Last night DJ's (my son) grandpa Rick called and asked if he could pick him up to take him fishing this morning. I told Rick yes, and my son overheard. He had trouble falling asleep and then woke up repeatedly this morning asking each time, "Is papa Rick here to take me fishing yet?"
After Rick came to pick him up this morning, all I could think of is how lucky my son is to have a grandpa that actually wants to be a part of his life. I remembered how hurt I was when I did not see my dad for a year when my mom left him. The thoughts that I was not good enough to keep my dad in my life. I blamed myself for him not seeing me, and always wondered what I had done wrong that made him not want to be around me anymore. Little did I know at the time, but my mother had left state with us and not told my dad where we were.
I still carried that blame and did not work through it until I was well into my 30’s, even though I knew better. I swore that I would never do that to a kid. I knew the impact that it had on me. I began substance abuse and self-abuse while struggling with depression at an early age and it continued into my mid-30’s. Not going to say that it was the reason, but it helped to fuel the fire once it started. The damage that was done to me was horrific by that event. Horrific, and It was unforgiveable.
Now I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) who specializes in substance abuse, co-occuring disorder and family counseling. I see first hand the damage that is done to the children who have dads and moms not in their lives. I have a number of clients that are addicts today because they are still struggling with the questions I worked through in my 30’s: “Why am I not enough for you?” and “What can I do to change so you will love me and come back?”
They are plagued by these questions because their parents aren’t in their lives and it kills them emotionally. Sometimes they put on the strong face and put up walls, but it hurts them severely! So today when I heard about Rahna Reiko Rizzuto I was shocked. Here is a women who had two children as well as a husband of 20 years, and decided that motherhood was not what she thought it would be. "I wanted to give myself more priority," Rahna says, so she left her husband and two children that were 3 and 5.
She whines because she left her children and her friends would not talk to her because of it. That sounds amazing to me. Can you imagine her friends expecting her to be a parent to the children that she gave birth to? She says she now is able to pay attention to her kids in 5 or 6 hour blocks a couple of times a week. That is mighty big of her. Parenting when it is convenient. Further, can you imagine the pain it would cause to hear your mother on national television say that she never wanted to have you to begin with? We are not to have children for the joy that they give us, but the joy that we can give them.
Now before every one jumps on the bash wagon, I want to applaud her for one thing. At least she gave birth to her sons and did not abort them. Now back to the point of this blog. She is up for a national book award for her book and has won previous awards?????? We are basically rewarding her for leaving her children. She can make a profit on the emotional/psychological harm she did her children by putting it in print! And some of you buy it??
Way to go Today Show, further praise her. I also like how she says that her children were not traumatized, and that they have the best of both worlds! She even says that their relationship has improved. I enjoy how she justifies her actions and tries to make herself feel good about what she has done. I would like to hear their opinion on it. From my experience in counseling, she has hurt them deeply.
If this were a guy, we would not even be having this conversation. He would not be up for a book award or anything. In fact, we would call it business as usual. No courageous hero would he be called. I just do not understand why she is getting all of this credit. She is doing what any parent should do when the family splits up.......other than saying in books/blogs she has written and on the Today Show that she never wanted to give birth to your children. I guess that would be pretty rough. I imagine the kids at school are pretty mean to them with that kind of ammunition.
How dare we make her feel like a saint. She is, just like any other parent who leaves their children because it is a hassle: self-centered, selfish and a bad parent. I would say the same thing if she was a he! We place no value on the family unit anymore. What saddens me is that she is lauded and called courageous and brave for what she did.
No wonder our society is going down hill so fast. Suicide, murder, rape, abortion, divorce and substance abuse abound and a large part of that is because we are stepping away from family values. We live in a selfish, me first society. If I am not happy, I can just run away!! I don't have to be responsible for my actions. This is part of the great secularization of our country. Why should family values matter, if nothing matters? I imagine many would call a mother leaving her children and feeling good about it progress. If that is progress, I don't want it!
They are plagued by these questions because their parents aren’t in their lives and it kills them emotionally. Sometimes they put on the strong face and put up walls, but it hurts them severely! So today when I heard about Rahna Reiko Rizzuto I was shocked. Here is a women who had two children as well as a husband of 20 years, and decided that motherhood was not what she thought it would be. "I wanted to give myself more priority," Rahna says, so she left her husband and two children that were 3 and 5.
She whines because she left her children and her friends would not talk to her because of it. That sounds amazing to me. Can you imagine her friends expecting her to be a parent to the children that she gave birth to? She says she now is able to pay attention to her kids in 5 or 6 hour blocks a couple of times a week. That is mighty big of her. Parenting when it is convenient. Further, can you imagine the pain it would cause to hear your mother on national television say that she never wanted to have you to begin with? We are not to have children for the joy that they give us, but the joy that we can give them.
Now before every one jumps on the bash wagon, I want to applaud her for one thing. At least she gave birth to her sons and did not abort them. Now back to the point of this blog. She is up for a national book award for her book and has won previous awards?????? We are basically rewarding her for leaving her children. She can make a profit on the emotional/psychological harm she did her children by putting it in print! And some of you buy it??
Way to go Today Show, further praise her. I also like how she says that her children were not traumatized, and that they have the best of both worlds! She even says that their relationship has improved. I enjoy how she justifies her actions and tries to make herself feel good about what she has done. I would like to hear their opinion on it. From my experience in counseling, she has hurt them deeply.
If this were a guy, we would not even be having this conversation. He would not be up for a book award or anything. In fact, we would call it business as usual. No courageous hero would he be called. I just do not understand why she is getting all of this credit. She is doing what any parent should do when the family splits up.......other than saying in books/blogs she has written and on the Today Show that she never wanted to give birth to your children. I guess that would be pretty rough. I imagine the kids at school are pretty mean to them with that kind of ammunition.
How dare we make her feel like a saint. She is, just like any other parent who leaves their children because it is a hassle: self-centered, selfish and a bad parent. I would say the same thing if she was a he! We place no value on the family unit anymore. What saddens me is that she is lauded and called courageous and brave for what she did.
No wonder our society is going down hill so fast. Suicide, murder, rape, abortion, divorce and substance abuse abound and a large part of that is because we are stepping away from family values. We live in a selfish, me first society. If I am not happy, I can just run away!! I don't have to be responsible for my actions. This is part of the great secularization of our country. Why should family values matter, if nothing matters? I imagine many would call a mother leaving her children and feeling good about it progress. If that is progress, I don't want it!
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