Setting Positive Examples for Our Kids

I do not know about most of you, but I grew up with pretty hypocritical adult role models. I was always told to do one thing and then saw that same person do the exact opposite. It did not matter whether it was my dad, my mom or my mom's dad. I never saw what I was told to do put into action. If I did, it was for small periods of time only. It was really frustrating to see that happen over and over again.

I guess that you could say that I followed the examples that were set for me. I had free will to act however I wanted to when I grew up, but my foundation was built upon sand. There was no bedrock to build my foundation upon. I did not learn how to construct a life where I achieved positive results. Although I guess I tended to be an overachiever, it was in the opposite direction. I became a great example to others.........of how not to be.

I was taught that drinking and drugs were bad, but my father was an alcoholic when I was a child (until I was in the 5th grade). I was told that if I had nothing nice to say, to say nothing. Then I would hear my mother and father yell and scream at each other all of the time. I was told not to hit others, but welted and bloodied with belts and switches and occasionally hit. Are you seeing some mixed messages here?

I went to live with an abusive grandfather in the 5th grade. I went to school and began beating other kids up, in the fifth grade. My mother had always told me not to smoke, that it was bad for you. I saw her smoking when I was in the 6th grade, and I began smoking cigarettes too. I smoked them for 26 years before I could finally quit, and I just stopped fighting when I got mad or frustrated at people 2 1/2 years ago. Hopefully you know, this is not uncommon. It is more the normal than we would like to believe.

The statistics are horrific. Children who grow up with parents engaging in domestic violence and/or drug and alcohol abuse are statistically doomed to repeat the cycle. I want us to take a look at the mixed messages that we are sending our children. There are probably many of them, and we might not even realize some of them. When I get upset, I say shoot. It could be better, it could be worse. When my son got upset this weekend, can you guess what he said. You guessed it, he threw down the bat and yelled out, "Shoot!" It made me very thankful that I don't cuss.

I try my best to never do anything that I would not want my son to do. I have found that this has gotten easier and easier since I turned my life over to Jesus. The more that I put my focus on Christ, the less likely I am to put my focus on things that I should not be doing. The more that I do the next right thing, the less I have to focus on my actions each successive time. My child is worth me making every extra effort to set a great example.

If I begin to slip into my old ways and do not keep my sights on Jesus, then my parenting will slip and my son will not learn how he should behave. I am his role model. He will grow up to be a lot like me. I should live as I want him to turn out. If I am doing something that I don't want my son to do, I should not do it. It is a really easy concept that is often hard to apply to our lives out of indifference. If I love my child/children and I am not setting them a good example, can I really say that I love them? Jesus loved us enough to die, and we should love our kids enough not to get high. Be the person you want your kid to grow up into.

If you want the cycle to change, you have to become that change yourself. I think of a Ghandi quote here, "We must become the change we want to see." We cannot parent with a do as I say, not as I do attitude and expect our children to be different from us. Over time the best way that I have found to parent is to always act like my son is on my right side and Christ is on my left. I would ask myself, "If Christ were here, would I say/do that?" and if the answer was yes, I would then ask myself, "If my son were here, would I say/do that? Would I want my son to say/do that?" If the answer to all 3 of those questions was yes, then I knew that it was okay to do.

Over time I no longer had to ask myself those questions. I knew for a fact that Christ was always by my side. There was no need to pretend anymore. Furthermore, I did not need to ask myself if my son were there would I do this because my Spirit-led morals always lead me in the right direction. In fact, when I put Christ first, I know that I am setting a great example for my son. If I follow the principals of a true Christian and put Christ first in all that I do, I will be a great father and a great husband.

Here is a video I saw that I think shows my sentiments exactly.