Saturday, April 20, 2013

Pride: Getting Over Myself

I have weekly supervision with my supervisor. Every Thursday, from 7:30-8:30 we meet and discuss how my clients are doing as well as how I am doing. Last week when I met with her I let my feelings get hurt. She gave me some feedback last Thursday, and I did not care for it. There were two things that I could have done from that point. Maybe more, but at least two. One is less common, the other is the reaction most people have.

Instead of taking the less beaten path, I took the one most traveled. I took it personally. I let my pride kick in. She was a horrible person. How dare her confront what I had been doing for years. Who did she think she was? How dare her tell me how to do my job! I know that I am good at what I do. I have had so many clients come back and thank me later when I see them. My clients exit interviews were almost always great and why shouldn't they have been.

I take pride in my work. I am good at what I do. I have lived the life of addiction and now I live a life of recovery. I have a Bachelor's degree in Psychology and Sociology. One of those is the study of  the human brain and human behavior. The other is studying how people interact together and why they do it. Then I have a Master's degree in Social Work. I am an LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker). Finally, I have compassion for those who have struggles because I once had struggles too!

I have a heart for it, the education for it and I have lived it. That is a trifecta, the triple crown of substance abuse/recovery treatment. That is what was going through my brain as I walked out of her office. I bit my tongue, nodded when I was supposed to and finished the hour with her. I left her office mad. Thankfully, I have acquired  many skills over the years. One of those is thinking rationally. Here is how it works.
  1. I replayed what she had said
  2. I really thought about what she had said.
  3. I assessed what she said, looking at both ends of the spectrum. One end, my irrational thought and the other end the best possible reason she could have said what she did to me.
  4. I then looked at my reaction to it and if my reaction was rational or irrational
  5. I realized my thought process was irrational and so was my initial reaction
  6. I realized that what she said was meant to help me become better at what I do.
What I realized is that I am employed and I do not feel at any risk of losing my job. So how could it be possible that I suck at my job and she was pointing that out to me? Furthermore, I work with very adept counselors yet she also meets with them for an hour of supervision every week. Does she only have positive things to say to them, or does she also give them feedback on their job performance?

Rationally, I realized that what she said was not meant to be taken personally. In fact, I know that she has good things to say about me to other staff and partners in our community. Based on that, she obviously feels that I am proficient at my job. That said, she also realizes that I could be doing better. There are a couple of areas that I need to improve and she wants to see the clients get the most out of their time in our services.

What also helps this process is realizing who I am, who I was and how I think. I automatically take things personally at first. Part of that is because I was an addict, physically/sexually abused and struggled with depression/self-esteem issues most of my life. I thought I was a piece of junk and deserved everything that I got. It took a while to get over that, and I would argue I never fully will.

When someone gives criticism I take it to heart. It does not even have to be directed at me. It can be non-directed but I will take it as being a slam at me because I  hear it or read it and feel it applies. Thankfully, I have realized that due to my past I often don't think rationally. I have learned to play things through in my head before I take them to heart.

I am not perfect and there are a lot of different approaches to deal hope and empower people to live better lives. I can take feedback, both directly and indirectly, sift through what I can use and discard the rest. In the end, I am thankful for her feedback. It was not meant to be taken personally. It was only meant to help me grow. Hopefully having an open mind only allows me to become better at what I do. That is why I had to get over myself and remember that I am not perfect.

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