Long-Term Recovery: The Gratitude List

I used to have horrible mornings, and they would lead to incredibly horrible days. I would set my alarm clock for when I needed to wake up, but it was my daily pattern to hit snooze several times before getting out of bed. When I would finally get out of bed, I would be running late. That would lead to me throwing on clothes, leaving work with neither a prepared lunch nor breakfast. If I was lucky, I would grab a pop tart while I was headed out the door. If I didn’t have one of those, I would stop at McDonalds or just go without eating breakfast.

Generally, I had to go without because I didn’t have time to stop at a drive through and still be to work on time. I would speed through traffic, furious at the people in front of me going the speed limit because they had left themselves enough time to get to work early. How dare they not consider me and when I had to be to work! What were they thinking, following the speed limit? That thing is more of a suggestion, really! Then I would get to work hungry, mad about the inconsiderate drivers and stressed because I was almost late.

How many of you does this describe?

If you can relate to any of the above, I have a great idea for you. It is something that worked for me, and I believe it will work for you as well. It may seem too easy at first, but you will still find it hard to apply. It will involve developing a new pattern, which can be difficult. At least it was for me, at first. Now, I swear by it. Today, I can’t imagine starting my day any other way.

First step is to set your alarm clock for 30 minutes before you need to wake up. That is actually the easiest part. The hard part is getting up when your alarm clock goes off, without hitting snooze AT ALL! As soon as your alarm goes off, roll out of bed and head to the kitchen. Do not snooze, do not go back to bed go directly to the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, I start coffee. On very rare occasions I will brew a cup of tea. I have a Keurig, so this is really easy. I have known some people who had a clock on their coffee makers who would set the coffee to begin brewing at the same time they set their alarm for in the bedroom. You don’t want it to be ready already, because you still have something to do.

Next I write out my gratitude list while the coffee brews. Then I relax and enjoy my coffee while I give thanks to my Higher Power for the things I am grateful for. I feel this is something that is sorely missing, especially in the  United States. Most people, when they pray, don’t do it to give thanks. The “Our Father Prayer” today would sound something like this, “Our Father, who art in heaven, give me give me give me give me. Amen.”

I choose to give thanks to God for all I have, and the things on my gratitude list give me several things to focus on for the morning. After spending 10-15 minutes doodling, meditating and praying I then get ready for work. By the time I get ready for work I am still ahead of schedule and have plenty of time to get to work. I don’t have to speed, I don’t have to get mad at the person in front of me “only” going the speed limit and when I get to work I am in a great mood and that leads to me having a great day way more often than I used to when I didn’t do a daily gratitude list.

 Enter the gratitude list. Some of you may be wondering what a gratitude list is, or may already be doing one and are just reading this to reaffirm what you are doing. I warn you, my gratitude list is a little different. It has morphed as I have done it through the years and become more than just words on a piece of paper that I threw into a box.

Generally, a gratitude list is simply a piece of paper you write on. You write anywhere from 3-10 things you are grateful for, trying to list different things every time you do it so that your list is not exactly the same, day in and day out. Many people do a gratitude list on a daily basis, generally in the morning to start their day off positive while others do it at the end of their day to help them compartmentalize and unwind. Most have a simple gratitude list that goes like this:

1.      Today I am grateful for my wife.

2.      Today I am grateful for clean drinking water.

3.      Today I am grateful for my car.

That would be great, if you were making a grocery list of things to pick up from the store. The gratitude list is extremely important, not just to start my day off on the right foot but at times to reread if I am feeling a little drained, moderately depressed or completely hopeless at some time over the course of the day. You need to embellish when making your gratitude list, a little or a lot. Own it and make it yours.

Your gratitude list should have genuine feelings so it can elicit a positive response either in the morning when you originally write it out or when you come back and look at it later. If you don’t add details and emotions, then the gratitude list is just one more obligatory thing to do you will check off your daily list. Don’t get me wrong, doing it that way is good. That said, I don’t want you to do good things and live a good life, I want you to do things great and live an amazing life. Supercharge your gratitude list! So how do I get more emotion into mine?

I have several techniques I like to use:

1.      Add details. Don’t just say you are grateful for something, list why you are grateful for it. Instead of saying “I am grateful for _________,” say why are grateful for that person. What do you love about that person? What do you love to do with that person? How does that person make your life better?   

2.      Scrapbook it. Add photographs, use words cut from a magazine, write in different colored inks, doodle.  Grateful for a movie or a band, glue a ticket stub on the page.

3.      Draw pictures. If you are grateful for something, draw a picture of it then write reasons you are grateful for it around the picture.

Bottom line; make your gratitude list yours! Use it to start your day off better and also as a constant reminder when life kicks your butt that you still have many things to be thankful and grateful for. I have used my gratitude list to drag me out of several funks before they got a chance to reach a full blown depressive episode.

I have a picture of one of my past pages, before I got a journal I  put them in, for you to look at. It is pretty obvious you don’t need to be an artist to do this. You don’t have to be a wordsmith. You need only be optimistic and honest about the things you are grateful to have in your life and wake up 30 minutes early to record them.  

This is something so simple yet so necessary that I don’t believe you can have an incredibly strong recovery without it. This is just one more of the reasons I can say that I will NEVER use again. Relapse does not scare me anymore. What scares me is not living life to its potential. If you are like me and constantly look for ways to improve the life you have, add a daily gratitude list. You need only record 3 things a day for 30 days and I guarantee you will have a better outlook on life than you had before you started doing it. 

Does God Really Love You Unconditionally?

This was a post on Facebook from one of my friends, Ralph Gray. 

One of the biggest lies ever told to us is "God loves you unconditionally".

Is this true?
Let's see.
"If you love Me, you WILL keep My commandments" John 14:15 emphasis mine.
"He who has My commandment and KEEPS them, he it is who loves Me; and he who Loves Me, shall be loved by My Father,and I will love him, and will disclose Myself to him." John 14:21 emphasis mine.
"You are My friends, IF you do what I command you." John 15:14 emphasis mine.
Jesus' love is very much conditional.
"The one who say ,'I have come to know him' and does not KEEP His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him" 1 John 2:4 emphasis mine.
Do you have the truth in you?

We get so self centered when we say "Jesus loves me."
Me, Me,Me its always all about me.
If you serve the unholy trinity of me, myself and I. 
You do not love God.
If you refuse to condemn sin and parrot "judge not". 
You do not love God.
If you do not have a humble and repentant heart.
You do not love God.
If you refuse to love your neighbor and your personal enemies.
You do not love God.
If you parrot the line "The law was nailed to the cross" and continue in sin.
You do not love God.
If you refuse to have HIS will on earth as the the Lord's prayer commands.
You do not love God.
If you haven't obeyed the command to be baptized for the forgiveness of sins in the name of Jesus. 
You do not love God.
These are all commandments of the Lord!
If you refuse to keep His commandments you do not love Him and According to His holy Word He won't love you.
What is sin?
Transgression of His law/ commandments. 1 John 3:4

Do not become one of those in Matthew 7:22-23 "Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?' " And I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.'. Emphasis not mine but the Lords.
If you want Jesus to love you keep His commandments.
Make it all about Him, Him, Him. Not me,me,me.
The good news is you can repent of this. Humble yourself and obey Acts 2:38, Mark 16:16 and the many, many other commands to be baptized for the forgiveness of sins .
If you repent He will love you and forgive you and know you.

"And why now do you delay? Arise, and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on His name" Acts 22:16

I would only add this:
A lot of people have dead faith and no works. Works do not earn us salvation, grace which is unmerited favor shown to us by God through the crucifixion of Christ gave us an opportunity to gain salvation. That said, works are the EVIDENCE of salvation. If you do not have works, you do not have salvation. Too often we hear "God loves you as you are" without hearing that God also expects us to change. 

I loved my son when he could not even roll over, but I expected him to learn how to crawl, then walk and eventually be able to run. I would not have accepted anything less out of him because I know he is capable. God knows we are capable and because of that expects more from us. So, we need to do more. We need to not stop asking God what He can do for us but instead ask ourselves what more we can do for Him.

BLiR VLog 08/19/2012 - 08/25/2012

08/21 Attitude of Gratitude and Staying Eternally Optimistic

08/22 Why I Don't Like the Word Recovered

08/23 What Do They Mean When They Say, "Turn it Over to God"

08/24 Anger and the Power of Prayer

08/25 Dealing with Racing Thoughts

It Doesn't Take Long

I was not in the gym for 3 months and stopped eating healthy. Before that 3 months I had lost almost 30 pounds, which had taken about 6 months. In half the time, all of the weight found it's way back. I am right back where I started 9 months ago. I am now three day into my workout, and I am sore and uncomfortable. It is unpleasant and I don't like the way that I feel. I will continue with my workouts for several reasons.

1. I know that it is good for me. 
2. I know that eventually it will become a routine and I will no longer be uncomfortable.
3. I know that I need to be in better shape.

Whether it is building muscles or building my relationship with God, the same positive reasons to engage in building ourselves up applies. I know that it is good for me. I know that the more I watch television, go to the movies and listen to secular music the more I am subjected to immoral and negative things. If I focus on meditation, prayer, worship music and my eye is on God I will be processing only good things. If garbage in, garbage out is true so is the exact opposite.  

I may be uncomfortable doing it right now because I am unused to it. That is almost always true of anything when we first begin doing it. Once we do something for several weeks, we become accustomed to it. I need to be in the habit of making God a priority.  Christ made me a priority when He died on the cross. The least I can do is return the favor.  

Finally, I need to be in better shape spiritually. I I know that building my relationship with God is important, and I know that the more I know about him the stronger my faith will become. This world is full of evil and temptation. They never take a day off. If my faith and relationship with Christ do not grow, then eventually the calling of this world will draw me back into it. I need to make sure that I am doing things spiritually healthy on a daily basis.

So, in closing here is why we need to stay vigilant and build our relationship with God. It has actually been proven that the more positive I am, the more I will draw positive people to me. So it would reason that the more I am Christ-focused, the more I will draw Christ-focused people to me. I also need to know that there is no difference between secular time and when I am in church. I always represent Christ. My focus should always be on God no matter where I am, and my actions and words should represent that. If not, I need to get back on track before I become so spiritually out of shape that I just give up. Here is how I stay in shape:

1. Pray without ceasing. Make prayer an ongoing daily conversation with God
2. Read the word of God
3. Live your life guided by the book of James (my personal favorite); read it weekly 
4. Attend church consistently (Church is like a workout supplement)
5. Find a small group or prayer group and begin building your community of believers
6. Find a mentor that you can go to when you have doubts or questions
7. Set up accountability partners everywhere you go (work, gym, small group, church, softball, etc)
8. Always represent Christ in all that you say, think and do!

PRAYER Pt. 2: Why Should I Pray

Before we get any further into how to pray, when to pray and the different types of prayer we should probably find out why we pray. Is it just there as a way for us to ask for the things we want, forgiveness for the things we do and healing for ourselves and the people that we care about? As a Christian, why do I pray?

I personally pray because I love God and I want to have conversations with Him and constantly remind Him that I depend on Him. I pray to ask his guidance, His blessing upon me and to open others hearts and ears to His message. I also pray for others. For some I pray that they become open to recieving Christ in their lives. For others I pray for health and healing from various afflictions: cancer, depression, addiction, divorce, anger, etc.

Mostly I pray to thank Him for the promise of eternal salvation, for the grace I have recieved, that His will be done and that I have the ability to be His hands and feet and represent Him in all that I do during my walk on Earth. That is why I pray. What does the Bible have to say about why we pray?

Matthew 26:41 says, "“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” We are to pray so that we may have strength not to fall into temptation. When thoughts of relapse or sin come into my mind one of the surest ways to ward them off is to begin praying for strength.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says that we are to constantly pray "without ceasing." If prayer is that important to our lives that we should do it all of the time, then that is another great reason why we should pray. Sin and the Devil never take a day off. They will try to defeat us at every corner. A great way to ward them off is to have an ongoing conversation with God. It is like having your own personal entourage of bouncers with you where ever you go to ward of Satan and the thoughts he plants in our heads.

John 15:16 says, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." This means that when we have needs we are to come to God with them in prayer. The things that we need we will be given. Sometimes what we pray for will not be given and we may wonder why, but that is a question that will be looked at more later in this series.

James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." So when we have quandries in our lives, we are to pray for insight and understanding so that we can do the right thing. God guides us towards making the right decision and showing us the way He wants things done in our lives.

In Ephesians 3:14-21 Paul prays for the entire congregation, asking that God strengthen them with the Holy Spirit and that Christ would dwell in their hearts. He also asked that they gain comprehension of the depth and power of Christ's love and that it fill them. Following this example, we should pray for other people. Whether our prayer for them is for health, gaining a relationship with Christ or strength and wisdom in trying times.

Matthew 11:28 says that prayer eases those "who are weary and burdened" while 1 Peter 5:7 says that we should "cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Philippians 4:6-7 tells us that if we pray, the "peace of God will guard our hearts and our minds." In the

As you can see, there are a myriad of reasons that we should pray. First and foremost is that we are to be Christ-like, and Christ prayed all of the time. He even instructed us how to pray in Matthew 6, and we will get to that later in this series. We should pray to keep that constant contact with God in this sinful world. This world is not my home, I am merely visiting. Here is the main reason why we should pray.

Imagine that you are in a deep sea diving suit. The suit itself offers protection but you need more than just the suit. As you are suited up you have a helmet that attaches which contains a line that runs back to the surface. That line from the ship gives you oxygen and allows you to communicate any difficulties that arise so that they may be taken care of. The reason for that need is simple, the ocean is not your natural home.

Much like the ocean, sin is not what we were born to live surrounded by. As we are immersed in this world of sin, spiritually we begin to choke. We have a suit that can keep us safe, and those are the fruits of the spirit that we gird ourselves with. That is not enough, we still need contact with God. Prayer is the line that rises from our suit to the surface. If we lose contact with Him we are cut off. We are not being given life supporting oxygen, nor are we being given the calming presence of God. Simply knowing He is there is enough to help us stay calm and not panic when stressful situations occur.  We can survive spiritually in this world if we have that contact with God. If we do not, we will surely perish. Sin will become my lifestyle and spiritually I will die.

THAT IS WHY PRAYER IS OF THE UPMOST IMPOTANCE AND SHOULD BE DONE!!!!!!!

PRAYER Pt. 1: Definition of Prayer

I guess that the best way to start off a series on prayer would be to define prayer. After all, it is hard to talk about something if we do not have a good idea what exactly we are talking about. So, what is prayer? Here are the definitions found on dictionary.com:

1. a devout petition to God or an object of worship.
2. a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving, adoration,  or confession.
3. the act or practice of praying to God or an object of worship.
4. a formula or sequence of words used in or appointed for praying: the Lord's Prayer.
5. prayers, a religious observance, either public or private, consisting wholly or mainly of prayer.

Over the course of this series we are going to talk about the Christian concept of prayer. So we can rule out object of worship. Based on several scriptures we can also rule out formula or sequence of words. Honestly these definitions work, but not well. To learn about the concept of prayer to God, we should see what He says about it in His Living Word. So, what does the Bible say about prayer?

1 John 5:14-15 says, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him."

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "Pray continually."

John 16:23, "In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name."

We have made prayer much more complicated yet easier than it needs to be. I know that I suffer from this. I have no problem praying on my own, but get really nervous when I am praying outloud in the midst of others. I get nervous when I pray over food if the table has people I do not know at it. It is even more nerve-wracking for me when I am doing intercessory prayer (praying on behalf of someone else) in a group or I am praying with someone else out loud.

Prayer should not be this way. Prayer is not that difficult a thing to do, but in order to do it it must be understood. I fear things that I do not know or understand well. Math and spiders are the two examples I have. One of them I do not understand well, and the other I have never had any reason to learn about. Therefore I am intimidated and scared by them. I no longer want to be intimidated by prayer. 


This series is an opportunity for me to learn more about what prayer is and share that knowledge with you. It is me realizing that not only do I not know enough about prayer, but that I am pretty sure I do not pray often enough and need to pray more. But in order to pray, I should understand what prayer is. So what is my definition of prayer?

Prayers are frequent conversations of meaning and purpose with our Heavenly Father in the name of His Son Jesus Christ that are sincere and filled with an attitude of gratitude, reverence, love, faith, humility and thanksgiving which allows us to let our needs be known while deepening our relationship with God.

The bottom line is this: Prayer IS an ongoing  conversation with God. Plain and simple, prayer is talking to God. Imagine having God on speed dial, "Siri, call Jehovah." Instantly, I have God on the other end and I can have a conversation with him where I pour my heart out. Just like your best friend, you should want to talk to God over the course of the day and share your life with Him. Prayer is showing that you are dependent on God. You are confiding in God, building your relationship and letting Him know that you need Him. Not praying is trying to live independent of God, telling Him that you don't want Him and you don't need Him.

Our Father Who Art in Heaven: Gimmee, Gimmee, Gimmee PRAYER Pt. 0.5

It seems that we have a lot of people who no longer pray. They have stopped praying because they do not get their prayers answered. The reason for this is that they are praying wrong. I know what you are thinking, that there is no wrong way to pray. But there is, and many have forgotten the how and why of it. Most of us start our prayer with our hands open and we end prayer with our hands open. We expect God to give, give, give and we are offering nothing in return.

Then there are the prayer habits that many of us have. We may only pray first thing in the morning or again in the evening, plus with our meals. Some of us may only pray at our meals if someone is watching, and others may only pray when people are not. We probably only set aside a couple of minutes every day to pray, never praying for long periods of times. Prayer is hard work and it is time consuming. If we only are praying when it is convenient for us or so that others may see us, we are praying wrong!

This is the beginning of a series on prayer that will be ongoing the next several weeks. Each week we will look at another piece of the prayer puzzle. Among what we will be looking at are: what is prayer, how are we to pray, how often are we to pray, why should we pray and why are my prayers not answered. That said, we will also look at the opposite of these questions. If there are things we should do, then there are things that we should not do.

My hope is that this coming series, although merely an overview, will be able to get you thinking about prayer. It will allow you to begin examining your prayer life, how and when you pray and the reasoning behind your prayer. We are not called to be comfortable, but to be ever vigilant. Prayer should be as needed for our spiritual life as air is for our physical life. If it isn't, then I am hoping that this series will make us question how we are living our lives and insure that we make prayer a major gear in our daily functioning.

What If God Answered Your Prayer (This is borrowed and humorous but true)

The Lord's Prayer (God's voice is Highlighted)

Our Father Who Art In Heaven .
Yes?
Don't interrupt me . I'm praying .
But -- you called  - ME!
Called you?
No, I didn't call you .
I'm praying . 

Our Father who art in Heaven .
There -- you did it again!
Did what?
Called ME .
You said,
"Our Father who art in Heaven"
Well, here I am . . . . What's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it .
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day .
I always say the Lord's Prayer .
It makes me feel good,
kind of like fulfilling a duty .
Well, all right .
Go on . 

Okay, Hallowed be thy name .
Hold it right there . What do you mean by that?
By what?
By "Hallowed be thy name"? 
It means, it means . . good grief,   
I don't know what it means .
How in the world should I know?
It's just a part of the prayer .
By the way, what does it mean? 
It means honored, holy, wonderful .
Hey, that makes sense . .   
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before .
Thanks . 

Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven .
Do you really mean that?
Sure, why not?
What are you doing about it?
Doing? Why, nothing, I guess . 
I just think it would be kind of neat if you got   
control, of everything down here like you have up   
there .   We're kinda in a mess down here you know .
Yes, I know; but, have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church .
That isn't what I asked you .
What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know .
And then there's the way you spend 
your money -- all on yourself . And what about the kind of books you read ?
Now hold on just a minute!
Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest 
of those People at church! 
Excuse ME . .
I thought you were praying
for my will to be done .
If that is to happen,
it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it . Like you -- for example .
Oh, all right . I guess I do have some hang-ups . 
Now that you mention it,
I could probably name some others .
So could I .
I haven't thought about it very much until now, 
but I really would like to cut out some of those things .
I would like to, you know, be really free .
Good .
Now we're getting somewhere . 
We'll work together -- You and  ME .  I'm proud of You .
Look, Lord, if you don't mind,
I need to finish up here .
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does . 

Give us this day, our daily bread .
You need to cut out the bread . . You're overweight as it is .
Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in
and remind me of all my hang-ups .
Praying is a dangerous thing .
You just might get what you ask for .
Remember, you called ME -- and here I am .
It's too late to stop now .
Keep praying .   ( pause . . . ) Well, go on .
I'm scared to .
Scared? Of what?
I know what you'll say .
Try ME . 

Forgive us our sins, 
as we forgive those who sin against us . 
What about Ann?
See? I knew it!
I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories .
She never paid back the money she owes me .
I've sworn to get even with her!
But  -- your prayer --What about your prayer?
I didn't -- mean it . .
Well, at least you're honest .
But, it's quite a load carrying around all that  bitterness and resentment isn't it?
Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her .
Boy, have I got some plans for her .
She'll wish she had never been born .
No, you won't feel any better .
You'll feel worse .
Revenge isn't sweet .
You know how unhappy you are -- Well, I can change that .
You can? How?
Forgive Ann .
Then, I'l l forgive you;
And the hate and the sin,
will be Ann's problem -- not yours .
You will have settled the problem as far as you are concerned .
Oh, you know, you're right .
You always are .
And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You . . (sigh) .
All right, all right . .
I forgive her .
How do you feel?
Hmmmm . Well, not bad .
Not bad at all!
In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight .
I haven't been getting much rest, you know .
Yeah, I know .
But, you're not through with your prayer, are you?  Go on . . . .
Oh, all right . 

And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil .
Good! Good! I'll do that .
Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted .
What do you mean by that?
You know what I mean .
Yeah . I know .
Okay .
Go ahead . . . Finish your prayer . 

For Thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory forever .
Amen .
Do you know what would bring me glory --  What would really make me happy?
No, but I'd like to know .
I want to please you now . .
I've really made a mess of things . .
I want to truly follow you . . .
I can see now how great that would be .
So, tell me . . .
How do I make you happy?
YOU  just did . 

Scriptures of Recovery - Romans 7: 15

I have actually tried to quit using and living a life of debauchery several times. I had quit doing illegal drugs, but had fallen back on alcohol. Even though at one time I was determined to never drink or do drugs again, I was only partially successful. I engaged in a lot of conduct that I tried to stop doing, but I would always repeat it.

I swore to quit fighting and to quit drinking and driving. I would go so far as to give my keys to friends at the bar and tell them not to give them back to me, only to end up trying to fight them to get my keys back so that I could drive. I would black out with regularity and swear that I would never get "that" drunk again. I tried only drinking beer, only to get drunk and stop on the way home and buy a fifth.

I was not able to follow through on my best intentions. I would start with my best interest at heart, but would always fall short. I have done this my entire life. I would stop selling drugs, only to fall behind on bills and have to hustle to make the money. I would swear to not get serious in a relationship for a while, to take it slow. Then I would move her into my house after we had dated for a week..........or less than a week.

When I got off of drugs but continued drinking, I knew that I was not alone. But I did not feel like a "normal" person. I figured that only drug addicts and drunks had these problems. I thought that everyone else was able to follow through with their goals. I figured that most people, when they committed to something, accomplished it.

When I first went to church, Cal (New Life Churches pastor at the time) read from Romans 3. It interested me enough to continue reading. Imagine my delight when I got to Romans 7 and began to read about my plight. Here was a verse that described my life experiences.

Romans 7:15 says, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Wow, there I was in a nutshell. I want to do the right thing, but I was unable to. I wanted to set a good example for my son to follow, but I was better at setting goals than accomplishing them. It is kind of like when I play pool. I can call the greatest shots; bank this one in the side pocket, two rails off the 9, eight ball in the corner, etc. I can call them, but I sure cannot sink them. I called a great game, but I was unable to complete it.

I lived my life that way, too. Much better at telling you the positive things that I was going to do than actually doing them. My follow through was a mess, and I wondered why. In this passage Paul describes the mental struggle that I had with my life. "I do not understand" is exactly how I felt, and it was frustrating and anxiety inducing. When you want something that you know is achievable yet are unable to attain it, it can be overwhelming.

In verses 18-19 Paul continues to explain the struggle, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing."

"Nothing good lives in me," he says. That means that sin lives inside of us. We have been born into a sinful world. As an addict, my first thought is wrong. In fact, my first 5 thoughts are wrong when I first got clean. I felt compelled to do the wrong thing, and I was fighting a losing battle! Why was I fighting a losing battle? Because sin dwelt inside of me, and all that I had to fight it off was myself. I could not win. What could I possibly do as an Agnostic to live my life differently?

I tried Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, substance abuse residential and then outpatient treatment, individual counseling and medication management through a psychiatrist. None of that worked. At the end of the day, I was still a convict and an addict. I could not forgive myself. I was unable to stop doing the wrong thing. So, what can we as humans born into sin do?

Romans 8:5 states, "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desire."

There it is, in simple to understand language. "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what nature desires." That is us following our carnal nature, the sin that resides in us. The Holy Spirit is able to set us free from our nature of sin. It can change first thought wrong into first thought right. I went from reveling in my sins and self-condemnation to living as a positive example overnight, just by accepting Christ into my life.

Since I prayed and accepted Christ, I have not drank, smoked, fought, had pre-marital sex and take no medication for my mental health. Instantly transformed.  I consider my transformation a miracle, and all the proof that I need that God does exist!



Romans 8:9 sums up how I feel today, "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God live in you."

I still have desires on occasion. The difference is that when I have these desires, they come and then they go. They are fleeting at best, and I have a strong support system that I can use when they do occur. What is also different is that the obsession is gone. I do not think about drugs/sex/anger 24 hours a day and 7 days a week like I used to.

My thoughts of wrongdoing are now gone in the blink of an eye, and that is how I like it. I will get more into why those thoughts are fleeting and why it is understandable if the desire still pops up occasionally in the next Scripture of Recovery, which will be 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

Losing Too Fast/Setting Christians Up for Failure

So I just completed my third week of Weight Watcher's for Men. I have lost 8.6 pounds in the 3 weeks that I have been following what they call the "Lifestyle Change." For those unfamiliar with Weight Watcher's, they do not suggest using it as a temporary diet, but instead as a new way of eating for life. You permanently change the way that you eat. For the unschooled let me explain how Weight Watchers works.

Weight Watcher's has a point system that you follow. You are given a set number of points to use each day that is based on your sex, age, weight and height. You are then given 49 cheat points a week for splurges. If you exercise then you are also given extra points daily for the completion of your physical activity. As you lose weight each week (if you weigh a lot over your ideal weight like I do you have a lot of points daily to begin with), you have points taken away based on how much weight you have lost.

This week, there was a warning given to me that I am losing weight too fast. It stated that losing 1-2 pounds a week is safe, but that losing more than 2 pounds a week consistently is considered to be unhealthy. I thought that was a fair warning. I need to be aware of not losing weight too fast as it may be unhealthy. I can live with that warning. Then I went to my points for the day to log in what I had eaten for breakfast and I had lost a point each day due to losing the weight that I did. So I was told that I was losing weight too fast, then the amount of food that I can intake daily was reduced???? How do you lose weight slower by eating less food?

Those sound like completely contradictory things, or what I call mutually exclusive goals. They are not congruent to accomplishing the same thing. That does not make sense to me. I have been set-up to fail. Why would you tell me that something is dangerous for me then insure that I do the exact thing that you are warning me about? As I thought on this, modern day Christianity came to mind. Some of the authors whose books I have read recently came to mind. We shall review those books by name in later blogs.

The things that are confusing are the commandments and requirements for Christians to live by that are found in the Bible. They are being subverted by people claiming to follow God. It is actually sad to see how sick some of the churches here in America have gotten. It may be that way every where, but I have only been to churches in the United States. I see the way that people take parts of the Bible and use them out of context so that it makes Christianity more user friendly, instead of taking the Bible in its entirety and following what it truly says. Following are 2 prime examples of what I mean:

1. Once Saved, Always Saved - This is repeatedly tossed around. It says that once you are saved, there is really no reason to live a sanctified life. To do so is a form of trying to earn salvation. They say that if someone subverts, than they were never truly in a relationship with God. Yet the Bible warns against this numerous times, and even says that we can fall out of relationship with God. In 2 Timothy 2:12 it states, "if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us." You have to be in a relationship with someone in order to disown them. Or how about Matthew 7:21-23 that says that there will be those who have given prophesy and who have healed and driven out demons in Christ's name. Sounds like someone who operates with God's authority. Yet Jesus states that He will tell to get away from Him. Driving out demons and healing would seem sure ways to tell if someone is in relationship with God, yet they will not be in His heavenly kingdom.

2. Grace - Next is the grace card that so many pastors and authors speak about. They mislead millions by saying that since God is a God of grace, it should reason that it is okay to sin. Often Romans 5 is used, where Paul said that if sin is abundant, then God's grace is surely big enough to cover it all. Some use that as saying we have a license to sin, a "get out of jail free" card. But if you continue to read, Romans 6:1-2 says, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" 


Paul in essence says, "Do we continue to sin since grace covers sin. Ummmm, Hello! Have you not been listening to me? We have died to sin and been born again!" In John 8:11, Jesus instruction to the woman caught committing adultery was to, "go and sin no more." He did not tell her to go and try not to sin like many churches preach. He told her not to sin at all. 


Does this mean that we will never sin. No, Romans tells us that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. What I am saying is that we should not get stuck in the sin cycle. I used to set aside days to sin because I knew that I would be forgiven. "I am going to get drunk tonight, I shall ask forgiveness tomorrow" or "She looks cute, let me see if I can have sex with her. If I do, I can just go to God in prayer in the morning. He expects me to sin, so it is okay." 


I wanted what was promised to me at church; I was attracted by the music, to fit in with the crowd, the promise of wealth and happiness. But did I truly want what God had to offer? I think that we often do not take advantage of the true gifts of God, because He wants to give us more than we really want. I want to believe in God, but not follow all of those rules and commandments. The real question is, why do I want to believe in God?


It is not enough to simply desire to be saved. We must also desire to be more Christ-like. If I am truly "born again" or have had a "conversion," then the Holy Spirit lives in me. Are you going to tell me that the Holy Spirit wants us to sin? Is the Holy Spirit okay with us sinning? Let me give an example:


When my son lies, do I forgive him and still love him? Of course, but do I want more for him? Do I want to be able to trust all that he says and does? Should I settle for anything less than full honesty when he grows up? Of course not, the older he gets the more he will understand the difference between right and wrong. 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." 


As we learn what is right and wrong, we should begin to live differently. But how do matured Christians live their lives? How do we know what we should or should not do? What is the ultimate guide? I would say that our choices in life should be guided by several things:

1. Prayer is the first thing that we should use as part of our guide. 1 Thessalonians 5:13 tells us that we should, "pray without ceasing." That sounds like a vitally important thing to do.

2. Apply the Biblical principles to our lives. It will allow us to live our lives and be successful in becoming more like Christ. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." 

3. Obey God's commands in all that we do. The commandments are not multiple choice. This is a pass or fail test. John 14:21 says, "He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him."

4. Seek Godly counsel. Use those around us as mentors and advisers. Proverbs 15:22 states, " Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."

5. Follow the leading of God through the Holy Spirit. John 16:13,14 says, "However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. "He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you.

If we can apply these 5 steps to our lives, we will begin to make huge steps in becoming more Christ-like. Do not accept the road that is so often traveled in watered down, or what Francis Chan calls "luke warm" Christianity. We need to take the road less traveled. In Robert Frost's poem entitled, "The Road Not Taken" the last stanza tells us all that we need to know about going against the mainstream and how it will benefit us:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Still on vacation... I want to love like that/Praise you in this Storm

My son is still surprising me every day on this vacation. He walked all day long once again today. This is the same son who cannot walk from the car to the tram at Silver Dollar City. He walked today from 10:30 - 7 at Walt Disney's Hollywood Studios. Two straight days of walking, running and jumping when he generally just perches on my shoulders.

He asked all of the time for me to bend down, just like he does when he wants to be picked up. The awesome part was, when I would bend down he would give me a kiss and keep walking. He loves me with his whole heart, and that heart is huge.
This vacation has been great, and I have been awed by his affection.

Do not get me wrong, his love overwhelms me often. Everytime that he sees me, when I drop him off at daycare and when I tuck him in at night he gives hugs and kisses and lets me know that he loves me. He even acts that way when I put him in timeout after he gets out of the corner. That is love.

I want to rely on God like my son does me. I want to love Christ the way my son loves me. Don't get me wrong, I try to love God with all that I have and all that I am. I feel that I could do a better job, and my son has shown me what unconditional means.

My son has me there to pick him up when he feels that he cannot make it on his own. He gets tired, and he is confident that all he has to do is look at me and put his arms up and I will swoop down and pop him up on my shoulders, making his day easier.

I know that all I have to do is turn things over to God when they get to overwhelm me. I know it, but it is sometimes hard to do. I pray for his will to be done, but I sometimes forget that his will and mine are not always the same. If I do what He wants me to, I find that my life is easier. When I try to do His will, he pops me up on His shoulders and insures that I suceed. But I sometimes forget to do that.

My son shows me that he loves me no matter what. If he is having fun or in trouble, if it is just me or it is in front of his friends he is unafraid to show me how much he loves me. He will scream "I love you whole wide world" across his daycare with it full of kids.

I want to continue building my relationship with Christ to the point that I am unafraid to vocally claim my love. I will be unafraid to pray no matter who is around. I will tell others of the changes that the Holy Spirit has wrought in me regardless of who might judge me. I will raise my hands in worship no matter who is next to me or watching, even if I am the only one in the room who worships that way.

I spent my whole life in agony denying there was a God. I will spend the rest of my life in love with the force that recreated me and gave me a life that I can be proud of. I will praise God in the peaks and valleys, the feasts and the famines, the sunny days and in the storms. I know how miserable my life was without Christ, and I know how blessed I am now with Christ.

What My Son Taught Me on Vacation About Being a Christian

My son has gotten into a habit that I thoroughly enjoy now, but would be annoying if he were to continue it into his teenage years. He never wants to walk anywhere. As soon as we get out of the car, he will turn and look at me with arms uplifted and say," Daddy, carry me" to which I now reply, "You will look really funny riding on my shoulders when you are 16" as I pick him up.

He rides on my shoulders regardless of where we go. He wants me to carry him when we go to the supermarket, the park, Silver Dollar city, the mall, McDonald's or church. He may walk, but he never walks more than 2 or 3 minutes. Every time he asks, I stoop down and pick him up. I simply cannot tell him no.

The reason for refusing to tell him no is the memories I have of my father carrying me on his shoulders. I remember how connected I felt to my dad when I was perched right by his ear, whispering questions and telling him I loved him. I thought I could see everything, and I knew that my dad loved me. That is why I do not tell him no when he asks me, and he never walks more than a couple of minutes.

This all changed yesterday at Walt Disney World Animal Kingdom. He walked, which on occasion he does. What was different this time is that he never asked me to pick him up. We were at Animal Kingdom from 9 AM to 6:30 PM and he walked the entire time. I was surprised, but not truly amazed.

The reason for his walking yesterday is quite simple. He thoroughly enjoyed everything he saw and everything he did while at Disney. There was not a minute that his enthusiasm or curiosity was not piqued. Walking was no longer a chore, it was a path to fulfilling his desires.

As I reflected on the day I was reminded of Matthew 18:3, which says, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

When it comes to our faith, a lot of us are like my son. We expect those around us to do all of the work for us. We expect our pastor and our small group leader to do all the research, and explain everything to us. We do not want to spend time doing anything for ourselves. We lack both enthusiasm and curiosity when it comes to God. Why is this?

The problem is that we do simple math, and think we have the equation worked out: Church + tithe + small group = saved. That is all that we think that we have to do. We may know that we need to do more, but we think that we can coast. We choose to forget the first of what Christ told us are the 2 commandments to live by in Matthew 22, Mark 12 and Luke 10. It was also mentioned in Deuteronomy 6:5.

This command is to love God with our whole heart, mind, strength and soul. When you love something or someone that deeply it never leaves your mind. It is your first thought in the morning, and the last thing in your head as you go to sleep. It is something you enjoy, and it is not a chore.

Part of the issue here is that we are no longer curious when it comes to learning about Christ. I think most of us feel that after we get baptized everything is easy from here. We think, "I am saved, and that is all that I need to do. Why should I have to put time into a relationship?" I think that this is why a lot of marriages fail, too. Once the vows are exchanged and we put the ring on, we feel that we no longer need to work on building the relationship. That is probably a good subject for another blog.

We also lack enthusiasm, because worshiping God is not that the cool or hip thing to do. When your friends ask you why you did not come out last night, it is pretty lame to tell them it was because you were reading the Bible\meditating\praying. Why don't we stay home and do that. What is really so cool about hanging out with her friends.

I don't know about you, but I would much rather have eternal life than the friendship of some drunks and hedonists. That may sound harsh, but sometimes we have to be. Christ said he did not come to bring peace, but a sword that would divide households.

If we're to be divided from our own family, it would stand to reason that we would also be divided from our friends. We need to once again make reading the Bible, praying, meditating and reading books to assist us in living a Christian life a huge part of our life. We need to start enjoying building our relationship with Christ. If we are truly infused with the Holy Spirit we should be. If we are not enthused, than we need to look at what we are not doing right. I will write about how we can make Christ a major part of our lives in the future.