Joplin - My FIrst Day Experience

I can tell you that I have helped a lot of people through traumatic things in their lives. I mean a lot of them. I have sometimes also experienced them personally but I have always experienced them vicariously through other people. I will also tell you that I had seen the television reports, and had seen the interviews with Joplin residents that had experienced loss. I also had been forewarned by other counselors who had been to Joplin the two previous days, and was debriefed on what to expect from the people who had survived the tornado during the drive to Joplin from Springfield.

I can tell you that all of those things mentioned above had occurred. I felt that I was ready to go and do what I could to support the psychological and emotional needs that the people of Joplin had. I know how to compartmentalize, and deal with the grief and loss that they are experiencing. I have done that before. I am used to dealing with traumatic events. Some of them were horrific, mothers losing sons and wives losing husbands. I had dealt with those types of situations before. I knew I was ready.

I would have been telling you the truth.

I will tell you that I have seen a lot of traumatic things in my life. I mean a lot of them. I have either experienced them personally or vicariously through other people. I will also tell you that I had seen the television reports, and seen videos and pictures of the tornado affected areas of Joplin. I also had been forewarned by other counselors who had been to Joplin the two previous days, and was debriefed on what I could expect to see during the drive to Joplin from Springfield.

I can tell you that all of those things mentioned above had occurred. I felt that I was ready to go and see the wake of the EF 5 tornado that hit the city of Joplin, cutting a 6 mile swath through her heart. I know how to compartmentalize, and deal with seeing traumatic events. I have done that before. I am used to dealing with seeing traumatic events. Some of them were horrific, multiple vehicle accidents, shootings, even a tornado that had destroyed homes and taken lives. I had dealt with those types of situations before. I knew I was ready.

I would have been lying to you.

I had definitely lied to myself. Looking back, I do not feel that anyone can be prepared to see some of the things that I saw. The sheer magnitude of the damage is unreal. It is on a scale that seems impossible to me. I saw things that I do not care if I ever see again. I saw things that looked physically and scientifically impossible, and probably were due to the laws of physics and gravity.

I saw a Burger King that was reduced to rubble, yet I could tell it was a Burger King based on the kids play area that was still intact. Brick building decimated but plastic slides and tubes not the least disheveled. I saw a two story house in which the bottom floor was semi-intact. On the second floor 3 of the 4 walls were gone. They simply were no longer, but on the one wall that was left standing a flat screen television was still mounted on it.

Now I know what they mean when they ask, "Why does it take this one and not the one next to it?" I saw buildings with everything including windows intact, and the building next to it not be recognizable. The winds in an EF 5 tornado are unreal. I had heard that x-rays and medical records had been discovered as far as 70 miles away. On our way into town we passed people on 4 wheelers and horseback that were about 10 miles outside of Joplin. They were looking for the bodies of those missing......10 miles from the affected area.

The magnitude of this tornado did not dawn on me until I drove down the areas that were directly hit by the massive tornado. The drama that has enfolded for the lives of those who live in Joplin became real when I saw people with tents pitched picking through the remains of what was once their houses, just hoping to find one Christmas ornament that their children had made them, or a photo of their husband who blew away in the tornado and is still missing. I saw truly broken people that had lost everything: family members, their job, their home, their friends, their vehicles and their wallets. They literally had nothing and no way to get anything.There were people with plastic boxes and garbage bags sifting through the remains of their house, at times somewhat standing and at other times a three foot high pile of wood and bricks..

Do not get me wrong, I also saw people turn out in droves to help. I saw the United Way, Convoy of Hope, more church vans than I could count, the Red Cross, etc. Restaurants were giving out free food and people were handing out free water. The drivers license bureau was waving the fee for replacement licenses. People came out to volunteer in such numbers that they had to turn them away. I saw hope and compassion. I saw people who knew that they mattered because people were there to help them, and they were going to make it through it. I saw people that were resilient, who could still smile and laugh and see the positives to come out of the ashes and mayhem.

But I also saw us, and that brought reality home to me. I looked in the rearview mirror as we drove through the carnage, and I saw 2 sets of eyes struggling to hold back the tears. That is when I let my tears, the ones that I had not realized I was holding back, fall. I knew that my heart was broken and that my life was forever changed by what I had experienced over the course of my first day of many, counseling and supporting people in Joplin.

There was one emotion that was nagging me as I drove through Joplin. I could not quite put my finger on what I was feeling. As I was driving back to Springfield I realized what that emotion was. It was Empathy. What I realized was that I felt hopeless and desolate even though I knew I got to go home. How must they feel? They don't get to leave, they are home.