The 1 Rule that Changed My Life

This may sound too easy to some of you. One rule that can change your life; it may sound too simple to be true. Is there really one rule that can help me change the way that I live my life? I would say yes! I am living proof that you can make changes in life. I have been through the wringer over and over again. I hit rock bottom and I grabbed a shovel, as most of us do. It is like hitting the bottom is not good enough for us. I always thought that being bad was all that I was good at. I tried to be an overachiever in my addictions, from drugs to violence to sex to crime. 


When I realized that I needed to make changes after I got saved, I made one major change in my life. That one thing was to ask myself several questions before I did anything. It was all that I needed to do. It will not happen overnight for most of us, but eventually we will not need to ask ourselves the questions anymore. Why? We will no longer have to live our lives as if because the question that we used to ask ourselves will be answered. We will have developed a pattern of doing the right thing.

To start off with we will look at how a pattern is made. Imagine that you live in a house that is separated by several hundred yards of woods from your best friend’s house. Furthermore, imagine that it is quicker to cut through the woods then to go around them. You know, shortest path between two lines being a straight line and all that. Visualize going through the woods. 


The first time that you go through them, it will be difficult. You will have to walk through briars and overgrown brush. You will have to try to blaze a new trail. The next day, you will have to pay careful attention to the trail so that you can see it; if you can see it at all. As the days pass with you and your friend walk back and forth through the woods several times a day, the path through the woods will begin to get trampled down. It will become easier and easier to get through the woods to your best friend’s house. It will get easier to see. Eventually you will have a nice trail and the danger of the briars and brush will be gone. You will now be able to stay on the path with very little attention to it because it is now worn down and obvious.

Our brain acts in much the same way. We have electrical impulses that are sent from neuron to neuron, or from your house to your best friend’s house, in your brain. These impulses begin to build neural pathways in our brain. These are the trails that we talked about as we walk to our best friend’s house. These trails are presently nonexistent for some of us. We have never done the right thing. If we did, it was probably accidental or incidental. We therefore have our work cut out for us.

At first, we have pathways that have already been built that we will have to overcome. It may be automatic for us to cuss or fight when we get angry. When we need something, our first impulse may be to steal it or hustle to make money illegally instead of working for it. When we are offered a drink or a drug, it is an automatic reaction to accept it. When faced with whether or not we should lie or tell the truth, we always choose to lie.  We will have to overcome these first. That is why we have the questions that we will ask ourselves when faced with every situation in our life are asked. These questions are kind of like moral training wheels for us.

As we begin to make the right choices, we create new pathways that will override the old pathways we have that are wired to do the wrong thing. The more that we do the right thing, the easier it will become. Just like that trail, we will have to pay less and less attention to what we are doing because it will become a well walked path that is now the only viable pathway for our brain’s electrical impulses to travel.

So what are the questions that we need to ask ourselves? For me I realized that it was an automatic response for me to do the wrong thing. I found myself always in fights, drunk, being immoral, cussing, lying, etc. You name the sin, and I was doing it. I always justified what I was doing by saying that as long as I was not shooting up drugs that I was doing great. 


This was fine when I was agnostic and I was not a father. I had no higher power to answer to. I had no one who looked up to me that I needed to set an example for. That is at least what I thought. When I reflect back, I still had a niece that was being raised alone by my sister that needed to see what a positive male looked like. I was never that person in her life, and I let her down when I was in my addiction and not in a relationship with Christ. In my anger, I was oblivious to anyone’s needs other than my own.

Then I had my son, and my thinking began to change. It was not long after I had my son that I began to examine my life. I began to realize that I needed to make some changes to my life. I tried and I was unable to do it. Then my father died. I was lost. I could not see up from down. My drinking intensified, and I was emotionally unavailable for a couple of months. Then I started to go to church a little more frequently and realized that I needed to change. 


I was unsure how to do it. My brain was hardwired to always have the first thought wrong syndrome. I would argue that it was every thought wrong back then. I began to ask myself several questions that made all of the difference to me. I wanted to be a better parent to my son, and I needed to start sooner than later. What could I possibly do to accomplish better parenting?

Over time the best way that I have found to parent is to always act like my son is on my right side and Christ is on my left. I would ask myself, "If Christ were here, would I say/do that?" and if the answer was yes, I would then ask myself, "If my son were here, would I say/do that? Would I want my son to say/do that?" If the answer to all 3 of those questions was yes, then I knew that it was okay to do.


If you are in a relationship or married, you can use your partner. Imagine that you are a flirt, and that you always flirt with the cute person in your office. Now ask yourself those two questions before you engage in behavior! If my wife were here, would I flirt with my coworker several times a day? Now ask yourself question two. Would I want my wife to flirt with the good looking guy at her office all day? How would that make you feel if you were to walk up and see that happening? Would you feel loved, betrayed, happy, outraged, etc. Think about how the same action you are preparing to do would make you feel before you do it to someone else!

The cool thing was that over time I no longer had to ask myself those questions. For starters, I no longer had to act like Jesus was next to me. I knew for a fact that Christ was always by my side. There was no need to pretend anymore. Furthermore, I did not need to ask myself if my son were there would I do this because my Spirit-led morals always lead me in the right direction. In fact, when I put Christ first, I know that I am setting a great example for my son as well as a blessing to my wife. If I follow the principals of a true Christian and put Christ first in all that I do, I will be a great father, a great husband, a great worker and a great friend!

Does Anybody Even Know That You Are a Christian??

I ask this question in all seriousness, DOES ANYBODY EVEN KNOW THAT YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN? I do not mean the people that see you at church. I am sure that when they see you at church, they "know" that you are a Christian. Why, because you attend twice a week, you sit in the front row, you raise your hand in worhip or you stand at the door and say God bless you to everyone that walks in. That is an issue, to me. There are a lot of people out there that do not like Christians because they do not see people who represent Christ. They think that because you go go church that makes you one. You may even think that yourself. I would tell you both that appearances can be deceiving.

For example, I have seen Joaquin Phoenix portray Johnny Cash and Jamie Foxx play the part of Ray Charles. I saw James Cagney play George M. Cohan and Val Kilmer acts as if he were Doc Holiday. All 4 of these men did superb jobs, but that was merely acting! At the end of the day, Jamie Foxx is still Jamie Foxx. At the end of the day, who are you really? Do you act as if you are a part of this world or are you simply living in it! Do you merely observe at church or do you listen and apply what you learn to your life?

I know that I attend church, but does that make me a Christian? I have been to a lot of weddings in the past. Does that mean I was getting married? Is everyone there getting married? Obviously being at a wedding does not mean that you are doing more than just observing. I have been to 5 baseball games in the past year, but none of them made me a better baseball player. In fact, I couldn't hit a 95 mile per hour fastball if my life depended on it.

So based on that, it obviously takes more than just attendance to make someone a Christian or a bride or a professional baseball player. All that attendance means is that I am present! If sitting in your church made you a Christian, then based on the amount of time I have spent in garages and shops I should be a car by now! Instead, all of that time in garages and shops made me a methamphetamine manufacturer and drug dealer in my past.

There are lots of butts planted in the pews and chairs in churches that are present in body only. The minds of those in attendance are not focused on the message. Even those who are focused on the message will stop thinking about the sermon the minute they get to their car and the first person cuts them off in traffic or they do not get their food right away when they go out to eat. My complaint is this - THERE ARE MANY CHRISTIANS OUT THERE YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW ARE CHRISTIANS IF YOU DID NOT SEE THEM IN CHURCH!!

That is why I need you to be honest with yourself. If it was not for your church attendance and bumper stickers/T-Shirts proclaiming your faith would anyone know that you were a Christian? Does the music you listen to or the movies you watch proclaim your faith. Does the way you treat your wife/husband and kids portray how Christ loved and treated people? How about the language that comes out of our mouths when we are angry, or the looks we give to people we do not like?

I am in a relationship with Christ, and people should know it. There should not be a doubt in anyones mind that I am in a relationship with Christ. Take for example my marriage. I wear a wedding ring and am often seen with my wife. That gives an appearance. Now what if I ogle every female who walks by and am constantly hitting on women daily. Does it look like I am really in a true relationship with my wife? You can tell that I am in a good relationship with my wife not only by how I treat her, but how I act when she is not around.

In the same way, how you act when not in church tells a lot about where you are in your relationship with God. You can be married and beat your wife and cheat on her constantly while consistently running her down to everyone around you and making her out to be the bad person. All too often, I see people who use God as a scapegoat and his lack of "answering" their prayers as a reason to not believe. I would have you ask yourself a question first.......were you ever in a true relationship with God?

What is a true relationship? It is wanting to make the other person happy and giving to them, not just trying to make yourself happy and constantly taking. Sadly, all many of us do is take, but we do not want to give of ourselves. The Lord's Prayer should be changed to, "Our father, who art in heaven  gimme gimme gimme!!" That simply cannot be right.

What do you give up for Christ, other than one or two hours a week? He said that the world would hate us, just as they hated Him! So why do you strive so hard to fit in that people cannot tell the difference between you and everybody else that lives in this world. We should be leaders, not followers; teachers, not students. If church is the locker room where we get the pep talk, outside of church is game time! We need to redefine our relationship with Christ so that others know that it is real. We need to live our lives differently so that Christ knows it is real!! Don't talk about it, be about it!!

 Here is a poem by P4CM poet Karness Turner that addresses this issue.