The Theory of Mean Mugging by some prominent scientist you've never heard of (David Stoecker)

Hi, I am David! I tend to be in a great mood most of the time, and the rest of the time I fake it. Some of you may feel that this is wrong, but to you I say (insert the sound for a raspberry here). That wasn't to be mean, but let's be honest. I had to do that just to set you straight. You were not even going to listen to why I fake it. Now maybe you will. Here it is - I found out a long time ago that it is better to fake being happy then stomp around mad or hang my head sad.

I discovered that if I let myself get mad or depressed, I would tend to stay there. Not only that, I would begin to be surrounded by negative and unhappy people or belligerent and angry ones. They would guarantee that I stayed in the mood I was in, too. After all, misery loves company.

Misery does not only like to hang around with others in misery, it also attracts them. You get what you give out. Here is a test to prove it. I even bet the results would be statistically significant. What that means is this. Complete the following experiment and you can now call yourself a scientist (of sorts).

Here goes. Walk down a street and mean mug every body that you see and count how many of them smile at you. Then turn around and walk down the same street and smile at everyone that you pass by. Now count how many smile at you. You have a much larger portion that smiles back. I prove my point, and you are now a scientist. Aren't you glad that you heard me out!

Since I have now created a theory, which some would call the law of attraction but I call the theory of mean mugging, I have discovered something else. If I faked being happy, I would attract happy people. Due to being surrounded by happy people smiling and nodding at me, I would eventually become happy myself......for real!

So, what have you learned?

1. I am a scientist because I have formulated a theory that is testable and statistically significant
2. You are a scientist because you tested my theory (and because I said so)
3. My theory is significant so I must be too (which gives me calling you a scientist credibility)
4. SMILE EVEN WHEN IT HURTS
5. I am smart (no, not you. You don't read that as saying I as in you, but I as in Me! Me am smart!! You..........you may be able to piggyback on my intellect. You quote me so others will think that you are smart. Or maybe some of my brain cells will jump off of me [I have so many I would never miss them] and land on you so you could become smarter simply by being around me)
6. But seriously, look at 4 again. It is kind of a big deal (just like me)