Yet with all of the research out there )showing girls without fathers in their lives are 10 times more likely to get raped and 12 times more likely to be addicted to drugs as well as boys being 12 times more likely to drop out of high school and 20 times more likely to go to prison) we still have children that have no active dad in their lives. This has got to change. It is not only morally right, it is also Biblically correct:
- Malachi 4:6, "And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse."
- Ephesians 6:4, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."
- Proverbs 22:6, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
As you can see from these scriptures, a father is vitally important in the lives of their children. I also think of my clients and the number of them who either did not have their father in their lives at all or had a dad who was in and out of prison. Those children have themselves grown up to be alcoholics and addicts after living through countless horrors: physical abuse as a child, being molested, raped, selling their bodies, going to prison and going from one violent relationship to the next all the while searching for that father figure they never had.
In order for this to not happen, we need to become more active in the lives of our children. I want my son to hear about my past from me, not from the people around him. I want him to know my face because he sees it, not because he has been shown pictures. I want my son to learn right and wrong from me, not from somebody else. I want my son to learn how to treat a lady from me, not from his classmates. I want him to be educated on the dangers of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes at home by me and not during lunch behind one of the school buildings from his friends.
But there is a catch! In order to teach him, I must be present in his life. That means that I must take time from my busy schedule and make him the center of my attention sometimes. It means that some years he may get vacations that he wants and I will not get the one that I want. It means that I may miss a game here and there on television. I have to spend quality time with him or all is for naught. But this should not be a problem, and this weekend my son reminded me why it is not a chore to be around him.
This Christmas my son amazed me, as he often does. He saw the drum set he got for Christmas and squealed. He then proceeded to play for the next half hour. All I had to do was look at him and give him a thumbs up and the smile on his face set my heart on fire. How could anyone look at one of their children and not want to be in their lives.
His smile made me realize that it is not only him that learns from me, but I have learned from him as well. He has taught me how to fully love unconditionally, a lesson that my father had taught me but I had somehow forgotten. Through prison, physical abuse, depression and addiction I had hardened my heart. I would let no one in.
My son reminded me why I had to let people in. If I do not open myself up, then all that I have been through is for nothing. The devil has won. He has tortured me and tormented me and I will keep that to myself and not use it to help others who are hurting now. Thanks to him I remember that I need to love others even when they fail me. You see, for the first year of my sons life I failed him, and yet I am still his world.
I love that little guy! Every day I thank God for the gift of my son to remind me what unconditional love looks like. Thanks to my son, I get to live a live worth living. Thanks to my son, I am a dad!!
No comments:
Post a Comment