Stigma exists because we allow it to. I will get into who we is later. First, I would like to talk about the people who I thought would stigmatize me and how their reactions turned out to be. I had preconceived notions about various people in the community, organizations in the community, and the stigma they would treat me with.
I wanted to blame the media. They are really easy to put the blame on, because the media publishes the stories about the crazy stuff that is done by people. That said, they report the crazy stuff done by sober people and people who are under the influence of chemicals. They also publish positive things done by people in recovery. I know that to be a fact, because I have seen articles published in the paper and multiple news stories on television and radio about what my organization does.
I wanted to blame the court system. After all, they sent me to prison and they arrested me on multiple occasions. Surely, they would stigmatize me and hold my past against me. Instead, they refer people to me BECAUSE of my past. I counsel individuals through the court system because of my past and where I am today. Surely I can help someone get to where I am because I was able to get there myself.
I wanted to blame employers, because they would only see me for my past and due to my actions they would never hire me. I was unemployable and I knew this because I had heard so many other people in my situation complain. The truth is, I have never had a problem getting a job. For a while, I was working multiple jobs and they all knew that I was in recovery and that I was a convicted felon. They even let me handle money and gave me keys to their businesses.
I wanted to blame the police, because they would always find reasons to pull me over and then would treat me like a piece of garbage when I did. Instead, I found that they frequently get behind me and don’t pull me over. The times that I have been pulled over, they generally treat me as well as I treat them. Have I had bad experiences in the past? Yes, and I will probably have them in the future. I have also had bad experiences at restaurants, yet I don’t glare at one in disgust every time I drive by one. There are good and bad in all people and all organizations. That is just part of life.
I wanted to blame the judgmental people in the churches, because they never would forgive me and would always judge me based on my past drug use and criminal record. What I found was they did not. I have shared my testimony in many churches, talking about being abused as a child, my addiction, my criminal record and my recovery and they ask me to come back. Several churches have entrusted me with keys to their facilities.
I wanted to blame my family. Surely they would always see me as the unreliable person I was for 20 plus years. They knew me best and had to deal with me on occasion, and those occasions were never pleasant. Instead, I have found that my mother who would not trust me in her house unless she was there let me move in so that I could get back on my feet. I was the first person not living in the same home as my sister she trusted to watch her daughter.
Instead, the more I have stepped out into the community talking openly about both my issues and my recover, the more I have been accepted. I wish I could say that about a lot of the recovery community at large. I am met with resistance from a lot of recovery organizations because of how vocal I am in the community. I am met with resistance when I try to do events that combine the recovery communities together under one event.
Stigma exists because the recovery community allows it to. We are largely non-vocal. Instead, we try our best to stay anonymous. I realize why we do this. I was once one of those people who never talked about my past. It was over and I did not want to talk about it. Yet that did not stop me from telling war stories and reliving good old days with people.
I felt safe speaking around people who had been were I had been and was fearful of talking to people about my past that had not lived it themselves. I created my own stigma, out of fear of being judged or looked down on by other people. I was consumed by rage and depression because of this. Of course, I would never admit the depression so it all came out in anger.
By judging other people because I thought they would judge me, I robbed many people of the experience I had gained from my past. I also never gave them an opportunity to prove me wrong. We have to reach a point in our lives where shame does not exist. A place where we like ourselves and realize that without us making the choices we made in our past we would not be the people we are today. The people we are today are strong, wise people who can deal hope to the hopeless and save lives!
Instead, we remain anonymous. We need to realize that anonymity protects the people we are in groups with, but that does not mean we have to stay anonymous ourselves. You can talk about your recovery as much as you want. You can fly your recovery flag EVERYWHERE you go. Be bold and proud. Remember to represent recovery well. That is our language, our dress, our attitudes…….in fact, everything about us reflects on other people in recovery.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil, which means those who are loudest get the most attention. We need to make sure that we in recovery have a voice. That we use that voice to talk about the positive things we do today, then back that up by giving back to the community under the guise of a person who is in recovery. That way we can begin to reduce the stigma people see us with because we stop seeing ourselves as stigmatized.
Does stigma still exist? I can answer that with a resounding yes! Part of the problem, maybe even a majority of the problem we face today is of our own making. We have to find a voice. We have to educate our communities, make them aware of all the things people in recovery are capable of and do community service to give back to the communities we live in. That is a lot to put on one plate, but it must all be done.
That is where I find myself today. Wondering how I can begin making the portions on that plate smaller. I know that it can be done. I just have to figure out how I can primarily focus on stigma reduction through community education, service and awareness events. Part-time I can make a dent, full-time I could make a hole. If you have any suggestions, let me know. I am wide open to anything that can help me continue to make an impact!
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