As Good As It Gets- From an addict to a drunk to Christ

I guess that I was always a hard case, ever since my first fight in first grade. At least I though that I was. I have even had some people tell me since I got saved that they had always prayed for me, because I was a hard case and they saw something in me. I have no idea what that something is. I  always hoped for it all just to end. At first my lifestyle was fun. Over time it began to get worse, my depression continued to mount. I had to depend on the drugs just to survive. I could not function without them. It got bad, and then it got worse. I finally got to the point that nothing really mattered, only the high.

I often hoped for death. I tried to commit suicide once, but my sister came by. Found me passed out on the bathroom tile, surrounded by blood next to a bathtub full of bloody water. After that, I swore that I would never kill myself. That said, I would put myself in situations where I knew that I might die and always hoped that someone would kill me. I flew a car 97 feet and got 37 feet in the air, but I still survived. I have been shot at, and I have several holes in me that I was not born with. I have had more C/T Scans than I can count because of head trauma. I have relapsed three times that I know of.

Still I could not die. It got depressing. Then I hit my rock bottom, or so I thought. I got off of the drugs, moved, stopped dealing drugs and started my life over. Pretty soon I was in college. Then I had my Associates Degree, then I got a double Bachelor's. I had a beautiful son. I got my Master's Degree. I was an alcoholic. I was still fighting. I was sleeping around, cussing every other word. I lied all of the time, and I probably stole things too. But I was not doing drugs.

What I managed to do was become an alcoholic, but I could justify that because it was not drugs. It was even legal. I was miserable, and I had to drink to function. Every time that I looked into a mirror, I still saw a convict, a junkie, a drug dealer and I despised myself. I hated who I was.

I had to drink just to get through the week. I could not function on my own. I should have had a better life. Most people would say that I did, yet I could never figure out what was missing. I had started a job that was not in a restaurant. It was actually a career, yet I was miserable. I had a beautiful son who loved me, and co-workers who honestly cared about me and had a passion for what they did. I thought that life sucked.

Then one day I had a turning point. I gave my life over to Christ and overnight, everything changed for the better. I was a changed man at work, in my leisure time and in my behaviors. People took notice and would ask why I was so much happier and I could only tell them that if not for the Holy Spirit I would still be were I was. But I wasn't. I was no longer consumed with hate for myself. I could see the positive in things and no longer dwelt on the negatives. When I looked in the mirror, I actually liked who I saw. For me that was an amazing change.

The change happened for several reasons, but the most important reason is this. When I was an Agnostic and I woke up in the morning, I knew that this was AS GOOD AS IT GETS. I had nothing to look forward to. My life was terribly disappointing days followed by drunken nights. If I did not drink, I would get into my depression and isolate and feel miserable.

After I got saved, my entire outlook changed. I finally realized that I was forgiven. I could never forgive me before because I felt unforgivable. That is the smallest part of it though. The biggest thing for me is what I will end this discussion on.

I did not believe in life after death. I believed that we returned to dust, and that would be the end. I would one day die, and this sinful, hateful world would be all that I would know. When I got saved I realized that even if this life where to be completely miserable for the next 30 years, after I died if I kept my faith and walked the narrow path that I would live an eternity in bliss. That was overwhelming, and it was enough to cheer me up........finally, I can smile and it is not fake!