Maria Kang: What's Your Excuse

Maria Kang, who is a 32 year old mother of 3 who owns two residential care homes for the elderly, runs a fitness non-profit that she founded and is a freelance writer. She posted a picture of herself posing with her 3 children who are 3, 2 and 8 months old. It had a caption over the top of it that said, “What’s Your Excuse.” Her point was that if she could have 3 children, the most recent one born 8 months ago, and still be in shape what is holding everyone else back?

I can relate to what she is saying with her picture. I am trying to lose weight, and have lost about 30 pounds so far this year. I still have another 30 or so pounds to go. It is impossible for someone else to cause me shame because I feel it myself. I am glad that people post fit pictures of themselves while discussing the hurdles they had to overcome in order to get there. It gives me inspiration and lets me know that I am not alone in my struggles and that success is possible.

Of course, many people are offended. Why? “How dare her be a bully!” followed by “I can’t believe that she is fat shaming!” There were also those who felt that she was trying to tell them how to look. I do not even begin to understand the bullying they are talking about, not the fat shaming. I am not even sure what fat shaming is. Finally, she is not telling anyone how they should look. She is making a point. So why are so many offended at this?

Honestly, I guess the truth really hurts. Another reason is because she is taking away one of the most popular excuses people have for gaining weight, having a child. There are multiple other excuses, like not having enough time, their genetics and the environment they live in. The truth is, many of us love to make excuses rather than take the time to make changes.  Finally, there is the blame game, such as “I am fat because I was abused as a child. Let us work at taking these excuses away.

 The first is not an excuse, it is just realistic. The truth does hurt. If people are saying untrue things about me, I can laugh it off. If they are saying true things or if something they say hits close to home I am liable to get angry and offended. That is my defense mechanism that allows me to stay the way I am while getting mad at someone else for simply being honest.

Next are the excuses. As long as I have reasons to act the way I act, look the way I look and think the way I think I never have to change which is good. Change makes me uncomfortable, and feeling uncomfortable is not something that overweight people enjoy. We generally eat to numb ourselves from real life, to escape problems or to insulate us by keeping people further away.

Finally, we have the blame game. I love to blame other people. If my problems are always someone else’s fault I can do nothing to change them. They have to change, and often they have to change things that are done in the past. Since this is impossible, I can remain the way I am and feel good about it. Maybe not good, but I can relegate myself to the fate I feel that others have thrust upon me.

How do we overcome these issues:

1.       I have to hold myself accountable for where I am today. I may have had things happen that led me down this path, but it was my choice to continue walking down it.

2.       Realize that although I may be powerless over the past and other people, I have the ultimate power when it comes to dealing with them. I chose how to deal with people and situations.

3.       If someone says something or does something that offends you, get honest and try to figure out why you were offended. It will frequently be something in your life that you need to work on.

4.       Stop making excuses to fail and start creating reasons to succeed.

5.       Start your day off with a gratitude list and a goal for the day. List 3 things you are grateful for and one thing you want to achieve that day. It can be as small as walking around the block or as big as running 5 miles.

6.       It is okay to have big goals, but make sure that you have little ones that help you step up to reach the big one. I want to lose 60 pounds; my first goal was to lose 5 pounds in the first month. I have been working in 5 pound increments.

7.       Eating and exercising are choices. I can choose to eat fast food, or I can choose to eat lean meats and vegetables with a weekly cheat. I can choose to be lazy or I can choose to be active.

PS – How dare some of you use your kids as an excuse to be lazy and eat poorly! I have kids, and we play. My 6 year old and I play basketball and catch. I chase my 14 month old around the house and take her to the park. Get off of your butts, set an example for your kids by eating right and get some fresh air with them and play OUTSIDE!!!!