To My Daughter on her 1st Birthday

My precious little Addison, this is the first letter I have ever written to you. I promise it will be the first of many. That is the first promise I have to you. This letter will contain several more:

Addison, I am writing this letter to wish you a happy first birthday. It has been a real joy to share the first year of your life with you, and I look forward to many more. This first year of your life has flown by for me, and I wish I could have been in it more.

Your mother has been able to stay at home with you and she gets a lot more time with you. If anything, I am jealous of the time she shares with you that I cannot because I am working. The bond you two have is awesome, and your love for each other is impossible to miss. Above all else, I would say that you are well loved.

Although you are not old enough to read this, you will be before I know it. I want you to know how great it has been to share the first year of your life with you. Your smile lights me up when I am down, and it has since the first time I saw it. It was right after you were born. I remember that first smile well.

They handed you to me and closed the curtain between us and your mom. She was having complications and I was scared for her. You went from screaming to quiet and when I looked at you there was a smile. Your smile let me know that everything would be okay. It comforted me when I was stressed and worried. It was the first time that your smile calmed me. Here I thought I was supposed to be here to comfort you. I knew right then how special you were, and that I would be there for you no matter what happened. I knew that I would never let anything happen to you, and that as long as I was there you would be always be safe.

Unfortunately, I have already struggled with that several times due to you being born with cataracts and a heart murmur. I know that I will struggle with it on occasion in the future, too. There are some tough lessons you will surely learn from life that I cannot shelter you from. That said, I will always be there to pick you up, brush off the dirt and comfort you when those things happen.

Your older brother was in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and I did not get to hold him for the first week of his life. I stayed awake with you for the first two days of your life so that would not happen again. I finally fell asleep and when I woke up you were gone. While I was sleeping, they had taken you to the NICU. It was the first time I felt helpless after you were born.

 The next time that I felt helpless was when you were two months old and they took you to have surgery on your right eye. A week later, they took you to have surgery on your left eye and I felt helpless again as I watched them take you out in your bed to surgery. I knew you were in good hands, but I knew that things were out of my control and all I could do was pray.

Those surgeries showed me what a fighter you were. Both times that you came out from anesthesia after surgery, you were cooing and smiling. It showed me how strong you were. It was almost like you knew how fragile I was and did not want me to break, so you were strong for both of us. Those were the next times you comforted me when it should have been the other way around.

I see that same strength and spirit in you today, as you balance on your feet preparing for that first step you will soon take. You have dimples on your face and a glint in your eyes that says, “Look what I can do.” I know that first step you take will be the first of many that lead you on to greater and greater things. I promise to be beside you on that journey if I can.

I may not be there for a lot of your journey, because there were choices I made when I was younger that could lead to me dying young. I have changed those things, but they may still come back to haunt me. Remember, the choices that you make when you are younger and feel indestructible will come back to haunt you later.

Fortunately, you have a mother that cherishes you and a big brother who dotes on you. They will be there for you when you need them to be, too. Know that for all the poor of choices I made when I was younger, you mother was my polar opposite. Because of that we have gained two different sets of knowledge. Together there is so much we can teach and show you.

As long as I am here, I promise to take you on a father/daughter date once a month. I also promise to do my best to raise you well. That includes me never doing anything that I would not want you to do or see whether you are there or not. If it is something that you should not do, I have no business doing it either.

I will set an example that I hope you follow. Look at how I live my life. See the good that I do for others and the way that I treat people. I expect you to live the same way. Treat people with respect even when they do not respect themselves. Always make sure that you live your live to be better and help those around you become better. If you are not living that way, there is something wrong.

Observe how I treat your mother. See the love and respect I have for her, and how that is evident in my actions and speech when we talk. Use that as a blue print for how the man you someday date should treat you. If he does not treat you as I treat your mother, than you need to find a gentleman who will.

I am human, as are you. We will both make mistakes and poor choices. I promise to continuing growing with you, sharing what I learn as I grow and encouraging you to share what you are learning with me. Never be afraid to admit your mistakes and always be quick to say you are sorry. If you acknowledge your mistakes you can correct them. If you don't admit mistakes, you are sure to repeat them.

See that your words and your actions always match up. Remember that people cannot know your heart or your intent. Instead they will gauge who you are by the things you say and the things you do. Never give them a reason to doubt that you are who you say you are and try not to be good friends with people whose actions don’t match their words. Other people will see you as being the same way.

Never settle for less than the very best, for that is what you deserve. Never stop making improvements in your life, whether through education or application. I do not want you do good, I want you to do great. That means always asking questions, finding answers to them, than making informed choices that will guide your life in the right direction. Know that there is nothing you cannot do, for you are fierce. 

If you ever have any questions, please ask them. I promise to always tell you the truth. I learned most of my life lessons the hard way. Most of us do. Asking questions and coming to your own conclusions from them can help you avoid some of the stupidity that comes as we experience life. I hope that my life being an open book will help you avoid some of the choices I made as I grew up.

There are times you will get mad at me. I am your dad, not your friend. At times the rules I set will upset you. There may be times that you tell me you don't love me because of them. Don't worry, I will never believe you mean it.

In all that you do and where ever you may go, always make time to pray. Take time out of every day to pray and meditate on the direction God leads you. That is the single most important piece of advice I will ever give you.

In closing, I love you princess! I wish you the happiest of birthdays today as you turn one. I look forward to seeing you become the lady you were created to be as we celebrate many more together in the years to come.