Jonah and the Big Fish/How I Know God Exists

We talked about Jonah and the big fish in church on Sunday. This was a discussion that quickly begin to lower itself. Major thematic points.

1. God loves you and is relentless in His pursuit to fashion you for his good pleasure
2. God's grace is extended to you because it is His nature to love you and bring you to repentance
3. Prayer sometimes changes the situation, but it most assuredly changes us
4. God is the God of the second chance
5. God wants you to have a heart for people like His heart for people   

So, getting to the first point, that God loves you and is relentless in His pursuit. Dan Call, our pastor, likened God in this case to Pepe Le Pew. Do you remember the skunk in the cartoons that would always chase after the cat, declaring his love for her? That is how God is for us, He will pursue us no matter where we go. He will give us His grace (read His grace as saying His favor) no matter where we have gone. Prayer does have the power to change us. God will give us a second chance, but it is up to us what we do with it. Finally, God wants us to love others as He loves us........whether we deserve it or not, and whether other people deserve it or not. I can and will vow to the first 4 points.

You see, in my past, I had felt that my sin had led me to a place where God could not reach. I knew that because of my criminal conduct for 20 years and my drug and alcohol abuse that began in 7th grade and lasted until I was 37, that I had walked away from Him for good.  I found out that kind of thinking was fallacious. I truly was the prodigal son, who figured he had removed himself from his father's good graces. I knew that God would no longer want me. When I came back to Him, after 27 years of agnosticism and 25 years of drugs and debauchery, there He was waiting to comfort me. He took my hand and walked me out of the haze of my addiction and into recovery overnight.

There are many out there who would tell me that my experience with the Holy Spirit was only imagined. There are atheists and agnostics that would tell me I have lost my mind. There would be psychiatrists and psychologists who in the past would have told them that they were right, I had gone crazy.....in the past. To them I have a reply. If you have ever been in the depths of addiction, you would not say that. I have been in the depths of my addiction. Everyone has a different rock bottom, here is mine:

1. I have shot up ice water, because the batch of meth was not ready or I was waiting on the person to get back from filling their morphine prescription.
2. I have woken up at 4 AM in a urine soaked mattress to get up and drink a couple of shots to put me back to sleep and stop the shakes.
3. I started smoking cigarettes in 6th grade and had never been able to quit.
4. I had been to county jail often enough that I would stay in for several weeks to catch up on sleep when I had the cash in my wallet to bond out.
5. I had slept with enough women that I was in the mid-triple digits. I would go to parties and sleep with 2 or 3 girls when I was a drug dealer.
6. I was drunk 30 minutes after I got out of prison, and spun out on methamphetamine that night.
7. I dealt drugs and was involved with the manufacturing of methamphetamine for over a decade.
8. I had been to rehab, but the longest stretch of sobriety I had since I was in the 7th grade was 3 months.
9. I had been diagnosed with Bi-Polar with Psychotic Features, borderline personality, antisocial personality, sadomasochism, generalized anxiety, major depressive and substance induced psychosis disorders.
10. I used the "F" word and cussed every other word even when I was happy and in normal conversation.
11. I have been found passed out in my own blood after slashing my wrists and rushed to the ER.
12. I have totalled 5 cars drinking and driving (including flying a car off of a cliff traveling 97 feet and getting 32 feet in the air) yet continued to drink and drive every night.
13. I have overdosed on several occasions and yet used within 24 hours every time.

I do not say this to brag. This is simply the truth. I want you to know where I was in my life, in my addiction, in my slow suicide when God found me. One night, it was finally too much. As I have discussed before, I began to pray to God. I put it all on the line. I was ready to try it His way, because my way was killing me. I was living in misery. Since the night I prayed to God and asked Him to take all of this from me, I have had a complete life change. I have not used drugs or drank, I have not smoked a cigarette, I have not had premarital sex, I have not been to jail and I am on no medication for any mental illnesses. I have not cussed since I do not know when. If all of that is not proof of God, than I ask you what is?


I had tried counselors, psychiatrists, drug rehabs, interventions and Narcotics/Alcoholics Anonymous, all to no avail. I had worked the 12 steps, but it was never quite enough. I came to Him in prayer, and He gave me a second chance. That was all that I needed to do, truly turn my will and my life over to God. I had tried using a random higher power, such as the community in 12 step groups, and it was not effective. God was!

I like how Dan saw God yesterday. I see how He can be like Pepe Le Pew, but He is so much more than that, too. I see God much as my wife sees Him. God is like Yoda. He is this wise, mild, unassuming person that has the ability to draw us to Him from other galaxies. He is mild, but acts with conviction when it is warranted. He sometimes stands by and lets the war happen, and other times he intercedes and fights. And when it is time to fight, there is none more able or more passionate in battle for what is right than He is. Yeah, my God is not a jedi, my God is the Jedi of all Jedis. Trust when I say that "the force" is strong with this One. You can have your little "g" gods, mine is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, mine is the one and only BIG "G" GOD!!!!!!