Addict = All or Nothing

I wanted to call this blog, "Addict, All In" but I figured that might be a trigger for any gamblers who read this. Instead, I decided to call it Addict = All or Nothing. I called it that because all or nothing is the definition that I believe describes most addicts. There is also a purpose to this blog. That is to understand some of what drives me, and hopefully by proxy anyone who has struggled with an addiction in one form or another can understand a little more about themselves.

I am an addict. We will just get that out of the way now. When I say that I am an addict you should probably know at least one thing about me; I have impulse control problems. I get an urge to act on whatever my addiction might be to and I do it. I live my life by the Nike slogan, "Just Do It!" I am not saying it is right, it is simply what I do.

Once I act upon it, I go places people should not go. In fact, I go plaed most people would never go. I do not act like most people. I push the envelope with all that I do. Whether it is drinking, drugging, eating, etc. I go all out. I have trouble stopping once I begin. To me that is the hallmark of an addict.

Sadly, I am seldom that way with positive things. I once heard a guy at an NA meeting say the only thing he never did over the top was work the steps. I found that funny but true. When it comes to a lot of things in my past life such as drugs, alcohol or sex I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right now. The only times I practiced patience (patience = procrastination) was when it might have been a positive thing.

I think the reason that occurs is because we stop liking ourselves. We run out of self-esteem and/or hope. Subsequently we immerse ourselves in something that takes our focus off of us and is quite often highly dangerous either physically, emotionally or psychologically. Quite often it is all 3. From there we become stuck in a rut where escaping, numbing or shifting focus becomes our only recourse.

That is why we work through the 12 steps. We begin to regain our self-esteem and start to like ourselves again. We accept responsibility for the good and bad things that have happened to us and that we have done. We work through our  hurts, habits and hang-ups. We accept that there are things that we have allowed to consume our lives that were negative and we set up interventions and supports so that does not happen again.

Even after I have  had my spiritual awakening, I am not cured. It does not change the fact that I am all or nothing. I still have impulse control problems. I just have to learn to find positive things to pour myself in to. Some people use one of the anonymous programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc. Others find faith-based groups such as Celebrate Recovery or Living Free while others use SMART Recovery or Rational Recovery groups.

I am not going to knock any of the groups I just mentioned, because they have all helped others. The best recovery group is one that you go to. Find what you get the most out of and go. Then share the hope you find with others and go all out doing it. As an addict I have had to come up with a new motto for my life. Years ago it was the James Dean motto, "Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse."

Today my motto would be, "Finding a Better Life Exists" coupled with "Transforming Lives by Sharing Recovery." I also am partial to "From Dealing Dope to Dealing Hope." The bottom line is this, if you are living your life to not only be a better person from one day to the next but to help the people you come into contact with live better lives too, you are doing something right. If you aren't living your life that way, you are doing something wrong.

If you want to be an addict, get addicted to making yourself better and sharing your strength, experience and hope with all of those you come into contact with. Here is to going all in...........when it comes to building up the community around you!