4 People Who Found the Reason for Their Hurts

Have you ever had one of those days, or better yet one of those years that just kicks your butt. Come to think of it, some of us have one of those lives! You have the absolute worse things happen to you. You are abused as a child either physically, mentally, sexually or all three. You get abused not just by a parent (or grandparent or uncle or step-parent) but by your siblings and/or their friends as well. Your parents are addicts/alcoholics and your mother gets beat all the time. You grow up poor, and the kids at school make fun of you. Everybody you care about either leaves you or dies. Does this sound familiar?

Some of you live in constant fear of what is going to happen to you next. You can never figure out why. You sit by yourself in tears, wallowing in depression and fear, just wishing it would all go away. There are questions and thoughts that always wander into your mind: "Why does my luck always suck?" "Can God see me?" "Does God hate me?" "Maybe I should just end it all." "There can't be a God or He wouldn't let this happen." "Why does this always happen to me?"

At the end of this I am going to play a song that my wife wrote and performs called "There's A Reason" that addresses these questions, but first I would like to share a few stories. Here are stories about 4 people who most would think have been dealt a pretty unfair hand. They could have turned their back on God and just given up, but they didn't!

1. Nick Vujicic is a pastor and motivational speaker who has traveled all over the world. His ministry is called "Life Without Limbs" because Nick was born with no arms and no legs. He has never let that stop him. He has spoken to over 3 million people on 5 continents about hope and finding meaning in their lives. He talks all over the world about how God can use anyone who is willing to do his work no matter their disability. 
2. Ellie is 11 years old today. When she was 7 she was molested by her best friend's step-dad. She came forward a year later. She took that long because she was filled with shame and she thought that her parents would not believe her because he was a friend of the family. Her family pressed charges and other girls came forward too. He was eventually placed in prison. Ellie now goes into churches, schools and prisons to talk about the abuse. She wants children to know that if this is happening to them they should not be afraid or ashamed, because it is not their fault. Because of her conviction to help others many children who were being abused and had never told anyone had the courage to come forward after she spoke. 
3. Harold and Betty Donaldson were hit head on by a drunk driver. He was killed and she was incapacitated for a long time. The Donaldson's children learned how to live without many of the basic necessities that  we take for granted. The local community and churches intervened and made sure that the Donaldson's had food and shelter. The generosity that they were shown not only gave the Donaldson's hope, it also instilled in them a desire to one day help those in need. In 1994 they created Convoy of Hope, which has given over $299 million worth of food and supplies to over 52 million people in more than 100 countries. 
4. I did not have the best of life growing up. I was abused sexually when I was in the 1st grade by a baby sitter. In 5th and 6th grade I lived with a highly abusive grandfather. I went on to abuse drugs and alcohol for 25 years of my life, living a lifestyle that landed me in rehabs, jails and prison. I overdosed 3 times, have been found unconscious in a pool of blood after attempting suicide and have died several other times after a car accident. I was diagnosed Bi-Polar, Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, etc. My life was not alright. Since I turned 30 I have gotten an associate, 2 bachelors and a masters degree off of a GED that I got in prison. I have 3 years clean and sober and live my life working as a substance abuse counselor and sharing the message of recovery, Christ and hope in churches, colleges, youth groups and communities. I am currently forming a non-profit to take that message into groups, communities, churches, colleges, junior high and high schools. 

Why do I tell you all of this. The number one reason is to let you know that you are not alone. Life hurts many of us deeply. Second I want you to know that no matter the abuse you are living through/with or the tragedies and losses that you have suffered; there is hope. I know that you may not want to hear it now, but there is a reason these things have happened. God has a plan that is bigger than you and bigger than me. 

In my life, God has used my hurts and my habits to help others. From my addiction to my mental illnesses to my dad's suicide, everything that has ever happened in my life has been a blessing. They have all given me the passion to do what I do and the drive to do it. Me and the other 3 people that I talked about all had horrific things happen, but today we would all tell you that there was a bless in the mess. 

Life happens and life hurts, sometimes really bad. Life can either make us better or bitter, I choose to let it make me better. When I let it make me bitter it was killing me, and I want to live. I still have a lot of hope to share!!

The Joplin Tornado: One Year Later

So over the weekend I went to Joplin for Restore Fest. It was a year after the EF 5 tornado ripped through Joplin. It had winds that were estimated to reach 250 miles per hour and was on the ground for 22 miles while reaching a width of almost a mile. It leveled houses, businesses, schools, the hospital and churches. It left 161 dead in its wake. To say the least, it was a traumatic experience for many and left most of the residents of Joplin in shock.

I was in Joplin soon after the tornado hit to do psychological first aid to those who had survived the tornado as well as those who were there volunteering. The pictures and video that I had seen on television as well as the prep that we got on the way to Joplin from someone who had already been there left me ill prepared for the devastation that I was to see. Almost every vehicle that I saw people driving was without windows. The tornado had blown them out.

I met many people who were demoralized and down, and it looked like nothing I had ever seen. Every where you saw destruction. Joplinites had lost their jobs, homes, vehicles, pets and families. It may have left over 160 dead, but from looking at Joplin I would have thought that thousands had perished. They did not feel lucky, but they were. I was actually shocked that so few people were dead, based on the carnage that I saw.

This past weekend I came back a year later, for the first time since I had volunteered to counsel those who were left confused, scared, angry, depressed, desperate, etc. Most were experiencing a wide range of emotions a year ago, and a lot of those emotions they were feeling all at once. But you could sense their will and strength.

When I came back for Restore Fest, the survivors had regained their hope and pride because of their will and strength. It was amazing to see all of the construction that was occurring and the places that were in shambles just a year ago, now rebuilt and doing business. Joplin was back, slowly but surely.

I ate at the Chik-fil-A that a year ago had everything sucked out of the window and was completely bare inside. The Burger King that had only the play equipment intact with the building demolished was again in business. The houses may not have been rebuilt, but the carnage was cleaned up. New construction was going on every where you looked. I saw people driving cars that had windows in them. I saw people smiling, laughing and holding their heads high. They had overcame, and over 7,000 people showed up for Restore Fest.

Convoy of Hope was there and they partnered with many other agencies and organizations to do what Convoy does best. Give aid and hope to those who are struggling from disasters and poverty. There was a free event that provided groceries, a health fair, hair cuts, family portraits, lunch and a kid zone with rides and inflatables.

Then Restore Fest kicked off, with amazing worship by some amazing groups. There was Jeremy Camp, Mandisa, Sanctus Real, Andy Cherry (who is a great guy and has a heart for Christ), KJ-52, Rema Soul, Stars Go Dim and many others. It was amazingly fun and inspirational. I saw and heard some people's stories that had felt defeated just a year ago and now had hope.

My last stop on the way out of town was the Spirit Tree. It was strong, beautiful and stood strong when everything around it was blown away. It may have lost all that surrounded it and all it once knew, but it was still there inspiring hope in others.........just like the people of Joplin.

Tornadoes, Recovery and My Faith

I know this might sound weird, but my faith was bolstered last year when I went to Joplin to do crisis work and psychological first aid for those who survived the tornado as well as those who were volunteering to help. That may not sound like the place for faith to gain strength, but it is. I have been thinking about the opportunities that present themselves for many, not all, that have been affected by the recent tornadoes in Branson half an hour from where I now live and Harrisburg ten minutes from where I grew up to grow in their faith.

I had a friend that lost a family member due to the Joplin tornado and she was devastated. I also provided support in my role as a counselor to several people that had lost family, loved ones, homes and businesses to the EF 5 tornado that ripped through Joplin. They were struggling with the severity of the damage and the senselessness or the losses that occurred when I first met them.

I agree with them, it is difficult to see why bad things happen, and to feel pain. That said, the worst pain that I have ever experienced brought me into a relationship with Christ. When I was not able to see my son and my father had just committed suicide, I was completely out of hope. I found that hope in Christ, and with that faith I will never be brought down again. I was still unprepared for the sites that I witnessed in Joplin. I am not sure if anything prepares you for a sight like Joplin.

When I went to Joplin, I was astounded at the carnage. I was in shock, but as I looked around when we got into town I saw tent after tent set up. Every single tent that I saw as I walked among them was giving out food, water, blankets, clothing, etc. They had what the people of Joplin were in dire need of. They asked for nothing in return, and were sharing not only supplies, but compassion, smiles and hope. Every tent that I went into was sponsored by a church. When I began talking to the people handing out the supplies, every one of the people that I talked to was a Christian.

Convoy of Hope brought up semi-trucks full of supplies. Convoy of Hope is a Christian ministry. Every where I went I saw Christians helping those in need. They were being Christ-like: loving, feeding and clothing those in need. It helped restore the part of my faith that was getting jaded by the judgmental, hateful people I run into occasionally who are Christian in name only. I saw that the church still comes together to help those who are hurting; whether they are Christian, Atheist, Agnostic or Jewish.

I also noticed that of the people that I talked to, there were two groups that seemed to have an advantage. The Christians that I talked to were doing better at coming to terms with why the devastation and loss had happened. They could look to the sky, even though it was sometimes out of anger or frustration, and say that at least the lost loved ones finally got to go home. "They are in a better place." Several Christians also stated, "I may not understand what is happening or why, but I do know that God has a plan."

The second group that I saw doing well were those in recovery. While many of the people that I talked to did not have a support system to help them or mentors/sponsors to talk to, those in recovery did. They were not searching for someone to talk to or people to help them, they already had the system in place that they needed. That, and I think that already living through hell had prepared them for going through it one more time.

I know that this will not make the loss any better for those who are hurting. What I do know is that when I am struggling through crisis, I have developed a support network that will be there to assist me. I also know that I have a God, an awesome God, that has taken all of my hurts and allowed me to grow from them and use them to help other people. I went from dealing dope to dealing hope, and I owe it all to Christ!

I hope that your faith gives you the insight and strength  that mine has. I also hope that the prayers being sent to you will give you the serenity to stay rational when confronted with adversity, the courage to face it, the hope that life can get better and the optimism to use your faith to make you stronger and overcome any obstacle that this world throws at you. Remember, this world is only temporary!

Spiritual Spackle and Exodus 3:2

Exodus 3:2 states, "There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up."

I know what God wants me to do. It has been impressed upon my mind and seared into my heart. That said, I have absolutely no idea how to accomplish it. Things were a lot easier without a family, when I could just pick up and do as I pleased. Now, I have a family that I support. That makes a huge difference in how I live my life. I have responsibilities to both my family and to God. My friends say that I am doing enough, but the Holy Spirit continues to tell me that I must do more.

In every way that I can think of, I am extremely blessed. I still have problems, but they are outweighed by all that God has given me. I have lived a life that was full of addiction, loss and misery. Now, I have hope that there is so much positive that I have to look forward to. I need to repay Christ for the sacrifice that He made 2,000 years ago. That is done by following where the Spirit leads me. The question is how?

I was thinking how much I need a burning bush. I need to hear the voice of God's angel filling me in on how to accomplish what God has put in my heart. I will be done with my book, "Spiritual Spackle" by the end of April. I will hopefully have gotten the money I need to self-publish in a Kickstarter campaign that will begin in either December or January. We shot the footage for the promotional video yesterday.

I am hoping this is the first step in beginning the journey that God has laid before me. I will have the chance to share with people worldwide what the Holy Spirit has done in my life. I spent 23 years in addiction, went to prison, attempted suicide, flatlined or overdosed more times than I can count on two hands, have holes in me I was not born with and have more mental health diagnosis than you can count on one hand. I tried every secular method of recovery there was, and none succeded.

The only reprieve that I found was with the Holy Spirit. I went from misery as an Agnostic to eternal optimism as a Christian. I am to share that miraculous transformation with as many people as I possibly can, letting them know that true recovery is only possible through belief in Christ. My first step in sharing is writing the book, then my goal is to eventually speak twice a week sharing the power of Christ. I am hopeful that the Kickstarter campaign will help me get started. If not, then I may need a burning bush.

Joplin - My FIrst Day Experience

I can tell you that I have helped a lot of people through traumatic things in their lives. I mean a lot of them. I have sometimes also experienced them personally but I have always experienced them vicariously through other people. I will also tell you that I had seen the television reports, and had seen the interviews with Joplin residents that had experienced loss. I also had been forewarned by other counselors who had been to Joplin the two previous days, and was debriefed on what to expect from the people who had survived the tornado during the drive to Joplin from Springfield.

I can tell you that all of those things mentioned above had occurred. I felt that I was ready to go and do what I could to support the psychological and emotional needs that the people of Joplin had. I know how to compartmentalize, and deal with the grief and loss that they are experiencing. I have done that before. I am used to dealing with traumatic events. Some of them were horrific, mothers losing sons and wives losing husbands. I had dealt with those types of situations before. I knew I was ready.

I would have been telling you the truth.

I will tell you that I have seen a lot of traumatic things in my life. I mean a lot of them. I have either experienced them personally or vicariously through other people. I will also tell you that I had seen the television reports, and seen videos and pictures of the tornado affected areas of Joplin. I also had been forewarned by other counselors who had been to Joplin the two previous days, and was debriefed on what I could expect to see during the drive to Joplin from Springfield.

I can tell you that all of those things mentioned above had occurred. I felt that I was ready to go and see the wake of the EF 5 tornado that hit the city of Joplin, cutting a 6 mile swath through her heart. I know how to compartmentalize, and deal with seeing traumatic events. I have done that before. I am used to dealing with seeing traumatic events. Some of them were horrific, multiple vehicle accidents, shootings, even a tornado that had destroyed homes and taken lives. I had dealt with those types of situations before. I knew I was ready.

I would have been lying to you.

I had definitely lied to myself. Looking back, I do not feel that anyone can be prepared to see some of the things that I saw. The sheer magnitude of the damage is unreal. It is on a scale that seems impossible to me. I saw things that I do not care if I ever see again. I saw things that looked physically and scientifically impossible, and probably were due to the laws of physics and gravity.

I saw a Burger King that was reduced to rubble, yet I could tell it was a Burger King based on the kids play area that was still intact. Brick building decimated but plastic slides and tubes not the least disheveled. I saw a two story house in which the bottom floor was semi-intact. On the second floor 3 of the 4 walls were gone. They simply were no longer, but on the one wall that was left standing a flat screen television was still mounted on it.

Now I know what they mean when they ask, "Why does it take this one and not the one next to it?" I saw buildings with everything including windows intact, and the building next to it not be recognizable. The winds in an EF 5 tornado are unreal. I had heard that x-rays and medical records had been discovered as far as 70 miles away. On our way into town we passed people on 4 wheelers and horseback that were about 10 miles outside of Joplin. They were looking for the bodies of those missing......10 miles from the affected area.

The magnitude of this tornado did not dawn on me until I drove down the areas that were directly hit by the massive tornado. The drama that has enfolded for the lives of those who live in Joplin became real when I saw people with tents pitched picking through the remains of what was once their houses, just hoping to find one Christmas ornament that their children had made them, or a photo of their husband who blew away in the tornado and is still missing. I saw truly broken people that had lost everything: family members, their job, their home, their friends, their vehicles and their wallets. They literally had nothing and no way to get anything.There were people with plastic boxes and garbage bags sifting through the remains of their house, at times somewhat standing and at other times a three foot high pile of wood and bricks..

Do not get me wrong, I also saw people turn out in droves to help. I saw the United Way, Convoy of Hope, more church vans than I could count, the Red Cross, etc. Restaurants were giving out free food and people were handing out free water. The drivers license bureau was waving the fee for replacement licenses. People came out to volunteer in such numbers that they had to turn them away. I saw hope and compassion. I saw people who knew that they mattered because people were there to help them, and they were going to make it through it. I saw people that were resilient, who could still smile and laugh and see the positives to come out of the ashes and mayhem.

But I also saw us, and that brought reality home to me. I looked in the rearview mirror as we drove through the carnage, and I saw 2 sets of eyes struggling to hold back the tears. That is when I let my tears, the ones that I had not realized I was holding back, fall. I knew that my heart was broken and that my life was forever changed by what I had experienced over the course of my first day of many, counseling and supporting people in Joplin.

There was one emotion that was nagging me as I drove through Joplin. I could not quite put my finger on what I was feeling. As I was driving back to Springfield I realized what that emotion was. It was Empathy. What I realized was that I felt hopeless and desolate even though I knew I got to go home. How must they feel? They don't get to leave, they are home.

Every Day is Joplin

I was listening to the news, and I heard a reporter who had also been to the Middle East say, "It looks like Afghanistan. It looks like Bagdad, everything is leveled. It looks like there was an attack against Joplin." I had an epiphany after he said that. I am in no way discounting the pain and trauma that those in Joplin went through, and will continue to go through for quite some time. They went through a traumatic experience that will impact them for the rest of their lives in some cases. Their anger, their depression and their loss is horrific and no one should have to go through what they went through. Yet still, I had a thought.

The thought I had was probably pretty common for some people. That said, it was instantly profound for me. It may be profound for others. Once I had the thought, I could not believe that it had not dawned on me earlier. That thought was this - There are people who live through the carnage, fear and loss those in Joplin are experiencing on a daily basis. Seriously, think about it. Not a one time incident, but every single day they live in areas that are ravaged.

Think about the kids that live in Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia, the Ivory Coast, Uganda, Kosovo, Darfur or the Congo? In fact, what about all of the people who live there. Not knowing whether or not your home will be destroyed when you get off work. Not knowing if some government, or independent/gorilla/freedom/republic/people's army will take you or your family hostage. Not knowing if you will get kidnapped into an army on your way home from school, or kidnapped and sold into the sex slave industry.

I heard a father from Joplin talk about it taking him 4 hours to get his family reunited. He recounted the fear that was slowly eating him alive when he was unsure if they were all safe. Until he got them all together he did not know if they were all alive. Then he recounted the relief that he felt when he knew they were all alive. I thought of the parent who has a job in some of these countries that have to go to work each day and never know if their children or their home will be there, or if they will get arrested or killed on the way to work or home after. He goes through the same intense feelings as the man in Joplin. The difference is he goes through those feelings every day.

We are ready to run out and volunteer time and resources to help out those impacted by the tornado in Joplin on Sunday or in Oklahoma on Tuesday. That is commendable, and your resources and your time are greatly needed and extremely appreciated. It is even Biblical:

Matthew  25:5, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in."

1 John 3:17-18, "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."

Sadly, it seems that some of us take a stance that is much akin to what George Carlin talked about in his stand up. He called it NIMBY, or not in my back yard. If it isn't NIMBY, then we do not really care about it. Or we may care, but we let other people take care of those situations. It seems to not be that big of a deal to some. The outreaches that I am seeing are occuring all over the place in the Springfield area. It makes me happy to this kind of support.

There is something that is bothering me about it, though. I do not remember seeing this kind of support when 230,000 were killed in the Indonisian tsunami in 2004, or when there were between 250,00-300,000 killed in the Haiti earthquake a little over a year ago. Nor did I see this kind of support when there were almost 140,000 killed in Myanmar during a 2008 cyclone.

Ther are other places outside of the United States that need help also, and there are resources like Convoy of Hope that get that help to them. I am a huge fan and supporter of Convoy of Hope and will some day do a blog on their organization for those who do not know. I hope that anyone reading this blog will listen to my recommendation here, I will even put it in all caps so it sticks out!

WHEN THIS MONTH IS OVER, AND YOU BEGIN TO FORGET ABOUT JOPLIN....... PLEASE DO NOT FORGET ABOUT THE FACT PEOPLE NEED HELP ALL OF THE TIME. SUPPORT THOSE WHO GIVE HELP SUCH AS CONVOY OF HOPE, WORLD VISION, THE RED CROSS OR THE UNITED WAY BY A COUPLE OF TIMES A WEEK/MONTH/YEAR GIVNG THEM DONATIONS OF EITHER YOUR TIME, YOUR MONEY OR ASKING THEM WHAT THEY NEED AND BUYING IT!!!!

Keep up the good work that you are doing and do not ever stop. Teach your kids that community service is something that is done all of the time by setting that example for them!! God Bless you, and continue praying for those who were affected by the series of tornados we have experienced, as well as for those who are in war torn areas, where those who have faith are persecuted and also for those poor children who are getting kidnapped and sold into a lifetime of sexual slavery. Pray hard and pray often!!