I have personally never liked the term recovered. I know that Bill W used it (he also used LSD, nobodies perfect) and so does the AA literature, but I have never been a fan. To me recovered means that it is over. This will never be over. I once heard said that the greatest trick the Devil ever did was to convince the world he didn't exist. MY addiction exists. My addiction is looking for a way back into my life. It wants to see just a tiny crack in my shield. That is all it needs to get active again in my life.
My addiction is currently in the back of my head lifting weights and running on an elliptical, getting stronger and stronger. It wants me to believe that I am cured. If I am cured, I can stop all of the positive recovery oriented things that I am doing today. After all, if I am recovered I really don't need them. That is what my addiction will convince me of. I know, it has done it before!
The Devil works in the same way. He will convince us that we are better and that we do not need to do positive things that bring us closer to God daily. "You don't need to pray all the time," the Devil whispers. "You don't need to read the Bible today, you read it yesterday," he tells us. My faith and my recovery have things in common. They both need to be fed. They both have the ability to continue to grow for the rest of my life. They will both always be fighting against their opposite.
I have found that the more I pray, the more I meditate, the more I read God's word the stronger my faith will become. I need accountability partners for both my faith and my recovery. The more that I am around positive people in recovery or of the same faith, the stronger mine will become (accountability partners). I need a sponsor, a person with stronger faith/recovery than I have to be an example for me to follow. If I outgrow them, then I replace them.
You see, the problem with recovered is that it is way wrong terminology. Recovered means that I am out of danger. I am never out of danger. In AA it is said there is a reason that it is called alcohol"ism" not alcohol"wasim." It will never change, the fact that I have an addiction. I can change whether or not I use, but once I use all bets are off. Just because I do not think about it 24-7 does not mean that I am cured. My addiction wants me to think that I am all better, but I am not. When life is going great, the thought may not be in the forefront of my thinking, but it is still there somewhere.
I no longer obsess about using, but the desire is still there. Example, when my dad committed suicide several years ago the first thought that popped into my head was to get high. "That will make you feel better," my addiction reasoned. My second thought was to call my sponsor, which I did. If I am recovered, that thought never touches my mind. Either one of these things does not occur. First the desire to use is gone, so I do not think about using. Secondly, the sponsor would not have been available to talk to because I would not have had one.
I am not cured, I am in remission. I am in recovery, which is present tense. Recovered is past tense. When you are recovered you leave the hospital. I will never leave the groups that I attend, because I need to not only give but receive strength, experience and hope. The day that I am recovered is the day that I die. Only then will it be over. I am blessed and grateful to be in recovery and I would hate to be recovered. I might forget where I came from or how I got there. Recovered means that I can use or drink again. That will never happen.
The truth is that I have a spiritual disease from which there is no known cure! I am thankful for that disease. It has given me knowledge, wisdom, strength, insight and the ability to reach people and positively impact their lives that I would never have had without it. That is awesome! Still there is never a time while I am alive that I will not be an addict. But there is recovery. There is remission, and for that I thank God for through Him all things are possible! For that I am forever grateful!
My addiction is currently in the back of my head lifting weights and running on an elliptical, getting stronger and stronger. It wants me to believe that I am cured. If I am cured, I can stop all of the positive recovery oriented things that I am doing today. After all, if I am recovered I really don't need them. That is what my addiction will convince me of. I know, it has done it before!
The Devil works in the same way. He will convince us that we are better and that we do not need to do positive things that bring us closer to God daily. "You don't need to pray all the time," the Devil whispers. "You don't need to read the Bible today, you read it yesterday," he tells us. My faith and my recovery have things in common. They both need to be fed. They both have the ability to continue to grow for the rest of my life. They will both always be fighting against their opposite.
I have found that the more I pray, the more I meditate, the more I read God's word the stronger my faith will become. I need accountability partners for both my faith and my recovery. The more that I am around positive people in recovery or of the same faith, the stronger mine will become (accountability partners). I need a sponsor, a person with stronger faith/recovery than I have to be an example for me to follow. If I outgrow them, then I replace them.
You see, the problem with recovered is that it is way wrong terminology. Recovered means that I am out of danger. I am never out of danger. In AA it is said there is a reason that it is called alcohol"ism" not alcohol"wasim." It will never change, the fact that I have an addiction. I can change whether or not I use, but once I use all bets are off. Just because I do not think about it 24-7 does not mean that I am cured. My addiction wants me to think that I am all better, but I am not. When life is going great, the thought may not be in the forefront of my thinking, but it is still there somewhere.
I no longer obsess about using, but the desire is still there. Example, when my dad committed suicide several years ago the first thought that popped into my head was to get high. "That will make you feel better," my addiction reasoned. My second thought was to call my sponsor, which I did. If I am recovered, that thought never touches my mind. Either one of these things does not occur. First the desire to use is gone, so I do not think about using. Secondly, the sponsor would not have been available to talk to because I would not have had one.
I am not cured, I am in remission. I am in recovery, which is present tense. Recovered is past tense. When you are recovered you leave the hospital. I will never leave the groups that I attend, because I need to not only give but receive strength, experience and hope. The day that I am recovered is the day that I die. Only then will it be over. I am blessed and grateful to be in recovery and I would hate to be recovered. I might forget where I came from or how I got there. Recovered means that I can use or drink again. That will never happen.
The truth is that I have a spiritual disease from which there is no known cure! I am thankful for that disease. It has given me knowledge, wisdom, strength, insight and the ability to reach people and positively impact their lives that I would never have had without it. That is awesome! Still there is never a time while I am alive that I will not be an addict. But there is recovery. There is remission, and for that I thank God for through Him all things are possible! For that I am forever grateful!
No comments:
Post a Comment