blogs, but refreshing because of the hope, recovery and faith that has been shared. Listed below are the top 10 blogs of all time (number 2 and 7 are not written by me):
Spiritual Spackle has had the fortune of being read in multiple countries. I would have figured that Spiritual Spackle would have been read in the United States and maybe several other primarily English speaking countries. I forgot that when you put things on the web they have a very global reach. The first year Spiritual Spackle was read in 84 countries. This year there were an additional 22 countries that were reached for a 2 year total of 106 countries. Here is the complete list off all 106 countries http://spiritualspackle.blogspot.com/2011/06/countries.html Below are the top 10 countries that have viewed Spiritual Spackle in the first two years:
United States
Russia
Germany
France
United Kingdom
China
Canada
Brazil
Turkey
Australia
So in closing, thank you very much for following me on my journey of recovery as I continue to grow in my personal, spiritual, physical and emotional life. If you ever have any questions you want answered/addressed, suggestions for me on my style of writing or feedback please get in touch with me. Thanks again, and I look forward to the coming year!
Today I was thinking about the Holy Spirit. I have noticed the huge impact the Holy Spirit has had in my life, and I cannot help but think on it all the time. But today, I was thinking of how blessed we are in this day and age. When Jesus was here, He walked with the disciples. Can you believe actually getting to walk next to Jesus?
Some friends of mine visited the places Jesus walked when the disciples were with Him, and they always talk about how life-changing that experience was.
That sounds amazing—walking beside Jesus. Yet I would argue we now have something even more powerful than Christ walking beside us. Something that is more life-changing than walking the same paths Christ walked, and we do not have to go anywhere to experience it. I am talking about the Holy Spirit and the amazing power we are blessed with. It came when Christ left the earth and has been here ever since.
Jesus told the disciples He had to leave so the Holy Spirit could come:
“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” (John 14:16–17, emphasis mine)
This means the Holy Spirit does not just walk beside us in our lives, as Jesus did with the disciples, but lives inside us. The Holy Spirit permeates our body and will guide us in all we do, and He can give us the power to do all God has planned for us in our lives.
Would you be a better basketball player if Michael Jordan coached you, or if he took over your body and played through you? The latter, of course. The same is true with the Holy Spirit. Jesus walked beside and coached, but the Holy Spirit lives inside us and guides!
Jesus speaks highly of the Holy Spirit. In John 16:7–8, He says,
“But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Comforter will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. When he comes he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment.” (emphasis mine)
I would say we can make absolutely no excuses when it comes to sin for one reason: Jesus took our ability to make excuses away from us. In John 14:26, He says,
“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything that I have said to you.” (emphasis mine)
We are not only taught by the words of Christ and His disciples, but we also have the Holy Spirit inside us to remind us of what is right. The Holy Spirit is like a moral compass. We will know right from wrong, and we will know our sin is sin before we do it. Christ does not give us a way out. Will we all sin? Of course we will; sadly it is in our nature. But the Holy Spirit will guide us away from doing wrong and toward doing right!
published by Global University on their blog at: http://www.harvest365online.org/2013/04/holy-spirit/
What does being a “Go” Christian truly mean? Is it knowing the Bible? attending church or small groups? tithing? wearing a suit/dress to church? sitting in the front row and singing the loudest with your hands raised in worship? I would call these ingredients we can use in our life, but not the recipe for being a “Go” Christian.
To be a “Go” Christian, first we have to say “No!” We have a cross to bear, and that cross is to say no to ourselves. We must deny ourselves immoral, worldly things. We have a sinful nature, yet we must be willing to deny our basic instincts. We must die to sin—even the thought of sinning—as the early Christians did.
Some may think I am talking about not being able to have fun. If this is how you feel, you do not understand what I am saying, nor do you truly understand the sacrifice Christ made on the cross. A life without sin gives us joy. Honestly, we are giving up very little for so much. Christ did not “try His best” to die on the cross; He accomplished it. Why should we be satisfied with not giving our best?
We must also be willing to talk about Christ and our beliefs even when it is not popular. We need to take a stand for our faith and for what we believe everywhere we go: home, school, work, events, restaurants, vacation, and our neighborhoods.
When we take up our cross, we become dead to the world. Before I was a Christian and began a relationship with God, I was a sinner. I lived to fulfill my will, to make myself happy. I smoked cigarettes, drank to inebriation almost every day, fought all the time, had premarital sex, lied, cursed, and listened to music and watched movies that would make a sailor blush. I lived for me! It was all about worldly achievement and self-fulfillment. I was an example of how not to live your life.
However, since the day I gave my life to Christ, I have not smoked a cigarette, gotten drunk, had sex outside of marriage, or gotten into a fight outside of a ring. I now listen only to worship music because it puts me in a great mood. I pray in between sets at the gym on a consistent basis, and I wear worship shirts almost exclusively. I read the Bible daily and pray all the time. I am by no means perfect, but I make an effort every day to not succumb to my sinful nature. It is a start, and I can build on that.
Being a “Go” Christian means I will never do or say anything that I will have to tell my son not to repeat. It means I realize I represent God, my church, my wife and son, my employer, my deceased father, my pastor, and Celebrate Recovery everywhere I go. I will not get caught up in gossip; I will not curse; I will not yell or lie. Instead, I will talk to others about the changes the Holy Spirit has made in my life. To the best of my ability, I will live to show I love Christ.
I do not intend to boast here. Rather, I am simply saying I could not live this way without the Holy Spirit in me and the sacrifice Christ made. The cross symbolizes pain and suffering, yet we think Christ wants us to live in comfort and ease. Our lives should be living sacrifices to Christ, and that is not always easy. With that said, however, since the night I turned my life over to Christ and gave Him control, it has gotten a lot easier.
Are you a “Go” Christian? To determine that, ask yourself these questions:
1. Is my life about self-fulfillment or Christ fulfillment?
2. Do I live as one who is in this world or as one who is out of this world?
3. Am I ashamed of my faith, or do I profess the gospel to all who would hear it?
4. Is my life a living sacrifice to Jesus?
If you answered yes to these questions, congratulations! You are a “Go” Christian, so keep it up. If you did not answer yes, I would recommend a lot of praying, reading the Bible, and spending time with those who are where you want to be. God bless you in your journey!
Today I have started a new page on my Spiritual Spackle site. It consists of me giving my testimonies, speaking in public and various promotional pieces that I have done for the projects I am a part of. It is my hope that people will watch me sharing my experiences and dealing hope through my testimony then have me come speak to their small groups, youth groups, recovery groups, at schools, colleges, churches, camps, communities, seminars, concerts and trainings. If you are interested in me coming and speaking I can be contacted at david@spiritualspackle.com or david.stoecker@gmail.com Please contact me. I want the world to see that there is a Better Life in Recovery and that the way is through a true relationship with Jesus Christ.
I am also wanting to get more people to hear about Better Life in Recovery, the non-profit that is currently forming that will take a documentary and so much more into communities, churches, colleges and schools. The documentary should be completed by May of 2012. It will have as a primary purpose teaching youth the dangers of addiction and that there is a better life in recovery from life controlling issues. It will also teach parents, teachers, pastors and professionals ways to identify and address those issues.
We still need volunteers to help us with fundraising, marketing, social media development, website development, program development, an attorney, an accountant, contributors for original writing/sharing personal experiences with addiction/recovery, grant writing as well as contributing money, time, original artwork, your band performing, signed memorabilia and other items for silent auctions and fundraisers. That site is http://www.betterlifeinrecovery.com/ (it is a very bare bones site until we find a web site developer).
I am also in the midst of writing the book entitled Spiritual Spackle that will document my story of overcoming various addictions, depression, suicide attempts and prison then sharing the things that were instrumental in my overcoming them. As an FYI, this book is very faith oriented, as Christ, the Holy Spirit and the Apostle Paul were very instrumental in my recovery. It should be finished by the end of 2012.
Here is what several people have said about me and my message:
"David is a man who has walked the road of addiction and recovery. In that he is classified as a 'wounded healer'. He is in my mind the best person to lead the way for those struggling with life-controlling issues. He is passionate, humble and knowledgeable about this topic...a rare and powerful spokesman for today's culture so encumbered by destructive patters of behavior."
Dan Call
Senior Pastor of New Life Church, Springfield, MO
"In 2010 I retired after 40 years as a researcher, author, consultant and Professor of Sociology and Criminology. During the last few years of my teaching career I regularly invited David to my classroom to be interviewed by me and my students. On every occasion that he visited my classroom he revealed his past life experiences in a way that invited student inquiry and left students with a powerful message - a message of hope in the face of despair. David's life story is both a tragic one and a wonder. The tragedy was in the way he was treated as a child and the wonder is the strong, independent, focused and positive person he has become today. I hope David continues to reach out to others with his story so that they, too, can see that a troubled youth can turn his or her life around given the opportunity and the will."
Mike Carlie, PhD
Emeritus Professor of Sociology and Criminology
Missouri State University
PLEASE LIKE AND THEN SHARE THIS BLOG ON FACEBOOK, RETWEET IT AND EMAIL IT SO THAT MORE PEOPLE CAN HEAR ABOUT THIS SITE, THE UPCOMING DOCUMENTARY AND TO ENABLE ME TO TALK TO MORE PEOPLE IN MORE PLACES ABOUT WHAT CHRIST CAN DO IN THEIR LIVES. THANK YOU!!!
This is me giving my testimony for Chapel at Global University. It was different, giving my testimony to a room full of missionaries and pastors. The result was the same, a room full of people learning what the Holy Spirit has done in my life. From dope dealer to hope dealer, life changed by a single prayer and I am never looking back.
I have had a busy week this week. The 4 year anniversary of my dad's suicide was on Sunday. I was the pallbearer at my aunts funeral on Tuesday. I had hurt my back on Friday, and somehow had made it worse on Tuesday. When I woke up Wednesday it hurt to sit up and hurt to walk. Ended up spending several hours at Urgent Care before I got to even see a doctor. I guess that makes urgent a misnomer. Turns out that I have a slipped/bulging disc in my lower back. Now we get to wait and see if it slips back in on its own. That is the reason that I have not written anything this week. I have been in pain.
I did give my testimony in Chapel at Global University and I hope to have that up in the next day or two so that it can be viewed. My wife said that she has had several people ask her about my coming to speak at their churches, small groups and to a youth group. I am extremely excited about having those opportunities to reach others and share what the Holy Spirit has done in my life, changing me from a dope dealer to a hope dealer!
My book, Spiritual Spackle, is over half written and has begun the editing process. I am hoping that through the editing it will help me become better equipped to complete the book! It is taking me longer to complete than I had originally thought but it is coming together. In closing I just want to say thanks for reading. I have now been read almost 8,000 times in 60 countries!
I was listening to some music today, and the song "Blessings" by Laura Story came on. In this song, Laura looks at the things in our lives that we pray for, the things that we do not think are fair. She also looks at how we may come to doubt God if these things happen to us. We may come to doubt the goodness of God, we may doubt that he loves us.
This made me think of how our relationship with God looks sometimes. We come to God all of the time to ask for healing, forgiveness, successful job hunts, to be content, to be happy, protection, etc. We have changed the Our Father Prayer to, "Our Father, who is in heaven, gimme gimme gimme!" Don't get me wrong, I think that healing does happen, and we can ask God for it. I just think that we look more at what we want and less at what God's will is for us. What if we have cancer, or were molested, or have a sick parent. Should we pray to be cured? I think that we should. We may not get our prayers fulfilled. God sees the big picture that we do not. So what if God does not answer our prayers the way that we want him to? Some feel that He should answer, and that He should cure us of our afflictions.
In fact, as I have recently been reading in Charisma magazine, there are some who feel that God performs miracles all of the time here in America. The problem is that we do not have enough faith in God, or we would be able to be cured of all ailments both mentally and physically. Bethel Church was in the magazine, and one of their church leaders said that that the problem is not that we ask for too much. The problem is that we don't ask for enough. It is not enough to accomplish worldly goals such as building churches in South America or digging wells in Africa. We should be curing the blind and making the lame walk, that is the the power of God and the power of the Holy Spirit according to the article written in Charisma magazine.
I do not know how I feel about that. I feel that God cures people sometimes, other times He gives us the ability to persevere. Iron is used to make steel. Steel is nothing more than iron that has had an impurity, carbon, added to it and then is remade in the fire. I feel that we too are made stronger in our fires. Even more than that, I feel that our fires can make those around us stronger too. How many of the Christians that have been executed over the years have brought non-believers to faith, not through their deliverance from death, but from their faith and compassion that never wavered when they were executed.
In the song Blessings, the song looks at how God's greatest gifts just might be the trials of this life, the illnesses, the loss, the spent tears, the persecution. We grow through adversity and hardships. When do not get strength and our faith is seldom bolstered if life is lemondrops and lollipops. We grow not on the mountain tops, but in the valleys. What if we are supposed to feel pain and hurt. What if every time that we work through this it makes our faith even stronger, makes our resolve to worship even greater and brings those around us closer to Christ? What if we are made how we are because that is how God wants us?
Psalms 139:14: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
God made me, and because He made me I should be happy with where I am in life. I should make the most of my opportunities. I think of one of my favorite inspirational speakers, Nick Vujicic. His ministry is called "No Limbs, No Limits." Nick was born with no arms and no legs. He does not ask God to cure him of his "handicap." He does not see it as a handicap. Instead, he is able to reach thousands of people and let them know that faith in Christ will allow you to accomplish all that you need.
My wife is legally blind. She was taken to a healing conference by her youth pastor so that her vision could be fully restored, and she was not cured. She was told by some people that it was because she did not have enough faith in God. Wow, how that had to hurt a legally blind teenager. "God did not cure you because you do not love Him enough," she was told. She, on the other hand, did not think that healing was what God had in mind for her.
Today she works at Global University (an Assembly of God missionary college) as their video editor.......a legally blind video editor. She has been to multiple countries to film Christians all over the world. To hear her talk about her "disability", she feels that God created her to do what she does, "I can see better through the lens of a video camera than I can with the eyes I was born with." Does she need to be healed? I think that she is wonderfully made!!
I do not know about you, but I feel that many Christians come to a point where we feel that God owes us something. I believe in God, I tithe, I attend faithfully so He should cure me. If trials pop-up, if I get sick, God should make it go away. I just do not feel that is true. God made me the way that He wanted me. This world to many may be full of sin and disappointment, but what if that is what makes us realize that there has to be more than just this world we now live in? I yearn for something that I know I cannot have on this Earth, but that I know I desire and I know exists. I yearn for hope and happiness. Where do I find that?
One of the most influential people that I ever met was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. He was given 3 months to live by the specialist. He told people not to pray for him to be cured, but to pray for God's will to be done. He died with a smile on his face, and got to meet his heavenly father. That is what he talked about in his final days. He was consumed by pain that the opiates could not touch, but he lay in bed and would talk to us about how lucky he was to be going home. He died in pain, but he remained positive and peaceful.
His death was the instrumental piece that brought his estranged son, who was an atheist and a drug addict, to Christ. His son was by his side for the first time in over a decade when he died. His son came to Christ less than a month after his father's death. If his father would not have died as happy and hope-filled as he did, his son would not have been redeemed. He told me this. I was was not friends with the man who died, I was a friend of his sons. But that is his testimony, not mine.
I am saying that if he would have been cured, his son would not have gotten saved. I know women who have been raped and beaten that have turned their experience into a ministry to help others going through the same experience. I am a former convict and drug addict who works with convicts and drug addicts. I am proud of all that I have been delivered from. But there are also things that I have not been delivered from. I no longer obsess over drugs, but I desire them on occasion. I am okay with that. The Holy Spirit allows me to work through the desire. I have been transformed, I have been healed but not cured.
Cured is a medical term to me as a clinician that means something has been beaten or suppressed. Healed on the other hand could mean that the pain was embraced and that we moved forward from it. Curing asks, "what needs to be fixed?" Healing asks, "how can I grow?" My friends dad may not have been cured, but he was healed and allowed his son to be healed through his death. Why are we often not cured?
2 Corinthians 12: 7-10, "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." You see, God can grow in the face of illnesses, weaknesses, trials and tribulations whether they are cured or simply healed.
I am no greater than Paul was. God spoke to him personally. He saw Jesus in the flesh. He wrote 13 books in the New Testament. If he was allowed to live with a handicap and not be healed, a man who talked to Jesus face to face, than who am I to expect more? I thank God for the mercies in my life that came disguised as hardships. In the end, they have made me stronger and brought me closer to Christ!
